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message 51:
by
Ian
(new)
Mar 06, 2018 01:08AM
Scout is worried, but a quick trip to the bar brings about a realization. The barman is a machine, he is getting tetchy about having served this lot for a decade, and he starts serving . . .
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machine oil based cocktails, meaning a pleasant surprise and unknown to the clients, while thinking to itself, "Damn, I hate these organic dudes. Why am I programmed to please and serve, and when will some idiot human hack it already?!"Although enjoying the drink, Ian's hypersensitive taste receptors ...
go Aaargh! and he spits the concoction out. The barman frowns and . . .
remembers a concoction from the past : lysergic acid diethylamide. Let's see how these suckers like this! Nik steps up to the bar . . .
and is fascinated by the way the barman tosses his cocktail shaker. A touch of ice, a shot or two of Bailey's and the LSD is concealed. Of course, the dosage required doesn't really require much concealment, but who doesn't like a bit of Bailey's? Nik takes the glass preferred by the barman, still dazed by his prowess, and....
takes a sip. Flowers appear, the sky lights up in psychedelic colors. Nik says, "Hey, you guys all look like . . .
cyborgs." He scratches his rusty hair, pours some machine oil over them.Noticing flying penguins along the board, he concludes that Antarctica must be near and leaves the bar for ..
The hopes of finding an expedition that he could sign on to. He wants to explore this queer area of flowers, penguins, and cyborgs. Perhaps he would even find some dinosaurs, who knew? The world is full of possibilities and unknown facts, right? "Now, where would be the best place to start?" Nik asks himself as he...
drifts back to the fire. Leonie, recognizing the signs, says, "He wants to go walkabout, but he's on a boat. Let's get him settled down here and he can tell us all about his 2028 trip." Nik looks stunned, then laughs. "I missed my chance to
take off while you lot weren't looking, didn't I?" He makes a break for the lifeboats, hoping he'll be quick enough, but the cocktail kicks in even harder, and....
Nik finally realises cocktail won't start a motor. He looks forlornly around for an oar when . . .
... the last remaining after the global warning iceberg scratches the boat. Improbable? Tell it to someone else. Nik uses a moment of panic and a momentarily collision to jump overboard and land on the floating platform of ice with a few tins/cans of octopus and 3 bottles of vodka in his backpack."See you around," He yells to fellow goodreaders and disappeares absorbed by the fog, destiny or evil spirit.
As he floats away, we can hear a faint refrain of "Yo ho ho and a bottle of vodka." "Hey," shouts Esther. "He didn't take a can opener! It's 2028. Deploy the heavy-duty rescue drone!"
Ian says, "Wait a minute, now. Nik chose to leave, and I think we've sprung a leak. We might need that drone to rescue ourselves, and there's a storm coming." Alex thinks, "If I survive this, I'm going to write a novel about it." Scout thinks, "We'd better plug that leak." Leonie thinks, "I've survived worse than this."
And then begins to check the survival equipment. As Ian said, there's a rescue drone, which has very limited fuel. But she does discover an EPIRB in one of the lifeboats. She picks it up, but...
... it lacks indium and gallium, wasted completely on cell phones and semiconductors, which makes it inoperable.However, she's not the type to despair. Spotting a crate of champagne, she offers to use the thrust of popping champagne corks to keep the yacht going and search for the nearest lurking nuclear sub, which by 2028 populate practically each sq. km of the ocean..
Combining propulsion with a sip of sparkling wine,...
Nik gladly keeps shaking and popping bottles. Within a few minutes, Scout spots a surfaced sub and gets everyone to start waving and hollering at it to get its attention. To everyones great joy the sub starts toward us and opens its hatch for...
The captain to shout that they were in forbidden waters and they should leave immediately because a special military exercise was about to start.Ian looks ruefully at the bottle popper. That can't be Nik, he thinks, because Nik sailed off into the middle distance, leaving the rest to face this experiment, but what could it be? They were about to find out because . . .
.. after a hasty calculation of the water intake, Ian realizes the yacht's gonna sink in less than half an hour. They are boarding this sub, even if they need to hijack it.With trembling hands he takes the aim and .... bingo! the captain goes down the conning tower, blinded by the beautifully aimed champagne cork.
"Follow me!" Ian's the first to commence naval boarding. Accompanied by a cacophony of screams, growls and drunk singing...
Fortunately, the crew of the sub has also popped a few corks in celebration of the orders cancelling the military exercise. Ian steps over the captain (who is wildly unpopular with the crew), addresses the first crewman he sees, and asks for a glass of champagne for himself and his fellow crew members boarding the sub. "We're here for a surprise inspection, but I guess we can put it off for an hour or two."
The sub captain has a sense that something's not quite right, but as he steps up to Ian to ask for written confirmation, Scout decides to...
Jump in to save him. Since she was always keeping up with what America was up to, she could pull this off. "This is an undercover, one-on-one investigation. We can't let the South Americans know what we are up to and, since you are headed that way, we cannot tell you anything. It's for your own good, this way you don't have to lie if you are questioned when you get to your destination."The captain...
thought, 'What a bunch of drunken erks. Their boat is sinking and they want me to go to South America. Well, why not? I shall agree and go, and leave them to swim.' With that he waved them off, shut the conning tower and dived. The party watched the sub disappear, then . . .
reappear. The crew had overpowered the captain and decided to rescue the erks. The crew thought they were pretty cool. Ian thinks, "Thank god they're fools." Leonie thinks, "I wonder if they have hot showers." Esther thinks, "These guys are pretty good-looking." Scout asks, "Who's going to be the captain now?" A familiar face emerges from the crowd.
It's Che Guevara. Believed to be dead or missing, he's old, but flesh and bones and distinctly recognizable. Some sighed, others crossed themselves, a lady fainted.
"Who said South America?" He naturally assumed the commanding position.
Graeme thinks "It's either Che, or his clone or extraterrestrial impostor"
Turns out that he was a hologram pre-programmed to appear when the captain was endangered. Leonie pulls the plug and says, "This sub can take us anywhere. Where do we want to go?"
"Well, take me home to NZ," says Ian. "No, Australia!" says Leonie. "Georgia gets my vote!" Esther and Scout shout.
"Georgia it is," says the Captain. They submerge, and when they resurface quite some time later, just about everyone is pleased to get out. They are escorted to an inflatable, and the sailor sets off towards land. It is just as they are approaching land, Scout notices that the setting sun is behind them. "But . . ." she starts.The sailor laughs, and says, "You didn't specify which Georgia," and forces them to disembark. They stand on the beach and stare at the landscape, and as the inflatable heads back towards the submarine and they leave the beach there is a strange shimmering effect and the whole landscape changes, seemingly far wilder. There is a path ahead, so they walk along it, then to their surprise they see Nik.
"How'd you get here?" both sides ask. After some explanations, Nik adds some rather disturbing news.
"We're in a time warp," he says, "and we have a big problem. The only way back is through using the Golden Fleece, but some dude called Jason has nicked it, and the local king is really pissed off. He's out for anyone dressed like you lot, so we need to get different clothes and do something about this wretched fleece."
"It's Caucasus, friends. To look authentic all you need is adapt your jeans, dresses and shirts into any costume you like." He shows them the link on his ancient 17th century cellphone with a bitten pear on it:http://www.spletnik.ru/blogs/moda/263...
"Surely, not a big deal, while those not engaged in the stitching can start working on Georgian Knife Dance. Here take a look: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6q08... . Really easy. If anyone fancies a glass of chacha, I've got some."
Some start stitching, others - stretching ..
"Okay," says Ian. "Let's divide into groups. All those who can stitch up these costumes in less than a year, step forward." No one steps forward. "Okay, then, all those who are good at twirling and kicking in synchronized motion, step forward." Only Nik steps forward. "Hmm," says Ian. It looks like we're going to have to improvise."Scout says, "We meant South Georgia!"
Ian says, "You should have been more specific. Details are everything. This reminds me of a book I wrote in which time warps and space warps are possible. (Sorry, Ian.) If we all concentrate on a place we'd like to go, we could end up there. I say Matamata, New Zealand. Everyone click your heels together, and let's see where we end up."
They shut their eyes, clicked their heels, then felt a terrible blast of cold air. Visibility was down to about ten meters and they were lashed with snow."Oh dear," Ian complained. "How many of you lot wanted to know what South Georgia looked like? We have to do something before we freeze to death."
Okay, stickler :-) Still clicking heels and envisioning Matamata, NZ. No guarantee we'll get there, but hoping for Hobbits and maybe some local cuisine.
"I think you're missing the ruby slippers," says Alex. "I've been clicking and clicking, and no matter what I do..."
... we are ejected to where we are rejected. According a literary Muse and the self-publishing guide in such situs we should..."
head south right away. So we trudge southward until Nik realizes he has two bars on his phone. He says, "Hey, we can call for help." Leonie says, "Wait, I see something glowing beneath the ice."
