best line from your worst review?

[E.J.]

Lily wrote: "E.J. wrote: "These are some of the words my friends(?) said about my short story Zenith.

"Not gonna lie this story really f***** me."
"Well that was certainly something."
"Sigh."
"..."

I'm not really sure...that's what concerned me (especially the way they phrased it).

[Lily]

Well, I hope it was god for friend as well as it was for you.

[Eva]

Do not forget the wombats! You can't play favorites with our mascots... lol

[Lily]

Can too :P

[Eva]

That's it. I'm starting a Society for the Promotion of Wombat Welfare... o_o

[Lily]

As far as I know, no one's giveb best lines from worst reviews about wombats.

[E.G.]

Eva wrote: "Do not forget the wombats! You can't play favorites with our mascots... lol"

I never promised you wombats.

*wine in hand*

[Eva]

*dejected sigh* okay. "Exploding sparkly spacefaring vampire unicorns, with feathered aliens burying rabid dogs in hidden dark places" it is, then.

[Lily]

And wine. (That better be a Shiraz).

[E.G.]

@ Lily, Sorry, buttery California chardonnay. I like Shiraz, but it gives me a headache.

@Eva, Ok. Fine. You got me. Don't be sad. Sparkly wombats it is, but I'll need to fit them into Lilian's Twelve Systems. Since I made it up, I can make the wombats sparkle. I'll send you a freebie whenever I get it written.

[Eva]

@E.G., yay!! *happy dance* sparkly wombats!! Thank you kindly. Can't wait for the freebie *joins the chardonnay parade*

[Amber]

Back in my theater days we used to practice things we could say to friends who had been in bad productions.

"You really did it. You really did it."
"Wow. I have never seen it done like that before."
"I'm speechless."
Those ambiguous friend comments of E.J.'s sound like the same sort of thing.

[Gem]

I don't know. Some of what I write is supposed to make the reader cry. If (s)he doesn't, I've failed.

I could live without the @itch, part.

[E.J.]

Amber wrote: "Back in my theater days we used to practice things we could say to friends who had been in bad productions.

"You really did it. You really did it."
"Wow. I have never seen it done like that before..."

They do, don't they?

[K.P.]

Lily wrote: "Then the feathered aliens went into the darkness, and it was like, really dark. And the aliens didn't even know if any of these dark places were real..."
Eva wrote: "Those pesky feathered aliens should have researched the frack out of those dark places before writing! What were they thinking?!"
Lily wrote: "They were busy burying the dog with rabies."

Lolz! good one!

[K.P.]

Gem wrote: "I don't know. Some of what I write is supposed to make the reader cry. If (s)he doesn't, I've failed.

I could live without the @itch, part."

Well! That person only likes saccharine sweet happy stories then, eh??

[Courtney]

lolz at these. Glad you can laugh some of these off and I wouldn't take these seriously if they're saying something like "god have mercy on your soul" :)

[Katie]

Thanks for the laughs. I, unfortunately don't have enough reviews yet to contribute. :)

[Tom]

My wife--a voracious reader and very supportive--said about my second novel: "I can't finish this. I really don't like it." She tossed the manuscript aside after getting halfway through it. She was correct, but her comments hurt. So, after a few years, I'm re-writing it now. (And, yes, we are still married.)

[Terri]

Let's hope you never see one of my reviews on this page! ;)

[Tara]

Oh...my...gosh. These are hillarious.

I am happy to say, that so far (I need to find some wood to knock on) I have only received one 3-star rating on Amazon, but it is the worst rating. However, although the review started off positive, the readers obvious...ummm..hang-ups became apparent. She was obviously anti-men, anti-religion and doesn't know enough about health issues to make an intelligent comment on it. Here is the best part:

"...There are parts of the plot that fell far short with their simplicity & I know about about blood transfer you can't, without great harm to the body, give someone a shot of your blood to infect them with a disease. I'm not sure about the disease as AIDS is transmitted by contact blood to blood but like the flu I don't think it's possible. However we have defenses that would kick in & I think the individual would be sick from their body fighting the foreign blood."


Mwahahah....I still laugh when I read this. First of all, the plot was extremely complex and I pride myself in keeping all of the medical things as close to real as possible. I was an EMT for over eight years and worked in an ER for several years. I used to TEACH blood borne pathogen classes, so trust me...I know what I'm talking about here. It made me wonder if she only skimmed the book, because the person she is talking about DID become very, very sick. (kind of a spoiler there)

Anyway, thank you all for sharing. It really is good to laugh about it!! :)

[Lily]

*blink*

*blink*

*blink*

Now I know where dumb internet memes come from...

[C.G.]

Here's one for one of my Fantasy Romances: "Totally stupid book and I use that term loosely."

There used to be a video up on YouTube uploaded by The Midnight Garden YA Book Blog that had authors like Leigh Bardugo, Julie Cross, and Jay Kaufman reading some of their snarky 1-star reviews. It was hilarious. I was going to post a link, but YouTube has removed it for a TOS violation. I can only think that one of the reviewers whose review was read complained because it was the authors, themselves, reading their own reviews on camera specifically for this one blog.

[Wren]

LOL, as in 'totally stupid' is the term being used loosely?? Or were they referring to the word 'book'. Brilliantly eloquent review ;)

[C.G.]

Wren wrote: "LOL, as in 'totally stupid' is the term being used loosely?? Or were they referring to the word 'book'. Brilliantly eloquent review ;)"

Probably the book. ^^

[Wren]

Makes you wonder if they're familiar with the definition.

[James]

My first film script what a review - horrific. I now have a feature writing credit, but with my first script the producer who read it said it wasn't worth wrapping up her fish-and-chips in, and returned it to me covered in tomato sauce hand prints.

Please can you be any more contemptuous.

[Tiger]

Man, the hand prints really make it.

[Justin]

For my first book The Macabre Masterpiece, a woman said my book gave her and I quote "Dr.Suess headache".

A Bloody Bloody Mess In The Wild Wild West has faired excellent on GR and Amazon however I do have a mild review of it from a magazine company. The woman didn't like the book but she didn't hate it either. She said it was better then Sharknado which I guess is quite a compliment!

[Amanda]

Sharknado was pretty awesome so I definitely would take that as a compliment. :)

[Justin]

Amanda wrote: "Sharknado was pretty awesome so I definitely would take that as a compliment. :)"

Haha that is was, that it was.

[M.]

I tend to love reviews that state that "some guys fantasy of an orgy" or otherwise imply that the erotic fantasies I write about are exclusive to men and that no woman anywhere would ever possibly enjoy that particular kink.

[Christine]

This was what was emailed to me on my ARC for my new book - Overall, great story for the YA crowd. Good plot, and arc. I think I could've done without the fairy tale creatures creatures using slang, but that's just me.

[G.]

When I first got this review, it bugged me for months. Now, well, I have learned that you can't please everyone...:)

"If I'd been marking up a print copy with a red pen, it would've looked like a murder took place on top of the manuscript. The problems go far beyond the numerous grammar, punctuation and spelling errors, and style inconsistencies. I'd go into detail, but I'm not getting paid to review the book, much less edit it."

(worst one I ever received; the few others I received were at least constructive criticism, not so harsh..:)

[E.K.]

K.P. wrote: "I'm stubborn. :P That and I drink a lot to stop giving a bean or two about anything otherwise I'd long gone mad.

Here's an oldie! regarding Chain Reaction received november 2010

"..."

Oh my! Well, at least it's poetic... sort of. :)

[K.P.]

lolz

[Amanda]

lol
It took me a second to realize "..." was the review.

[Regina]

"The story other than that was mostly them being in brawls, getting beat up, shot, or in jail."

I write...westerns.

I'm just sayin'.

[Phillip]

This was someone who left a review of one of my novels where in his opening header, states that he hadn't yet purchased the book when he left the review and yet gave it three stars. LOL! I suppose it could have been worse, at least he didn't give it a one star.

I will eventually purchase this... August 8, 2011
By William Ward
Format:Kindle EditionKindle has a way of spoiling the discriminating book buyers. I no longer purchase hardback books unless they are from Ben Bova or David Weber. Lower the price a bit, and I will be one of the many satisfied customers. The premise sounds interesting, but money is and always will be an issue. It's on my wish list though.

http://www.amazon.com/Light-Another-S...

[Justin]

Regina wrote: ""The story other than that was mostly them being in brawls, getting beat up, shot, or in jail."

I write...westerns.

I'm just sayin'."

Nothing quite like not taking into consideration or expectation of what your reading lol.

[Regina]

I know, right? It might not have been the funniest line from that review by itself, but taken within context, it was pure gold.

[E.G.]

Eva wrote: "@E.G., yay!! *happy dance* sparkly wombats!! Thank you kindly. Can't wait for the freebie *"

Hi Eva, it's taking me longer than I planned to finish my next novel. So in the meantime, meet Glorious - the sparkling wombat. (Yes, you will still get a freebie but it may well be summer).

https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog...