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Query Feedback YA Sci Fi
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Thanks for the help! I appreciate the insight and can make easy changes to fix all that up. This is super helpful.
Maybe this is more along the lines?Fourteen years after wars and Ring Sickness take a death toll of near four billion, it still feels like someone took a crap on Sylar’s front porch and lit it on fire. His research on rings-powered technology proves frustrating. And surviving can be hard enough in 2032 without being harassed by one of the largest mobs since before the rings.
Lately the Silver Sifters have been extra aggressive, snatching up all the Moon Dust they can before war breaks out with another Moon Dust syndicate. Yeah, Sylar should be more careful when he deals the energy resource to thugs. But there’s no way the Sifters should know about his self-sustaining cache.
To survive being hunted in a Pacific Northwest city, Sylar will have to abandon his research on the Earth’s rings and the Moon’s destruction. He will have to abandon his best friend, a former Moon Dust harvesting slave named Kyra. He’ll lose everything. Unless he can find a way to leverage the Sifters back.
Thanks again! I've re-worked it further and have it down to 153 words with more of a bang both in the beginning and in the end.
This is the one that got a request. Thanks again for your help.Sylar spends his life researching the Earth’s rings in the fourteen years since the Moon was destroyed and Ring Sickness claimed four billion. The Silver Sifters don’t care if Sylar finds a more stable future for mankind. The slavers want his self-sustaining cache of Moon Dust, the world’s most precious energy resource.
Rumors are widespread that Sifter leader, Grant Star, faces war. He needs resources before it breaks out. He needs Sylar’s Moon Dust. And he will paint his city with blood to get it. As the hunt begins, Sylar contacts the other Moon Dust syndicate vying for control of the Pacific Northwest.
Their captain gives him an option. Help take down Grant in return for protection along with anything he needs for his research. But there is a price for picking sides. A gruesome one. By the end of the night Sylar will have to choose who dies. His friends, or Sifter slaves.
RELICT is a YA Sci Fi complete at 76000 words.
In January 2018 a comet of an unknown element destroyed the Moon. The Earth gained rings and a continent sized storm which periodically brews and rains Moon Dust onto the surface. It became the most sought after resource in the world.
By 2032, after wars and Ring Sickness killed more than four billion worldwide, Sylar and Kyra find their home in a forest near a city in the Pacific Northwest, a retrofitted cave harboring a self-sustaining cache of Moon Dust. To keep them fed and understand his father’s mysterious research on the rings, Sylar is forced to trade Moon Dust with gangs like the Silver Sifters for quick cash, and almost never trusts anyone.
Kyra doesn’t know the depth of his life in the black markets, and their isolated lifestyle makes the days lonely. It pushes her to Dean, who has dreamy eyes and more charm than a puppy. Or he did, until he presses the cold metal of a Lightning jack pistol against the back of Sylar’s head, demanding Moon Dust. To survive being hunted, Sylar will have to finish what his father started, and either abandon Kyra or drag her into the constant threat of death.