Beta Reader Group discussion
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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Feedback for query: Supernatural horror
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Hi Keith,Thanks for the advice!
I guess it would be better to find a connection with the agent by mentioning how my book relates to one of theirs. Would you agree?
I’m often left wondering what would be the best way to establish a connection with the agency or agent, especially if I haven’t been to any of their conferences or read any books they represent.
Thanks again!
-Roberto
Researching a specific agent is always a good idea, but don't do so with the conviction that they're the only one. Particularly if they represent an author doing something similar to what you're doing, as they may not be willing (or contractually able!) to take your work on.You don't need to overdo the personalization. The real point of it is to show that you've done enough homework to know that there is a reason to expect there is a fit between the agent (or publisher, if you decide to go direct) and your work (this is a very low bar when you realize that a lot of people simply spam agents). You, as a person, aren't that interesting until they've made a decision they want to represent you and your work.
That being said, I've read that the first thing an agent will do, once they've decided they want to ask for the full MS, is to Google your name. Since you've already got a social media presence, that's a great thing. I mention this for others who may read this later.
The good news is that agents exist to represent authors and are always on the lookout for new talent. The bad news, as I said before, is they get a deluge of requests. You want a compelling blurb, not just for the agent, but for the publisher and for the reader as they browse the bookstore/online. I suggest you focus on the blurb for a while. There's a rhythm to the things, though they can be maddeningly difficult to write. I do believe I've spent more time on the blurb for my first novel than I did writing the first draft (now I won't start writing until I'm happy with my title, logline, blurb and synopsis). If they don't get turned on by your blurb, none of the rest of the query matters.
Thanks for your insights, Keith, I really appreciate it.
If you want to make a connection with agent, check out their twitter feed and maybe refer to a recent joke in the intro of your letter.
You also should not say "I must admit I'm impressed" because that sounds really patronising. Just say, I am particularly drawn to your agency due to your international reach . But only if e.g. Tokyo is relevant to you personally (you're nto japanese) or the topic of your book.
Got it. Thank you, Heleen! Looks like I've got some work to do on these queries.
I've been looking at some samples of query letters from novels that later became famous, and I've seen so many different styles and orders. Some start with the blurb and make their way to the connection with the agent, and some make the connection with the agent from the get-go and make their way to the blurb. I'm curious to know if there's an ideal order to this, or if it even matters.
Based on my research, there is no theme with queries that worked. As I said, if yours results in an MS request, then it is 'good,' otherwise it is 'bad.' Note that all of mine have been 'bad' as I have yet to get a MS request.
Ok. I've made quite a few changes. Hope it looks better.Thanks for all your help, Keith!
Sure. Here it is:Dear [AGENT],
Since birth, Harold Hopkins’ father is disgusted by him, his peers shun him and the woman of his dreams, Maira, fears him for reasons neither he nor anyone else can explain. Throughout his life he has witnessed an alternate version of himself in the mirror, often staring back at him as if he himself were a monster, which he later realizes is himself in a parallel reality, one which will eventually collide with his.
After setting off on a harrowing journey in search of the truth about himself, the dark frequencies in and around Harold create obstacles to keep him from discovering his own reality. But Harold’s perseverance, along with the positive forces that want him to succeed, guide him to Kemya, a psychic who shows him what happened when he was born, and how it altered his existence in ways he never imagined possible. Now he must find a way to overcome it.
The Shadow in the Mirror, an 86,000 supernatural horror story about loneliness, despair and fear but also about love, hope, perseverance, and change, is my sixth novel to date. My previous novel was Tangible Expressions, reviews of which can be found on Goodreads and Amazon.
I’m particularly drawn to [AGENCY NAME] due your international reach and…..
I also love what you wrote on your twitter feed about…
I would like you to represent The Shadow in the Mirror.
Thank you for taking the time to read my query and I hope we can develop a long term literary relationship in the near future.
Below are the first five pages of The Shadow in the Mirror.
Happy 2018.
Sincerely,
Roberto Guerra
Of course, the query itself will be tailored slightly differently depending on the agent.
OK, still not sold on your blurb. Here's my attempt:When Harold Hopkins looks in the mirror, he often sees an alternate version of himself, staring back as if he were a monster.
Perhaps this explains why his father is disgusted by him, his peers shun him and the woman of his dreams fears him. Or perhaps it’s the strange result of gravitational waves from a distant part of the universe that’s caused freakish weather anomalies, airplanes going off track and power outages.
Harold sets off on a harrowing journey to learn the truth about himself. The Dark Frequencies constantly throw up obstacles to keep him from discovering his own reality.
Harold’s perseverance, coupled with the positive forces working on his behalf, allows him to connect with a powerful psychic who reveals the circumstances of his birth. With her advice, he strives to overcome the Dark Frequencies.
BTW, only name a character if they show up more than once.
Good luck!
Wow. I'll definitely incorporate some of that into my blurb.Thanks again Keith! I really appreciate it!
Don't be shy about posting back. It can help others, who read old posts for ideas, as much as it can help you.
Hi Keith. I'm going to repost the new version of my query letter in the open section (if that's allowed. I hope it is) for everyone to see from the start. If you get the chance let me know what you think.
Thanks again!
Nevermind. I'll just post it here. This is a query that I sent to a specific agency earlier today.
Dear [AGENT],
Harold’s birth took place as his town lost power and mysteriously freakish weather events ravaged parts of the globe.
Perhaps this explains why his father is disgusted by him, his peers shun him and the woman of his dreams fears him. Throughout his life Harold has witnessed an alternate version of himself in the mirror, often staring back at him as if he were a monster, himself in a parallel reality, one which frequently collides with his own.
After setting off on a harrowing journey in search of the truth about himself, evil forces relentlessly try to stop him. But his perseverance, along with the positive forces working on his behalf, guide him to a psychic who shows him what happened when he was born, and how it altered his existence in unimaginable ways. Now he must find a way to crossover into that parallel reality before the evil forces destroy him in this one.
The Shadow in the Mirror, an 86,000-word supernatural horror story about loneliness and fear but also about love, courage, perseverance, and change, is my sixth novel to date. My previous novel was Tangible Expressions, reviews of which can be found on Goodreads and Amazon.
The main character in The Shadow in the Mirror shares a few similarities with Sean Phillips from Jon Darnielle's Wolf in White Van (one of your personal favorites), but there are also vast differences and a supernatural twist to Harold's woes.
I learned about [AGENCY] after discovering your blog on Google. I found the warning about beta readers and publishing contracts you posted to be extremely helpful. I was particularly drawn to you as an agent because of your literary interests, and I would like you to represent my story.
Below is the synopsis along with the first five pages of The Shadow in the Mirror.
Happy 2018.
Sincerely,
Roberto Guerra
It seems like a good one. Please let us know if you get a response.Don't stop looking for other agents, though. You should aim for finding at least 5, preferably 10 or more. Do the same level of research on the others you decide to target. You can either send them out as a group, or wait a week or two between each one to see if you get feedback that helps.
Good luck!
Between September and October I queried 9 agents. Either got declined or no response at all. I then had some beta readers read my story and give me feedback, including a really good one that I paid for (Shalini). I made a lot of improvements to the story and started querying again from January 5th to January 13th (today). I've queried 8 agents since January 5th and have gotten one decline so far. I'm wondering if I should just keep querying or hold off for a little bit. Thanks again, Keith!
I queried close to 30 before I decided my work needed help (some of us are really hard headed). About half responded, some taking as long as 50 days to respond. About half of those appeared to be personalized in some way; one even asking to be queried for any subsequent works.I got dev editing and feel my work is now 10x better, so strongly encourage everyone who can find a way to get that done to do so.
I was poised to go back to querying my first work (I wrote two more in that series while waiting for feedback), even though extensive feedback wasn't able to help me come up with a clean genre, when I was captured by an idea for a murder mystery and decided to focus on that.
Since then, I've decided to focus on screenplay writing, so am going through that learning curve, getting dev editing help, etc., so not sure if I'll ever get back into the novel query business.
Yeah, it's not easy. Thanks for all the feedback and advice. I really appreciate it!
Keep in touch.
Hi Roberto. My advice? Forget the agents. Self-publish on Amazon. It's the future, so why not start now?
Hi JD. Thanks for the advice, but actually I already went that route with my last book. Most self published books sell very little. It's nice to sell to your family and friends, but they rarely go beyond that unless the author has lots of many to invest in marketing the book, and judging from the research I've done on self published books, even with heavy (and costly) marketing, most of them don't make it that far. Right now I'm looking at that as my absolute last resort.
With the caveat that any query that gets an MS request is 'good,' I would say yours deviates from the standard quite a bit. The blurb for your book should be exactly like the back-of-the-book copy. Thus, there is no need for the title or telling us "it's about." It's also a little long at 164 words, as the supposed sweet spot is 100-150 words. The goal for a blurb is to introduce the character, outline his goals and reveal his stakes. Backstory, just like in a novel, should only be revealed if necessary to explain something.
In your blurb, I don't feel I really got introduced, don't feel I have a good idea of what he's trying to accomplish and am not sure what is keeping him from achieving them. I feel there are hints to these things in what you've written, but, at least for me, I'm not feeling compelled.
Having some personalization is excellent, but there doesn't seem any added value in communicating you're neighbors with one of the agents.
It's generally considered not an asset to mention self-published books, unless they've sold 10K copies or more. I also don't consider it very clever to talk about your latest as your 'best and most complete' novel, as that implies that "Tangible Expressions" is incomplete or crappy work, which certainly undermines any attempt at using it as an example of your abilities. I'm not sure having any of that paragraph adds.
I'm sure that the next sentence, where you plan on continuing to write until death, adds no value.
While it's cute that you feel it'd be an honor to be represented, that's the whole point of the query, to ask to be represented.
Generally speaking, requerying an agent for the same work can get you blacklisted, so it's best to assume you get one shot per agent (and sometimes agency, though there's slight flexibility there, depending on their policy). You have to decide if you want to fire off a bunch of queries that are written out of the mainstream or if you want to bring yours more in alignment with expectations. Agents read 10-500 of these a week and are looking for reasons to say 'no.' You give them a lot of such reasons on a gamble that they might somehow want to invest a lot of time and energy simply because one of their agents is a neighbor.
However you care to go, good luck!