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HELP! > Help with a duff blurb

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message 1: by Anna (last edited Jan 09, 2018 09:25AM) (new)

Anna Faversham (annafaversham) | 1236 comments The following is my first try at a blurb for the third book in my series. Bits of it might be all right. Others bits are clearly shoe-horned in, like the mention of the feisty American girl. I want her kept in the blurb - but how? Please pull this all apart if it needs it.

Journey with Lucy into a dark heart. She has survived hard times but by1825 she is finally secure and happy. Her new American friend admires Lieutenant Karl Thorsen and she has hopes for their happiness too. Into her life comes a charming, talented artist. Oblivious of all the signs of impending tragedy, Lucy enjoys her seemingly rosy life while all around her are beginning to feel something isn’t quite right. She ignores her husband’s cautions and pays a high price. Can she escape without causing unimaginable pain to her family?


message 2: by Dale (last edited Jan 09, 2018 11:44AM) (new)

Dale Lehman (dalelehman) | 1814 comments I'm not sure I completely understand the story at this point. I may be making up things. But try this as a first cut:

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She finally has it all. She's about to throw it away.

Lucy Yorton had to claw her way to security, but by 1825 she's arrived. Married to a good man, surrounded by good things, her thoughts now turn to helping her new friend, a fiesty American girl, achieve that same happiness. But when a charming and talented artist comes into Lucy's life, all begins to unravel, and not even her husband's warnings can stop her self-destruction. Can she free herself from these new chains she's forged in time to spare her family?
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message 3: by Anna (last edited Jan 09, 2018 12:45PM) (new)

Anna Faversham (annafaversham) | 1236 comments Dale, that's great! I like it. I'm pretty sure I can chop some of my clunky blurb out and insert some of yours - or use the lot. I've time to let it sit and cook, thank you. I might need to put it into my voice...


message 4: by Dale (new)

Dale Lehman (dalelehman) | 1814 comments Glad you like it. Certainly, let it simmer and edit, cut, or embellish as needed.


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