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The complete bo**ocks, talk tripe, no music allowed thread
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Gingerlily - The Full Wild
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Feb 18, 2019 02:38PM
Write it in invisible ink. That'll confuse him.
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Invisible ink?
Not necessary - considered awkward even by other left-handers, my handwriting can confuse the hell out of anyone - even me! :)
Not necessary - considered awkward even by other left-handers, my handwriting can confuse the hell out of anyone - even me! :)
Grizzlygrump wrote: "Invisible ink?Not necessary - considered awkward even by other left-handers, my handwriting can confuse the hell out of anyone - even me! :)"
Are you a doctor?
Nope - I just teach them how to write out prescriptions :)
I have recently bought a brilliant Hand Splint that actually holds a Pen in my Hand for me so that I can now get to write out short Sentences by myself in my own Handwriting ;o> I have to practice with it on for a day or so first before daring to trust myself to write out a Card - and I need a lot of help to get it on and to take it off again - but it is SO wonderful to be able to put Pen to Paper once more ... even if it is only just now and then and on a good day ;o>
And still more legible than my efforts :)
I'll bet you pay the price for being able to do that.
I'll bet you pay the price for being able to do that.
Well, it does hurts like Hell for a day or two afterwards but I think that's a small price to pay for being able to sign my own name almost as well as I always used to - and in not having it look like a 3 year old has scrawled it for me - LOL!!! ;o>I managed to get it custom made for me by a Physiotherapist after I showed her this Video that I found on the Internet ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfZgt...
Welcome back, Suzy7!My hubby's Ortho recommended a hand splint called a Gauntlet. I was both scared and intrigued at the same time. It's this thick black leather thing that stabilizes his wrist and it works pretty well, but I can't help thinking it should have come with a mace and a shield.
I have got a couple of NHS Hand Splints with custom made Thumb Protectors and lots of Velcro Strapping that make me look more like I'm into Cage Fighting than just off out to the Shops! - LOL!!!No-one better dare mess with me at the Supermarket Checkout Till! ;o>
lol! We could have Supermarket Cage Wars... Check-Out Tilly vs The Gauntlet. BYOC (bring your own coupons) and enter at your own wrist!
The Evil Queen of Mischief wrote: "Welcome back, Suzy7!My hubby's Ortho recommended a hand splint called a Gauntlet. I was both scared and intrigued at the same time. It's this thick black leather thing that stabilizes his wrist a..."
Or a whip and ball-gag?
You'll need a slightly different kind of Therapist to make you one of those, Mr B ;o>
No further than our very own zon;https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tabuy-Leathe...
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wolike-Gener...
quickly obtained from his 'buy again' facility!
Tech wrote: "quickly obtained from his 'buy again' facility!"Mine was the ball-gag review about the wife reading 50 Shades!
get 50 shades of keech batturt oot ye wi' thon whip!
Ooooh, is that an offer …… big boy?!!
Naked man saved after fire started in ‘Brothel’ ..."A man wearing his birthday suit had to be rescued from a roof after a fire broke out in a suspected brothel. Firefighters got something of an eyeful when they went to help the man who was clinging to his final scraps of dignity after climbing through the window to escape the blaze in Northenden, Greater Manchester. He had been in adult ‘health club’ Ladybirds above the Simply Delicious takeaway.
Ladybirds is described as a ‘bijoux parlour’ with a ‘welcoming and discreet atmosphere’. It's website states: ‘We are the height of class and sophistication, our elite 5* ladies have been hand picked to provide quality over quantity, consistently providing a seductive and sensual massage whilst delivering pure indulgence every time.’ Naturally his appearance caused something of a stir locally with people taking pictures and videos.
A fire service spokesman said: ‘We were called out at 3.09pm on Tuesday and sent a fire engine from Withington. We helped a man down from a shop signage using a nine metre ladder.’ A police spokesman said: ‘Police were called shortly after 3pm on Tuesday 19 February 2019 to a report of concern for the welfare of a man on Palatine Road, Northenden.’ He was taken to hospital and firefighters confirmed Ladybirds has already reopened for business"
https://metro.co.uk/2019/02/21/naked-...
‘Our elite 5* ladies have been hand picked ......’ !
It was the online Photos that actually had me feeling sorry for the guy ... talk about having a bad day?!! - ending up in standing stark naked outside a Window on a tiny ledge above a Takeaway that faces outwards onto a busy main Road while folk in nearby Shops or walking and driving by all used their Mobiles to take Pictures and to film his Rescue! You would have thought that he would have at least grabbed a Sheet or a Towel to cover himself up as he escaped though, wouldn't you?!!
Just imagine being the poor fireman who has to precede him down the ladder.
The Fireman in the Photos looks like he is doing his best to stay professional but doesn't really know what to put his Hand on as he tries to steady the guy on the way down the Ladder!
I'd probably feel sorry for the guy if he was leaping from the dressing room at Walmart in the midst of trying on a cheap suit, or turning a lovely shade of puce in a tanning booth at Tanfastic, or getting a full body-wax at HolyShiteThatHurts. But the man was nekkid because he was leaping from a brothel. As they say... He who sows, shall he leap. And if he be nekkid, we shall laugh.
The Evil Queen of Mischief wrote: "I'd probably feel sorry for the guy if he was leaping from the dressing room at Walmart in the midst of trying on a cheap suit, or turning a lovely shade of puce in a tanning booth at Tanfastic, or..."😀😀😃
A great offer on Talk Classical:‘Default Top QUALITY MONEY THIS MONTH
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Don't hesitate to place your order and have your problem solved. If you also want to learn how to produce quality bills like us and reach out to others in your community, don't hesitate to get our SSD Chemical solution.’
I love them being ‘legit suppliers’!
what you waiting for? £30 for two tenners? count me in!
Can you get it on Subscribe and Save? :)
Lez wrote: "A great offer on Talk Classical:‘Default Top QUALITY MONEY THIS MONTH
We are the best, unique and legit suppliers of high quality undetected Counterfeit Money for many countries around the globe ..."
Sounds good to me, put me down for some fivers to give out generously next Christmas.
Wild HaggisThe Wild Haggis (Haggis scoticus) is a creature native to the Scottish Highlands. It it is the True source of Haggis, a Scottish Treat said to be made from the organs of sheep. It is a furry relative of sheep, which gave birth to the Myth that Haggis is made from sheep's organs.
The Wild Haggis's right and left legs are of different lengths, allowing it to run quickly around the steep mountains and hillsides which make up its natural habitat, but only in one direction. Owing to a process of natural selection, there are therefore two varieties of Wild Haggis, one with longer left legs and the other with longer right legs. The former variety can run clockwise around a mountain while the latter can run anticlockwise. The two varieties coexist peacefully but are unable to interbreed in the wild because, in order for the male of one variety to mate with a female of the other, he must turn to face in the same direction as his intended mate, causing him to lose his balance before he can mount her. As a result, differences in leg length between the Haggis populations have become further accentuated with the passage of time.
How to hunt Wild Haggis
First, be sure to identify whether the creature you are stalking is a clockwise or anti-clockwise variety. Dig a large hole in which to hide and then, as it approaches, leap up and yell, "BOOOO!!" in its face as loudly as your lungs permit (It will be noted that facing in the wrong direction at this point would be rather ineffectual, hence the importance of pre-determining the rotational preference of the intended prey). Correct application will cause the animal to take fright, recoil and turn to attempt to run in the opposite direction, the consequences of which will be immediately apparent. While it is still stunned from rolling downhill, simply pick it up (assuming that you have managed to keep pace with its rate of descent and reach it before it has recovered), whack it over the head with your walking stick and pop it into your backpack.
Coming soon to a table near you... if you live in Scotland.
Other Info
Wild Haggis do exist, It is rare to catch on camera, but when it does happen, the flash from the camera causes them to create a loud screech, which tends to attract a Giant Bagpipe Spider or two.
From: strangeanimals.wikia.com
Awww, I feel so sorry for hunted-down Wild Haggis now! ;oO
Giant Bagpipe SpiderThe Giant Bagpipe Spider is indigenous to Scotland. It strongly resembles a set of bagpipes. This creature is extremely camera-shy and will scuttle for cover at the drop of a lens-cap; as a result, no photographs are known to exist. It is about the size of a small dog, has an extensible stomach, four legs; NOTE: they are technicaly NOT spiders due to them not having eight legs;(usually black) and often wears something vaguely resembling a kilt (no known species of spider has ever really got the hang of making these properly). Some specimens are also known to favour accentuating their appearance with the addition of a Tam O'Shanter.
It can be deadly. After one bite from it, people have been known to dance the Highland Fling until they drop dead. However, as with the the adder, the UK's only venomous snake, the spider's venom is not highly toxic and most victims will recover, as long as they are in a general state of good health and haven't recently consumed too many deep-fried Mars Bars.
This semi-arachnid's regular diet is (purportedly) fruit, vegetables and small animals such as squirrels, birds and hedgehogs. Apart from supplying protein, the latter is also reputed to be a good source of toothpicks. However, it is apparent that any port will do in a storm, and the vast majority of attacks on humans seem to happen around January 25th each year when other sources of nutrition are in short supply due to seasonal considerations. Other times and places to beware of are Hogmanay, the Edinburgh Festival and anywhere else that might have marching fife-and-drum bands: the spider is drawn to such venues as if by the strongest magnet imaginable.
How it hunts
The spider hunts its live prey by sneaking up on it and biting it. Once the prey stops dancing, it will either die or fall asleep, and then the Bagpipe Spider will fall to its gruesome feast (the sordid details of which cannot possibly be revealed on a family website).
Treatment for unfortunate encounters
The best-known antidote to the spider's bite is liberal application of a good single malt. Apart from this, however, there are several other cures:
1. While dancing, start singing any other song; this will neutralize the effect of the bite and make you stop dancing. It doesn't have to be a whole song, you can just repeat the same words, or one word, over and over again (as long as the one word isn't 'Haggis': the consequences of this may be extremely debilitating, if not fatal).
2. People with allergies, respiratorial and mobility problems are unaffected by the bite (apparently, though there is little concrete evidence to support the rather sketchy research that arrived at this conclusion).
3. Think of England.( This is NOT confirmed, just a myth (probably).)
From: strangeanimals.wikia.com
I haven't got a Glass big enough to catch up and rehome one of those! ;oO
You don't need a large glass to catch them - simply lay out a trail of Maynards Wine Gums into a cage and they'll come to you :)
hoots, mon, sumdy's oan the hielan' acid, l.s.d. - loopy sheep droppings! help mah boab!
Not especially funny but last night I took a bus (gasp, shock, horror) into Cleethorpes to see a couple of heavy rock bands at a free gig. Very few punters if you subtract the members of the bands and their partners and it was a bit unremitting, especially the growling vocals of the headliners Mormegil.I left early to catch the bus and a No. 5 turned up. Not being familiar with its route I asked whether it went to the roundabout in my village. He didn't answer but gesticulated at the coin tray and snapped, "Put your money here!" I repeated my question and he said, "Too many questions!" I put the wrong amount in his tray but he grabbed and didn't count it (I only realised it was 5p short when I looked at the ticket) and he shot off like a bat out of hell. When I got up for my stop he then changed tack altogether; "Where do you want dropping off?" "At the stop will be perfect." "But I can drop you anywhere …." "The stop is perfect." I got off at the stop.
Must've been his last run of the night but it wasn't a great advert for public transport.
Ahhh Bus Drivers! ... you never know, until those Doors open, just who you will be faced with ... on the other side of that (often much-needed) Protective Barrier ;o>https://www.amazon.com/have-Zero-Tole...
A few years ago my partner was working afternoon shifts, finished work at 2200, took a stroll to the bus stop by the factory gates giving herself plenty of time. She could see the road in the distance in which the bus was due to come from. Bus was in site, good she thought its on time, but instead of turning right to follow its route past the factory and through a couple of small villages to its final destination the driver decides to go straight on, via the by-pass, obviously after an earlier finish.
We complained to the bus company, who didn't really seem to care, however we then complained to the county council as they subsidised the evening services, only then did the bus company offer us any apology.
Too late, by then I had bought a cheap motor car to save my partner any more hassle.
ARRRGGGHHH!!! ;oOI was once invited out somewhere over on the other side of Stockport - somewhere that, to be honest, I didn't really want to go to but felt that I ought to show willing because I was meeting up with a group of Girls I had only just got to know from Work and they were keen to go.
It was a Sunday afternoon and we were only supposed to be out a couple of hours max but although I managed to get a Bus there before Lunchtime, they went over to being a two to three hourly Service in the Afternoons and I had apparently just missed one by the time that we had all said goodbye and I had got to the Bus Stop.
Everything that could go wrong went pear-shaped that day! I'd left my Coat at Home because it was a very warm day but, just minutes after walking the half hour to the Bus Stop, the clear blue Skies clouded over, a Storm blew up out of nowhere, and the Bus Stop was only a sign on a Lamp-post with no Shelter whatsoever around it or nearby. I waited soaked to the Skin for almost an hour before I realised I must have missed the Bus which must have come and gone a good 15 minutes too early.
This was back in the days when barely a few people had Mobiles (remember them?! ;o>) and I couldn't see a Phone Box and I had no money on me for a Taxi either - and so I had to walk Home through torrential Rain that was so heavy I could barely see ahead of me! I had to go through several deserted and derelict Industrial Estates and two residential areas with a very bad reputation even amongst the residents and so it was a stressful six mile walk that took me the best part of almost 3 hours!
I can't remember ever being SO soaked right through to my Skin! - and, to cap it all, after seeing no Buses at all the whole way back ... as I reached the end of the Main Road just 5 minutes walk away from Home ... not one? - but FOUR flippin' Buses drove past me!!! ;oO
Every step of that journey on that day is forever etched on my memory now! - LOL!!! ;o>
suzysunshine7 wrote: "Ahhh Bus Drivers! ... you never know, until those Doors open, just who you will be faced with ... on the other side of that (often much-needed) Protective Barrier ;o>https://www.amazon.com/have-Z..."
Yep, bus drivers.
My Uncle was a bus driver all his working life, lived on Canvey Island. He once pulled up for someone with a load of bags, they took too long gathering them up, so he just drove off...
What a bastard. He continued to work on until retirement so I guess never faced any consequences.
I remember now in Cornwall not being let on the bus with a load of those steel fence holders you hammer in the ground.Had to get a fkn taxi home with em.
Welsh Hill-walker discovers English Border with Wales has been wrongly marked for decades and England is 1.8 million square feet bigger than Map-makers thought ...http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/...
the welshman who made wales smaller? no be walking many hills without his kneecaps!
suzysunshine7 wrote: "Welsh Hill-walker discovers English Border with Wales has been wrongly marked for decades and England is 1.8 million square feet bigger than Map-makers thought ...http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uk..."
Likely that Welsh 'walker' was addled on sheep juices, so possibly not a reliable source.
All those references to things being ‘the size of Wales’ will need to be re-written.
Lez wrote: "All those references to things being ‘the size of Wales’ will need to be re-written."Humpback, Minke or Blue?
suzysunshine7 wrote: "Welsh Hill-walker discovers English Border with Wales has been wrongly marked for decades and England is 1.8 million square feet bigger than Map-makers thought ..."
Quick. Where is it? Let's get over there and stake our claim!
I'm setting up a toll-gate on that path.
There's already a shed apparently?
Amazon exiles
Books mentioned in this topic
MEGALOPHILIA: MONOKUBO ARTWORKS (other topics)Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men (other topics)
Paul Hollywood's Pies and Puds (other topics)
The Plight of the Lady Gingerlily: (other topics)
The Plight of the Lady Gingerlily: (other topics)
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