Beta Reader Group discussion
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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Query letter help....
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Only 'easy' after struggling mightily for months on my own ;-)Besides, I don't have the clouding effect of your story and only see what you've written. Feel free to post back with some additional detail.
I looked over your blurb a couple of times with the idea to shorten it for you, but struggled. Both parents wanted Iris to relocate, one died. Evidently her mother (if so, why not say so?) as you mention her father. Then one of her new-found aunts has, evidently, engaged in "an act of vengeance for a most heinous betrayal." If so, just say so. If not, make it clear it wasn't one of the aunts.
The second paragraph is even harder to understand.
The third confuses me still more.
Here is my attempt, using some guesswork. I cut it down to 160 words, so still a little 'too long.'
High schooler Iris and her sister must move. Her father leaves them with her dead mother's six sisters, who each once possessed the power to cast seasons. That power has been stolen by one among them in a most heinous betrayal.
Iris' aunts inform her that her birth was some kind of magical crime, giving Iris the ability to retrieve her aunt's powers. Those powers are now hidden in their "mortal twin," souls living in the mortal world. The first mortal twin discovered lives in the 18th century, during the midst of a war-ridden revolution.
While training to assist in the retrieval of that aunt's powers, Iris must overcome crippling self doubt. Then an assassiation attempt. Finally, the revelation that the thief of her aunt's powers is much closer to Iris than anyone ever imagined. Iris must summon the self confidence to use her magic, in the process risking the life of her mortal sister.
Good luck!