☣ I Live for the present, but you can see the future in my eyes. ☣

[ashrey]

Hey

[ashrey]

Haven't been here in a while... So much has happened, yet so little. I spend most of my days unable to get out of bed. Is this the future I had planned for myself? Where are the thousands of friends I had planned to grow old with? I find myself often wondering how I ended up this way. I close my eyes and picture myself when I was a child simply living in the moment. It's so hard to do that now. All I do is think about the future, does it get better than this? I sure fucking hope so. But what am I doing to prepare for that 'better future? Am I out and about making friends? No. Making a life for myself? No.
The point is I think I'm depressed. I think about death more often than I should. But I can't find it in myself to seek help. I never thought I would come to hate being alive. Crazy how much you can change without notice until you're standing there looking in the mirror unable to recognize yourself.

I've only read 5 published books this year! Insane. I remember when I used to read hundreds I am in my fanfiction phase lol.

[ashrey]

Hey

[ashrey]

I promise you I will make the future something to look forward to. Hang in there kid.