Query

[Robert]

I would appreciate feed back on my query letter:I’m looking for representation for First, Family, my first written work, a completed 92,000 word mystery and the first of a trilogy in progress. Did the president-elect of the United States murder the man who seduced his daughter? NYPD detective, Jack Scott, thinks he did and risks his health and his career to prove it.
Felix Wolff, boorish demagogue, has unexpectedly won the national election and is President-Elect of the United States. Within days, at a meeting of the power elite convened by Wolff at his Manhattan office tower, a chauffeur is found dead in his vehicle—one of the limousines that ferried a mogul to Wolff’s gathering. NYPD detective, Jack Scott, soon arrives to investigate the crime scene. The detective has questions for the president-elect, who rudely rebuffs his overtures. Scott is indignant and puts the uncooperative executive at the top of his suspect list.
Austen Beauchamp, a neophyte on the force, is assigned to work with Scott by virtue of his family’s influence. Scott resents his unqualified protege, but must come to rely on him when he is placed on medical leave for PTSD, incurred during a tour of duty in Afghanistan. Together, the two investigators solve the mystery of First, Family, and in so doing, they discover much more about the president-elect.
First, Family offers more than a good mystery—it has minor erotic, humorous, and satiric elements that enhance the narrative and yield an engaging read.

[Simi]

Sounds intriguing. Maybe it might blow away the whole story, though. I like the concept.

[Lance]

This isn't really a query letter, and it isn't a synopsis. You'll need to get familiar with those forms if you're going to seriously pursue representation.

A query letter is a sales tool. With it, you're trying to sell your book to an agent. Agents are a tough market; they get dozens if not hundreds of queries every day. If you don't know the rules, the agent will toss your letter as soon as she opens it.

There are three main points in the summary part of a query letter:

1) Who is the protagonist, and what does s/he want?
2) Who/what is stopping the protagonist from getting what s/he wants?
3) What happens if the protag doesn't succeed?

Note that there's no "(4) give away the ending." You're trying to get someone to buy your book; you don't tell them the whole story.

Before you go any further, figure out what genre your book is in. Go to your local bookstore, find that genre, and read the back-cover or front-flap copy of every book they stock that was published in your genre in the past year. Every one. (Don't worry -- if it's B&N, you'll only see about 10% of what really came out.) Take notes. The summary part of your query letter is your book's back-cover copy; get familiar with how the big boys do it.

Next: read Query Shark. Agent Janet Reid has been running this website for years out of her frustration with the quality of query letters she's received. She reviews draft query letters written by newbies and points out what works and what doesn't. She's pretty blunt about it. After you go through several dozen of these, you'll start to get a feel for how query letters work.

You get about 250 words total for the query -- 200 of them for your book summary, the rest for title, genre, positioning, word count, and some other basics.

As for publishing your first written work: I hope to God you've got a critique group, beta readers, or an editor behind you. Unless you're a prodigy, the first novel is the one you write in order to learn how to write a novel. You stick that one in a virtual drawer and move on to the next one, which should be about 100% better.

[Petra]

Robert wrote: "I would appreciate feed back on my query letter:I’m looking for representation for First, Family, my first written work, a completed 92,000 word mystery and the first of a trilogy in progress. Did ..."
It certainly sounds interesting. What are you going to use it for? Lance is right that there tend to be specific formats and styles, depending on it it's a query, a synopsis or a blurb. Good luck!

[J.]

There are three parts to a query:
1. The hook: A compelling line of dialogue or short excerpt, no more than a sentence or two, that will whet a reader's (agent, editor, publisher) appetite for more.
2. A brief synopsis of the book: No more than 3-4 sentences.
3. Any personal credentials that will help the agent or editor decide to read the first few pages that would be part of a submission.

[Robert]

Thanks to all who took the time to respond.