Amazon exiles discussion
Trackless wastes
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The complete bo**ocks, talk tripe, no music allowed thread
Post Soviet wrote: "Anecdotes about Estonians (sorry can't imitate the accent in English),Father and son before the fireplace.
Father,
-Would you check it out, is it raining outside?
Son, after an hour,
- Would you ..."
Sounds like our Irish jokes, PS. ;-)
Or our Kerryman jokes.
It's very quiet on the Forum Threads today? - is everyone in Scotland off out panning for Gold? ;o> ...http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/uknews/...
Its not even worth photographing!
It wheely isn't that bad? - it just needs to learn how to swim ;o>
You can get gold-panning licences at Wanlockhead, just down the road from me. Some of the world's purest gold at 22.8 carats was found there and was used to make the Scottish Crown.
Weird or what?I used my bus pass to go to the doctor and back. On the way back, I stopped off at Morrisons for a few groceries. Then I got on the bus and no bus pass!
I searched everywhere, wallet, shopping bags, pockets. Nothing, so I paid to get home. When I got back I emptied everything out - still nothing.
I made a hot drink before calling lost property. Coming back to my chair I noticed something under it. It was my bus pass!
How is that even possible?
It fell out of your trouser-leg where you’d put it for safe-keeping?
No holes in my pocket and I always put it back in my wallet after use as a matter of habit.
WoW?!! ;o> ... Scientists have just discovered a brand new shape ...https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-n...
Just like Lego? Really???
“They are like pieces of Tente or Lego from which animals are made'”First I’ve heard of it!
Exciting news ! Good job I retrieved it from my spam.ATTN:_______Notice On Your Package Reg: 3RT67A.
Today we discovered an abandoned metal suitcase in our Storage Unit with registration number; 3RT67A , originally scheduled to be delivered to you by the (Foreign Payment Service) Pennsylvania Department, this suitcase is a metal box and after undergoing forensic scanner inspection it was revealed to contain money valued $800,000.00 USD(Eight hundred thousand United States dollars).
I am writing to inform you that we have investigated the said suitcase and the investigation proved the legitimacy of its content as it is said to be a compensation fund from a Poverty Alleviation Program held during September 2017.
You are therefore advised to make contact with Barrister Steve Slater ,
(sslater6868@aol.com)
The attorney selected for you to help secure and monitor your package delivery regarding any issues during the course of its delivery.
Contact him through his email to lay claim and recover your package or we will be compelled to list your package as an unclaimed property and maybe forfeited and moved to the United States Treasury Department for holding.
Disregard this email if you don't have any undelivered package from PA ,thank you.
God Bless
Sincerely,
Melissa J Peterson
Inspection Unit
Pittsburgh International Airport Pennsylvania
If you’d mentioned you needed poverty alleviation I’d have lent you a tenner 😳
Your poverty is about to be alleviated? ;oOYAYYY!!! - it's party-time and the drinks are all on nocheese!!! ;o>
Hmmm? - a Metal Suitcase Box?Does it also contain lots of dirty Holiday washing as well?
Only I'm not sure I'd want the money that badly?!!
Sounds to me like one of those scams for the gullible, any enquiries will most likely require some form of fiscal investment to proceed. It could also be that it is part of some kind of sting operation by some law enforcement agency to draw out the unwary criminal element. Or am I just being paranoid?
Group Forum rumour has it that Nocheese was last seen to be supervising four Porters who were trying to lug a huge heavy Metal Suitcase up a set of stairs and onto her own newly bought Private Plane, Martin? ;o>
suzysunshine7 wrote: "Hmmm? - a Metal Suitcase Box?Does it also contain lots of dirty Holiday washing as well?
Only I'm not sure I'd want the money that badly?!!"
Cheesy socks?
This is all the same email:‘The following services are no longer expected to be disrupted by a fault with the signalling system.
The 11:38, 12:09, 12:39, 13:09, 13:39, 14:09, 14:38, 15:08, 15:38, 16:09 and 16:39.
The following train services may be cancelled or delayed due to a fault with the signalling system
- The 11:38, 12:09, 12:39, 13:09, 13:39, 14:09, 14:38, 15:08, 15:38, 16:09 and 16:39.’
Scotrail are great with updating
Keeping all their options open and their passengers bewildered - LOL! ;o>
The best I heard was an announcement while sitting on a train in Saxmundham:"This train is a total failure."
The best that I heard was on the Train ... "It's my first day on this Service and I don't know where we are going yet but I'll let you know as soon as I do - or when we get there!" ... although it did have me a bit worried for a while that I wasn't going to get home anytime soon! ;o>
You could have had a Adventure! Or a Mystery Tour around england's railway system. How exciting!
We were in Preston at the time and the Train had just separated into two different Services - so I was worried in case the part of the Train that I was on was the one that was going to be going onto Blackpool instead of Cumbria ;o>
Not in the mood for Blackpool?
Not when you have just spent the last couple of hours travelling on the same Train as several already drunk-as-a-skunk Stag and Hen groups that are all heading off for a mad mini-break there! ;oO
Gingerlily - All kinds of everything! wrote: "Not in the mood for Blackpool?"suzysunshine7 wrote: "Not when you have just spent the last couple of hours travelling on the same Train as several already drunk-as-a-skunk Stag and Hen groups that are all heading off for a mad mini-break there! ;oO"
So not any time, then?
You got it, Gordon! ;o>I've never seen so many people all in groups and so completely punch-drunk as early as 9.30 in the morning until I started getting the Blackpool/Barrow Train ;oO
gots to share (inappropriate or not!),waiting at the bus stop, for a bus dontchaknow!, a woman in her 20s, accompanied by her support worker, also a woman of similar age, came to wait for same bus, and commenced a conversation around the day's activities. at one point the woman said to her support worker (i was just minding my own business y'unnerstand) that she'd forgotten her name, to which the s.w. replied "yes, you know my name, it begins with an L". the woman took mibbe ten seconds to consider - "yes,......Leonard" :)
Well, it does indeed begin with 'L' - so that's a very good start ;o>I forgot to ask, Tracey? - did your Bus arrive on time? ... (*giggles*)
of course, me being such a gentleman, i gestured for them to go before me on to the bus, but i couldn't resist an "after you, leonard" when the s.w. passed me - which raised a smile!
Near my library was a hostel for adults with various types and levels of learning difficulties. A group of about 8 used to visit us weekly with their social worker. It was very difficult to know what level of communication was appropriate for each of them and many extremely surreal conversations took place, some unavoidably hilarious.
There is nothing better than to observe somebody who is totally unsettled in the proximity of the more vocal and lively members of said fraternity. That fixed uncomfortable expression of wishing they were anywhere else at that moment whilst studiously attempting to ignore the situation and failing miserably.
Martin wrote: "There is nothing better than to observe somebody who is totally unsettled in the proximity of the more vocal and lively members of said fraternity. That fixed uncomfortable expression of wishing th..."That'll be me at most larger gigs while all manner of knobheadery kicks off in my vicinity, by no means all emanating from those younger than me. What I go through for the sake of music.
My dad had to retire early after a heart attack (still with us 30 years later) and decided he needed to take up some light exercise. Where better than Concord Leisure Centre's pool in the quiet of the early weekday afternoon? All was well under a troupe of adults with learning difficulties rocked up, jumped in, one of whom, shortly thereafter, passed a humungous stool which floated conspicuously and emptied the pool like lightning. He never went back.
Martin wrote: ""THAR SHE BLOWS!""Torpedoes away?
just sending an old friend off to sea! happens more often than you may think, and in many worse places than the swimming pool!
Tech wrote: "...happens more often than you may think, and in many worse places than the swimming pool!"In the bath?
At a job interview?
In Gary Lineker's case, on the pitch in a World Cup match.In Paula Radcliffe's, at the side of the road in the middle of the London marathon. Or do I mean Snickers?
Tech wrote: "gots to share (inappropriate or not!),waiting at the bus stop, for a bus dontchaknow!, a woman in her 20s, accompanied by her support worker, also a woman of similar age, came to wait for same bus..."
A chap here in the village called my mum Noonoo, to her face, for several years. She even had a Christmas card from him one year - "To Noonoo". She found this hysterical because he would often ask her "your name is Noonoo isn't it?" She repeatedly told him what her actual name was....................................Shân!!
She also went, with a colleague, to an important conference once and was handed a printed name badge that said "Stan" which she had to wear all day. They both found it extremely amusing & said colleague carried on calling her "Stan" for some time after.
Former colleague at work had the surname Birtwhistle (think it was his sis/in law who won Bake-off a couple of years ago) - he used to regularly get mail addressed to Mr Bert Whistle.Then there was the unusually surnamed lad at school called Kartawick. The knuckle-dragging metalwork teacher (rarely actually supervised us as he was either outside having a smoke or in the bay attached to the classroom working on an old banger …… and sometimes he'd be fixing a car) thought it highly amusing to call him Kartawick-wuck-wock-wank. Didn't seem to understand why we found that SO amusing. That kid got me one stroke of the cane when he pushed an item of mine off the desk so I emptied his whole bag on the floor - he got 6 strokes as he was 'known'.
Same bloke used to delight in getting the smartest nerd (went to Oxbridge, the kid not the teacher) to name the tools in the drawer, knowing he could not say 'Bastard File sir' without dissolving in a giggling heap. He also addressed a white lad who did have a Mediterranean complexion as 'Nig-nog' or 'Camel'. Eeeeh, them were t'days, eh when any casual indolent racist could get a job imparting great wisdom to the unwashed youth of a once-great city?
Blimey, I thought your school was one of the better ones! Having attained the dizzy heights of Senior Library Assistant I had to have a name-badge and got really pissed off by small boys asking me if I was a lesbian. I thought of saying yes to see their reaction.
My friend's name was Hughes but the little Pakistani kids couldn't manage it and called her Miss Huge.
Amazon exiles
Books mentioned in this topic
MEGALOPHILIA: MONOKUBO ARTWORKS (other topics)Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men (other topics)
Paul Hollywood's Pies and Puds (other topics)
The Plight of the Lady Gingerlily: (other topics)
The Plight of the Lady Gingerlily: (other topics)
More...
Father and son before the fireplace.
Father,
-Would you check it out, is it raining outside?
Son, after an hour,
- Would you rather call the dog from outside, to see if it's wet.
-Hmm what a strange slow waltz on the radio!
-It's not a waltz, it's an Estonian rap...