The complete bo**ocks, talk tripe, no music allowed thread Showing 2,601-2,650 of 3,123

[Serial]

Grizzlygrump wrote: "https://www.thedrinksbusiness.com/202..."

Ha ha.

probably find out now it wasn't just the Emus that were crapping on the floor, some aussie drinker had been blaming the poor birds

[TheFoe]

Let's just hope Rod Hull removed his arm in time.

[Brass Neck]

TheFoe wrote: "Let's just hope Rod Hull removed his arm in time."

Nah, he was fixing the aerial.

[Sera69]

Brass Neck wrote: "TheFoe wrote: "Let's just hope Rod Hull removed his arm in time."

Nah, he was fixing the aerial."

too soon, man! too soon!

[Helen The Melon]

suzysunshine7 wrote: "All hail our Helen!!! - our bountiful bringer of knowledge and wisdom!!! ;o>"

Oh yes, my posts are always SO informative! Clams, useless jargon, Spidermelons & other assorted crap. Endless crap. 😁

Today's bollocks come courtesy of YouTube. Someone has been editing their pet cat into short film clips etc. Genius:-

Pulp Fiction - https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=H7G1yjD...

The Lion King - https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I1wJkaO...

The Shining - https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MIkxDXy...

[Lez]

Of interest to very, very few of you. Steve Bell TV interview on a programme called 'Going Underground' on 'Russia Today'.

https://youtu.be/Yi-w1JIbN4A

[Brass Neck]

Lez wrote: "Of interest to very, very few of you. Steve Bell TV interview on a programme called 'Going Underground' on 'Russia Today'.

https://youtu.be/Yi-w1JIbN4A"

One for Tim? ;¬)

Here's Bell's magnificent cartoon for today;

https://www.theguardian.com/commentis...

[suzysunshine7]

Helen The Melon wrote: "Today's bollocks come courtesy of YouTube. Someone has been editing their pet cat into short film clips etc. Genius:-..."

Ohhh Helen - LOL!!! ... this one really cracked me up! ;o> ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf06...

[Helen The Melon]

suzysunshine7 wrote: "Ohhh Helen - LOL!!! ... this one really cracked me..."

And I like this one too: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_BwU-FX...

Hee hee. "He's already got a bit of facial hair as well" 😂
Like I said...genius!

[SussexWelsh]

Brass Neck wrote: "Lez wrote: "Of interest to very, very few of you. Steve Bell TV interview on a programme called 'Going Underground' on 'Russia Today'.

https://youtu.be/Yi-w1JIbN4A"

One for Tim? ;¬)

Here's Bell'..."

Excellent! :-)

[suzysunshine7]

Helen The Melon wrote: "And I like this one too: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_BwU-FX...

Hee hee. "He's already got a bit of facial hair as well..."

I nearly choked on my Mug of Tea!!! - that is SO funny!!! ;o>

[suzysunshine7]

"Notts Police Officers ‘very surprised’ to pick up a Penguin while on patrol" ...



... https://www.worksopguardian.co.uk/new...

! ... ;o>

[Val]

I had ordered three posters. One was delivered and I went online to check what was happening with the other two. How did I miss not buying this one?

[Serial]

Val wrote: "I had ordered three posters. One was delivered and I went online to check what was happening with the other two. How did I miss not buying this one?

"

Ahhh........... a last cuddle, before euthanising.

[Brass Neck]

Val wrote: "I had ordered three posters. One was delivered and I went online to check what was happening with the other two. How did I miss not buying this one?

"

Double negative - you didn't miss NOT buying it since you didn't buy it. You missed it and the opportunity to buy it.

Grammar fascism, doncha just love it.

[Lez]

Grammar fascism's my province, BN! Plenty to go at on these pages but I resist using it on my mates! Bound to get caught out myself some time anyway and that would never do.

[nocheese]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4vf8...

[Lez]

!
Not seen that before! I feel awkward laughing at it, though.

[Brass Neck]

Lez wrote: "Grammar fascism's my province, BN! Plenty to go at on these pages but I resist using it on my mates! Bound to get caught out myself some time anyway and that would never do."

You've dropped it on me often enough! Take it we're not mates then?

[suzysunshine7]

Yeah, me too ;o>

[Lez]

I can see I'm heading for trouble here. There are the sorts of mates who might be upset and the sorts who give at least as good as they get!

[Brass Neck]

Lez wrote: "I can see I'm heading for trouble here. There are the sorts of mates who might be upset and the sorts who give at least as good as they get!"

And Val's a shrinking violet? Yeah, stop digging before you sound too much like a Tory minister. ;¬)

[Val]

Never mind debating my (poor) grammar, what about the poster!

[Serial]

Val wrote: "Never mind debating my (poor) grammar, what about the poster!"

David Lee Roth with a dying equine?

No thanks.

[Brass Neck]

Val wrote: "Never mind debating my (poor) grammar, what about the poster!"

? rather than !

[Tim]

Val wrote: "Never mind debating my (poor) grammar, what about the poster!"

Interesting spelling was what came to mind! 🤪

[Brass Neck]

Tim wrote: "Val wrote: "Never mind debating my (poor) grammar, what about the poster!"

Interesting spelling was what came to mind! 🤪"

Didn't spot the missing w until now!

[Brass Neck]

Maybe it's part of a series - I heard there was another with a timepiece and the legend "Just a Girl Who Loves Clocks" only with the l omitted.

[Gordon]

And as for The Count of Monte Cristo...

[Sera69]

Brass Neck wrote: "Tim wrote: "Val wrote: "Never mind debating my (poor) grammar, what about the poster!"

Interesting spelling was what came to mind! 🤪"

Didn't spot the missing w until now!"

This needs a ba-dum-tish!

[Lez]

I know I'm always on about the dreaded 'pre-order' but this, from 'Which?' is ridiculous:-
'Pre-bought frozen food often comes in a box and a bag'

[suzysunshine7]

I just need a Passport and a Power Chair ;o> ...

"Finnish town to give residents free cake and bus travel if they do not exceed weekly carbon quota" ...

... http://www.msn.com/en-gb/travel/news/...

[Helen The Melon]

Can't remember if this has been posted before? Some quality product reviews & customer questions/answers here, especially one delightful review from Mr. Jeffrey Lambert: -

Product reviews - https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-C...

Questions/answers - https://www.amazon.com/ask/questions/...

[suzysunshine7]

;oO ... ! ! ! ... simply ... lost ... for ... words ... ! ! ! ... ;oO

[Serial]

I bow in admiration to Jeffrey Lambert.

The point of sphincter release in his review was so gripping I was with him all the way.

[Serial]

"With a sound like an extra large plastic ketchup bottle being run over by a Mac truck, my sphincter released"

Pure poetry.

[Brass Neck]

Serial wrote: "I bow in admiration to Jeffrey Lambert.

The point of sphincter release in his review was so gripping I was with him all the way."

Surely it was the opposite of gripping as far as his ringpiece was concerned?

[suzysunshine7]

You will need to have Sound on and turned up for this! ...

https://www.facebook.com/Motoclubagai...

... HA HA HA HA HA!!! - LOL!!! ;o>

[Brass Neck]

One for Serial;

I went to a fetish restaurant last night. I got toed in the hole.

[Brass Neck]

Earlier today man was hit by a flying power tool, "I was just walking along minding my own business and then out of nowhere ..... Bosch!"

[Brass Neck]

Did you know you can hear the blood in your veins, if you listen varicosely?

[Brass Neck]

What's got 200 legs and 3 teeth? The queue outside Primark's reopening.

[Brass Neck]

I'm nicking all these from an FB page ("Weren't there any good ones?"). Some are visual and this is a doozy;

https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=3...

[suzysunshine7]

Our newest Forum member, madam tech, looks even more stunning in comparison ;o>

[suzysunshine7]

This is how they measure social distancing in the Yorkshire Dales ;o> ...

[Brass Neck]

What do these Galloways do that keeps getting them belted?

Why should you distance by 2m in the great wide open fresh air spaces of our NPs? I saw someone riding a bike in Sheffield with a cloth face mask on; why? They're not effective at keeping out other folk's germs, you're in the open air where germs would quickly disperse and you'll be past any pedestrians pretty quickly so unless you're going to hawk up a greenie for the mask to catch, it's pointless.

While I was over in the Homeland babysitting the 'rents while they had a new boiler and under-floor insulation fitted on some govt grant, so as not to impact on their feeding routine (a private carer comes in at 5 and microwaves some muck from the Parsley Box range with a few fresh veg which they've already prepared - talk about money for nowt), I went to a 'spoons in town. It was Wed, the place was nearly deserted and they had all the front doors propped wide open - by 'eck bur it were cowd, so much so that, in contravention of my own sense of Covid responsible behaviour I moved tables twice to try and get out of the draught. On entry I was asked to fill out my details including time of arrival which was fair enough but I did balk at being asked to give a time of departure having only just set foot in the place! They're doing their own food deals Mon-Wed now Sunak's tap has been turned off so I ordered my favourite spicy meat feast pizza and a pint which normally comes to about £9.50. The server was having trouble entering it so another confirmed the problem and I ended up paying £4.29, inclusive of a £2 pint (I love local brewers Little Critters' stuff but maybe the Raspberry Blonde wasn't the best choice to accompany said pizza) - I couldn't tap my card fast enough. There was still a dearth of punters when I left and very few of those were eating.

[suzysunshine7]

Brass Neck wrote: "What do these Galloways do that keeps getting them belted?"

... keep on asking walkers who pass by if their Bums look too big? ;o>

[Derek]

I wouldn't go into a Wetherspoons pub if they were the last pubs on Earth.

[Brass Neck]

Derek wrote: "I wouldn't go into a Wetherspoons pub if they were the last pubs on Earth."

I had to hold my nose after the lovely uber-entrepreneur Tim Martin's outrageous attitude towards furloughing his staff (they can all go & get jobs in Tesco or words to that effect) but I needed somewhere quick and above all cheap. And they sell the wonderful micro-brewery Little Critters ales - their Coco-nutter 6.5% coconut stout is to die for darling - at cheap prices (oh, look, there's that word again) unlike the hipster bars where it might also be available. I say might because hipster bars where you pay a fiver for a 330ml can of beer that universally seems to taste like grapefruit are the last place on Earth I'd enter. Chacun à son goût as they say in Barnsley.

[Derek]

Run by a brexiter for brexiters. It's my own little personal revenge not to spend money anywhere that I know is owned by a brexiter. Dyson can get stuffed as well.