Best Memoir How-To Books

[Daniel]

Though I've looked high and low, I've only found a few books that do a decent job of explaining how to structure a memoir. My top three are "Your Life as Story," by Tristine Rainer; "The Art of Time in Memoir," by Sven Birkerts; and "Shimmering Images," by Lisa Dale Norton. What are your Top Three?

[Selina]

Um never knew there were any thought people just wrote or told as much as they could remember...? You might want to talk to a book editor about that. If it makes no sense, they are the ones who rearrange it all.

Although this one springs to mind When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships lol. Its by Eric and and Leslie Ludy. Well they got married so they had to write a book together obviously, but, God was really writing it.

Another about memoirs I recall was Amy Tan The Opposite of Fate: Memories of a Writing Life and in this one while she wrote fiction she did write something about the 'cliff notes version of my life' which was quite funny.

The third, well off the top of my head can't think of a third but there must be...I am or shall I say was a librarian I should know...

Ok yep the third is Confessions of a Ghostwriter now that was an interesting read..basically tell your story to the ghostwriter, pay him(or her) a lot of money and he'll write and structure it all for you. Plus you get to keep your name as the author. They write hundreds of them, many become best sellers, they should know. Look up Andrew Crofts. Or any memoir that says 'with' or 'as told to' in the credits. Or if they being really discreet, the acknowledgements.

[Daniel]

We used to live next to a quite famous ghostwriter when we lived in California. She did memoirs for movie stars and musicians- and the tales she could tell, except that she'd get sued to the moon and back. A brilliant person though, with a lot of editing experience.

The reason I mentioned the memoir structure is that I just finished writing a memoir, and structure was something I had to keep my eye on. It was a linear story- but the book I'm working on now will need to jump around in time, due to its complex nature. Then again, our brains don't work in a strict chronological manner. They associate based more on emotions that are tied to specific memories, like the way Nabokov wrote his landmark memoir "Speak, Memory."

[Selina]

Well work with a good book editor and they will sort you out.
When I read memoirs I dont really enjoy too much jumping around. I found that most people will write about the most significant event that happened as a prologue and then work back from there how they got up to that point.

I think the most people can handle is a 3 part story. Past, present and future, I suppose future meaning that you look forward to the next volume.

Forever Today: A True Story of Lost Memory and Never-Ending Love by Deborah Wearing is one you ought to read, written by the wife of someone who lost his memory. He could only remember the long past like his music but couldnt remember what he did yesterday. So he always lived in the present and made up the rest....

[Daniel]

"the most significant event that happened as a prologue and then work back from there how they got up to that point."

Yes, that is a good technique, and works well. But sometimes another course is recommended. Whatever tells the story in the most meaningful way ...

As for editors, I use one after I've got the structure figured out. The last one I used cost me $300, and that was mainly for syntax and some line edits. And I was lucky, since a really good editor charges much more.

That "Forever" book sounds interesting- kind of like a twisted version of "Memento."

[Selina]

Forever today is the authors true story she wasnt trying to copy anyone else.
It must have been so difficult having your husband not being able to remember anything beyond 30 seconds ago, so everytime he woke up it was like he was waking up for the first time and experiencing everything for the very first time.

It would have been sort of like that movie 'groundhog day' for her.

If you want to tell a memoir in a non linear fashion then it is better to just write a collection of anecdotes and have chapter themes with each chapter a self contained story. This is easier for the reader and just have the table of contents grouped thematically.

[Koren]

I'm ok with jumping around in time if I dont have to stop to figure out what the heck is going on. Sometimes when stories are linear you wish they would just get on with it. Non-linear should help with that but sometimes the change in time is jarring or you just want to get through it so you can go back to the part you really like.

[Koren]

Ok. Here's another one I really hate. It's when the speaker starts to say something and then says 'more about that later'.

[Daniel]

Koren wrote: "I'm ok with jumping around in time if I dont have to stop to figure out what the heck is going on. Sometimes when stories are linear you wish they would just get on with it. Non-linear should help ..." While time-jumping doesn't work for stories that really need the linear treatment, Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking" was served well by the non-linear structure.

[Selina]

Not really a fan of the year of xxx books.
Its a sub genre of non-fiction where the author just does something crazy for a year. I read a few of these and wondered if they just got paid to do it.

The Year of Yes
A Year in Provence
My Year of Meats
The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible

[Daniel]

When I want to read about an author doing something crazy, I stick to the funny stuff, like Bill Bryson's "A Walk in the Woods." Same goes for Jerome K. Jerome's "Three Men in a Boat." (The BBC did a great adaptation of it in 1975, with Tim Curry and Michael Palin. So funny!)

Back in the 60s or 70s, a guy named George Plimpton did a series of pieces on crazy stuff. As an example, he tried out for a professional football team and got the stuffing knocked out of him. Hunter Thompson did some similar writing, and at one point got the crap kicked out of him by the Hells Angels. I'm not sure if these guys are brave or crazy or both. It does make for entertaining reading, though. And yes, I'm sure some of them got paid to take the risks- which can sometimes undercut the impact the writing might otherwise have had, due to its mercenary nature.

But "The Year of Magical Thinking" is not the same type of writing. It's Didion's account of the grieving process she went through after her husband died in front of her at the dinner table. I study it occasionally to try and figure out how she was able to tell the story in such a gripping, though non-linear, way.

[Selina]

He died at the dinner table?
Ok. Well Carrie Fisher wrote about how she woke up to a dead man. And found out her husband was gay. He forgot to tell her, and she forgot to ask, is how she put it. But her memoir wasnt really that mixed up, it was called 'wishful drinking' and did include a rather interesting family tree.
Her other memoirs she wrote three, were about receiving shock treatment so she couldnt remember stuff so had to write it all down. And another called 'the princess diarist' about a confusing affair with her star wars co star, while high on drugs at the time. Interspersed in her prsent day narrative is excerpts of her 19 year old diary, which, she gets her daughter to read, making it really weird. I dont know if Billie, her daughter, really wanted to know about her mothers star wars romance before she was born, but theres some bad teen angst poetry describing 'feelings'.

I suppose it explains 'Postcards from the Edge' and her other novels, which were thinly disguised narratives about herself.

For the record, I am not a star wars fan, but ms Fisher was incredibly funny, and a witty writer. She had to be, otherwise her life was just sad.

[Selina]

I dont know if you can really study how to write. I think if you have a story to tell, it comes from the heart. Some people have a natural gift for writing but also, usually a really good book editor.. Usually the first book or two is good, but then some writers run out of steam and subject matter after a few of them. The novelty wears off I suppose. That why more novels are written than memoirs, because novels are 'new' thats what a novel means. Its something new that hasnt been told before.

If a writer can engage someone whether its through humour or an interesting point of view they've won a reader then and there.

[Daniel]

Didion's husband suffered a major heart attack at the dinner table. Her subsequent wanderings through the halls of memory, interrupted by denial, debilitating grief, and having to try to go on living amidst it all makes for fascinating reading.

I always admired Carrie. Her mother was one incredible human being, and Carrie inherited many of Debbie's attributes. Carrie made mistakes and went through several stages of hell, but she overcame a lot- and was willing to share it with others. Whether her motivation was to warn others about the hazards of going down the road she trod, or as a way of healing, I don't know. But it's got to take no small amount of courage to tell the world about things most of us wouldn't share with anyone outside a very small circle of friends. For some reason she reminds me of Jamie Lee Curtis- upfront about things and trying to move on ...

As for "studying" how to write, maybe it's a matter of semantics: when I say I "study," it means that I'm constantly reading books and essays and articles by fiction and non-fiction writers alike.

It's like Stephen King says repeatedly in his classic book "On Writing": "If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot." He admits that he's a slow reader, but that he reads 70-80 books of fiction a year. (By the way, SK's book "On Writing" is a great memoir, chock-full of funny stories about his near-fatal accident and his wacky childhood, albeit mixed with some great advice on how to become a better writer.)

King also says this: "I don't read fiction to study the art of fiction, but simply because I like stories. Yet there is a learning process going on. Every book you pick up has its own lesson or lessons, and quite often the bad books have more to teach than the good ones."

And I believe we all learn things from books, some of them more obvious, some more subtle.

Lastly, from Mr. King: "Good writing ... teaches the learning writer about style, graceful narration, plot development, the creation of believable characters, and truth-telling."

Yes, I think most writers- most artists, in general- run out of creative gas, after a while. I think that's what's happened with Arcade Fire, Saint Etienne, and Belle and Sebastian- as much as I love their music. PG Wodehouse, whose epic tales of Jeeves and Wooster are some of my favorites, had a period in the middle of his career that was his literary sweet spot (from about 1925 - 1949). When he started recycling plots and characters and situations too much, it was over.

Some people have a gift for telling stories. And the best stories do come from the heart. But not everyone is gifted with story-telling ability. That doesn't mean they can't learn to tell a story. So they do like I have- go to many creative writing classes, and critique other people's writing, and do writing intensives, and create lit zines that no one reads, etc.

And yes, if the writer does her or his job right, the reader will be engaged. It's taken me a long time to figure out how to do that, but I'm finally getting the hang of it. Of course, gaining a reader's attention, and maintaining is where the real work comes in ...

[Selina]

Hmm maybe will give that one a go but it may not really be my cup of tea. I would have thought most people would write about the memories of their dearly departed as a tribute not themselves trying to get over it.

I admire Ms Fisher's writings for her honesty. Althought there is an element of showboating in her work. Which in the entertainment world is sort of expected. Tori Spelling was even more neurotic. Try reading her memoirs.