Terminalcoffee discussion
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Oh, I definitely agree that when you come back from the brink of insanity it's a toss-up as to whether the decision that you made at that time was a good one. Some people get very lucky and it turns out to be a wise decision, but many more are not so fortunate.
Lobstergirl wrote: "If you have lived past the age of 24, you generally know that everyone has his or her gross habits. I see no reason to celebrate this fact, rather than suppress it, on dates 1-20."I don't think it needs to be discussed, either. Adults should assume that their date has one or more disgusting habits, and not feel a need to discuss them during the first date.
Yeah I'm not sure what the point would be. Everyone defecates, too -- but why should we talk about the details?
Ice breaker for a first date:"I wipe holding the TP in my right hand. Are you a righty or a lefty?"
You're taking it to an extreme and that's not the point. If a date started talking about what hand she used to wipe her ass I'd walk out, too. The point is that I think too much time is wasted on early dates - the dates spent getting to sex when all bets are off - on mundane and unimportant topics because both parties are worried about making a good impression and not offending other other. But is it important for me to know that a woman likes walking around the lake and sunsets and orchid-colored living room walls, or is it important for me to know that she's courteous, generous and unpretentious?
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I disagree. A couple doesn't have to spend every waking moment together, so if my hobby takes me to the lake for a walk on Sunday and hers takes her to the couch to watch NASCAR life is still good. If I like a green olive pizza and she likes sausage it's not going to be an issue in a year. Those aren't measures of compatibility. However, if she lacks the traits that attract me, or vice versa, then the relationship is doomed to fail once the newness wears off. or someone's going to be really unhappy because they settled for the wrong reasons. So to me, first dates can be spent talking about more important things, things that matter, instead of trivialities.
But Michael, why does finger-sniffing count as something that matters, when wall color doesn't? Just because it's gross?
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Jammies wrote: "But Michael, why does finger-sniffing count as something that matters, when wall color doesn't? Just because it's gross?"Back at the beginning when I said that finger-sniffing is a question that should be talked about on a first date, I probably should have said that it's the type of question that should be talked about on a first date. I don't think that because it's a gross question, but because it's the type of question that's real. Everyone smells their fingers, everyone burps and farts and scratches in shady areas, and lots of people sit with their elbows on the table when they eat and they lick their fingers clean when they're done. All that stuff, as well as character traits, eventually comes out in a relationship, but my experience is that it comes out too late and I just want it to come out early. And I don't believe those types of things to be sources of shame or embarrassment because they're just human things.
I like talking about wall colors too, but if I come home and find my partner has painted the walls navy blue with brown trim it's not an issue because I love her in spite of the walls and her poor color sense. But if she's critical of me because I give a panhandler a dollar then that's an issue. So on a first date, or early date, I'd rather talk about something like charity and whether or not it's our moral obligation and to what extent we give as opposed to our favorite colors.
Well said! Especially that part about giving to a charity. My husband and I definitely don't see eye to eye on that.I giggled a bit though at the "come out too late ... come out to early." Immature I know. Oh, in a gay way not in a sexual way. *oops she says quite mortified for even bringing it up*
With you on that 100% Michael. Although the "serious" questions are probably not ground I'm covering for the first few dates (hypothetically), I would like to think they would be discussed before major decisions are made. I'm a crappy authority, since I've been with the same guy since I was 15, but it's the kind of advice I would give to my younger siblings who are beginning to date people on a serious level.
It's too easy to remain with a partner because the sex is good, and no matter how passionate the beginning of a relationship is, that feel-good period ends and then it's a crapshoot as to whether or not we're compatible. That's why knowing stuff like whether or not she's ever touched herself somewhere and then smelled that finger is more important to me than any other first date nonsense.