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General Chit-Chat Part 2!
This Is Your Brain on Music: The Science of a Human ObsessionMusic was not part of my rambunctious family’s life but I had an aunt who took me to NYCity Opera & Ballet - her interest in me changed my trajectory.
I think Greg’s nephew is similarly lucky to have such a great uncle.i>Karin wrote: "Joan wrote: "Good luck to you!
I’m taking singing lessons because a kind church choir director convinced me that you are never too old to try. I only hope to master matching my voice to a note.
I’..."
Mod
Thanks Joan :)
I'm just popping in to say I will be absent for a while. My mother suddenly passed away early yesterday morning. I am still trying to process what happened as she seemed to be recovering well. At least it seems to have been relatively painless and quick. Her death came 51 weeks to the day after my father's passing last July 11. Strangely, my mom was born on a holiday (Halloween) and died on one (the 4th of July). My thoughts keep returning to this relatively unimportant piece of trivia so I wonder if there is some metaphor hiding there nagging at my subconscience.In addition, since now both my parents are gone, we (my brother and I) have only 30 days to dispose of all their belongings and clear out their condo apartment. When my dad died, we postponed a lot of the difficult decisions about getting rid of things as there was no immediate need. My brother and his wife are being very efficient at gathering things up for donation or disposal but right now, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by how quickly things are being gotten rid of. The logical part of my brain knows that I don't really want these things but emotionally it is going too fast for me (plus as the family member who has been most closely associated with my parents in recent years, as soon as I get started on going through a pile, someone calls me to ask my opinion about whatever they are working on). I do appreciate their help, especially with this deadline, but I wish that we could have spent a little more time today just going through the old photographs and letters, exchanging reminiscences, rather than doing things like bundling up Mom's clothes for Goodwill.
Sorry if that is 'oversharing'; I feel this group is my "safe zone" where I can blow off steam without worrying that what I say will get back to my family (even though it is a public forum).
Please don't take amiss lack of response to any condolences or thoughts that any might choose to post in response to this, as I don't see myself as having much personal computer time in the next week or so. I am sure that my friends here will understand.
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Oh Leslie, I am so very sorry. There are no adequate words to express it. I can't imagine what it must be like for you right now - it's never possible to fully imagine such grief until it happens. You will be in my constant thoughts.
I'm so sorry Leslie. My heartfelt condolences to you. The fact that it has been so very quick makes it harder to digest, I'm sure. I'm thinking of you. ((((Hugs))))
Greg, I'm so glad you're back. We missed you. I've been busy lately. My brother got married about 3 wks ago and we have been trying to get a placement in an Assisted Living facility for my Mom. She currently lives with my brother but she needs more care (She has dementia). I am going to go check on her this morning because my brother is in Europe on his honeymoon. Hopefully, I can get her to eat something. She has not been eating well. She is probably down to 60 something lbs. Part of it is forgetting to eat and also having no appetite. I'm going to try to get her on a scale to see how much she weighs. She went to the Dr's a few weeks ago and I know they weighed her but I forgot to ask my brother about that and my sister said she thinks she has lost more weight. It is so hard to see how much she has failed and how fragile she is. Trying to come to grip with the fact that we will probably lose her soon.
Leslie, my heart and well wishes are with you and your family.Ruth, the same to you, so hard these challenges life presents us.
Joan, you sing girl, loud and proud. Think it's a wonderful thing and music has always been very important in our house.
Leslie, I am so very sorry to hear about your mom . It’s so hard to lose our parents and you have suffered the loss of both of them in such a short period of time.We had the same situation since my mother lived in an apartment as well and we had 30 days to clear out her apartment too . It’s difficult to do . We focused first on donating the furniture that no one in the family wanted, donated the clothes , etc . We took the boxes of photos, documents etc and brought them to my house . My sister and I went through them at our leisure, laughing and crying and savoring the memories.
Thinking of you .
Ruth , thinking of you and your mom . Wishing you the best in finding a place for her . These things are so hard. Take care of yourself too .
Mod
Thanks Ruth - I've missed everyone too! :)
You and your mom will be in my thoughts. It seems that many of us have parents that are getting older and getting to that age where health is precarious - it's incredibly hard. I still miss my dad, and my heart goes out to you and Leslie now.
I hope that you find a good place for your mom's care and that she has moments of clarity with you as long as she can.
Leslie wrote: "I'm just popping in to say I will be absent for a while. My mother suddenly passed away early yesterday morning. I am still trying to process what happened as she seemed to be recovering well. At l..."Leslie, I am very sorry for your loss, and you didn't overshare.
Leslie, I missed the post about your Mom. I am so very sorry for your loss. Hugs to you.
Leslie wrote: "I'm just popping in to say I will be absent for a while. My mother suddenly passed away early yesterday morning. I am still trying to process what happened as she seemed to be recovering well. At l..."I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my mother last October. We were very close (I'm the only daughter) and I'm still trying to deal with her not being there. Everyone has their own way of handling grief. I found keeping busy helped me, but I know that does not work for everyone.
Leslie, my deepest condolences to you on the loss of your mom. I will keep you both in my thoughts.
Mod
My deepest condolences to you Leslie and your family. Sending hugs to you all.
Leslie wrote: "I'm just popping in to say I will be absent for a while. My mother suddenly passed away early yesterday morning. I am still trying to process what happened as she seemed to be recovering well. At l..."Leslie I am so sorry for your loss.
I remember when my grandmother died my mother broke-down as my Dad and my husband took out her mattress. There was no question it had to go but it was too much for her.
Unless there was a particular item you wanted clothes are something someone else could help you with - does you goodwill have volunteers?
Photos maybe put them in a carrier bag and leave in a corner of cupboard/spare room until you have the strength to deal with them.
Sending you all my best wishes and warm hugs.
Ruth wrote: "Greg, I'm so glad you're back. We missed you. I've been busy lately. My brother got married about 3 wks ago and we have been trying to get a placement in an Assisted Living facility for my Mom. She..."My best wishes for your mother Ruth. We have had a few friends become very frail because they forget to eat. I hope you find a placement soon.
Leslie wrote: "I'm just popping in to say I will be absent for a while. My mother suddenly passed away early yesterday morning. I am still trying to process what happened as she seemed to be recovering well. At l..."Leslie, my condolences to you and your family. I send hugs.
It's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed at such a sudden change. Whatever you decide while sorting through things will be the best decision that can be made.
I'm so sorry you're going through this pain. Hugs.
Leslie, I'm really very very sorry for your loss. My heartfelt condolences.I hope you will find some time to go through your memories while gathering up all her things. It is important to live your grief as you feel to do it, as you need it. Everyone of us reacts in a different way, so maybe your brother and sister in law need to do all in a hurry.
Hugs.
Leslie, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. Of course we're all here for you when you need us, there's no oversharing. I think it helps to be able to talk about your feelings with people who aren't as close to the situation. Wishing you all the best during this time.
Leslie, I feel so sorry for you. Losing your mum is one thing and having to dispose of her things so quickly after her death is just too much.I suggest renting a storage locker, moving her things in there, then sorting thru them when you've had time to process your Mum's loss.
My son, his wife, two kids and their dog have been with us for a week. They left Sunday and now I am grumpy and sad. I miss them terribly. I have put a photo of them and their dog on my profile--to cheer myself up. Here: https://www.goodreads.com/photo/user/...Aren't they sweet? One is ten, the other six.
So my son taught me more bird songs. After lunch I took a walk in the woods. As usual I got lost, but found my way out again. Nobody else but me could possibly get lost in this forest, with a road right down the middle. I have NO sense of direction. I listened for bird songs but just got confused. I am not going to pretend I know what I heard unless I am sure. Pffff.
They will all be back here at Christmas.
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, Leslie. That is especially difficult so soon after your fathers death. We are all here when you need us, take your time.
I echo what other people say, we kept lots of my grandads paperwork and photos so we could go through it in our own time. It really helps but I think it’s also cathartic to donate clothes etc that have less personal memories
I echo what other people say, we kept lots of my grandads paperwork and photos so we could go through it in our own time. It really helps but I think it’s also cathartic to donate clothes etc that have less personal memories
Mod
Love the picture Chrissie! I know what you mean too - it's so sad when they go! But at least you have Christmas to look forward to I guess. :)
Chrissie , the picture of your grandkids is adorable. All of our grandkids live in our area and I would definitely miss them if they didn’t. Glad you had a great week with your son and his family.
Chrissie, I have school holiday grandee things too. This week, like last week, I have S this morning till 1pm, my sister and I have her Thursday & Friday from 7am till 5pm. Last week was exhausting so expect this week to be the same. When she gets tired mid afternoon, we can really see aspects of her Aspergers appear which are sometimes hard to deal with, if you're not the primary caregiver.
Leslie wrote: "I'm just popping in to say I will be absent for a while. My mother suddenly passed away early yesterday morning. I am still trying to process what happened as she seemed to be recovering well. At l..."Leslie, I am so very sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences to you and your brother and family. I understand your feeling that your mother's things are being gotten rid of too fast. You need time to process your grief. Take care of yourself.
Chrissie wrote: "My son, his wife, two kids and their dog have been with us for a week. They left Sunday and now I am grumpy and sad. I miss them terribly. I have put a photo of them and their dog on my profile--to..."Chrissie, your grand kids are adorable! Nice photos! Don't feel sad - Christmas will be here before you know it :)
Leslie, the loss of your mother must be devastating! ((((((((Leslie)))))))))))
I feel like a total ass griping, others' losses are so much greater than mine. POOR, Leslie. Greg, Angela, Bette and Alice, thanks for looking and understanding. Bette, it is hectic when kids visit and a child with Aspergers more so. Take care.
Chrissie, you shouldn’t feel badly ! You shared some of the good moments in life which are meant to be shared by posting the picture of your grandkids and you shared his much you love them. That’s a good thing!
Chrissie, your grandchildren are cute and I am glad you had a good visit with them.
Thanks, Ruth. That pink dress Leah has on I bought for her b-day.
Mod
Definitely! :)
Cute grandkids and dog, Chrissie! I completely understand your sadness. My grandson stayed w me for 2 weeks this summer and I won’t see him again until Dec 2019, unless I go to Iowa! I may have to. I miss him every day!
Pam, nice that you understand. How old is your grandson? I guess I have to consider myself lucky in being able to see my grandchildren in Dec 2018 when you must wait until 2019! Boy does one see how quickly the grandchildren change. In ourselves we see nothing, well sort of, but we are growing older too.
Chrissie wrote: "I feel like a total ass griping, others' losses are so much greater than mine. POOR, Leslie. Greg, Angela, Bette and Alice, thanks for looking and understanding. Bette, it is hectic when kids vis..."
I have a child with Asperger's and as such hate visiting family as it is never fun for me as a result and hasn't been for 20 years since the symptoms first showed, and wouldn't be even if it didn't stress out the rest of the family. It has exacerbated any differences I have with my siblings and led to soured relationships where they used to be good. However, this child is now an adult so I hope to visit my parents without this child sometime.
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Greg, Angela, Bette and Alice, thanks for looking and understanding. Bette, it is hec..."
That's really a shame Karin. I hope things improve with your siblings - it's sad that your family wasn't more understanding about your child's behavior as caused by his condition. :(
Greg wrote: "Karin wrote: "Chrissie wrote: "I feel like a total ass griping, others' losses are so much greater than mine. POOR, Leslie. Greg, Angela, Bette and Alice, thanks for looking and understanding. Be..."
Thanks. It's not even that they don't understand my aspie's behaviour, but they don't understand the changes it makes in how we parent, our family dynamics, how much we could do in a day or week, and many other things I don't need to share here :).
BUT, I do empathize with the stress of having an Aspie grandchild visit--they are all different, but it can be exhausting!
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Greg, Angela, Bette and Alice, thanks for looking and unde..."
It makes me think of one of our former group reads Shtum - I guess there's a lot of things we can't fully appreciate the details & the full difficulty of until we've lived through it.
Karin wrote: "Chrissie wrote: "I feel like a total ass griping, others' losses are so much greater than mine. POOR, Leslie. Greg, Angela, Bette and Alice, thanks for looking and understanding. Bette, it is hec..."
Each and every family situation is different. You have to take the good with the bad. I am not as close with my daughter and her three kids. She is remarried and has two more stepchildren, making her kids now five. You love all of your kids despite their differences, but you do NOT react to them in the same way. Love molds itself differently, but it is love nevertheless. My daughter has thin hair, like me, but now she has done something so it is thick, thick, thick, thick, thick. How does a person add hair? I cannot ask her. Why doesn't it fall out when washed every day????????????? She has eyelashes that cannot be hers either. How does one wash a face with those? If I ask her she will know that I feel they are false, just quite simply not who she is, so I never find out. Her kids are even older and they are so silent and I cannot get little out of them. Her oldest is now drives a moped and is taller than me. Her middle age one has autism but DOES seem healthier than before, a bit more relaxed. I think having two families is hard on kids because rules are different in each.
Chrissie- My grandson is 5. I helped raise him for several years and developed a very special relationship with him. We used to do EVERYTHING together! It broke me heart when they moved to Iowa. I have another grandson, who is 18 months, and he lives 5 minutes away, so that’s really nice! He has a special place in my heart, too. 💕
Mod
So glad you had that special relationship and that your other grandson is so close too!! Children are such a gift! :)
Pam wrote: "Chrissie- My grandson is 5. I helped raise him for several years and developed a very special relationship with him. We used to do EVERYTHING together! It broke me heart when they moved to Iowa. I ..."That is wonderful how you feel toward your grandson who is five, and you know you can develop a close relationship with the other grandson too. The more you do with a child/person the closer they become. But there always different underlying attachments for each one.
Have spent the week pup sitting. She is only two and still wants to play all the time. I seem to be her favorite play person,Candi I'm pooped. We also seem to have a plethora of toads due to all the rain we had in May. Bumper crop, they seem to be everywhere in the garden, but they eat mosquitos and are supposed to be a sign of garden health.
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Hope all those toads aren't too noisy Diane - sounds like you need a good rest after the dogsitting! :)
Chrissie wrote: "Kach and every family situation is different. You have to take the good with the bad. ."Yes, so true! Also, as our kids grow up that changes many things.
Karin wrote: "Also, as our kids grow up that changes many things."I agree, but you also see huge personality differences in your children. They remain steady.
Diane, you speak of rain--we have had practically none all summer. NONE at all. I cannot remember any other summer being this dry. We have over 30C at night. I am not complaining. I like heat. Oscar doesn't I walk with him in the forest because there there is more shade. My path is becoming visible so I don't get lost any more. We have free roaming cows in the forests and in the field behind our house. I do not really like going up to them. They can circle you and your dog. I ran into them yesterday right where I wanted to go--but didn't. Nothing happened.
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I’m taking singing lessons because a kind church choir director convinced me that you are never too old to try. I only hope to master matching my voice to a note.
I’d always want..."
It's never too late Joan! Hope you have a great time in the lessons & choir!