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Zaynah's Writing > How Divergent Should Have Ended!

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message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

To All The Divergent Fans...
I am sure that the way Divergent ended brought many tears to every eye. but i have written that last chapters of the book about how I would have liked the book to be written. If anyone does not like it or does not agree then please don't be mean, just think of it from the eyes of an emotional girl who loved the Divergent series but cried for several days after completing the series...So I hope you all like it...Here goes...

Chapter Fifty Six

It's as I see the light, the pure white light through my eyelids that I know I am not dead. But I know I should be, not only because of the agonizing pain in my chest and back, but for the memory. I remember the sound of the gunfire and the anguished pain of the bullets in my chest. I remember David's sneering face but then his anger as my hand came down on the launch button. I remember slumping forward onto the cold floor and the crimson. The back scarlet of my blood, and then I remember seeing her walking towards me and pulling me into an embrace. I remember my mothers face, warm and welcoming but pitiful. And then I remember the reassurance in her eyes and her smile insisting that everything was going to be alright. and then I remember slowly my spirit, soul and all fading into a dark Oblivion and I knew that I had died, but I din't think of it as so. I thought of it as if I was no longer a danger. Nor a threat around my friends or family, or him...or Tobias. I had left him to a life I knew he would mourn at first but then grow to live happy and safe, protected my sacrifice.

But then it seemed only moments later when I heard the faintest of whirring...of machinery. As if I was surrounded by clockwork and spindling devices. And then slowly, hesitantly, I open my eyes. And they do open.

I firstly notice the white of the room. I am in an infirmary. One that seems too clean and smells strongly of bleach and lavender. I am surrounded by white painted brick walls. Beneath me, a white marble floor and above me a naked bulb swaying gently camouflaged by a white marble ceiling.. I instantly recognize the mass of colored rubber wires connected to my chest and forehead...and the sounds, the beeping I am so familiar with from endless nights alone sitting with my hand in Uriah's as he lay silent and Un-moving, I turn my head slowly and see the machine propped in in the corner of the room, a plastic tube connecting it to a rusty generator. Life Support.

I shiver suddenly. It's not the cold although I am wearing nothing but a cotton dressing gown and am covered in a thin quilt. A strong wind is seeping through the cracks in the walls and the bars of a small window.

Carefully, I untangle myself from the clutter of wires and lower myself to the ground. My feet are bare and cold against the marble floor. I walk to the window and look out onto a mass of white. With a leap I recognize my surroundings. The endless hills that were once so green and full but are now heaps of fluffy white snow. The houses running slowly down the streets which are empty. And the old abandoned building looming up in front of me. The Hancock building. I recognize it's dull grey colorr. I realize where I am now. In the central hospital outside Michigan Avenue. I am back in Chicago. Back in the compound. I am back home

But something is wrong...dreadfully wrong. The houses are empty and unlit. There is no smoke sifting through the chimneys. The snow is clean and whiter, nothing but the occasional footsteps and the streets are empty. No laughing, playing children or parents chaperoning them. Even the soldiers dressed in black are absent. The silence is eerie and unnerving.

And then I notice a figure, trudging through the snow, dressed in nothing but a shirt and Jeans. He enters the Hancock Building. And my heart sinks as I see him beginning to climb the steps. Now I now that something was definitely, dreadfully wrong
Chapter Fifty Seven

I don't want to remove her from my memory. But I don't think I can live any longer with the pain of loosing her. I fell as if...my heart has split into millions of shards of diamond glass cutting into my skin, an eternal gash of symphony and loneliness. But the pain is somehow satisfying as if the pain can somehow drown out the fact that Tris, my Tris is really... I want to see her but I can't for she is not before me to see. I want to touch her but I can't for she is not before me to touch. I want to think of her day and night but i can't...If I do I may break down and never recover.

Sometimes when I'm alone I think, contemplate if there is no longer nay purpose for my living. and that if I do i can join her. I can hold her again, rap her in an embrace where she will forever remain. And then I make up my mind. I swallow hard and stand up even as my tears begin to roll down. I run down the hill tripping occasionally on a loose weed or stone. my sneakers are worn and patched but where I'm heading shoes are not necessary. I'm going to her. To Tris...

I run up the street and pass the central hospital. i can almost see the bars of her room window where she still lays. a limp body whose heart is beating, chest is heaving but mind does not respond, has not been responding fro weeks to my screams and shouts. my pleas for her to awake and return to me. I enter the Hancock building, its still strange not being stopped by an Erudite soldier, being ordered to remove my jacket in search for any weapons. i may be hiding. the metal detector is silent and still. no beeping red or green lights to signal the confinement or freedom of the one passing through. i run up the steps of the building. i almost wish someone would come and stop me. Christina or Zeke. but they are far from here. each with their own loved ones, in there own houses. i swallow hard. i can almost feel the height and a shiver runs through me but it isn't the cold even though all i am wearing is a cotton shirt and jeans and there are still flakes of delicate snow in my hair.

I open the door to the fire exit and step on to the roof. The hem of my trousers instantly soak in the wet snow but i hardly notice. i swallow again. the height is terrifying. i feel dizzy and sick i hold the bar to the door to stable myself. Slowly, hesitantly, I move forward to the edge of the roof. i look down and i can see the car park dotted with small un-moving trucks and cars. i feel small, empty. one more step and i will be at peace. i will be with will, with Marlene, with Lynn, with Uriah, with...with Tris. I can already see her staring up at me with those wide blue eyes of hers. and i can hear her voice. "Telling me to stop. To not to do this foolish act."

"Stop Tobias. Don't do it." I close my eyes, my foot is in the air now. "No Tobias. No." just bring it down Tobias I tell myself. "Tobias" now there rally is a voice. a scream. I turn around. A girl stands there. Sixteen years old. she's dressed in a simple white dressing gown that hangs loosely down her slim body and a scarf of blonde hair comes down to her shoulders. But I notice her eyes. Her wide, beautiful eyes. her wide, beautiful determined blue eyes. I say her name but no voice comes. i simply mouth her name, enjoying the feeling upon my lips. Tris!

Chapter Fifty Eight.

I scream his name. I knew at once that something was wrong the moment I saw Tobias climbing the steps of the Hancock building. He was afraid of heights, he would never climb up. So I waited and I watched hoping agaisnt hope that he had simply forgotten something but then I saw him on the roof and I knew what he was going to do.

Chapter Fifty Nine

Tris runs to me and pulls me down off the ledge form which i was, seconds ago, about to plunge down. But i am awestruck. Tris is standing here before me. I can feel her hand, small and dainty in mine tugging forcefully at me to come down. I jump down fro the edge but can do nothing but stare. I simply stand still my mouth slightly parted, just like when I heard from Cara that Tris had perished. But she had not. I had refused for her to be taken off Life- Support. It had been silly but I'd had some little hope that if her heart was still beating then she would eventually answer my prayers, my repetitive calling.

Tris is breathing hard and with a jolt i realize so am I. Her yes are wide and staring. but empty. emotionless, i can't see if she is relieved or angry or just annoyed. But i know whats coming. Her chest is heaving rapidly and I take a step toward her. It has stopped snowing now. But I am feeling even more cold and empty than before. I want to wrap my arms around her, hold her and never let her go in fear of losing her again. I am close enough to touch her but i don't I am scared of her retort.

A strand of her fair hair is fluttering across her face sheltering her skin from the bitter wind. i raise my hand to tuck it behind her ear, then let it fall back to my side. i can't! not when shes seen me in such a vulnerable state. even a small indication of superiority would be my most largest letdown. I take one more step toward her and she smacks me across the face. her face is red with anger he cheeks flushed...or was it the freezing breeze across her face. whichever, she is furious and I can tell, but nor do I blame her. I was about to do such a foolish act, and I had let her down in the process, I had lost hope, lost faith , lost trust and the one condition of our relationship had been to trust and hold on to one another. And I had betrayed that trust. But suddenly a flash of unknown and unexploited anger wells up inside of me. She had no right to be angry when she had let me go so easily. Without a second thought to me, to her friends, to her remaining family. To her home, to the entire world that ad sacrificed itself or the welfare of our compound. Yet she had simply walked into a death trap and let herself be killed. Let herself be torn away from me without a thought.

"What were you thinking?" she screams at me. Had there not been so much tension between us I would have laughed at the fact that she'd probably arisen every living animal in the surrounding area. But I don't. My face is still stinging from the slap. "You din't think once about me, about how I'd feel if you died." She swallows hard. "I didn't die. I didn't give up on you and you knew that, you knew I was still going to live even if I had been shot. But you were still going to... "

It's true i can see the bandages from where i stand crisscrossing around her neck. The doctor had told me that she'd suffered from extreme blood loss and multiple bullet wounds. There was less than a 0.55% chance for her living. But I insisted she stay on Life Support. I could feel, somewhere, I didn't know, How or Why or What it was exactly but I knew that she was going to be alright.

I've never much believed in God, but I'd prayed, night and day and I was sure, fate, destiny, would bring her back to me. And here she was, standing in front of me. I remember the first time I saw her. I had seen her in the hallways of school, in the cafeteria giggling with her friends (despite laughing aloud in the midst of boys and gentlemen was forbidden in Abnegation). But the first time I'd really seen her, the day she'd been the first to jump into the netand I'd held her hand for the first time lowering her down gently to the ground. It'd been the first time I noticed the blue of her eyes.

message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

Tris closes her eyes and I see a tear roll down her cheek. She takes a hard rattling breath and my heart sinks. She hasn't completely recovered yet and here I am being a selfish fool. I take one more step and rap my arms around her, she flings her arms around my neck and for a few moments we hug fiercely. I try to put all my words, feelings, emotions in the one embrace. I hold her close, feeling the warmth of her body against mine. I bury my face in her hair and breath in her scent. Soap, Lavinder and Sunshine. As if embracing her can defeat all my worries, all my fears, all my sorrows. I am no longer vulnerable to any evil of the world. I am no longer an open target to all and an open target to myself. I belong to Tris and she belongs to me. She pulls away, wiping her eyes with the balls of her fists. I try to say something but no words escape me. But I don't think I have to say anything...

She laces her fingers through mine and together we walk down the steps of the Hancock building. We walk down the street and pass the hospital where Tris had laid for several days on end, silent and still. Where Uriah had laid for weeks- Unconscious and Un-moving. Where so many bodies of martyrs and sacrifices had laid after the Erudite and Dautnelss Factionless attack. We walk down the hills and pass the empty lit houses and wet, dirty roads. We walk down the bank of the river towards Central Compound. I know that's where all the remaining families are now living. My mother, Christina's family, Zeke's family, Hector and his parents and so many others. We walk down the Central Street but past the compound. There would be plenty of time for gleeful Reunion later. Right now, I wanted to be alone with Tris. Just me and her. We walk together, hands en locked with one another down the road-hill and into the midnight purple of the sunset's dying embers...

10 Year Later...

I see her playing in the lawn outside the manor. she has my eyes, a light oceanic blue, but her fathers hair, long dark brown, almost black, that comes down to her waist. She is beautiful. not like me when i was her age, more like her father than ever as she bends to pick a rose from the beds of flowers in the swaying meadow. She laughs as she tucks the flower behind her ear.

The sun is shining brightly in the blue cloudless sky. And all the beauty is brought out as she begins to sing. Her voice, sweet and smooth like silk, melting and gentle like chocolate, soothing and enchanting. A sad song that returns so many memories of years ago to mind. I hear Tobias quietly slip into the room easing the door close behind him. I turn to look at him. Very little has changed in his face over ten years. Then again, neither have I. Each time I look at him, he is still the the arrogant, gentle, handsome, talented, smiling boy I knew Ten Years Ago, the night he took me to the bridge beneath the marble arch, propping himself to one knee and uttered those beautiful words..."Beatrice? Will you marry me?"

I can still see Zeke's laughing face as he pounds Tobias on the back and Christina saying how she thinks my face will explode because if I go any redder. I shake myself fromthe memory as I feel his hand on mine. He too is looking out the window at her and nwo I can hear her words, melancholy, familiar to so many today, the song of the fallen world, the ruined city, of a decade ago.

"She was a girl, whose world was divided,
to five separate factions different minded.
To change was to leave all home and all lies,
for her friends and her family she'd any day die.
But she chose to be amongst the brave,
yearning the freedom her home never gave.
And leaped did she into a world of blood,
and violence and cruelty was her new world flood.
But amongst that did she find loved ones and friends,
and given a life with mistakes and amends.
Slowly did she find true love,
of him from an eagle into a dove.
He brought out her beauty but too her strength,
t'was from his she learnt life's meant.
But too did she make amongst them foe's,
who brought her sorrows and brought her woes.
Lawless her nation was becoming she feeled,
and from then did trouble be danger and real.
Many were killed in the battle to free,
Innocent lives, but did not she flee.
She protected her loved ones but was stabbed in the back,
but by her brotherly kin, his courage did lack.
So many were slaughtered in the following fall,
and she did answer her home nations call.
And left did she her world ago,
entering a world of so,
where lives were costed on a murders duel,
blood, sweat, tears...pure cruel.
So to save it, entered an oblivion, commence,
and set down her life, a great expense.
Fell she did, but her nation rose,
destroyed her enemies, destroyed her foes.
Our world protected by our courageous hero,
she sacrificed yesterday, and gave us tomorrow.
Joined hands with her lover and did he propose,
offered her a ring and a petaled red rose.
Those roses she grew in her palaces meadow,
for eternal immortality, loves undying shadow.

message 3: by Kamiko (new)

Kamiko (kamiko1108) | 1125 comments OMG OMG OMG *DOES FANGIRL DANCE* THIS IS AMAZING ZAYNAH, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

awww thanks...are u gonna read it!! you like divergent

message 5: by Kamiko (new)

Kamiko (kamiko1108) | 1125 comments I love Divergent!!!!

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message 7: by Kamiko (new)

Kamiko (kamiko1108) | 1125 comments I KNOW!!!!!!IT'S AMAZING!!!!!

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message 10: by Kamiko (new)

Kamiko (kamiko1108) | 1125 comments IT'S AMAZING!!!!!!!!!

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message 13: by [deleted user] (new)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THANK YOU^^^^^^^^^

message 14: by Kamiko (new)

Kamiko (kamiko1108) | 1125 comments NO PROB THE ALLEGIANT COVER IS DIFFEREBT

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message 16: by Kamiko (new)

Kamiko (kamiko1108) | 1125 comments COOL

message 17: by Kamiko (new)


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message 19: by Kamiko (new)

Kamiko (kamiko1108) | 1125 comments EVERYTHING WAS AWESOME

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message 21: by Kamiko (new)

Kamiko (kamiko1108) | 1125 comments I'm typing up Chapter 1 and I have so many ideas for future chapters but I have to write it in order, so...

message 22: by David (new)

David Hovland | 3 comments Your writing is very vital and impressive.
A tiny comment - "loosing"should be "LOSING."

message 23: by [deleted user] (new)

Thanos alice thqtnks david. Omg dave your right. I always do that. But in england people spell it like that. My conpiter has american autocorrect. We say colout we say honour. We say loosing. I think. Maybe. Bu thanks.

What didint you lke. I need crit so i ca improve.

Omg kamiko. I didnt een know that was you. I saw the pic and im lile who the heck is that. Then j saw youe name. !!!

message 24: by Kamiko (new)

Kamiko (kamiko1108) | 1125 comments I usually go by pic, so I get confused when someone changes their pic...

message 25: by Joseph (new)

Joseph Ballenger | 23 comments Awesome piece of fan fiction. Bravo Zaynah :) You should really look into doing this seriously. Make a couple of bestsellers.

You have the style. All you need to the practice and refined skill then BAM! Veronica Roth will be asking for your autograph someday!

message 26: by [deleted user] (new)

awwwww joseph thank you sooo much...thats so sweet....glad you like it...and i am....i'm writing my first book....have you read divergent...did you like the endign....i think my ending was just...happier

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