Blue Lake Academy discussion
Boy Dorms
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Tobio and Cael's Dorm
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Tobio really hadn't expected anything less of Charlie and let him hop up. He knew it was all eating at Charlie, that he needed to say it and say it directly to Sebastian. He needed to let it loose and that he wouldn't be able to continue otherwise. Charlie was like a storm cloud, it held in the water until it simply couldn't anymore and that was when it all came pouring out. Sometimes there wasn't much to let out and it was simply a sprinkling of water. Other times there was too much built up and it needed to be let out and a full storm ended up taking place. Tobio stood and pulled his kicks on, tying them and grabbing is bag, looking up when Charlie spoke.
"Maya Angelou." He said. He thought the beginning of that quote was more applicable to Charlie. That bitterness was like a cancer and ate at the host. It seemed to be the case for Charlie. That anything bad or bitter or angry was gnawing away at him, infecting him and turning him into someone he didn't want to be. Controlling him in ways he couldn't combat. Some of the time it was just Charlie being Charlie. And others it was the unstoppable force in his head.
He walked out with Charlie, following closely behind him until they reached Sebastian's door and he knocked. Sebastian opened the door, looking tired and a bit peeved.
"Oh, Charlie. I didn't know you and Tobio hung out. Do you wanna come in?" He asked, backing away from the door a bit for them to enter. Tobio did so just because he knew he had to. He wasn't sure what Charlie's plan was besides bursting forth with the truth like a broken dam. He really couldn't blame Charlie for being so sudden with things. It was simply in his nature and that was hard to change after so many years of life.
How strange it was to have met someone who could match him. Charlie let the ghost of a smile slide over his features, just a barely visible twitch of his lips when Tobio named his quote. Maya Angelou was perhaps one of Charlie's favorite poets, although that wasn't saying much, as she was probably everyone's favorite poet (rightfully so). Her poetry was revered by many, but even her fame seemed to be losing its worth amongst young adults. Tobio was not forgetful though, he did not let great art slip absently from his mind. Charlie was so used to his comments and quotes falling on deaf ears, he felt a spark of pleasure every time Tobio was able to identify the quotations. He wondered if that feeling was ever going to go away. Would he tire eventually of Tobio's wonders? Would he come to expect them, so they would lose their magic over time? Charlie didn't think he would. Tobio was so unique that Charlie wasn't sure he'd ever be able to forget it.Now, as they marched down the hall, he turned to glance over his shoulder at Tobio. His pale face was drawn into that infuriatingly blank look which was like a closed-door in Charlie's face. He could never tell what Tobio was thinking, which was both intriguing and awful. When he reached Sebastian's door he was met by a similarly drawn, pale face. This one was more tired though. Usually Tobio was the one who had dark circles pooling under his eyes but now Sebastian too sported the purplish marks which brushed against his lower lashes.
Charlie didn't enter the room, but he did peer into it cautiously. It didn't look strange at all, not like Sebastian's passion had been strewn across the carpet only a while ago. It was dirty in the way boy's dorms tend to be dirty and one of the beds was unmade. Charlie thought he saw a stain of pink on the side of the carpet but when he blinked, it was gone. He thought he saw a scrap on canvas curled under the bed, but that too was just a figment of a guilty imagination. He felt like Lady Macbeth, frantically scrubbing away at the blood on her hands, blood only visible to her villainous eyes. Out damned spot indeed.
Standing just at the threshold to the room, he stared Sebastian down carelessly. He did not mean to look intimidating or sharp, but with his arched eyebrows and narrowed eyes, he had a tendency to be those things without even trying.
"I trashed your dorm. I was the one who ruined all your paintings. I thought you should know." The truth burst from him like a blockade being torn down. His tongue felt light in his mouth, twisting and ready to speak, to answer for her crimes. Charlie did not say the words like an apology, nor as an admission of guilt, he stated them like facts. It was up to Sebastian to take in those facts and respond to them. The only clue to Charlie's emotions was a fleeting glance towards Tobio before he returned his gaze to Sebastian.
Sebastian watched Charlie, he looked so mean, but that was also just how he tended to look. He thought it must have been unfortunate and hard for him to meet people that way. But he'd seemed perfectly amiable when he'd approached Sebastian the other day. His words were jarring though, nothing like the Charlie he'd met to work on peer editing with."No you didn't. You're too nice for that." Sebastian said. He didn't like that Charlie was trying to take responsibility for something he obviously wouldn't have done. They were friends, and friends didn't hurt each other.
"No, he did." Tobio corrected. Sebastian whipped around to look at him. If Tobio said it was true then what did he know. Sebastian's mouth opened and closed a few times, struggling to find something to say.
"What so you dragged him here to force him to tell me?" Sebastian asked, this wasn't like Tobio.
"No, he was back in my room. We were making pizza. He needed to tell you himself." Tobio said. Sebastian just stared at him, hard. "We're dating Sebastian." He provided. He knew this could very easily break his brother and was actively mentally bracing himself for whatever came next.
"So you knew?" Sebastian asked, regarding Charlie's whole destruction of property.
"To a degree. I knew he was going to do something but the reasons are... muddled." Tobio replied. He wasn't sure how to explain to Sebastian that the only reason Charlie had gone after him was to hurt Tobio and get a reaction for an art project.
Sebastian on the other hand was going through so many emotions he thought he might explode. He was absolutely seething with anger, how could Tobio have let this happen? He never let things like this happen. Whenever he'd met Sebastian's friends in the past he'd pointed out the fake ones and handled it promptly. He was sad as well, his brother was with the one person Sebastian really didn't think he should be with at this point. He also was beginning to realize how dependent he was on Tobio. His rock. un-moving and constant, who he'd leaned on for everything, was now being eroded by the sea. Who was he supposed to turn to now that the only person he felt he could lean on was, by choice, with the person who'd caused him so much pain? He faced Charlie, struggling to keep the tears from falling.
"Do you love him? Is that why he's with you? Because I can't think of any other reason." Sebastian said. Perhaps be was being selfish but in his mind Tobio was his and always would be because he loved him in the way only a brother could. So naturally he didn't put enough stock in any of Tobio's feeling or any of his other relationships. He really didn't have almost any to begin with so why should he?
Sebastian's words hurt more than he could ever know. His first response had been so simple. No you didn't. You're too nice for that. Sebastian couldn't possibly be talking about him. No one had ever described Charlie that way before. He was trouble, he was a screw-up, he was psycho. Nice was not the kind of adjective used when referencing to him. There was something unreal and hypnotizing about the idea that he had actually acted well enough around Sebastian to keep the guise up of being too nice to have committed the atrocity he had. For a brief moment he slipped into an imaginary world where he was "too nice." It was a fantasy, one Charlie hardly ever let himself give time to. It made him feel a flush of shame to imagine being anyone but who he was in this given moment. But what a world it would be to not have to spend those hours in the guidance office, or listening to his mother sob about the latest trouble Charlie had caused, or seeing the pride his brother's received from his mother that he never saw. But Tobio knew exactly who he was, and he quickly dispelled the imaginary world where Charlie was anything other than the cruel person he was in this universe. The confusion and shock on Sebastian's face was unsurprising. Honestly, Charlie thought he was taking it awfully well considering. It puzzled him though that the first person Sebastian went after was his own brother, rather than Charlie, who had been the one to commit the crime.
Charlie gave Tobio a look that might have been disgust, but also could have possibly been pride. Sometimes it was hard to tell from his harsh expression. On the inside though, he was slack-jawed by the ease in which Tobio mention the fact that they were dating. It was such a truthful, Charlie-like move and Tobio hadn't even batted an eye at it. That took bravery. Tobio was risking it all in one moment and he didn't even look nervous. Perhaps Tobio didn't get scared, that was a possibility. While Charlie had seen him get anxious, that was vastly different from fear.
It was strange to see Sebastian's face scrunch up into anger. He had never seen the boy's expression anywhere close to the rage that was plastered across his face now. His muscles didn't look like they were made to make those expressions at all. Much Like Charlie's smiles had a tendency to look somewhat uncomfortable. He could also see a bright sheen in Sebastian's eyes, unshed tears glistening like melting ice on his lashes. Charlie wanted to feel bad for the other boy, he wanted to be empathetic, to care. This was someone who might have been a friend, he should feel bad for hurting him. But the only sadness he could dredge up was not because of personal sympathy towards Sebastian, but simply because he was Tobio's brother.
Did he love Tobio? He wasn't sure yet. They hadn't known each other for very long, and he wasn't going to lie about his feelings towards the other boy just to soothe Sebastian's feelings.
"I suppose he's with me because he has an eye for detail." He said. The comment was not for Sebastian, but a private compliment for Sebastian.
"It is up to him to accept the love he thinks he deserves." He added, yet another book quote for Tobio to catch. He doubted Sebastian would get it though, so he simplified for the benefit of the angry boy.
"We have feelings for each other, mutual feelings. I did this, all of this to hurt him, but things are different now." He said softly, looking down at Sebastian with his hawk-eyes.
Tobio caught Charlie's eye at the book reference, he liked The Perks of Being a Wallflower quite a bit, he had it in his own little library. He thought it was a good description of their relationship. They both had love to give as long as the other would accept it. They'd been through moments where the bounds of their emotion was painfully obvious and times when it wasn't. They way they sat in each other's company, so far apart from each other but never alone, the way they fought and made up, the way they failed to understand the motivations of each other and then did. They had an interesting dynamic, they were both wallflower's but of different planes. Charlie was on a high of being consistently torrential and Tobio was on another of floating through calm with his own little thunder cloud. Sebastian was reeling, there were so many confusing things going on right now and he didn't know who to look at or what to think.
"You- I... what? Why would you- What?" He couldn't get out a proper thought. He wasn't sure what any of it meant or why any of this was happening. He was furious and confused so naturally he looked to his brother.
"We just work." Tobio said.
"No, no you don't work. How could you wo-"
"That's enough." Tobio said, interrupting his brother for the first time in a long time. Sebastian looked taken aback but stayed quiet
"This started as an art project. He needed something from me that I can't easily provide so he took the measures necessary to draw it out and he got it. I stayed to fix you and somewhere along the way I fell. I had my doubts but we work and that's it." Tobio said. He hadn't changed his tone or inflection or stance but somewhere in his eyes he made it clear that this was final and Sebastian would not be changing anything of it.
"You." Sebastian said, looking at his brother. "You're supposed to be logical. But you must be a sociopath and you derive your pleasure from your own pain. And you. You're just absolutely crazy. I don't even know who you are anymore." He said, looking as if he were pleading. Tobio simply nodded, if that's what Sebastian needed to thing then he'd let him think that.
"And I don't even know what to say to you." Sebastian spun, addressing Charlie now. "You lied to me. You faked being my friend to hurt my brother and me? I don't know how an art project could make you do something like that but you're awful." He said shaking his head. He was more angry than sad now, the tears in his eyes having dissipated the angrier he realized he was.
"Maybe you two do work. You're okay with people being hurt. With people being broken. You're both insane. Get out. Leave. Now." Sebastian said pointing to the door. Tobio didn't say anything, he knew now was the time to let Sebastian stew by himself, at least he wasn't so numb looking anymore.
How terrible that in the worst moments, words failed. Charlie had so much life investment in words. Life was a chapter book and every word counted to make it real and detailed. Charlie who was original in all other senses had a tendency to fall back on the words of others. The authors and poets of the past were so much more eloquent, thoughtful, and detailed than he ever felt he could be. So he used their words when he didn't feel like his could suffice. But the greatest betrayal of words is that they so often seem to abandon you in moments of great distress or happiness. Charlie loved words because they could encompass some of him, but the uglier emotions were too wild to be described even by the bravest of poets. He could see the words leave Sebastian now as he stumbled over his sentences. This must be one of those moments so terrible that he could not fathom the sentence structure or the vocabulary to speak. Charlie didn't really need or even want Sebastian to say anything though. He seemed far more upset with Tobio that Charlie himself, which had not been the intended reaction, and Charlie assumed that the words Sebastian had lost might end up being hurtful to his twin.It was amusing in a twisted sense (which was most of what Charlie found amusing) as he watched the twins argue back and forth. Well, arguing wasn't really the right word. Sebastian was arguing, Tobio was only responding, and arguments usually take more than two to occur in their proper form. But he could tell Tobio was bothered because he interrupted Sebastian. When Charlie thought back to their conversations together, he didn't think Tobio had ever interrupted him, even in excitement or wonder. The way he shut down Sebastian's argument sounded so much like the commanding tone Charlie often took that it made him start a little. The thought that some of his personality might be rubbing off on Tobio made Charlie's heart clench a little. He did not want Tobio to become him. If they wanted this to work the way Tobio seemed to believe it did, he needed to stay exactly as he was.
Charlie had to admit, he did carry some similar concerns to Sebastian about why Tobio was dating him at all. He knew the other boy had given him good reasons before, but he also knew just how difficult he was. What kind of person would agree to spend so much time with him? To take his commands and his shouting and the way he sometimes needed to explode. Somehow Tobio seemed okay with wading through the shattered glass that was Charlie. Only someone who loved pain could possibly be like that.
Finally Sebastian returned his gaze to him, eyes bright with anger. This was more like it. Sebastian should have been any with Charlie all along, not at Tobio who had done nothing.
"I did not lie to you. Nor did I fake being friends with you. But I am sorry it turned out this way." Charlie replied smoothly. His words sounded perfunctory and not at all like he meant it. Which was not true. He was not happy it had turned out this way. But he had grieved the day Tobio had barged into his room, and that was that.
The shout of "get out" seemed quite final, so Charlie grabbed Tobio's hand and made his way out of the dorm room. A couple boys were staring at them, wondering what all the racket had been about. Charlie offered the closest guy a sharp glare until he looked away again.
"That was not how I meant it to be." Charlie finally said. He didn't sound apologetic, only like that was the honest truth. Which it was.
Tobio hoped that in their leaving Sebastian would channel his new feelings into something productive. Maybe he'd pick up a paintbrush again. He didn't have time to look and see if he had any because Charlie had pulled him out of the room. They were currently walking down the hallway together, hand in hand. Tobio didn't like that other boys were staring but Charlie seemed to take care of it. He wasn't ashamed to be dating Charlie, he quite liked being with him. He just hated being watched. It felt like other people were waiting for him to slip up and then use it to prove how useless he was. He felt bad about his brother but he didn't feel useless with Charlie. He always seemed to lay out what he wanted Tobio to do and it gave him a purpose.As they walked Tobio began to process the things that Sebastian had said. Firstly, that they didn't work. Tobio wanted to believe that it was a spur of the moment statement drawn out by Sebastian's emotional state at the moment. Nonetheless he did wonder if him and Charlie seemed like they wouldn't work. Of course they seemed like an odd pair but if he and Charlie thought they worked together then that's all that mattered. He knew they were odd, someone so turbulent just under the surface and someone so placid until someone struck the proper chord. They both seemed relatively calm, though Charlie was more the calm before the storm where it was chaotic and even though nothing had happened yet something was going to happen. For Charlie it was a matter of what and when. For Tobio it was more if and how.
He then began thinking further, words like insane and sociopath flitting through his head. He knew he wasn't either. To be a sociopath he needed to have ASP which had symptoms like being deceitful and impulsive or lacking in conscience. maybe he'd been deceitful in not telling Sebastian that bad things were coming but he didn't meet the criteria for being a sociopath. He wasn't sure why he was dwelling on it so much, maybe it was just because Sebastian had pointed out that he was supposed to be logical. Being with Charlie seemed logical to him. Charlie made him feel things, good things, bad things, normal things. He liked being with Charlie and so he thought it was logical to stay.
He wanted to stop but there was one other thing bugging him about what Sebastian had said that he needed to think about before he could allow himself the peace of a semi-quiet mind. That was his assertion that Tobio derived pleasure from his own pain. He was at a weird point mentally with that. Of course he didn't like being in pain, nobody did. But there were parts of him that did like it to an extent. Being able to feel something after being somewhat numb or using it for his writing projects. He didn't think that was wrong. There were times when bad situations brought some sort of good in return. His and Charlie's relationship was proof.
Charlie wasn't sure exactly why anyone might be staring. He knew there were probably three reasons, one of which would make him want to punch a wall and two of which he somewhat understood. The obvious assumption was they were staring because despite all the pro-LGBTQ posters and assemblies BLA put together, there didn't seem to be a way to put a stop to the subtle homophobia in the boy's dorm rooms. It came in the form of jokes and snickering comments while changing in the locker rooms, and in the stares that flickered away as fast as possible when Charlie caught them. This was the reason that made Charlie want to yell at someone. Equally likely was the fact that Charlie was holding hands with Tobio, and anyone who knew either of them (or of either of them) would be shocked by the strange pairing. Charlie was known in the school as someone to avoid, a loner who didn't even want to hang out with the other loners. But here he was, fingers laced together with Tobio's slim ones, marching down the hall, together. Similarly, anyone who knew Tobio might be surprised by his choice of companion. They were too different to be easily compatible in any of their peer's minds. The third reason was just the simple fact that they had just come out of Sebastian's room and there had been some shouting involved, and everyone wanted to see what the fuss was about.He was less interested though in the glares of others when he could practically feel Tobio thinking beside him. He stopped, turning to look at his boyfriend with a sharp gaze. Tobio looked serene as always, eyes serious and cool beneath the rings of shadows. But Charlie could feel the way Tobio's fingers gripped his own hand tightly, betraying the turmoil in his mind. Of course he had a lot to think about. Sebastian had thrown out more than one mindless accusation. They had been meant for Tobio, but Charlie had felt a shiver up his spine too when they had been spat out. When it came so sociopathy, Charlie had spent a lot of time thinking about that for himself. Because he fit almost perfectly into the traits commonly found in sociopaths. He didn't respect social boundries (although he had never broken the law), he was often aggressive, and he sometimes wondered if he did in fact feel guilt at all. But he did not lie, and he made plans for the future and when he made promises, he did not break them. And now that he had met Tobio, he knew without a doubt that he was able to feel guilt. It was a strange thing to be relieved about, but every time he felt the uncomfortable pang of remorse, he felt like he could breah again.
He pulled at Tobio's hand wordlessly, tugging him into an empty hall. Once he was sure no one was around he moved so that his back was against the grungy white wall, bringing Tobio in so their faces were just inches away from each other.
"I feel too much, and you feel too little. There is no shame in wanting to feel things Tobio." He whispered, bringing his lips softly to Tobio's mouth. If only he could share some of his own emotion with Tobio. But he would want to share only the good parts. The happiness, and he was sure he had enough of that to go around.
Tobio stopped when Charlie did, not even batting an eye. He was used to his quick pace and he was used to his being sudden. He didn't even have to think about it. He was still reeling, processing things internally while Charlie studied him. He came back to the real world after a moment and looked back at Charlie . His eyes were always so sharp, like they'd cut him if they could. But Tobio had learned to see beyond that in a sense. To anyone else he was sure Charlie looked like he was at least mildly annoyed with Tobio but he knew otherwise. He knew that Charlie was simply assessing the situation, making internal decisions as impulsively as usual. He just watched Charlie watch him and think for a moment.They were moving again, just as suddenly as they'd stopped, passing his room and going down another, quieter hall where there were more empty dorms than anything. The motion sensor lights flickered on above them but left the rest of the hall in vague shadow with boxes of light hitting the floor intermittently where the sun shone through the windows. He wished the lights had stayed off, maybe if they tried hard enough they could outrun them and spend a few seconds in the darkness before the light caught up to them. Or somehow manually shut them off and stand in one of the sunspots, watching the dust particles catch in the rays and enjoy their own little private warmth.
((Literally got sucked into that for some reason whoops))
It was nearly eerie though, having it be so empty but so bright in their little section of the hallway. There were usually so many people around. Tobio preferred the quiet, non-judgmental hall though. He preferred Charlie's pulling him in and speaking softly, his voice cutting through all the noise in his head.
He let Charie kiss his gently, still holding one of his hands and the other resting on his chest. He could feel Charlie's heart beating and it was a comforting reminder that he was still there. His lack of emotion did make him feel as if he were disappearing sometimes, like he wasn't fully awake or in control. Like he was stuck in those last dregs of a dream where he wasn't sure what was real and what was in his head. Sometimes he believed there were mushrooms growing out of his carpet and that Charlie was the dream, but he knew better than to let this be a dream. He wanted it to be real. And if it was a dream he'd say he was cliche and that he never wanted to wake up from it.
Charlie had never been a physically romantic person. Even when he had been dating his ex, Alex, their love had not come out in physical symptoms. They hardly ever held hands and kissing had been an almost perfunctory thing, like they did it because they thought they should. It wasn't that Charlie had hated the physical intimacy relationships seemed to require, it was just that it didn't make him feeling anything. He had read enough romance novels to know that kissing someone was supposed to be a big deal. It was supposed to be fireworks and sparkles and burning flames. With Alex, it had just been lips pressing against lips. Charlie had just assumed that it would always be like that, even with other people, but he had been mistaken. When he kissed Tobio it was not burning passion as the books had promised. It was not the explosive desire or anything even close to that. But Charlie might still equate the feeling to that of a flame. Kissing Tobio was hypnotic, like staring into the flickering white of a campfire. It made his heartbeat slow to a rhythmic thud in his chest. The pressure of Tobio's lips against his was comforting in a way Charlie hadn't known to expect. It was like when Tobio had come barging in that day, demanding Charlie take responsibility for his actions, he was reminding Charlie of his solid presence. He felt Tobio's fingers pressed against his worn cotton shirt. The warmth of the palms of his hands moved through the fabric and imprinted itself onto his heart. He knew Tobio would be able to feel the thud of his heart, steady and loud as it always was when they kissed. Finally, he broke away, leaning his forehead against Tobio's for a second before stepping back. He was so glad the hallway was empty. Not because he would mind displaying his affection in public, but because too many thoughts would ruin this moment. It would make everything far too loud.
He was still holding one of Tobio's hands and shifted so they were standing side by side, leaning back against the wall. The box of sunlight gently caressed Charlie's face, warming his eyelashes and cheeks.
"So? What happens now?" He asked and there was amusement in his voice. He still found asking questions somewhat difficult. He was used to just commanding and letting people choose to follow or not. But he didn't want to give Tobio the choice of not following. He wanted Tobio to feel like he wanted to stay. So, he asked for his opinion. He wasn't even sure exactly what he was asking. What happens with us? With Sebastian? With that damn art project that was due the next day?
There were little flutters in Tobio's chest whenever Charlie kissed him. It wasn't like butterflies or anything, more like his heart was trying to rapidly get blood pumping through his systems again. It was a strange reminder that he was here and solid and a person instead of the ghost most people thought haunted the school. his normally cool skin would heat up momentarily, like a match struck and blown out before it could burn someone's fingertips. A fleeting warmth that lasted a short time. Sometimes, like when he was upset, it was like someone had thrown that match onto a stack of old newspapers. And he burned. He created a strange temporary warmth that lasted as long as someone kept adding dry newspaper for him to feed off of. Be it Charlie inciting him for a reaction or Charlie pressing him down into his bed and kissing him over and over again. It was all dry paper, letting things flare up as the words burned away. Tobio let Charlie break the kiss, blowing out the match. The smoke drifting upwards as Charlie pressed their foreheads together and dissipating when he stepped away again. Tobio looked down at their hands, fingers still intertwined as if it was the only way they'd ever known to be.
"Whatever happens happens. Sebastian's going to need time, we'll stay as we are, unless your whole thing was dropping me after this project was over." Tobio said, staring at the ceiling. "Though I sincerely hope that's not the case." He finished. Half of him knew that with Charlie's personality it was a possibility but he found himself struggling with the notion. Now that he and Charlie were together he didn't want to be apart. Not for a while at least. he let his eyes fall closed with a deep exhale, shutting out all the light he could.
((Sorry for the wait, I honestly don't know what to do now... also my replies for both rps are gonna be PAINFULLY slow cause school is actually destroying me))
((Hmm I mean we might just have to brainstorm some more things. I know last time we went on a little road trip lol. That's chill dude I get it.))
((I mean we could do the art class where they finally present. I'm thinking maybe Charlie might spiral again into these thoughts that he needed to break Tobio and he got what he wanted, so he should break up with Tobio now))
((That'd be dramatic. Sure lets do it lol.))
Charlie let the warmth of the sunlight spread through him, making Tobio's constantly cool fingers feel even colder latched onto his. The effect of the polar temperatures was a new hyperawareness of his surroundings. He could feel the exact place where his wrist collided with Tobio's and he was overwhelmingly aware of the rough pads of Tobio's fingers. He had the hands of a painter, long and calloused with use. Charlie could spend hours just drawing those slim hands. The contrast between his ghostly pale skin and the smattering of charcoal black and paint that would often adorn any artist's hands could capture his attention forever. It had been so long since anyone had held his hand that he was still getting used to the sensation of it. There was something logically uncomfortable about the whole idea. Holding hands in the most pessimistic of terms was just pressing together sweaty skin in some hope that it would prove an emotion. Charlie knew this, and it bothered him occasionally since he and Tobio had started going out. Oftentimes he would draw away without explanation, disgusted by the onslaught of textures and emotions that came with the contact. But other times he felt the sudden realization that this was what people talked about in the books. This was type of quiet connection that had fed literature since the beginning. Today, he was relieved that the hand holding didn't seem to bother him. His body did not shudder and reject the touch, and he let himself relax slightly. Tobio's next comment made his snort out a less than polite laugh. After everything they had been through to get to this point, the idea that he might break up with Tobio anyway after the project was unthinkable (although Charlie should have known by then that his brain didn't really care all that much what he thought at one moment or another was unthinkable).
He shook his head, although he knew Tobio couldn't see him with his eyes clenched shut. Untangling their hands he brought them up and pressed his thumbs gently against Tobio's eyes and then cupped his hands over them, blocking the light out.
"I don't want this feeling to abandon me." He admitted. His voice was tinged with surprise, as though the realization confused him. He had not felt like this in a long time, not even with the first boy he ever fell in love with. When he had gotten together with Alex, he hadn't realized the emotion of love could leave. It was only now, with Tobio, that he knew he could lose this... and he desperately didn't want to.
((should we timeskip at some point to the art class?))
Tobio, for once, didn't flinch at the sudden touch. He'd grown accustomed to it and he almost found it comforting now. It was like Charlie's personality was coming through. It always did, that was for sure. But in silent ways. In the way he moved, in how he organized his room, or made his art pieces. His personality was there. Despite his words he got his answer from Charlie's touch alone. He was helping to block out the light. Plunging him into the darkness and allowing the phosphene. He didn't want this to end and admittedly, neither did Tobio. He knew he hadn't fought for Tevi because Tevi had someone to leave him for. Someone better for him and he had obviously felt poorly but there wasn't as much remorse there. He didn't want to loose Charlie though. All the little things he did, Tobio had grown attached to them and to the owner of each little quirk. He smiled, just a little, he knew what Charlie was feeling and he knew why he didn't want to loose it. Tobio wasn't sure he'd been in love with Tevi, they'd been too perfect for that. He had felt love for Tevi though, in the romantic sense. But it wasn't the same. It was difficult to explain. How he could love someone but not that way. He didn't understand it much himself but it was different. To immediate. They'd been through a lot but it wasn't in the way that he'd been through things with Charlie. They'd dealt with external issues. But Charlie had forced him through too many internal things for him to not identify that there was a huge difference. He thought maybe it was too early to say. At least to say it outright. He knew Charlie, no- not Charlie, but his mind. He knew his mind could be volatile and force him to do something he didn't want.
He recognized there were different parts of Charlie. There was Charlie and then his mind. There was Charlie, who admitted to feeling guilt and remorse however strange that was for him. Charlie who didn't understand the urges and had wanted to stop. Charlie who could be so much more should the limitations of his mind be lifted. Then there was Charlie's mind. Ruthless and fickle, pulling Charlie every which way, dragging him through things he didn't want to do. That's why Tobio had made what he did. The piece was intricate and took a lot longer than he normally would have let a piece take but it was true to Charlie. Or at least it was true to Tobio's interpretation of Charlie. Granted that would all be revealed at a later date.
"I'll do my best to help keep it intact." Tobio said softly. There wasn't a need to speak any louder, Charlie was right there despite his not being able to see him. He just hoped he'd stay.
((Yeah, we can do that now if you want.))
((Do you want to post something first or should I? And do you want to just continue it here or put it in the art classroom?))
((oooh. Sorry again, things are super crazy. If you post, then I'll try to respond asap. We can move to the art classroom I guess.))
((It's chill lol, I get it. I posted in the art classroom. ))
Charlie let his head tilt back against Tobio's shoulder as he stared up at the ceiling. He had not expected the answer he got. He had assumed Tobio would want him to wait, better yet, to not tell Sebastian at all. Charlie wouldn't have listened to him had that been his advice, but he might have waited a bit longer. Instead, Tobio spoke the words Charlie hadn't even entertained the hope of hearing.
"Sooner?" He murmured in surprise. He was glad Tobio was behind him and couldn't see the deep frown of his forehead and the upturned twitch of his mouth. There was a momentary pause while Charlie processed what Tobio was suggesting before he leaped up, tossing aside Tobio's arms suddenly.
"Now. We go now then." He said. He didn't ask, he just decided, as he always seemed to do. But he felt like Tobio had given him permission to do this, and that somehow made the whole thing a lot more bearable.
He wasn't looking at Tobio anymore, instead, he was retrieving his boots, which he had rid himself of at the door. Now, he pulled them on, fingers shakily tugging at the laces as he tied them up. A manic adrenaline rushed through him, the energy brought on by truth. Charlie loved the truth, in the way kids love cotton candy. It was sickly sweet and it rotted his teeth and melded his mouth shut, but he loved it.
"Anger is like a fire. It burns it all clean." He murmured, glancing back at Tobio before opening the door to the hall and marching out of it.