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Jian wasn't known to be reckless. He wasn't the type to ignore his body's physiological needs over his work but he was pushed to starvation until he was forced to get food from the café. Ji Haneul literally had to take him by the arm and drag him out of his office, ending his streak of how many hours he could stay cooped up in the company building. He held a record of 27 hours. He knew Haneul had a bed in his office so he just crashed there for only about two hours of dreamless sleep. With all these events and Haneul's own personal spending on Christmas presents added to his stress. The levels were raising on the chart and he only succumbed to them.
After Haneul dropped him off and sped off, deciding he had better things to take care of than make sure Jian actually did get food and not catch the bus back to Abstrego, Jian walked into the hospitable café. It felt just like home. No, no it did not.
It felt like the way other people described home. Four walls and a roof that snuggled against you and breathed in fresh and warm aromas of chocolate chip cookies and angel cake. For him, home was far from that.
Jian slid his messenger bag from his shoulder and placed it on the table. He was sure the people who walked into this café we respectable enough to not try and steal his laptop and papers. If they did, Jian could always get another one... or run after them and beat them to a pulp, depending on Jian's mood. His mood was especially sour that day. Jian walked to the back of the long line of customers waiting to make their orders. Jian looked over the menu in the meantime, deciding he would get some tea and a sandwich.
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Dae had not had a good day. His schedule was packed with various things that required him to travel all over the city, and this was the first chance he'd had to collect his thoughts all day. The nagging feeling that there was something important that he didn't remember had been stronger than ever, and he was hoping that getting some space would help. But the café was just as crowded as the street, and he pulled his cap down as far as he could, hoping it would be enough to keep him from being recognised. He'd foregone a face mask, not expecting to need one.
The café had very few seats still available, but Dae spotted a table that was seemingly unoccupied, aside from a bag on the table. He shrugged to himself, and slid into one of the seats at the table, moving the bag to one side. If the bag's owner had a problem with him sitting there, they could say so.
He pulled out his phone, ignoring the numerous missed calls from his manager. The worst the man could do was threaten to reset him — but they couldn't afford that, because Dae was about to have a comeback, and according to the scientists he hadn't fully recovered from the first one. He didn't remember being reset ever before, but he supposed that it made sense that he wouldn't. It would also explain why he recognised people's faces but not their names, and why whenever he saw a picture of Abstrego's treasurer on the news, the guy seemed eerily familiar and his head started to ache. Perhaps he had known him before, and before the reset he might have saved information in his backup memory drive — that could be the cause of the headache. But whatever the case, Dae had a life to get on with, and so he returned to checking how this detour would mess up his schedule.
Jian had ordered limegreen frizzy iced tea along with a mushroom and chicken panini. He wasn't a tea person. He would much rather run on coffee and gin, a habit he quickly conditioned himself to because of his CEO. Though he always drank with caution, not wanting to end up like his father. At the bottom of a bridge.
Jian's eyes were trained on the objects in his hands as he tried to maneuver around the many people inside the café. This café and expensive and he sure did not want to spill what he bought. Jian only looked up to his surrounding after he placed the plate of the panini and his glass of tea down. First thing he realized was that his bag was moved slightly to the side of the table, instead of the middle where Jian had placed it. He frantically opened the leather flaps and peered inside, exhaling a relieved breath of air. His precious paperwork was still inside, along with his laptop.
Jian came to the man's eye level only once he sat down. He wasn't the only one at his table and he turned back to his bag and took out his laptop, placing it to the side and he lifted the top. The man sat there probably because of a lack of seating. Jian did not mind, he would just ignore him and continue with his work. Jian did not want to admit it... no... he loved to admit it: it was nice to work some place else that was not filled with irritating people constantly pushing at his nerve. He felt relaxed as he started to type up the report, not at all feeling like he was actually working but instead performing a hobby. He felt free at that moment not being confined to a desk.
Jian had finished writing the first paragraph when he decided he was being an ass by completely ignoring the person sitting directly in front of him. He looked directly at the person, meeting their eyes for the first time. Before, he didn't notice it because of the lowered cap but he was familiar with the warm set of muddy brown eyes. Jian had opened his mouth to greet him but once he realized who he was, his voice lodged in his throat, unwilling to come out. Jian felt helpless as despair washed over him while he searched Dae' eyes, waiting for any sign of recognition.
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At first, Dae was too engrossed in his thoughts to notice when the owner of the bag sat down and began to work — but when he looked up at met Dae's eyes, he froze. It was an awful coincidence, he thought, that at the time when he needed to be distracted from his confusion, when he needed space, the cause of the confusion turned up right in front of him. "It's rude to stare," he said. He felt obliged to make conversation, so he continued, "Have we met before? You seem familiar." It did occur to him that the other could simply brush it off as 'my company makes androids, you're an android', but he hoped that he wouldn't. Dae didn't feel like explaining, but he did want answers. And in the next fifteen minutes before his manager started looking for him, he intended to get some.
He'd never been sure how it worked. How the headaches could happen — he supposed it was a mental thing, since he couldn't feel physical pain — and how memories could be locked in the backup drive and be utterly inaccessible until the primary drive was out of commission. Maybe he should just pay a doctor to rip his primary drive out so he could get the memories from his backup drive and finally remember whatever it was he had known before the reset. Then this whole mess would be over and done with — unless the drive had been wiped, or he hadn't stored information about his recognition of Jian on it.
Jian seemed awkward, though. Did he know something about Dae's past that Dae didn't? He couldn't find any other reasons why he would have so obviously failed to greet the android, since this was Bau Jian and he was the picture of professionalism even when everything around him was falling into disaster. He was legendary for being one of about two people capable of dealing with the Abstrego CEO's immaturity, the other being Iseul, who Dae had never quite known what to make of. He'd met him before, of course, because one of them was the leader of an important company to do with androids and the other was one of said androids and a famous singer. But most of the Abstrego people that Dae had met were quite confusing.
Jian felt like a fish out of the war, his mouth opening and closing in attempted speech and his mind jerking about in search of water. Jian felt utter despair wash over him and undoubtedly ruin his entire day, his entire week. Jian wished for this moment would never happen. But he was stupid enough to walk into a café he and Dae used to be regulars at and expect Dae not to bump into him somehow. It was almost comical how stupidly naïve Jian was for thinking that. Slowly but surely, his past was catching up to him. If Jian failed to run ahead, he would be swallowed by the past's darkness. Jian surely did not want a repeat of anything from his past with Dae happening even again.
Jian broke out of his stupor at Dae's comments. His eyes raked him up and down, subconsciously making sure he was okay and not injured in the least. Jian hated this man's guts. What he wouldn't do to take his glass of iced tea and smash it into his head. But that pesky love was still there, reigniting now that he was reunited with Dae once again. He could feel it eating away at his being all over again. Last time was bad enough. Jian wasn't sure if he was able to take a repeat once again.
Jian shook his head, his hands clammy as he slid them up and down and thighs. His eyes never left Dae's for a second. He was hypnotized by him, once again. Jian thought he was over it. He thought hate took over the squashed the feeling of love. But he was wrong. "Dae...." it comes out of his lips in a soft, breathless whisper. He wasn't aware he was holding his breath. Jian noticed something different now about Dae.
"Your hair... it's blue." He remarks, eyeing the color warily. Why blue? It was so unlike Dae. Maybe black as a rebellious move to show that he did not care about society or red for bloodshed and the blood running up and down human's arms. Those were more like the Dae he used to know. This one felt foreign to him. But he still felt his love overpower his hate.
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Jian seemed shocked by Dae’s presence, and the android would be lying if he said he wasn’t confused. He didn’t know the man, so why was Jian acting like Dae had done something to him? He didn’t see why his existence should throw someone off this much — particularly someone like Jian. A fangirl, maybe, but that would probably involve a lot more high-pitched screaming and a lot less awkwardness.
“Of course it’s blue. It’s been blue for the past six months.” He found it surprising that the other wasn’t aware of his hair colour — even if he didn’t know who Dae was, there was enough promotional material in the city streets for him to have caught on. But perhaps he was flustered for some other reason, and Dae was overthinking things. He didn’t consider the hat as a cause — it was a terrible disguise, and he was amply aware of that.
“So if we haven’t met before, how come you seem familiar?” Dae knew that it wasn’t the wisest idea to keep pushing the strand of conversation in that direction, but this could be the only chance he would have to get answers. And while he was usually fairly cautious, Dae was also insatiably curious about a lot of things, particularly his past. If someone had the answers for him, he was damn well going to get those answers out of them.
The cap was helpful in more than temporarily hiding his identity, in that it also hid his ring light. He didn’t want the other knowing how he felt — it wasn’t something he particularly wanted to share even when he wasn’t trying to get answers out of a complete stranger. If Jian could see the glowing light — which Dae guessed was probably bright orange with how desperate and confused he was feeling right now — then he might stop interacting with Dae altogether and he’d never find out why he looked familiar.
Seeing Dae this way pained him to no end. He was long lost and he no longer had a burning fire inside of him, inspiring every movement he made and every word that came out of his mouth. Jian used to just lay down on the floor of his old apartment and listen to Dae ramble on and on about android's rights and the accuse the government. Dae had so much passion exploding inside of his eyes like tiny fireworks and it fascinated Jian. But it seemed as if that passion had emaciated away... under Jian's hands.
Jian made no move to answer him. He simply stared at the man. Words formed then scrambled in his mind. He had so many things to say to him but he knew it was unwise for him to even speak to Dae at all. Dae doesn't need to know of what he did. What he did to him. The humility and the heart break still fresh in Jian's heart. Dae's words whipped at his back and chest until he was bleeding from the wounds. That was how much Dae hurt him.
Jian suddenly felt exhausted. All the energy was sucked out of him from the copious emotions he felt in less than five minutes. Jian places his elbows on the table, leaning forward slightly. He battled the urge to slap Dae right then and there and also he battled the urge to grab him by the neck and smash his lips against his own. God, why the hell did Jian have to still have feelings for Dae?
Jian shrugged, his eyes drooping and his hands shaking dangerously. He felt the need to hot something; to make something bleed. " I have to go," he stood up suddenly and made a dash to the door, forgetting about his laptop and papers. Jian only made it around the corner and into the alleyway of the café before he dropped to his knees, chest heaving as the oxygen protested in his lung. Running into Dae was too much for him and he felt himself starting to hyperventilate. His palms became sweaty and his jaw clenched tight. Was this a panic attack he was experiencing? Jian wouldn't know, he's never had one before.
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Dae didn’t know how to respond. Jian seemed overwhelmed, and he had never had to deal with anyone acting like this. He watched the other run out, somewhat bewildered by the sudden turn of events, then realised that Jian had left his belongings behind. He gathered up the papers and laptop and hastily shoved them into the bag, doing his best not to crumple the papers, and followed Jian outside, trying to catch him before he lost all traces of him — though if he was thinking practically, he would have realised that he could simply drop the bag off at Abstrego.
As he exited the café, he realised that he had been too slow, and he had lost all trace of Jian. Trying to figure out where he could have run, Dae began walking aimlessly in a direction, hoping to find some sign of where Jian had gone. He glanced down the alley next to the café, and spotted a figure kneeling there. Even if it wasn’t Jian, Dae figured he could still try to help. Only, as he neared the figure, it became clear that it was Jian and he was having a panic attack. Instinctively, Dae moved closer, crouching beside the hyperventilating man. “Breathe. Focus. You’re fine. You’re safe. It’s okay.” Once he figured that he’d given Jian enough time to calm down slightly, he began speaking again.
“You left your bag. Don’t worry, I didn’t look at anything.” Though in that moment, Dae doubted that him looking at the papers was high on Jian’s list of worries. He let the bag rest between them, hoping that he would get a verbal response, but also ready to potentially have to stop another panic attack.sorry if it’s too short – kinda hard to judge length on mobile
Jian only looked up in surprise when Dae's voice overpowered and drowned out the thump of his heartbeats. His breath was caught in his throat and he only exhaled when Dae told him to breath. Dae had crouched down next to him and there was no way to avoid Dae's gaze now that they were eye level. Jian wasn't sure he would even be able to avoiding his gaze. Dae was like the perfect murder case. Jian wanted to look away so badly but he was fascinated by the blood.
Jian's eyes intensely bore into Dae's as he focused on his words. They were steady, not at all panicked. A sense of calmness surged through him in slow waves and his shoulders drooped, no longer tense. His shaky hands were not on top his knees, itching to reach out and touch Dae. He subconsciously inched his hands forward but balled them into fists at ends of his knees. Dae's words rang in his ears, repeating in his mind until he was truly calm and his breath had even out. No matter the hatred plaguing Jian's heart, Dae continued to have certain effects on him.
Jian sits back on his heels, his back now touching the wall and surely ruining the back of his blazer. At Dae's words, he turned to his leather bag beside Dae and he nodded. His face was void of emotion now. He was back to his stoic self, unyielding and unwavering to the world ahead. Even to Dae. But Jian knew his new found confident and coldness were only temporary. Dae would find something to do that made Jian's heart yearn and he would be a mess, putty in Dae's hands all over again.
"Oh... Thank you, Dae." His voice came out even and strong, contradicting to what he was like just mere seconds ago.
Jian had wished he hadn't developed those feelings for Dae. They were perfectly fine the way they were. Two best friends, battling the world at every second of every day. But Jian's pesky heart started to flutter and pound every time he heard Dae's voice or smelled his peppermint and orange scent. It drove Jian to insanity until he finally had enough and he grabbed Dae by his collar and pressed their lips together firmly. That was the day things went downhill and that was the day Dae brutally rejected him.
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The way that Jian said Dae’s name, it sounded like he’d been lying when he shook his head. It sounded like the way you said a close friend’s name, not a celebrity you’d never met. But he doubted that asking would get any answers. He had been hopeful, earlier, but it was clear that Jian didn’t want Dae to know the truth — there was no question of whether or not he knew, the only question was how to get the information out. Dae let his head rest in his hands. He had no idea how to ho about it — he wasn’t programmed for interrogation, he was programmed to sing. And while he was capable of branching out, he’d never thought of gaining skills in that area.
“So... does this happen often? Because you should probably see someone about it if it does. Psychologists are pretty good at dealing with panic attacks, a lot of the human idols I know see psychologists about anxiety, and it seems to be pretty effective.”. He might be rambling slightly in his attempt to justify this sudden speech, but Dae doubted that Jian would notice, or care. Whatever it was that was bothering him was seemingly enough to cause a breakdown, so it was unlikely that it would be off his mind that quickly.
Dae could feel the headache returning, the distraction offered by chasing after Jian having worn off. He looked so familiar, and the way he spoke sounded like he knew the person he was talking to. But Dae only knew his name from watching the news, reading newspapers and researching him to figure out why he seemed familiar; and he had not, as far as he was aware, ever met the man before today. It frustrated him to no end.
Jain was so tempted to spill his darkest secrets and let Dae know about the past that Juan tried so hard to erase. If seeing him like this was so hard on Jian, he couldn’t imagine what Dae was going through, not only did Jian erase his memory of him, he completely altered his personality and his life. He may not have been the one behind the computer erasing Dae’s files but he certainly condoned it, for his own self interests; and Jian will never forgive himself for that.
Immediately after the reset, Jian started experiencing disturbing nightmares surrounding Dae. It was his guild gnawing away at his brain and his will to live. Multiple times that year he would find himself at the top of abstrego’s sky scraper, looking down at the street below over the railing. Without Dae’s mischievous eyes and devilish smile, Jian’s life became too pitiful and lonely. It was already hard enough for Jian to make friends and he literally built a titanium wall in between him and his only friend. Dae’s harsh words that day and his actions that followed pushed Jian towards the edge even more. Inch by inch, he was finding it harder to wake up every morning. Dae’s berating continued until the reset.
Jian could practically see the gears shifting in Dae’s mind. It’s been too long but Jian had memorized the man like the back of his hand. He was aware that Dae did not know him. He did not care. He also knew he was breaking his contract by even speaking to Dae. He didn’t care about that either. Right at that moment, his first ever love was crouching in front of him with worry and curiosity in his eyes and Jian had never felt such a strong urge to drown in them. Dae was all Jian was focused on at the moment.
“ You’re giving me psychological advice? The Dae I knew would slap me a few times and say stop asking for attention.” A slight smirk was playfully grazing his lips by now at the flashback that popped in his head of the numerous times Dae would affectionally hit him in humor. Dae’s smile falters and falls from his face ever so slowly. His gaze raked up and down Dae’s face then body, really taking in the sight of him. Jian’s lips part as a soundless breath escapes them. “ you look good, Dae.” Again, it was a low whispers; as if he was frightened the old Dae might resurface once again and berate him about complimenting him.
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The Dae I knew. He’d known that Jian was lying when he said he didn’t know Dae, but thinking it and actually hearing confirmation from the other’s own mouth were rather different. “The Dae you knew sounds like an insensitive jerk.” He might be like that, too, if he hadn’t been through the things he had. Trauma, confusion: they change people. Having his personality rewritten also affected how he acted, he suspected. He moved on to the second thing Jian had said, opting for avoidance of complicated topics.
“Of course I look good. I have photo shoots all day today, and the thing about being a soloist is that the rest of the group is nonexistent and can’t make up for one individual’s less-than-satisfactory appearance.” Dae smirked. What he conveniently ignored was that by the time his manager found him he was going to be almost an hour late to his next shoot, and that in turn meant he would be late for all the other ones after it, and by this point he was probably going to have at most one or two left.
Right on cue, his phone buzzed. Where are you, we’re supposed to be starting now! His manager was angry, clearly, but Dae ignored it. He could learn, for once, that just because androids weren’t human didn’t mean they didn’t get mentally exhausted. Standing still for hours on end was boring, and Dae often couldn’t help fidgeting, which usually resulted in him getting reprimanded and having to do the shot again. He despised having to do modeling, but the companies were usually paying the entertainment company some ridiculous amount, knowing that having famous celebrities on their billboards would help their sales massively.
“I should probably go,” he said, but he made no move to leave other than standing up. Jian intrigued him, and he wanted to learn more about the man — what he was like, more than the few facts he’d researched before. And whether he acted like this around anyone else, and why he acted like this around Dae.
A low chuckle rumbled through Jian and he smiled lazily, timidly peering up at Dae's strong and accusing gaze. At least it felt that way. Jian had admitted he knew Dae before the reset when a few minutes prior, he denied that fact.
" He really was... but... I lov-" Jian stopped himself just in time before he blurted out a declaration he would only regret. It would no doubt make Dae even more confused and dazed about the whole ordeal than he already was and it would also feel like an acid dipped knife tearing through Jian's flesh. He did not want the word love and Dae anywhere near each other any time soon. Not after the reaction he received the last time those words were paired.
Compared to Dae's over the top and perfectionist look, Jian only wanted to curl into himself with insecurity and self-consciousness. Since he slept in the office the day prior, Jian's light pink button shirt and his grey slacks were slightly wrinkled and his blonde hair fell over his forehead instead of being gelled back. The lack of sleep and nutrition was also evident on his face. All in all, he looked like pure hell. Jian wasn't sure if he wanted Dae to remember or if he liked this new version of him better. He certainly was still as sassy as ever. In a way he hadn't changed much and it was evident through his over confidence in his appearance and that devilish smirk that the old Dae sported daily.
In a panic, Jian quickly grabbed ahold of Dae's wrist in a tight grip, his whole hand wrapped around the limb and engulfing the pale as snow skin. Now that Dae had stood up, Jian had to crane his neck to look up at him. "Wait... stay." His voice, barely above a whisper, trembled and shook with uncertainty. What the hell was he doing? Why the hell was he acting his way. Jian knew this whole pursuit was fruitless and driven by a mere fantasy he had about him and Dae reuniting once again and Dae falling for him like intended but Jian had to face reality SOME time. Dae would never return his feeling. Not the old Dae, not the new Dae. Realizing this, Jian released his grip on Dae's wrist and he looked down sheepishly at the floor as he also stood up, his back scraping against the wall in an upward motion. He didn't dare speak.
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“Are you okay?” Dae had briefly pondered Jian’s cut-off statement, but he abandoned that train of thought in favour of checking on the other. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He was more disturbed by the way Jian had grabbed his hand and then let go; that, coupled with the look on the man’s face and the state of his physical appearance. “Is there anyone you can call to come look after you?” Dae would do it himself, but he was increasingly conscious of how late he was going to be, and as much as he wanted to help, his self-preservation instinct was stronger. He’d been yelled at by his manager enough times already for being late, and he wasn’t overly keen on going through it again. Nor did he want to be out until midnight trying to finish up. So he hoped that Jian would have someone to contact, and Dae could safely get him off his hands without feeling guilty.
By this point, Dae had grown used to ignoring the violent vibrations of his phone, and as he pulled it from his pocket, he was unsurprised to find dozens of messages from his manager. Where are you?!?!?!?!, most of them read, except the last: if you’re not here in ten minutes i’m confiscating your phone. It had been sent seven minutes ago. Dae didn’t think he could sprint that fast, so settled for sending a short explanation and apology, avoiding naming Jian or the circumstances that caused the situation. Remaining vague about the details was probably the safest solution, and the one that would ensure he didn’t get reset or done away with.
“I should really go. Will you be okay if I leave, or do you want me to stay until someone can come get you?” Dae didn’t trust him not to try to get home on his own, and with the state he was in that wouldn’t be safe. He’d rather jeopardise both their careers than let someone get hurt. “And just a suggestion — overworking yourself isn’t even that efficient, most people work better after sufficient rest.”
Any kind of physical contact with Dae was bound to resurface old feelings. Jian knew that yet he couldn't keep his cravings S
sated. Grabbing onto Dae's wrist was the worst possible mistake Jian could have made that night. But upon contact, warmth spread through Jian's fingers and up his veins as he floated in subspace. The last time he touched Dae was in a feverent kiss and he desperately fought the urge to do just that.
Jian's Cloud nine darkened and thundered in an angry storm when he looked into Dae's eyes. Those eyes did not recognize him nor did they hold any warmth towards him. Maybe that was a good thing. But Jian Couldn't help but feel like he was the victim in all this. Even though he was the one who erased himself from Dae memories. The anger over took him and chilled any warmth in his veins. The anger willed him to press Dae to the wall and confront him about why Dae rejected him. But Jian kept that anger at bay and he shoves his hands into the pockets of his slacks and masks his expression to the best of his ability.
" I'm fine, you don't have to worry. I can get home by myself just fine and you're probably busy also so I won't keep you here any longer. Thank you, for checking up on me and bringing me my bag." Jian was about to pick up his bag and leave but something held him back. Dae's smile and mischievous grin popped in the front of his mind and he hesitated. Jian bends down and opens his bag to take out a copy of his card that had his information printed in the front and a very cheesy picture and slogan on the back. "If you want to know the truth and who you really are, text me." Jian picked up his bag and started down the aisle and toward the main street. Before he turned the corner, he held his hand ap and without turning to Dae, he said," see you at the anniversary event, Dae."
