Blue Lake Academy discussion
Boy Dorms
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Tobio and Cael's Dorm
Charlie felt it when Tobio entered the room. Like the air in the whole room just shifted. Before it had been the neutral, soft air that Charlie tried his best to keep in the room. All the pale colours and the organized shelves and the airy space, all of it was designed so everything was so very balanced. Something to keep Charlie's mind from totally sliding off one edge of the unbalanced scale he lived on. But with Tobio in the room, he could feel the rage. It filled every crevice and cranny of the room and when Charlie closed his eyes he could see that rage as if it were blood, flowing thickly over all the bright places in his room. He felt himself tense up, unsure of what he was going to say to Tobio. But at the same time he felt much quieter. Calmer. Tobio had come to rescue him from his own mind, just like he knew he would. If no one else in the world cared, at least Tobio did. Charlie could use the other boy's rage as a lifeline, even if it meant loosing Tobio forever.He didn't sit up for a long time, even though he could see Tobio at his door from the corner of his eye. When Tobio spoke though, he finally stirred, sitting up slowly. He bit in the inside of his cheek, hard.
"I know." He said softly. He could feel Tobio's anger now flooding over him. It clung to his skin like flower pollen, settling on his hair and his eyelashes. Making everything seem very heavy.
"But I made a promise." He spoke ever so quietly. Like a child. He knew Tobio could not forgive him... but he at least wanted Tobio to know why he had done it.
Tobio watched Charlie, he looked feeble, hunched over, like he was trying to hide in himself.Charlie was exposed and he didn't like it, that much was obvious. Tobio was puzzling this out for a moment. He had made a promise to break Tobio, that Tobio knew. What he couldn't stand was that Charlie obviously ended up going against his own wishes. His pride had carried him through this and nothing else. Pride, he knew, could be fatal. His nostrils flared as he let out a breath, he'd hold his ground. Charlie was tugging at his heart right now but this was too much."I'd hit you if I trusted myself to only do it once." He said. He wanted to attack Charlie, to pin him down and hit him, one for every shattered piece of canvas on Sebastian's floor. One for every minute he spent making those. One for every single brushstroke. He wanted to pounce on him and tear into him unhinged, no limitations.
"Was it worth it?" He asked, tightening his arms across his chest. He felt like he had to restrain himself from more than one thing. Part of him wanted to beat Charlie half to death. Another part wanted to go and hug him because of how weak he looked. And yet another wanted to leave and go and cry for Sebastian somewhere. He was holding all three parts of himself together for now. Doing the best he could.
Charlie could feel Tobio appraising him. Looking at him in a way no one else had ever really looked at him before. When most people saw Charlie, all they saw was Charlie. But sometimes (actually more often than not) Charlie didn't feel like Charlie at all. He felt like all these pieces who were constantly battling it out for dominance. He wasn't sure which of those pieces was actually Charlie. Or perhaps all of them were what made him who he was. But either way, he never fully felt like one thing. He knew that Tobio saw that. He could tell that Charlie was much more than one, cohesive thing. He didn't know where Tobio had gotten that talent from. Not many people had it. It was likely he was born with it. Some people just had an eye for these things, kind of like what people said psychics do. They could see into places that other people couldn't. But perhaps Tobio was like this because of his brother. He had to balance Sebastian's outwardness by being inward. Whatever it was, it made Charlie feel even worse about what he'd done... while also feeling much better.He tugged his blankets up towards his chin, resting his head against his knees while looking at Tobio from across the room. It made him smile when Tobio said he wanted to hit him. Charlie wouldn't mind that. He knew he deserved it.
"You can hit me if you'd like." He replied mildly. He had no doubt this pale, transparent ghost boy could do some serious damage if he wanted to. But there was still a feeling of being seen. Tobio understood Charlie enough to come after him, to make him pay for what he'd done. That accountability was stabilizing for Charlie.
"Was it worth it?" Charlie repeated. He had never even stopped to ask himself what question. He hadn't weight it against anything. He had promised it, so he did it. Regardless of it's worth to his future. Was it worth it for what? That was a very vague question. Or maybe it wasn't and Charlie was just avoiding the truth. No, it was not worth it at all. He felt horrible, he had hurt the only person he had connected to at BLA and gotten nothing from it. And yet that question hadn't even crossed his mind.
"No." He said simply. He did not like to lie. And then he looked up at Tobio as though he could answer every problem he had ever had.
"I don't know why I did it."
Tobio was staring hard at Charlie, trying to figure him out again. Which piece was this? What did it mean? Where did it go? He couldn't fit Charlie together, but maybe it was better that way. Examining each piece might help him understand the whole better. If there even was a whole at this point. He was starting to feel partial himself, just disconnected. With how much turmoil Charlie had just thrown them into. The outside said he hated Charlie for this and the inside knew something more. Something that he wanted to make go away. He knew that for as awful as Charlie was, anyone he'd let in, even slightly, would have a place inside him. And Charlie was starting to tear him apart from the inside out. He could feel it, as if he was clawing away at him, trying to fully expose everything that Tobio was. Charlie was in his head making him unstable, making him wonder if he'd come here for Sebastian or for himself."Do you understand yourself?" He asked calmly. His arms went from crossed to hugging himself. The more time went on the more he could feel things start to fall apart. Little things, insignificant things. Charlie was breaking him the way he'd promised. Shattering his insides and making it hard for Tobio to keep it inside. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach, working it's way up and settling like a lump in his throat. It made him want to choke it out, he wanted to cough it up and step on it and make it die. He hadn't realized how deeply he'd let Charlie root himself in. He'd seduced him like the minx he was, lured him in, brought about his feelings however subtle. They'd smoked and kissed and Charlie had pretended to love him. Tobio knew he'd been faking now. He hadn't realized it at the time but he did now. This had all been to get into Tobio and snap him. He didn't want to believe that though but his head told him otherwise. There was no better way to ingrain yourself in someone than with romance. And there was no better way to break them than by revealing that it was a farce.
Charlie had always found Tobio's quiet nature inspiring. Although he would never tell the other boy, he thought it was very brave of him. To be so softly insistent when everyone else was falling back on anger. Someone had once told him that people who yelled were the kind of people who simply didn't have the vocabulary to whisper. Tobio, he was the kind of person who could whisper and still be heard. Charlie had never been able to control his anger. It always boiled over the top and before he could stop it, he was lashing out. Most of the time he wanted his anger to be more like Tobio's, soft and consistent and thoughtful. But today, that gentleness bugged him. Why was Tobio not yelling at him? Why had he not hit him yet? Charlie had done a horrible thing and yet Tobio hadn't screamed or raged or physically hurt him. Instead, he stood by the doorway. As constant as the earth beneath Charlie's feet. Somehow he was both solid and transparent at the same time. But Charlie needed someone to match his energy, and Tobio wasn't doing it. Instead, Charlie raised his own energy in an effort to feel some release."Why are you so calm? Stop being so calm." He suddenly said, angry and sad all over again. His voice was rough and lacked its usual strength but his eyes were dark with anxious rage.
"Of course I don't understand me! I would do these horrible things if I understood me." He scrubbed a hand over his face and through his hair. Flakes of dried paint rained down onto his white duvet, flecking it with pink and green. Pulling aside the blankets he got up unsteadily. He couldn't seem to focus on anything and he reached out to grasp the headboard of his bed, knuckles turning white. He needed to hold onto something. To tie himself down to earth before his mind when reeling out into the unknown.
He stared at Tobio. This boy who had charmed him so easily. Every time Charlie looked at him again, he fell in love all over again with this boy. It wasn't that he was in love with Tobio himself. He hadn't known him for nearly long enough to be able to claim to feel such an enormous feeling such as love. But he had fallen in love with the idea of Tobio. With his dark eyes and his pale skin. With the way his hair fell over his eyes and that lip ring which was so perfectly asymmetrical.
"I didn't want to hurt you... at least... I think I didn't." He said desperately. He couldn't lose this boy before their adventure had really begun. There was so much he wanted to know about him, he couldn't let it all be over now.
That face, Charlie was pulling at him, wrecking him, wreaking all sorts of havoc. It was overwhelming. His breathing was ragged as he was trying to keep everything in. It was the one thing he was good at, keeping everything inside, not breaking down. Tobio was tired of holding himself together let his arms fall to his sides, his hands balled in fists. Charlie was unknowable, but so was Tobio. The depths of his rage right now hurt, and he wanted Charlie to feel it. His body was moving before he realized it, even when he did he didn't stop himself. He grabbed Charlie by his collar and jerked him down to eye level, letting the anger burn silently in his face for just a moment. His whole body hesitated, froze momentarily, and then he punched Charlie square in the jaw. He dropped his other hand from Charlie's collar and shoved him backwards, away from himself. He hand't hit anyone for a long time. It was an awful feeling but it released so much. He was afraid that he wouldn't be able to control the urge of doing it again and held his wrist down my his side. "Don't make me hate you." He said, there were tears streaming down his face now, "I don't want to hate you Charlie." He didn't, he couldn't. He didn't think his body could take anymore intense emotion like this. He already felt everything so deeply. Hatred was a deep seeded feeling and if Tobio had that he wasn't sure he'd be able to contain himself. Charlie had unhinged him and he couldn't stand it. The last time he'd fought someone it was self defense. He hadn't released anything that way since then and yet Charlie had brought it back so quickly.
Tobio didn't understand Charlie anymore that Charlie understood himself. He could tell there were uncontrollable things, forces, urges, within him. He could relate it to his own anxiety but for Charlie it seemed more malevolent. Something uncontrollable and angry. Tobio could be worried but Charlie was angry and that was a lot more to contain and control than Tobio cared to imagine. He couldn't understand Charlie more than Charlie understood himself, but he could understand Charlie more than most other people. And that was a start.
((bro... here come the waterworks. I might not be able to post until tomorrow... but like prewarning))
((Ah yes, what better way to show you've truly hurt your own characters, lol. Thanks for the heads up though))
When Tobio tugged Charlie down to his height, Charlie refused to return his gaze for a couple of seconds. He couldn't look at Tobio right now. Couldn't see the chaos in the other boy's eyes, chaos that he had caused. But he finally forced himself to. He needed to see what he had done. Needed to be forced to take responsibility. That was, after all that's what he had wanted. Someone to make him take responsibility. Charlie had been expecting Tobio to hit him, but it still came as a surprise when it finally happened. He was surprised when Tobio actually hit him. The other boy had looked so intent on not hitting him, that Charlie had come to the conclusion that Tobio might just be a lot better at controlling his anger than anyone else he had ever met. But, it seemed even Ghost boy couldn't help but release his rage physically and Charlie hardly had time to blink before he was reeling backward from the blow. There was a brief moment of vicious pride that came from having rightly assumed that Tobio could definitely do some damage. Then came the satisfaction. It shivered through Charlie's body, engulfing him in a sense of rightness. Finally he was being properly held responsible for his actions. Tobio had given him the thing he needed to ground himself. Raising a hand automatically to the spot on his jaw that had been hit, he ruefully dragged his thumb over it. That was going to leave a bad bruise. Charlie didn't mind though. It was just another long-term reminder of how much he had messed up. Another way of reminding him of his responsibility.
Stumbling back again as he was shoved away, he fetched up against the bottom of his bed. The back of his legs hit the mattress, forcing them to collapse and he found himself sitting once more on the bed. He looked up at Tobio, surprised, and horrified to see tears running down his face. He had never seen Tobio cry and it felt wrong too. Like he should look away. Such an emotional response seemed at odds with Tobio's usual calm and articulate response to all the terrible things Charlie did and said. But today was an unusual day. Don't make me hate you. I don't want to hate you Charlie the quietness in Tobio's voice, and tears which clung to his chin and spattered onto his shirt. Charlie could feel his eyes begin to burn too. The knowledge that he had made this wonderful boy, who was so constant and so leveled, that he had made him cry. It made Charlie's chest ache.
"I don't want you to hate me either." He said simply. He got up slowly, unsteadily. He didn't know how Tobio was going to react as he walked closer to the other boy until they were only a few inches apart.
"I just-I don't want to fight anymore. With you. Or myself. I feel like... like everything I do I'm just tearing myself apart and I wanted to bring someone down with me." He could feel his eyelashes damp with hot tears. Impulsive as always, Charlie threw his arms around Tobio and let his head rest on the boy's shoulder. It was uncomfortable. Charlie had to curl his whole body up since he was taller than Tobio, but somehow it felt right.
"Please don't hate me." He said softly, his voice muffled against Tobio's neck.
"I need you to not hate me"
Tobio was reeling, this was wrong, he wasn't supposed to react like this. First unbridled anger now tears. It was all new and awful but finally letting things out felt good. He was shaking, trying not to crumble completely. He was already shattering, feeling like everything was coming apart now. None of this was right, but it wasn't entirely wrong either. Charlie's goal had been to break him and obviously he'd accomplished that but Tobio had never meant to completely fall apart like this. He could feel sobs racking up in his body as he tried to keep them quiet. It felt like someone was choking him, trying to squeeze everything out of him until he laid lifeless, emotionless on the ground. Watching Charlie fall back he could feel something, maybe dominance. He'd forced Charlie back for now but it wasn't like Charlie to stay in one place for long. He was up again in moments, stumbling towards him cautiously. The tears had started to drip down charlie's face and in this moment Tobio wasn't sure he could stay angry at him. Half of him wanted to hit Charlie again and the other half wanted to wipe away his tears. Instead of doing either he stayed still, shaking, crying, raging. Charlie was getting so close now, Tobio could see the desperation in his eyes. This wasn't a rouse anymore. This was real, this was raw.
Charlie's words and his arms froze Tobio in place but the more Charlie pleaded the more his heart broke. His arms moved on their own, trembling, but sure of what they were doing as the wrapped around Charlie, his hands clinging to his shirt as if it'd disappear if he let go.
"I don't hate you." Tobio whispered. then a tidal wave washed over him and he truly broke down. His body felt weak but everything that he'd been holding back finally came out. He was gasping for air but his won tears were suffocating. His head was on Charlie's shoulder, tears soaking into his shirt. This would be embarrassing later but he wasn't thinking about later.
Charlie could feel Tobio's arms wrap around him, grounding and safe. How strange to feel so secure with a ghost. But there was just something about Tobio. Something that was calming, even now when both of them were falling apart. But now Charlie didn't feel as though he were falling to pieces. He was held together within Tobio's cool embrace. Charlie could feel the other boy's cool skin through his shirt, battling against his own constant high temperatures. For the first few years of Charlie's life his parents had always thought he just constantly had a low fever. As it turned out, he just ran extremely hot. He could feel the cold from Tobio though, seeping into his skin and spreading across his body. He could also feel the tears that dampened the shoulder of his shirt. They were clinging to each other. Sailors in the storm, knowing nothing but the knowledge of an uncertain future. But like sailors headed towards disaster they also the satisfaction of knowing, if everything did fall apart, they had done what they needed to do. They had understood each other just a little bit more than they had before this. And yet, there was also hope that even storms pass. Sometimes battered, and bruised ships would find themselves basking in the sun once more. Headed towards port where things would never be the same, but somehow perhaps they would be better. And despite it all, they would get on that ship again and sail off to face another storm. Charlie was certain now that he and Tobio weren't over. Whatever they had might be broken, but it was fixable. They just needed to glue back together everything that had been torn apart and then try again. He could feel Tobio's convulsing breath against his shoulder and he held the him even tighter. He felt as though they might both just fall over if they didn't hold onto each other. I don't hate you Charlie felt himself to weak at the knees and was once again grateful he had Tobio to help him keep standing. He had gotten the forgiveness. Well, it wasn't forgiveness, but it was a chance to try again. He turned his head slightly on Tobio's shoulder to give him a slight kiss on his neck before drawing back.
"Does this mean I have the chance to put this all back together again?" He asked gently.
Tobio swallowed hard, his breathing, though uneven, was back under his control. It was funny how years of pent up emotion could surface and calm in a matter of minutes. Emotions could he as unpredictable as a storm, a tornado perhaps. One was unsure if the swirling mass of clouds would hang overhead and then dissipate of whether it would for a funnel cloud and touch down and destroy everything in it's path. Sometimes it got close but then sucked itself back up. A constant cloud was hanging over Tobio and it had just let it's tornado down, but it just spun, staying in place and creating a hole in the ground. A mark to show that his had happened, something, years from, that might still be remembered. Or maybe it would be covered, by other memories, by other people, by ignorance. He would never know. But for now he was in the little crater his tornado had driven into the ground, and it wasn't all bad.Charlie wanted to fix this now. But Tobio wanted to trust that this wouldn't happen again. because if it did he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle another breakdown like this. Charlie had demolished Sebastian, shattered Tobio and seemingly broken himself too. The collateral damage was not fully unprecedented but it would have been best to avoid it and to fix it as best they could.
"Yes," Tobio replied softly, looking up at Charlie, "Just promise me you'll try not to hurt yourself like this again."
For someone who had spent his whole life destroying things, Charlie wasn't sure he could make the promise Tobio was asking him to make. Tobio was kind enough not to force him to swear never to do it, but just to try and never do it again. But still, Charlie wasn't sure he could fulfill that promise. He could promise that the part of himself he liked, the part which wanted to kiss Tobio, and that liked the garden and all that, he could promise that part would try it's hardest not to destroy like this again. But the other parts of him, which tended to slide him off balance, he had no control over those. They were still a part of him, as much as he often wished they weren't. For a brief, stunning moment, Charlie considered making the promise anyway. Perhaps in this case lying to Tobio and making a promise he couldn't keep, would be better. Charlie had never knowingly lied before and it was proof of his feelings towards Tobio that he would even consider it. But in the end, Charlie was honest first and kind second. The only thing about he felt he could control was his honesty, so he couldn't lie. Then he would be held to a broken promise."I don't know if I can make that promise... but I promise a part of me will try awfully hard not to let it happen again." He shrugged noncommittally, but his shoulders were tense. Tobio could still refuse him. Could still say this was all too much and if it might happen again, he wouldn't be able to handle it. Charlie would have understood if that was the case. He was far too much for himself to handle most days, let alone for another person to worry about. Plus, Tobio already had Sebastian to worry about now. Which was Charlie's fault.
"I promise I won't let it hurt you though." He finally added, and hoped that would be enough to convince the mysterious boy in front of him to stay. He still didn't understand Tobio. Not most of him anyway. He was used to understanding people far more than they understood him. He had always felt he was a strange sort of unknowable. Even to himself. But now he was realizing that Tobio understood much more about him than he did about Tobio.
Charlie brought up a hand to Tobio's hair and raked his hands through it. It was softer than he had expected.
"Your brother... do you think he's going to be okay?" Charlie asked hesitantly. He honestly didn't know what the answer was going to be. He assumed Tobio had told Sebastian who had done it though, and he couldn't help but wonder how he and Tobio were going to work if he had destroyed Sebastian.
Tobio could see Charlie processing, weighing something and watching the scales tip before he answered. Tobio nodded slowly, he understood what Charlie was trying to say."I'm glad you're being honest." He said softly. He definitely preferred the truth right now. He'd rather have the knowledge of uncertainty than the farce of perfection. He just needed to know right now that he could expect uncertainty because that was something that he could prepare for. More so than he could ever prepare if he didn't know anything at all.
"I can handle you, I'm more worried about how much you can handle yourself." Tobio said softly. He could see Charlie's face was red where he'd punched him, it'd definitely leave a bruise. He kissed Charlie's jaw gently, trying not to hurt him. He'd have to get some ice or something for him after this. That solid connection had felt good though, as if he'd cracked something and had finally managed to get through to Charlie. Like unlocking a door, anything he'd said after that had flung it wide open, enabling them to communicate freely and unhindered.
It had been a while since anyone had messed with his hair. He'd forgotten how nice it felt. Tobio took a moment to think of a response, Sebastian wouldn't be okay immediately.
"You can only see certain things when clouds cover the sun and rain falls. And the rainbow that comes after is beautiful. But what's even more beautiful is the uncertainty of not knowing why the storm came." Tobio replied. Sebastian would get through this. He often worked best in his darkest times and the work that came as he was coming out of those times was arguably even better. He couldn't break Sebastian's heart though. He wasn't able to tell him that Charlie, his new friend, had hurt him. Especially not because Charlie had only hurt him to get to Tobio.
Another flood of relief washed over him when Tobio accepted his feeble promise. It wasn't the type of promise which seemed to solidify much. But Charlie wasn't always a solid person. Anyone who got involved him had to know that. He was like fragile ice, easily broken if pressured and underneath it was angry, freezing waves. But if Tobio understood that, perhaps there was hope for this. Whatever this was. Charlie didn't like this nothingness their relationship seemed to float in. They weren't dating really, but they obviously liked each other. It seemed like such a trivial thing to worry about. Most of Charlie's thoughts were spent on existential crises and the state of the entire earth. He spent his time thinking about books and the sky and the loudness of the world. He hardly ever worried about such stereotypical teenage problems like dating. It felt alien to even be thinking about it. But he couldn't deny that it bothered him, the not knowing what he and Tobio were to each other. Any normal person would have simply asked, but Charlie felt like he had been vulnerable enough today. He didn't want to ask any more questions. Eventually he would figure it out.He leaned into Tobio's touch as the other boy gently pressed a kiss to his face. His gentle touch felt good against the bruise that was already starting to form. It was a good thing Tobio had hit Charlie since no one would blink an eye to see Charlie with a bruise on his face. Although Charlie hardly ever instigated fights, his manners meant he got into them constantly. At some point ice definitely should be retrieved but Charlie didn't want to think logically right now. He had delved too deep into the emotional and he wanted to rest there for a while before being tugged back into the real world. Tobio was not the real world. He was something else. Like a fairy tale. When he entered a room it was like the sharp edges of reality fell away. Charlie wanted to stay in this fairy tale for as long as he could.
"I can only hope he realizes that as much as you do. Charlie responded somewhat wryly. He didn't think that Sebastian was stupid. In fact he thought both brothers to be very smart. But there was something about Tobio that made him understand things no one else seemed to.
"He's a good guy. Some people are so much sunshine per square inch." Charlie said with a crooked smile. He expression was still tinged with hesitant regret. He hadn't meant to hurt Sebastian. Not really. He had only wanted to break Tobio and Sebastian was the weapon. Charlie still found Tobio's brother exhausting. His energy was difficult to keep up with, but there was no denying that he was a good person. Even Charlie couldn't argue that. He drew away from Tobio and retrieved his art book. His promise to break Tobio had been fulfilled and even though he regretted it, he now had material he needed to draw.
"Should... should I go visit him?" He asked with a grimace.
"He doesn't like to dwell on the dark so he's hard pressed to see much of what goes on there." Tobio responded. Whenever Sebastian came out of a bad place he pushed himself to forget it. He wanted it to be nonexistent. Whenever he felt something bad he purposefully curbed it with something better. He didn't like being in those moments where things seemed bad. At first he was just a happy person but Tobio could't help but blame himself a bit for the way he was now. He'd constantly avoided social situations, going out and had seemed down all the time. He didn't like social situations or people in general but he'd also learned young that he needed to balance Sebastian in some way. He'd been predisposed to be quieter so he just capitalized on that. Sebastian had seen that and capitalized his own sunshine to further balance themselves out as a pair. He pushed away unwelcome thoughts and Tobio reveled in them. They were the perfect twin stereotypical trope of being complete opposites.Tobio felt something drop in his stomach when Charlie picked up his sketchbook but he also couldn't blame him. Dark times produced some of the best art. Even Van Gogh had produced his best works in a hospital. He was terribly depressed and suicidal but his paintings reflected his want to get better and the hope of recovery. He wasn't sure what all Charlie would be using to make his piece or what he'd seen in Tobio just now that would fuel his project but it was probably important that he capture it now. He could feel his eyes were puffy, how embarrassing.
"He's not talking to anyone right now. Maybe in a while. He'll be toned down for a bit so you might be able to tolerate him." Tobio said taking off his glasses.
"You can always come over for another movie. I'll make pizza or whatever you find more enjoyable." He said wiping at his eyes. He hadn't meant that as a jab, more as an assurance that he'd accommodate for Charlie's tastes. If he'd had known that Charlie was coming last tie he would have done so but Sebastian had sprung it on him.
Charlie wondered what that must be like. To be able to push away all those bad thoughts and forget about them. He wasn't sure anyone could do it fully, even people like Sebastian couldn't forget everything. But how wonderful it would be to be able to forget just a little bit of the horror of life. When Charlie looked at Tobio though, he wondered if people like him, and people like Charlie would even be able to exist in a world where tragedy was not remembered. They spent so much time feasting on the disgusting parts of life. Sadness and terror was as much as part of them as sunshine was in Sebastian. Maybe they wouldn't be able to survive without it. Charlie thought about who he would be if he were only happy and he realized he just wouldn't be. He couldn't fathom a happy Charlie, it had never existed before. "The darkness has a way of finding it's way through the cracks of things." He replied, again with that faint air of regret in his voice. He didn't want that to be the truth for Sebastian, but he knew it just was.
He was glad that he didn't have to speak to Tobio's brother right now. He would have to psych himself up for that visit. Seeing Sebastian broken was going to be more difficult than anyone else because he looked so much like Tobio. It would be like seeing Tobio hurt over and over again. It would also be difficult because it involved lying. Or at least lying by omission. Neither of which Charlie liked to do. He assumed by now that Tobio hadn't told his brother that Charlie had been the one to destroy his art. Charlie would prefer it if Sebastian never knew. It wasn't for a selfless reason. It was because if Tobio and he were to work out, he assumed that he and Sebastian at least had to be on good terms. Telling Sebastian the truth would definitely mean that they wouldn't get along.
He liked the idea of coming over for another movie. But maybe sometimes it could be just him and Tobio. At the mention of food Charlie's gaze snapped up to Tobio's.
"I hated your dumplings." He said, ever honest. He figured Tobio knew that already though.
"But there was nothing wrong with them." He added, again, ever honest. He knew logically that the dumplings had probably been great. But it was just too much for Charlie's taste which was limited to a very small selection of foods.
"I'm going to the gardens." He then said. He didn't invite Tobio. Even if their relationship was on a new level, he was still Charlie and he did what he did and other people could choose whether or not to come along. He sincerely hoped that Tobio could come along with him, but he wasn't going to ask. He needed to get down some sketches before the memory of Tobio's expressions were lost. He had never seen such emotion on the boy's face before.
"It always does." Tobio replied with a shrug. He pushed his hands into the front pocket on his hoodie and rocked from his heels to the balls of his feet and back. It was reassuring in a way, almost as if he were testing that the ground wouldn't fall out from underneath him. Despite the mood, the air was now much lighter than when he'd initially walked in. He figured it'd dissipated along with the tears. It just felt easier to breathe now, not necessarily like a weight was gone but like someone had pushed new air in. "Then should I order pizza or are you okay with me making it?" He asked. He needed to be sure just in case Charlie really just didn't like the way he spiced things. Tobio looked at Charlie for a moment. Ever the riddle, but he was fairly sure that he knew what Charlie meant now. It had just been a waste of a few days then, trying to come up with a new recipe. He needed to trust his intuition more. He'd initially thought that the dumplings just weren't for Charlie but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was actually wrong with them. He'd have to get Sebastian to eat the rest of the leftovers. If he would even eat. He hadn't been starving himself but his appetite most definitely wasn't the same. He looked hollower now, more like Tobio than ever. They were truly, nearly indistinguishable now and Tobio didn't like it. He'd have to do something about that.
"I'll accept the open invitation." He said. He knew Charlie wasn't going to ask him and that he'd tell him that he didn't want him to come. It was just the way he was. Tobio preferred when people were a little more explicit in their wants and needs but Charlie being vague was borderline exciting. He could count on the uncertainty that came from Charlie.
((Oh actually posting in the garden!))
Tobio had finally gotten everything they'd needed for pizza and was waiting for Charlie. He figured making two pizzas would be best, that way Charlie could do one on his own or they could work together on both. He had anything and everything easily accessible and prepared. He'd stopped at an Italian shop to pick up some of the good cheeses, mozzarella, parmesan, romano. He'd also gotten plenty of other toppings, plenty of peppers including pepperocini, lots of meats, and other veggies. He was glad he'd restocked on a few things as well, he sometimes made himself little charcuterie boards when he was writing and he'd been running low on a few things anyways.He sat at his desk, writing new sticky notes and reorganizing things. He was having trouble focusing on actually writing right now, Charlie was stressing him out. He'd wanted to learn the homemade way and Tobio had consented but was it going to be precise enough? What if he went overboard with everything he'd gotten? What happened if Charlie didn't like the way it turned out? He figured he could give it to Sebastian if the boy would eat anything. He'd been laying low, quietly attending his classes and then not eating much. Tobio had to revise the meals he made for Sebastian. He wasn't acting normal but that was what happened when someone took years of your work and splintered it. He ran his hands through his hair, making him look even more disheveled and less put together than usual.
It had been a few days since he and Tobio had hung out, although they had seen each other in class. Charlie had tried his best to use that time to organize his thoughts and emotions surrounding the other boy. Unfortunately, every time he thought about Tobio, he just ended up more confused than before. It had been so long since Charlie had liked anyone. Romantically or otherwise. This new spark of feeling puzzled him and he wasn't sure how to act around Tobio. Charlie had never attempted to be anything other than himself before. He was unapologetically cruel and fickle. He knew people judged him for his actions, but something inside of him prevented him from caring. With Tobio though, Charlie felt the unfamiliar tug of pressure to conform. He did not want to conform to society's wishes, but something begged him to change for Tobio. To become whatever the other boy wanted him to be. Charlie hated that part of himself. He promised himself that he would not change for anyone, especially Tobio. If the other boy liked him, he was going to have to deal with the worst parts of Charlie. After all, it wasn't Charlie's fault Tobio liked him. Now, Charlie sauntered towards Tobio's dorm. He had dropped his bag off in his own room before retreating down the hall to Tobio's place. He didn't knock on the door and instead kicked at it aggressively with the toe of his boot. Knocking was far too polite for Charlie, and he had developed the habit of banging against doors with his feet rather than with a hand. He knew it bugged people, which was exactly why he did it. Leaning against the doorframe, he waited impatiently for Tobio to open the door.
He wasn't sure what to expect for this little visit. He was more surprised with himself than Tobio about this whole situation. Charlie had never desired to learn how to cook. He was perfectly fine just buying food. But somehow Tobio's obvious interest in cooking had rubbed off on him. He wanted to be able to make food, even if he wasn't the one eating it.
Tobio was still sitting at his desk, ruminating, brooding really when Charlie banged on his door. He jumped, hitting a pen holder and scattering them across the floor. He sighed and debated picking them up, but knowing Charlie he wasn't going to wait long. Still he picked up his pens and pencils first, setting them on the desk for later reorganization before coming to the door. He opened it and looked up into the menacing face that was Charlie. He simply regarded him for a moment but didn't bother to say anything. If he said come in it wouldn't mean anything to Charlie, not really anyways. If he chastised him about the way he knocked it would fall on deaf ears. Charlie didn't need to care that he was rude sometimes or, or jarring really. Tobio knew that. He knew that Charlie didn't care and didn't have a desire to care and though he was rough he was himself with no restraint. That' what Tobio found most attractive in Charlie. He was brutally honest and crude at times but he'd shown compassion and a want to act in ways that had convinced Tobio he was good. He turned and left the door open for him to come in and went to his bathroom, coming back out with a headband pushing his hair back from his face. It wasn't the best look for him but he needed to be able to see to cook. He wasn't sure how this lesson would go but he hoped it would be fun at least. He would try his best to make it fun while still being a decent lesson and a good way for Charlie to save money on pizza. Making one's own was wildly cheaper than buying it, plus you always had leftover ingredients so you could make something else or make four pizzas for the price of one.
It was a good thing Tobio had answered the door quickly, because if he hadn't, Charlie likely would have walked away without a second thought. His impatience had nothing to do with Tobio, but rather a feeling Charlie sometimes got when waiting for things. The feeling of time slipping irreplaceable through his fingers. One of his favorite (and most unusual paintings) he had once made was two hands, desperately trying to keep gossamer thread between the cupped palms. It spilled out in tiny threads of silver, escaping the grasp through the cracks between fingers. It had been a drawing of how Charlie felt about time, so light and insubstantial while simultaneously being the most important thing there is. Everyone wanted more time. And no one would ever get it. Luckily, the door swung open before he turned away and Charlie looked down at Tobio with a lazily interested expression.Neither of them spoke, but Charlie didn't mind. He enjoyed the silence. It not the comfortable silence they sometimes had. Too much had happened in the past week for that, but it was the kind of silence that crackled with anticipation. With something more. He strode into the room, letting the unique scent of paper and ink wash over him. Tobio's room was innately calming. Every part of it catered to a creative mind, soothing but interesting. He picked up one of the pens on Tobio's desk and squinted at it. Like all art students, he had a natural desire to look at art supplies. He was always hunting for the best pens and pencils and brushes. He looked at it for another moment before putting it down and glancing at Tobio.
The other boy now sported a headband to keep his hair out of his face, and Charlie's eyes lit up with bright amusement. His mouth retained it's almost constant grimace-like expression, but the way his gaze tracked Tobio was enough to show his interest. Tobio's hair stuck out from behind the headband, and in a flash Charlie was standing next to him, hands tugging down the stray locks. Charlie loved Tobio's hair. He couldn't keep his hands off it.
Finally letting his fingers drop he regarded Tobio with a raised eyebrow.
"So, teach me?" He asked with a smirk.
Tobio let Charlie play with his hair, it was one of his favorite feelings. His mom had done it when he was younger, much younger. They'd taken mainly after their mom in terms of looks, though Tobio tended to look more sickly than anyone else in the family even if he was perfectly healthy. His mother had doted on him for such reasons when he'd let her. She'd brush his hair from his face and kiss his forehead, run her hands through his hair, sometimes she'd squish his cheeks even though there wasn't much there to squish. But he loved the affection regardless. Their sister was the family favorite in general but Sphinx was his mom's little boy. Well, he was. Now that he was older he didn't much react when people in his family touched him. Sebastian hugged him, their sister would ruffle his hair on occasion but he never really did anything. He was almost afraid of reacting to Charlie playing with his hair but he figured that letting him do it was enough of a sign that he enjoyed it. "Okay." Tobio said with a nod when Charlie had finally let his head go. He let Charlie just kind of mimic him. There were no measurements, there was no need, no use. Every pizza was unique and needed to be treated as such. He didn't really correct Charlie on anything because there was nothing to correct. The only real set thing was that they were making pizza. He taught Charlie to do the little toss to thin it out, he thought it was an essential part of pizza making and it was easier than most people thought it was. They'd put it on pans and after they'd gotten the sauce down he spread the toppings in front of them for Charlie to pick from. He figured Charlie's would be a bit more basic due to his own palette being more limited. Tobio made something different with more toppings. He kind of hoped Sebastian would hit the stage soon where his comfort was food. Tobio hated making Sebastian small meal, it made him more and more upset. He'd have to see him after this, try to help him through it more. Then they could finally get over it. He still wasn't sure what to do about telling Sebastian that Charlie did it. He wanted Sebastian t feel better but he didn't want him so built up that telling him would knock him back down again.
Charlie liked to watch Tobio do things. This wasn't unusual. Charlie, like most painters and artists, was a voracious people-watcher. He enjoyed seeing the way other people did things. The expression on their faces when they drank too-hot coffee. Or the way people's shoulders curved in on themselves in the cold. Charlie particularly liked the way people looked after sad events. Breakups, sad movies, doing badly on a test. People looked the most vulnerable then. He had once been at a cafe when a couple was breaking up and the girl had gone stalking out of the shop, flushed and red and crying. But it was the boys expression that interested Charlie. He was staring down at the cup of tea in front of him, his face a mask of ice. But no matter how hard the boy tried to seem unaffected, there was something beautiful in the slight downturn of his mouth, and his suspiciously bright eyes. When Charlie had gotten back to his dorm, he had sketched out the picture immediately, making it more and more abstract each draft he did. But watching Tobio cook wasn't sad, it was calming in a deep way. He looked so sure of himself, so confident. This was Tobio's domain, and Charlie felt as though he were intruding. As they worked, Charlie kept glancing over silently to see what Tobio was doing, and tried to copy it as best as he could. By the end, his black jeans were white with flour and his hands messy with dough. His crust definitely did not look as uniform as Tobio's did. It was lump in some places, and the left side was considerably thicker than the right, but all in all, Charlie was impressed with his creation. With the topping all laid out in front of him, Charlie went for the cheese and that was it. He knew it was basic and uninteresting but he wouldn't like it any other way.
The bag of flour they had used sat between him and the bowl of shredded cheese, and he grabbed it without thinking twice. Had he an ounce more experience cooking, or generally had a spike of common sense, he wouldn't have been so rough with it. But in his impulsive actions, he grabbed the bag and immediately a puff of flour came from the top of the open bag, settling over Charlie's face and hair. He swore. Loudly and confidently, and then scowled.
Tobio was thinking more and more as the task of making pizza became less and less detail oriented, slicing and spreading out pepperocini and olives and other things while he zeroed in on thoughts here and there. How was he going to tell Sebastian and then maintain a relationship with Charlie? Wouldn't it be a betrayal to his brother? Sebastian wasn't as accommodating as Tobio was despite the way he seemed. if he knew what Charlie did then he knew that Charlie had also hurt Tobio in the process and he wouldn't be able to get over that. Sebastian was too volatile right now for Tobio to know exactly how he'd react to this. It would seriously push him over an edge and further into this depressed state or it could bring out his anger which hardly ever saw the light of day. Sebastian had spent his life trying not to focus on the bad in the world while Tobio had spent his life living in it. He'd scooped up all of Sebastian's turmoil thrown to the wayside so that Sebastian could have enough fun for the both of them and at this point he wasn't sure which was worse.Tobio glanced over when Charlie swore and snorted, turning his face away. This was the kind of thing that happened in movies and he'd never thought it would happen in real life. It seemed all too cliche for that.
"Bathroom's over there." He said pointing as he grabbed the bag of flour and closed it before putting it away. He slid both their pizzas in the oven once they were done and started putting away the extra toppings. He figured an antipasto was be a good snack later while he was writing. He'd had a few new ideas while they were cooking that he needed to put on paper.
Charlie did not like the reckless abandon in which Tobio cooked. It wasn't that he minded Tobio just throwing in ingredients. He could tell the other boy was comfortable enough with all the ingredients that he didn't have to measure things, but Charlie was new at this and he didn't feel comfortable just throwing things in. To add to his nervousness about trying a new recipe was the fact that Charlie liked control. He liked when things were neat and organized. Everything had to be lined up and measured and carefully straightened. He was the kind of person who used a knife to level off a cup of flour. All these strict guidelines were to keep the chaos that wracked his body from overwhelming him. As a result, he had moved much slower than Tobio. Taking his time to measure each ingredient and level it off, he finished a good 15 minutes after Tobio. His pizza crust was perfectly round, the result of him toiling over the shape for far too long. Coughing out flour, Charlie channeled his glare onto Tobio, who had turned away. He could tell he was amused, and wasn't sure how to feel about it. Usually when someone even dared to laugh at Charlie, they would learn to regret it. But he wasn't sure if Tobio was laughing at his expense or not. Stomping away to the washroom, Charlie tried his best to get the flour off of his face and hair. When he came back, his collar was damp and water dripped down from his short hair onto his neck.
"Were you laughing at me?" He asked with a raised eyebrow, but he didn't sound particularly angry.
Moving towards the oven, he knelt down in front of it and peered into it. He could see their pizzas, slowly cooking away. The sauce bubbled angrily in the heat. Charlie's looked horribly boring next to Tobio's, but that was just the way things went. Despite all the boring parts of his life, Charlie didn't think he ever came off as boring at all, for better or for worse. Finally, he stood up again and retreated to Tobio's bed, settling down on it, his gaze wandering about the room. Wondering if Tobio had finished his painting yet... and if so, where might it be?
Tobio could feel Charlie's tension quite easily. It was writhing through the air, pulsing every now and again. It was trying to tug Tobio into it and a few times it nearly did but cooking was nice for him, especially when he knew a recipe well. He used approximations that Charlie seemed to whittle into exact measurements with precision. About two and a half handfuls of flour became one cup, a few pinches of salt was three quarters of a teaspoon and so on and so forth. Tobio cleaned a bit while Charlie finished, not minding that he took a little extra time. He'd asked for the mom lesson which meant no measurements, especially with someone so simple. So that's what he'd given him. If Charlie wanted another cooking lesson he'd have to ask again whether he wanted a technical lesson or a mom lesson because it seemed that the way Tobio did everything so imprecisely was becoming a stressor. Tobio looked up from the book he'd sat down with when Charlie came back.
"Partially, the other part was just the situation. It looked like something out of a movie." He said leaning back in his desk chair and going back to his book. He had a timer on for the oven but he'd leave them longer if he needed to. He pulled his legs up onto the chair with him and sat curled up while Charlie explored his room, eventually settling on his bed. Tobio watched Charlie look around the room. He wondered for a moment what he was looking at or what he was looking for but figured there was only one thing really that he could be looking for.
He snapped his book shut and set it on his desk, flopping down on his back next to Charlie.
"I thought I told you no." He said idly. He wasn't going to fully give in to Charlie anymore. He'd tried it, it hadn't worked. He'd kept trying it until it broke him down. The bruise on Charlie's face was already fading, the only physical proof they'd had that the whole ordeal had ever taken place. He reached up and ran his thumb gently over Charlie's jaw.
Charlie gazed silently at Tobio, who looked perfectly serene in his chair. It had been a bit like a scene from a movie, but all of this was. The way Tobio tucked his feet up onto the chair and the look of calm that washed over his sharp features. It was like a movie because Charlie felt a flutter of something nervous and excited in his chest, like the feelings described in films. It was in the soothing way light fell over the pens, the kind of perfection that should only be achieved with the help of artificial lighting. It couldn't be real. It was too calm, too beautiful to be the truth. Sometimes Charlie worried he valued the truth so much that he had gotten very good at lying to himself. So good that he didn't even know he was lying anymore. Perhaps all of this was just one of those lies. It had been so long since he had been in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, he couldn't see how this one had sprung up out of nowhere. Or how it could be with someone as balancing as Tobio was to him. "Maybe it is a movie, and we're just acting it out," Charlie replied speculatively.
He felt the bed shift beneath him as Tobio lay down next to him. The blankets tugged with the added weight, but he didn't look at the other boy. Instead he kept his gaze cast around the room. Perhaps he was keeping it under the bed, or underneath the carpet. Or hidden in his closet. Charlie made a mental list of every hiding spot possible, and there were a lot. He didn't know how big the canvas Tobio was using would be, so he had no idea what spaces could be used a hiding spot or not.
"You said you wouldn't show me. Not that I couldn't find it." Charlie replied, gracing Tobio with a sharp grin. He knew this was minutiae. Tobio had intended for it to be a surprise, which meant Charlie shouldn't go looking for it either. Charlie didn't particularly like surprises. There were too many unknowns in them. Too many variables. He just had to trust Tobio wouldn't all that mystery to become chaos.
He tensed slightly, feeling Tobio's hand on his jaw, tracing the faded bruise on his skin. Charlie's jaw had ached for days after their fight, a testament to just how strong the waif-like boy really was. Now the bruise had disappeared from purple to a mottled yellow as it healed. Charlie's mind immediately went into high drive at the touch. He was used to being the one instigating contact, so this was new to him and new things always stressed him out. His first reaction was to pull away, to move, so he could think objectively about what was happening. But instead, he pushed closer, feeling the comforting pressure of Tobio's long fingers on his skin.
Carefully he turned his head and caught Tobio's hand with his own before brushing his lips against the back of the other boy's hand. It was smooth, but Charlie knew his palms were probably calloused from use.
"I don't like surprises." He said softly.
"Maybe." Tobio agreed. He didn't know what was beyond their universe. For all he knew they could be a simulation, just acting through their parts. They could be entertainment, a universe of impromptu improv being watched by a different greater species. Maybe they'd been created by that species for entertainment as a science experiment. Maybe they were that species and they were watching the effects of brain washing or evolution of something. He hadn't the slightest idea about what was controlling what or who made this and that. He believed in science and evolution of course. The big bang and everything. But the rest was lost on him. It was open to a plethora of possibilities. Any and all of these possibilities could be easily explored by the dark of night while laying in his bed or writing at his desk. Not wasting time that he should be using to focus on Charlie. Tobio waved his free hand, "That's semantics." He said vaguely. He could feel Charlie tense and his muscles went taught. Tobio could feel it in Charlie's jaw. Charlie looked to be fighting something as if flashed across his eyes before he pressed his face into Tobio's hand. He loved that Charlie did that. He loved psychical intimacy and the fact that Charlie was willing to provide that for whatever reason it was that he was providing it made him feel a bit warmer inside. his eyes softened and he relaxed more now, knowing that Charlie was okay with this all. He may not have been submitting to Charlie but he also wasn't going to force anything on him.
"I'm sorry." Sphinx said softly. Charlie's lips were soft and warm against his skin. His hands were rough, but again, warm. He appreciated how Charlie always seemed to give off some kind of heat. It was calming, relaxing and reassuring. He wanted to sink into Charlie, be held like he was being wrapped in a blanket. That warmth settling over them both as they settled together and enjoyed each other's company. But this would do for now. He didn't mind how generally rough Charlie could be, it made him more attractive. He had sharp edges and a hunger in his eyes, what was there not to love?
Charlie loved that Tobio used the word semantics. It wasn't exactly a big word, but surprisingly few students knew what it meant. Let along use it in a sentence. It was a strange thing to like about someone, the words they used, but Charlie liked those words a lot, which made him like Tobio. A lot. Perhaps vocabulary was so important to him because the only people he had ever truly loved were those who came to life through words. He tumbled into stories with reckless abandon, feeling things he never let himself feel in real life. Books were so much safer when it came to romance. No one ever really got hurt. The worst that could happen was he had to close the book, and the words would be compressed safely between the pages. So, Charlie let himself fall in love, over and over again. He bookmarked pages and scribbled things down in the margin. He murmured quotes under his breath well he read, copying the confident cadence of the devilish men in books. He read and re-read every romance novel in the library, letting himself languish in the horrors and sadness that was love. He loved the way those words could create such vibrant characters. They were always so alive, sometimes they felt more real the reality itself. And he let himself fall for the handsome men who rode off into the night on some heroic adventure. The only time he had ever really loved was through the words on a page, so the words Tobio spoke did mean a lot. In fact, they meant everything. Tobio did not back off like Charlie had expected him to. It seemed Tobio really had grown some new confidence and was no longer willing to give into Charlie all the time. It was nice. Although it aggravated Charlie that he wouldn't get to see the painting before anyone else did. Instead, the other boy had only apologized as if he couldn't do anything about the situation. Which in a way he couldn't. It wasn't that Tobio couldn't show Charlie the painting, but Charlie had explicitly asked that Tobio not do everything he asked, so really, Charlie had brought this onto himself, and Tobio couldn't do anything about it.
Charlie drew away suddenly and regarded Tobio with dark, stormy eyes. There was something unsteady about his gaze, but curious too. He stood up abruptly and pivoted to face Tobio. His eyes were still like turbulent waters but he was smiling. A wild smile that spoke of freedom and endless sky.
"You make me crazy." Charlie said, and laughed. "Totally, utterly, crazy." And that was the truth. Tobio did make him crazy, and he liked it. Charlie's laughter peeled out of him and then he dove back onto the bed, and wrapped his arm around Tobio's waist, pulling the other boy towards him. He was not gentle, or kind, he was desperate but also matter-a-fact. He pulled Tobio towards him not to be kind, but because Tobio was supposed to be there right now, lying curled up against Charlie. That was his place in this moment. That was a fact.
"What a wonder you are." He said softly, planting a kiss behind Tobio's ear.
Tobio regarded Charlie from where he lay, his eyes roiling with thunderclouds yet his smile speaking volumes. His laugh was what really did it for Tobio. It wasn't as sarcastic as it sometimes was, it was completely genuine and entirely warming. Tobio could feel a tug in his heart at the sight and the sound of it. His laughter was raucous and loud and a symphony. It made everything seem a little crazier and a little less crazy at the same time. Crazier because there was obviously something wild happening for Charlie to be laughing like that. Less crazy because if Charlie was being so openly genuine then there was reason enough to let his guard down.Tobio gave Charlie a confused looking soft smile in response, maybe crazy was food right now. Tobio felt crazy with Charlie sometimes. On occasion it was about Charlie driving him up a wall with his little antics. But mostly it was about how much he was feeling. Charlie made him feel a lot of things. Somethings were feelings he always was trying to suppress. Other feelings were easier to let out and enjoy. He felt like he'd been doing that a bit more now since everything that had happened. He'd openly enjoyed Charlie playing with his hair on multiple occasions, he'd gotten a bit testy around him. He'd laughed and smiled. But mostly he'd enjoyed the calm that came from Charlie. Despite him being a constant turbulent force he offered quite a bit of reassurance even if he wasn't saying anything. Tobio was thinking all this, about to voice parts of it and then was suddenly being pulled closer to Charlie. It was as if he'd read his mind which made him wonder if this was what it felt like when he deduced things about other people with accuracy. He took comfort in the contact though, letting his eyes fall closed. He felt calm, protected.
"And you, a treasure." Tobio replied softly.
Charlie knew he was being strange. Although, strange was a difficult descriptor for someone like Charlie who had always been strange from the beginning. But he was being more strange than he usually was. Laughing tended to be far out of the range of emotions Charlie expressed, and he could tell Tobio didn't know how to react to it. He wouldn't have expected him to know how to react either since Charlie himself wasn't sure why he was laughing like this. It had been a long time since he'd felt such chaotic lightness. Usually his emotions were splintered off into sharp bits of anger and sadness and hatred. These pieces shattered and bit into his body, his mind, his heart, and it made him feel unbalanced. This happiness though was a different form of chaos. It was the kind of chaotic busy-ness that made one feel accomplished and content. His gaze lingered on Tobio's gentle smile, memorizing the dip of his lips and the creases of his eyelids.He liked the physical feeling of Tobio against him, the coolness that always seemed to accompany the other boy. It made Charlie feel a little bit liquid, as if he might melt into calm water if he stayed in this position too long. Being called a treasure seemed utterly absurd to Charlie. He had been called many things in his life, but nothing like that. Although perhaps he was a treasure, but not the kind that was meant to be found. The kind of treasure people spent their lives searching for, lost everything for, only to die empty-handed. Tobio was closer to finding him than anyone else had ever been though. Still, the name struck him as so strange that he had to laugh again. He threw his head back and let out something halfway between a cackle and a boisterous laugh, before burying his face in the back of Tobio's shoulder.
They stayed that way for some time, two boys who were so different, yet fit together like puzzle pieces. Charlie drifted into a comfortable doze, not quite awake but not asleep either. He kept his arm tucked securely around Tobio's waist, a silent demand that the other boy stay there. He felt deliciously warm and fuzzy... and then the freaking timer went off. Charlie jumped almost imperceptibly before groaning softly. He didn't move his arm from Tobio's waist, even though he knew they had to get up soon. He wanted to stay in this moment forever.
Tobio let his mind settle, gentle breaths and warmth all around him. He liked how Charlie felt. Solid and strong, his arm wrapped around his waist making him feel secure. When was the last time he'd felt like this? Not for a while. He'd been alone for some time now, gotten used to it. He replayed Charlie's voracious laughter on repeat in his head, the sound making him smile softly. He was content for now, settled here, staying here with Charlie. He could tell Charlie was either asleep or nearly asleep, he must have been significantly more calm and comfortable to be able to lay there like that and feel secure enough to fall asleep.When the timer went off Tobio made a mental note to let the pizzas burn next time if it meant he could lay like this with Charlie.
"Stay right here. They have to cool anyways." He said softly. He slipped from Charlie's grasp and pulled the pizzas out of the over, the cheese bubbling and the smell filling the room. They looked good, turned out quite well actually. He set the trays on cooling racks and set his oven mitts down on the counter, brushing a few crumbs from the table and tossing them in the trash.
He came back and leaned over Charlie, planting a hand on either side of his shoulders. He was such an interesting person. Tobio was sure he'd never get tired of Charlie. He was constantly learning new things about him and experiencing things he never thought he'd experience before. It was new and different and amazing.
"I think I have a crush on you." He said with a huge stupid grin on his face.
Charlie let Tobio wiggle out from his arm, but only with another grumpy groan. He was caught between the insistent growl of his stomach, telling him it's time to eat. Right now and the delicious tiredness that made him just want to go back to sleep with Tobio tucked into him again. The smell of freshly baked bread and melted cheese did somewhat lean Charlie towards the side for eating rather than sleeping, but the only move he made was to turn over onto his back with a content, sleepy sigh. He did not like to be ordered around, but he didn't mind Tobio's command for him not to move. He felt like his legs were sinking slowly into the matress and his entire body felt heavy, like it was begging him to stay here forever. He watched from the corner of his eye as Tobio tended to the pizzas, setting them out expertly on the counter. Tobio moved like a ghost in the kitchen, he was one place in one moment and then another only a second after that. His movements were undeniably graceful and Charlie enjoyed watching the way the boy's arms moved so quickly from one activity to another. The entire scene which played out before him just thrummed with rightness. This was how it was supposed to be. When Tobio leaned over him, Charlie didn't look him directly in the eye at first. Instead his gaze wandered sluggishly down his angular cheekbones and to his pale lips, and then to his nose and finally settled on his eyes. Charlie's own lips were cracked open in what might have been a smile, although it was so faint, it could have just as easily been a frown.
"You think?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. He did not like it when people thought, he liked it when people knew. Although it wasn't actually very often that people knew things. Most of the time everyone was simply faking their knowledge.
He propped himself up onto his elbows and craned his neck, giving Tobio a quick kiss. It was hardly more than a brushing of their lips, but Charlie still felt the coolness of it on his skin.
"I mean, I should hope you do. I do not like unrequited feelings." He then added in an almost posh voice. Rolling out from the cage Tobio's arms had made, Charlie sat up, brushing a hand through his short hair. The smell of pizza wafted over and his stomach gave another grumble.
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world." He said with a crooked smile. Lord of The Rings, although not a romance was by far one of his favorite books, and had a quotation to pull from on every occasion.
"I know." Tobio corrected himself, letting his grin fell into a more subtle half smile. Tobio let Charlie slip away with his mild and light kiss lingering still, despite having been so slight. It had nearly seemed accidental but Charlie was too much of a perfectionist for that. He stayed where he was for just a moment before joining him in the kitchen. "Oh? So then..." Tobio trailed off, not bothering to finish his sentence. If that was the case then Charlie did like him. Though they spent time around each other often and ha been intimate that didn't mean that Tobio didn't have his doubts. People left and feelings changed, he knew that and he was sure Charlie did as well. He hoped that Charlie's feelings only grew. He didn't want to lose him. Despite being together for a seemingly strange reason he found solace and comfort in Charlie and his presence overall. He was turbulent, but Tobio was learning to sort through the fog and storms. It had been difficult of course at first, but the more time he spent with Charlie the more he could figure him out. And the more Charlie managed to confuse him. Like earlier with his raucous laughter, he still wasn't sure why he'd been laughing. Maybe at himself and his feelings for Tobio, maybe at Tobio, but he didn't mind not knowing. He had gotten to see Charlie laughing and happy which was worth the confusion.
"One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well." Tobio quoted back. Virginia Wolfe. He knew too many quotes by too many people, reading so much and doing studies on authors had filled his head to the brim with things to say. But he didn't usually bother to say them.
"Or if you prefer something a bit more comedic," He said pulling out a pizza cutter and slicing through Charlie's pizza and then his own, "My weaknesses have always been food and men - in that order." He said. Dolly Parton, his mom loved the woman to death. He did study musical artists as well but not her specifically. Had it not been for his mom he might not have known that one.
Charlie was being unusually coy about his feelings towards Tobio, but he was in a playful mood and was having fun tiptoeing around the topic of his emotions. Still, Charlie was Charlie and he was blunt in his best moments, so he wasn't going to hide that he liked Tobio. Still, he frowned at Tobio when he trailed off, voice dwindling into silence. Charlie did not like unfinished things. He started out every sentence and action with intention and always finished with intention. Trailing off bothered him, as did people who had a tendency to uptalk. "Don't trail off when you talk to me." He muttered. Even in his good mood he was commanding as ever. It was a habit that was so ingrained in Charlie's personality that it would likely take years for him to break it, if he ever did at all. He just didn't understand why everyone was always asking people things. If he asked Tobio to please not trail off when he was talking, Tobio would stop trailing off. The same ends would be achieved if Charlie just told him not to, and it didn't involve dumb words like please.
Ignoring Tobio's hopeful one time folly though, Charlie answered the unspoken question.
"I like you too." Charlie stated, and he sounded absolutely sure. There had been a while there when he had been frustratingly uncertain about his feelings for Tobio, but now, with the warm, fuzzy feelings still lingering in his chest, he was sure of his attachment. There was immense relief in this newfound knowledge. He had not liked the uncertainty of his feelings before, it had thrown him off kilter. Tobio seemed to be able to do that a lot, while also being able to calm Charlie down in a way no one else seemed able to.
After Tobio cut up the pizza slices, Charlie immediately grabbed one of his and sat down cross-legged on one of the chairs. Methodically, Charlie rolled the slice until it was a neat role rather than an actual slice. He had never liked the greasy feeling of pizza on his fingers and this way he could eat it more like burrito. He chuckled at the Dolly Parton quote.
"It's good for me to know my place then." He said with a raise of his eyebrows. It was not a smile like before, but the amusement was apparent on his face if one only stopped to look for it. He knew Tobio was only quoting someone, and food might not be his first priority, but it was funny anyways.
Turning his attention back to his pizza/buritto, Charlie hesitated momentarily and then took a tiny bite. He was obviously worried he wouldn't like it. Chewing slowly, he paused and looked critically down at the food, his eyebrows curled into a puzzled expression. Without saying anything, he took another small bite, chewed, swallowed, and then repeated the confused look.
"This is good." He said with obvious surprise in his voice. He had not been expecting his to work out at all. Of course, he shouldn't have doubted that Tobio's recipe would be good, but he just didn't have much faith in himself as a cook.
"I'm sorry to say that sometimes I can't help it. But thanks for the reassurance." Tobio replied. Unlike Charlie he didn't often speak his mind and he didn't often like to. He wasn't sure if it was his anxiety or his personality but either way it wasn't exactly normal for him. The same way it wasn't normal for him to admit if something was bothering him or if he quite enjoyed something. He just finished his thoughts in his head, assuming most people didn't actually want to hear them anyways. He was going to have to get used to answering and not answering Charlie's demands as each and every situation called for one response or the other. He was still working up the gall to deny Charlie more often as he'd asked of him.Tobio took his own slice of pizza, folding it in half lengthwise to avoid loosing the toppings and took a bite. He did enjoy pizza more than people tended to think he did. He watched Charlie, not staring but observing nonetheless. Charlie was full of quirks that he liked to watch and understand. He loved learning new things about people.
He watched Charlie's reactions, studying his face, all the micro expressions he made, watching for what might be wrong with it. He was pleasantly surprised thought by his discovery that the flavor obviously suited his pallet.
"Well you made it so you only have yourself to thank." Tobio replied. He knew he'd helped by giving Charlie a vague recipe but Charlie had essentially done this on his own. He felt proud of Charlie for having tried something new, both in learning a new recipe and trying it himself. He was more than satisfied with the results as well. Their efforts were not in vain.
Charlie tilted his head slightly to the side at Tobio's response. It seemed that Tobio hadn't been lying. He really wasn't going to let Charlie walk all over him now. This was the second time Tobio had in some way, denied Charlie's request, the other one being his denial to show Charlie his artwork. He hadn't exactly said no to Charlie in any way in this situation, but he hadn't promised to do otherwise. He had only apologized for a habit he couldn't control. Charlie knew all about habits he couldn't control, so he didn't mind the answer after all. It did surprising him though that Tobio had any habits that weren't completely under his control. Everything about Tobio seemed so thought through, so careful. When Charlie looked at the other boy, it looked like everything was packed away so tightly that nothing could come loose. The knowledge that Tobio, like every other human, had habits he couldn't break was absurdly comforting. It made Tobio seem more wild... more like Charlie. Although, the more he thought about it, the less Charlie wanted Tobio to be like him at all. It wasn't that Charlie disliked himself, but he knew being the way he was made everything else harder. He didn't want Tobio to have to deal with the things he had to wade through every day. He wanted Tobio to be different, to balance himself out. They say opposites attract after all.
Charlie wasn't a fast eater and instead of taking big bites, he nibbled slowly away at the pizza, aware of Tobio's eyes one him. Glancing up from his meal, Charlie watched as Tobio folded his pizza in half. He liked that they both had quirks when it came to eating their pizza slices, but enjoyed even more that their quirks were still different. Somehow Tobio made eating look graceful, while Charlie was sure he looked like a rodent chewing away at a piece of corn or something. He wasn't ashamed of the fact, it was just the honest truth.
"Actually. I have your recipe." Charlie reasoned. After all, he never would have been able to make this without Tobio's help. Returning to the slice, he nibbled away a bit more of his food, head bowed towards the table. Despite the tiny bites, he was able to make his way through almost half of his pizza by the time he was full. He fastidiously cleaned grease off of his fingers before leaning against the counter, giving Tobio a long look.
"I would like to stay here for the night." He finally said. It was not a demand, nor was it a question. It was what Charlie wanted, and Tobio could do with that what he wished.
“Actually the recipe you have is from ancient scrollable I happened across. I believe it was called the internet.” Tobio replied. He found almost every recipe he tried on the internet. Or at least the basis of the recipe. This was a simple recipe that was easy to follow and easy to customise. He was glad it was the first he’d taught Charlie. He wondered what else they could cook together. Maybe a dessert. Did Charlie have a sweet tooth? Tobio knew he was a creature of habit so maybe there was one dessert he liked to eat and Tobio could show him how to make it. He figured anything that Charlie really enjoyed would be easy for them to make. Or at least fun. He knew not all recipes were easy but anything one liked tended to come a bit easier. He considered Charlie for a moment. So complex. He wondered how long they would last. They seemed opposites for the most part. Appearance. How they chose to experience the world around them. Charlie was much more hands on. Tobio tended to observe and listen and just feel. Their mentalities, though similar in the sense that there were things they couldn’t control, were different as well. Tobio’s wasn’t more of a calm consistent discourse of anything and everything that could happen and the results of all possibilities. The constant stream off thoughts plagued him, but he managed to keep it under wraps for he most part. Charlie, on the other hand, seemed to be dealing with something much more violent. Some malevolent force in his head that would not stop trying to eat away at both his consciousness and willpower. He thought Charlie was incredibly strong to be able to handle it so well.
“As you wish.” Tobio replied. He didn’t mind Charlie staying. They’d had a good day so far and they could continue in whatever manner Charlie wished. He’d asked very politely as well which Tobio appreciated. He didn’t mind Charlie’s demands in the slightest. But it was a welcome change in tone.
Charlie had to admit, he was a bit of a snob when it came to screens. There was something deeply unsettling about reading a book on a computer or a phone to him, and even kobos bugged him. To him, reading is an experience of all the senses. The feeling of old pages and the smell and the texture of the cover and everything about it could only be experienced using a real paper book. As a result, the 'internet' was not his favorite place in the world. He definitely understood and enjoyed the instant ability to know things through search engines, but there was also something deeply satisfying about having to search for the answers in the thousand pages of a research book. "I've heard a lot of people talk about the internet, maybe I should add it to my reading list." He replied dryly. He thought maybe he should compile a binder full of all of Tobio's favorite recipes. That way he would have a hardcover instead of searching up recipes. After the idea crossed his mind, Charlie frowned. He had never thought to do something like that for someone else before. Charlie tended to be so wrapped up in the existential nature of life, he forgot about the physical things. He forgot about hugging people and giving gifts... and yet here he was, wanting to give Tobio a gift. A spark of fear shot through him, brought on by the sudden realization that he cared for the boy standing in front of him. Cared for him in a way he hadn't cared for anyone in a long while. As soon as the emotion rose, Charlie shoved it back down to look at another time. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy this moment and he wasn't going to let his brain ruin it.
"I do wish." Charlie muttered. He was glad Tobio had said yes, glad he wouldn't have to go back to his dorm today. Although he had put an immense amount of time into making his bedroom a safe and calm place, there was something special about Tobio's dorm. It settled something deep within Charlie's chest and made everything quieter for a little while.
He flopped back down onto Tobio's bed and stared up at the ceiling. It was the off white of all the dorms, the light fixture sending pale light scattering across the room. Closing his eyes, Charlie blinked away the spots that ran across his eyelids and then turned his head towards Tobio. He was looking at him, but not really, as he kept his eyes shut.
"No one would ever believe you if you told them we are dating. No one will believe it even if they see it."
“It’s pretty weird. Not sure you’d like it. But you might surprise me.” Tobio replied. Something had briefly flashed across Charlie’s face, maybe confusion, maybe something else. It was hard to tell, it had been so quick. He seemed to bury it for the time being. Tobio figured Charlie just didn’t want to think about about whatever it was decided not to dwell on it either. If it needed to come out it would and if it simply resurfaced on Charlie’s face he’d try his best to figure it out. He busied himself packing away the rest of their pizza and set Charlie’s in the fridge with his own, in separate containers. He liked cold pizza quite a bit but it was also quite easy to reheat. He nodded at Charlie’s confirmation of his stay, not minding either way. He could handle Charlie, especially with the good mood he seemed to be in. He thoroughly cleaned the little kitchenette and table, wiping down the counters and scrubbing away any residue left over. He made sure everything was in it’s right place, spices, topping, other ingredients. Once he was satisfied he went and sat next to Charlie on his bed.
“I don’t really need anyone but you to believe it.” Tobio replied. Maybe his brother as well but nobody else really mattered when it came to their relationship. If they were happy then that was what was important wasn’t it? They didn’t need the approval of anyone else. They could handle it all themselves and it seemed like that was the design of their relationship. It was known really only to themselves and it could stay that way for all Tobio cared. He didn’t mind in the slightest being kept a secret or just not having himself well known. Of course he was approached on occasion when someone thought he was Sebastian, especially from behind, but as soon as they saw his face they became confused. It occurred to Tobio on multiple occasions that his brother probably didn’t talk about him much. He knew they’re older sister didn’t either. She’d asked him about what was going on though not long after the whole situation had take notice place and Tobio had simply told her that he was handling it.
Charlie, who always had strong opinions on almost everything, had very strong opinions on cold pizza. He was of the opinion that cold pizza was perhaps one of the greatest gifts ever discovered by mankind. For some reason he found the texture much more palatable than warm pizza and he liked the muted tastes. Generally, the blander the food, the more he liked it, and cold pizza checked that box. He watched lazily as Tobio carefully packed all the food up and put it in the small fridge, which was full of similarly organized Tupperware. Already, Charlie found himself thinking about breakfast tomorrow. He liked the idea of waking up next to Tobio and eating cold pizza together and silently enjoying the drowsiness of mornings. It was the first time in a long time that Charlie remembered looking forward to a meal. Since most of the time he barely tolerated food, mealtime was one of his least favorite events of the day. But good (well, good for Charlie) food and good company were enough even to make food-haters like Charlie look forward to breakfast.He thought about helping Tobio clean up, but the boy seemed so confident and so organized, Charlie assumed he would only ruin things if he tried to help. Instead, he waited until he felt Tobio's comfortable weight beside him as they both settled onto the bed.
The answer he got from Tobio had been expected. Tobio wasn't the kind of person who needed approval from others, but it still filled Charlie with satisfaction. It had always been him against the world, and him against himself. He didn't have friends and he wasn't close with his family, and more often than not he felt as though he were in a constant battle with the people around him. He liked the idea that now it was not him against the world, but him and Tobio, and no one else mattered. But that wasn't strictly true. After all, Tobio did have a brother."
"Sebastian is going to hate me." He said in a monotone voice. It bothered him more than he wanted to admit that Sebastian disliking him made him feel uncomfortable. He didn't really care much about Sebastian's feelings to be honest, but he knew Sebastian mattered to Tobio, so he needed to get along with him. But he also knew he needed to tell Tobio's twin that he had been the one to destroy all of his paintings, and Charlie wasn't sure an offense as grave as that was forgivable, even by sunny Sebastian.
"I think we both will for a little bit." Tobio agreed. He knew talking about it again would make the anger resurface and he could only control his emotions so much. But he also knew that despite everything they'd be able to get through it. He could imagine Sebastian would either not care and not process the information or be extremely snappy with them both. He was still puzzling out how to help Sebastian get over it and the fact that Tobio was dating the perpetrator would only serve to salt the wound. He knew Sebastian would eventually get over it but he'd probably hate Tobio for a bit as well which he wasn't used to. He wasn't sure how well he could rely on Charlie for comfort in that situation either but he figured if they were dating it would be the best bet for nonjudgmental comfort. He knew as well as charlie did that Sebastian was going to have to know. There wasn't an honest way around it. Sebastian would be able to accept it and get over it faster if he knew who had done it and why. Charlie could provide the who and Tobio would provide the why and handle the backlash. He didn't want Charlie to have to handle more than he knew what to do with. He hoped Sebastian would stay relatively clam but also knew that was like hoping a lion wouldn't attack after having its tail pulled
He leaned on charlie's shoulder, letting his arms settle gently around Charlie's waist in some silent reassurance. They'd get through it. They'd already been through the worst part which was fighting each other. The sick pleasure they'd gotten from it and the chaotic release of emotions that followed. They'd been through it and now Tobio was sure they could withstand the challenge of a complex family issue. he wondered what would happen though, he could only predict so much. he didn't know how Sebastian would react, not as precisely s he wished he did at least. Sebastian wasn't someone who got angry easily, neither of them were. Sebastian was the sun though and solar flares happened. He'd be provoked and lash out most likely. Or ask them difficult questions or something. He'd try to gauge the situation as best he could but Tobio knew there was no way Sebastian would get over it easily. He'd have to protect Charlie as best he could.
Charlie knew it was selfish to want to tell Sebastian, or at least, it was selfish to want to tell him so soon. He figured they would have to wait a while until things called down a bit, but Charlie wanted to tell him now. He didn't want to wait until Sebastian was ready to hear it. This lying by omission tugged at Charlie's gut, and he wanted to spill out every truth he had ever known to Tobio's brother. In particular, the truth that he had been the one to trash all of his artwork. So, really, Charlie didn't want to tell Sebastian out of the goodness of his own heart. In fact, Charlie wasn't sure he had ever done something from a purely good or altruistic place. But he also didn't necessarily do things to aid himself either, he just did things, and most of the time those things ruined everything, but sometimes they helped Charlie, and very, very rarely, they helped other people. Still, he knew Tobio would get angry at him if he told Sebastian before the other boy was ready to know, and Charlie didn't really want to get punched in the jaw again. Instead of voicing any of this though, Charlie just let his shoulders slump a bit. He was glad Tobio was being honest with him, even if the truth wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows right now.
"Okay." He replied softly, and let himself sink further into Tobio's grasp. He let himself relax into the feeling of Tobio's arms wrapped around his waist, secure and unmoving. It had been a long time since anyone had touched him like that, in a casual, loving way. It wasn't a grand romantic gesture, it wasn't making out, it was just the comfortable feeling of two people who could be together, and do nothing, and be okay with that.
"You don't have to protect me." He mumbled, eyes drifting shut as he slipped once more into the warm state of relaxation that often comes after a good meal. The blood was rushing to his stomach, making him drowsy and content. But with Tobio's arms around him, Charlie knew he had to remind the other boy that it wasn't his job to protect him. It wasn't Tobio's job to protect Charlie from Sebastian, or Charlie from himself. That was too much of a responsibility to anyone, even someone as level-headed as Tobio. Charlie was a danger to everyone, and to himself, and as horrible as that was, he didn't want to be shielded from it. Because that was like a lie.
"I don't have to but I want to. I know I won't be able to protect you from whatever is going to happen but I think you need to feel some of it. I can help with the aftermath though." Tobio explained. He wasn't going to make everything stop. He couldn't, not really. As much as he wanted to just make everything go away he knew that wasn't properly healthy for either of them. Charlie would have to deal with the repercussions of his actions. Tobio would help thought because he knew, at some point, Charlie hadn't wanted to go through with it. Any of it. He hadn't wanted to hurt either of them. He knew not everything in his head was under his control and he really did know what that felt like. The morning where he just couldn't bring himself to get out of bed or the constant stream of thoughts that would never shut up. He knew what it was like to not be able to control your mind. While he didn't know exactly what Charlie was going through he did know that it was awful."When are we going?" He asked. He wanted Sebastian to be prepared at least somewhat. He knew he wasn't really wanting to have any visitors or talk to anyone. He'd been quite sharp and testy lately, with everyone. Tobio, their sister, he hadn't talked to their parents, he'd been trying to avoid Colt. He'd confided in Tobio somewhat but from what he could tell Sebastian didn't need to hear this right now. Tobio knew though that Charlie would do what he did and he couldn't really stop that.
He figured this would push Sebastian into a corner. How could he trust Tobio now that he was with Charlie even after what happened, was it going to be like a betrayal? Sebastian tended to be better with emotional things though so maybe he'd understand. It wasn't like Stockholm Syndrome or anything. It was just... feelings. Which weren't Tobio's strong suit, especially when it came to himself. He wondered what Sebastian would do, how he would react. Would he shut Tobio out? Ask him why? Get angry? Sad? He'd seen too many emotions from Sebastian lately and he wasn't sure how many more he could watch him go through, especially when they were, in part, inflicted by himself.
Tobio was so much smarter than anyone Charlie had ever met, and he was practically still a kid. Charlie didn't know how Tobio knew everything he did, he could only feel a deep sense of relief that he wouldn't have to explain everything to the other boy. Sometimes it seemed Tobio even knew things about Charlie that he himself hadn't thought of before. When Tobio replied by saying he thought Charlie needed to feel protected, a sense of unbelievable rightness flooded through Charlie. It was true. So, irrevocably, undeniably true, and he hadn't even realized it until now. But Tobio had known. Charlie knew Tobio couldn't protect him from the world, but he could support him. He could put those cool, slim hands around Charlie's waist and let Charlie melt into him like snow in spring, and that was enough. It didn't matter to him that Tobio couldn't shield him from the world, Charlie didn't want that, but Tobio could help him through it all. What scared Charlie though, was that he was unsure if he could do the same for Tobio. Charlie had never been good at supporting, or listening, or generally being anything that could be considered being a good partner. He knew Tobio had his own problems. Anyone with circles so deep underneath their eyes had to have their own troubles. But what if Charlie couldn't help Tobio? What if he couldn't be enough?The question startled him, because he hadn't even said anything about actually going to tell Sebastian. He was going to have to get used to Tobio's uncanny ability to know what he was thinking without him saying it. Charlie knew it was going to be a very helpful talent in the future when his speech stuck to his throat and he was so angry and none of the words seemed to fit, it would be good for Tobio to be understand beyond language, but it was still a bit freaky.
"Soon. Next week. Or... just... soon." Charlie said through gritted teeth. He could physically feel lie on his skin like spiders crawling underneath his clothing, burrowing into the flesh of his legs and stomach and arms. It made him shudder. He would never be able to explain the feeling, he could only hope, as they sat side by side, that Tobio would understand.
"You can't let him blame you. I won't let him." Charlie added, Adams-apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. He wouldn't let Sebastian blame Tobio for Charlie's actions. Not only because Charlie couldn't stand the idea of Tobio fighting with his brother, but because that too was a form of lying. It was taking responsibility from Charlie, and placing it on someone else, even though it was rightfully his.
The change in tone and Charlie's rigidity startled Tobio but he knew what was wrong. He tightened his arms around Charlie's waist and shook his head."Mmh, I don't think that's soon enough. Better to just get it over with yeah?" He suggested. He figured Charlie probably really wanted to just go and do it and if he was staying over tonight then Tobio would be able to handle the aftermath. He doubted Sebastian would want to see him immediately after the fact and he could fully understand why. He wondered how this would affect the whole of their relationship. Both of their relationships. It was now a family matter and he wondered how they would all react. Tears? Anger? Both? He knew Sebastian was quite snappy right now which was better than his lying on his bed numb and silent.
"He can't blame me if I didn't actually know what you were doing. But if he does I can handle it." Tobio assured him. Logically speaking he hadn't been sure what Charlie was doing, just that his intention had been to hurt Sebastian in some way. Not to entirely destroy his work and leave it where he'd be left to suffer through it himself. He Would let Charlie take the blame but he'd take whatever attack Sebastian directed at him. He knew Sebastian would be upset that he and Charlie were dating despite everything that had happened. It was only natural. He could handle it. Well, he could try to handle it. Sebastian hadn't ever really been all that angry at him. He'd seen Sebastian angry of course but it wasn't typically directed at him because he was the person Sebastian came to for support when he was angry or upset in any way. He kind of hoped that this would give Sebastian something to work with and get him back to painting. That had always been his biggest emotional outlet so maybe getting the emotions writhing right under his skin would bring it back out of him.
Tobio didn't get the satisfaction of slamming open Charlie's door, or kicking it or whatever he had planned to do, he hadn't really thought of it but he also hadn't expected it to be wide open. He stopped short of the threshold and stared, Charlie was in bed. Of course he could sleep perfectly fine like this, destruction was his element, he was always acting like it. Tobio's anger turned to a quiet calm rage as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. The anger was oozing off of him, practically palpable, filling the room and somehow making it darker. He folded his arms across his chest, standing rigid, eyes blazing.
"That was too much Charlie." He said, his voice cold as ice, slicing through the silence.