Beta Reader Group discussion
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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Query feedback--SF epic
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My bigger concern is the length of your MS. It's true that there are many lengthy scifi tomes out there, but they're generally by established authors. The max length for a debut scifi novel is considered around 120K, so you risk a 'no' just from that. Are there exceptions? Of course, but you create enough challenges and it becomes easier and easier to pass. Keep in mind that agents get 100-500 queries each week, and read them in addition to their job of managing their clients. And they have to fit reading any MS requests in that time as well. Consider if you can tighten up your work, or break it into two (or more) parts. The thing to keep mind in that regard, though, is debut novels generally need to be standalone, in that there has to be a clean ending (publishers love the _potential_ for a series, so if successful they can rapidly come out with more). This doesn't mean you have to wrap up all the threads, just that there needs to be a satisfying ending such that readers don't feel robbed if the rest never makes it to the bookshelf.Your blurb reads as rather humorous; I trust this is a defining theme for the novel? You want a blurb to tell the reader what they're getting into, while at the same time screening out those who won't like it (all this in 100-150 words!). 'Love' implies some element of romance to me. Is the romance a pivotal element of the story or is it there for flavor? If it's flavor, then you probably don't want to add it to the query, as it can set up preconceptions for the agent.
You need an editor to go over your query. I noticed a number of small issues. The query is sort of like a resume; it needs to be perfect. Anything that pops the reader out is a bad thing, so don't give them any reason to pass.
Good luck!
Appreciate your comments, Keith. Thank you.I hear you re: length, seen the 120k-word guideline and it does keep me up at night. I do have a simple/straightforward writing style focused on action and dialogue (Flesch score of approx 75), so it's a quick read, which my editor and betas have confirmed. I've thought about adding the Flesch to try and deflect concerns about length--but then I'd be adding more words! :) Besides, if publishers are simply trying to save $$ on # pages printed, it won't matter how easy to read my book is.
Humor is absolutely a theme--I do my best to crack myself up. And yes, romance is a pivotal element.
You said you noticed a number of small issues. I have had an editor look at a nearly identical version, so I'd be much obliged if you have some time and could point out the most glaring. And no worries if not, I know everyone is busy these days.
Thanks again...Jess
PM me your email and I'll send a marked-up Word version of what I feel needs tweaking. That being said, quickly looking back over it, I'm not seeing what I thought I saw. It's possible I conflated two blurbs when I made that comment.You could mention your Flesch score and that you've been told by readers it's quick. At least that shows that you've given consideration to the issue of length.
I suggest you work the romance angle into the blurb proper, rather than mentioning it as an afterthought.
An alien arrives on Earth masquerading as a woman calling itself—ahem, herself—the Messenger. She prophesies the planet’s imminent destruction by an intergalactic robot. Just as unfortunate, Earth’s only hope against this so-called Lonely Machine may be twenty-something Mai, a self-conscious refugee whose closest friend is her superintelligent, sarcastic weenie of a brain implant (If Mai is the main character then I'd introduce her first and then the stakes).Mai doesn’t want to save the world. She just wants to date a raffish Brooklynite named Lolat (We don't need names of characters who aren't mentioned again in the query. Don't overwhelm the agent.) and to succeed at her job training bots to upgrade noses for rich people (Nice world building but I'd avoid any details that don't add to the motivations and stakes). But Joe, a Messenger-worshipping zealot, believes he, not Mai, is Earth’s savior—and he hates competition. After narrowly escaping Joe’s attempted murder, Mai flees to the Republic of Texas. There, cowgirl Riley and darkly enigmatic ‘gene baby’ Clyde offer to train Mai to become a superhuman, recognizing Mai as the ultimate weapon against the Lonely Machine (Far too many characters. I think three is the recommended amount of characters for a query).
Mai faces a choice. She can let the increasingly violent Joe become Earth’s first supreme ruler, or she can give up on being normal and defeat her enemies, Earthly and otherwise, once and for all. (I think your query should focus on only one of the stakes, otherwise things get a bit too messy. I also don't think the choice you present is very interesting. Clearly, Maj isn't going to just allow Joe to take over Earth, otherwise there wouldn't be a story, right? Rather, you should spend the words setting up how Maj is going to overcome the stakes and what is holding her back.)
Set against a backdrop of escalating tensions between rich and poor, real and virtual, American and Texican, Mai of Earth is a 137,000-word (This will be too high for some agents) sci-fi epic focused on the inspiring power of science, technology and most of all, love.
Thank you very much in advance!
...
An alien arrives on Earth masquerading as a woman calling itself—ahem, herself—the Messenger. She prophesies the planet’s imminent destruction by an intergalactic robot. Just as unfortunate, Earth’s only hope against this so-called Lonely Machine may be twenty-something Mai, a self-conscious refugee whose closest friend is her superintelligent, sarcastic weenie of a brain implant.
Mai doesn’t want to save the world. She just wants to date a raffish Brooklynite named Lolat and to succeed at her job training bots to upgrade noses for rich people. But Joe, a Messenger-worshipping zealot, believes he, not Mai, is Earth’s savior—and he hates competition. After narrowly escaping Joe’s attempted murder, Mai flees to the Republic of Texas. There, cowgirl Riley and darkly enigmatic ‘gene baby’ Clyde offer to train Mai to become a superhuman, recognizing Mai as the ultimate weapon against the Lonely Machine.
Mai faces a choice. She can let the increasingly violent Joe become Earth’s first supreme ruler, or she can give up on being normal and defeat her enemies, Earthly and otherwise, once and for all.
Set against a backdrop of escalating tensions between rich and poor, real and virtual, American and Texican, Mai of Earth is a 137,000-word sci-fi epic focused on the inspiring power of science, technology and most of all, love.