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The complete bo**ocks, talk tripe, no music allowed thread
message 901:
by
Craig White
(new)
Jun 03, 2018 04:21AM
i'm sitting here at my work, pishing myself, by the way! :)
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Our library Christmas or special occasion meals always included spouses and partners. We’d all agreed to split the set menu bill equally but *Bill, husband of *Joan would divide up the basic bill and then ask each couple separately to pay for any extras like side dishes and wine (he didn’t drink, of course). Terribly embarrassing for everyone, specially Joan who was one of the most generous people you could hope to meet.Bill was actually a very nice man in every other respect which made it even more awkward.
* not their real names
Tech wrote: "i'm sitting here at my work, pishing myself, by the way! :)"Awww, I wish we could send you a Care Package, tech ... x x x
If it's as hot there as it is here then you must be having a rotten day ;o<
strangely enough, i'm working within a care package! nope, but, rain or shine, i'm reet happy! it's nice here but not roasting!b.t.w., would that care package extend to a bottle of my new favourite tipple? (release the) 'kraken' rum? :)
Oooh? - I've heard of that but never tried it out ... I'll squeeze a Bottle in ;o>
Drink it neat - it's too good to be diluted.
Get me a bottle and I'll demonstrate :)
Get me a bottle and I'll demonstrate :)
Yeah?! - I've seen several of your demonstrations already! ;oOThis Bottle is for tech and I expect you to deliver it still sealed! ;o>
Err .... bit of a problem there.....
I'm not allowed over the border 'coz I don't have a passport :)
I'm not allowed over the border 'coz I don't have a passport :)
Okay? - I guess we shall have to use a Drone ;o>
Tech?
Looks like you'll be the one waiting 7+ hours for that drink! :)
Looks like you'll be the one waiting 7+ hours for that drink! :)
dunno if my kidney can hold out that long!
I love The Kraken, and I have a bottle in my cupboard right now. Not for much longer though...
Tech wrote: "excellent posting, sir, that engendered a hearty chortle, nay, a spluttered guffaw! but see yooz *ngl*sh? ye'll dae onythin' tae save a couple o' bob! :)tip - try dragging a corpse along to gigs ..."
When're ye free......
Brass Neck wrote: "Tech wrote: "excellent posting, sir, that engendered a hearty chortle, nay, a spluttered guffaw! but see yooz *ngl*sh? ye'll dae onythin' tae save a couple o' bob! :)tip - try dragging a corpse a..."
You can get one from the Glasgow necropolis. First time I’d heard of that word - fantastic!
Knowing that Mrs Grizzly was due home, I was in the kitchen sorting out dinner. The oven was on, the rolls were lightly toasted, the burgers had just gone in and I'd peeled some sweet potatoes, but decided just to slice them rather than do wedges, so they would cook quicker.
At this point I heard "I'm home!" and Mrs Grizzly walked into the kitchen.
"Ooh, lovely, we're having burgers", she said.
"But why have you done carrots to go with them?"
At this point I heard "I'm home!" and Mrs Grizzly walked into the kitchen.
"Ooh, lovely, we're having burgers", she said.
"But why have you done carrots to go with them?"
Tech wrote: "dunno if my kidney can hold out that long!"Was that intentionally singular?
My mate's partner runs a crafting club at various locales in the north Cambridge area and has a regular booking at a café. They have their sessions on weekday off-peak times so is the café owner over the moon form this regular source of income from cuppas and tiffin consumed while engaged in a-cuttin', a-stampin' and a-stickin' - oh no, she has big seething rows after the crafters have left about the one or two that don't buy a drink. A real case of the lost sheep but she doesn't seem to understand how close matey's missus is to doing one and leaving her with naff-all.
Tech wrote: "excellent posting, sir, that engendered a hearty chortle, nay, a spluttered guffaw! but see yooz *ngl*sh? ye'll dae onythin' tae save a couple o' bob! :)tip - try dragging a corpse along to gigs ..."
To give you an idea of his parsimony with the prandials we went to a free gig with a blues band we'd seen and liked the previous Sunday in a wanna-be hipster bar in Newark (you can never actually achieve hipsterdom in Newark ....). I've stopped asking him if he wants a drink because he always says yes but doesn't seem to twig that after a few pints of orange squash and soda (apparently up until about 60 he was a raging full-on alky so I have some compassion) it'd be the done thing to reciprocate and ask if I wanted a drink. Anyhoo, I got him down the front, found a stool and perched him there. A while later I saw him approach the bar; 'Ow much for orange and soda?' he asked. 'Fresh orange?' enquired the hipster-bearded barman. When it was established they were too hip to have orange squash but did have lime cordial he asked, 'ow much?' '£1.40' 'THAT'S a bit dear' was the instantaneous response just as the too old to be a hipster but still trying bar-owner moved into earshot. He exclaimed, 'You're a Sean Webster fan aren't you? How much is it costing you to see him, eh?' and promptly walked off whereupon the barman charged him only a quid! I was dying inside all the while - it's hard to explain the relationship and that I take no responsibility for him other than travel and watching out for obstacles he might bump into - don't always do so well at that since at the aforementioned gig he took himself off to the loo and crowned himself on a none-too-cleverly placed PA monitor which projected on a wall bracket into the line from the bar to the khazi and last night he walked into a seat as we crossed the bar area!
That said he's pretty independent - he's off to Leicester today and staying overnight in a cheap hotel for an all afternoon blues fest and says he might then tool over to Leeds on Monday to watch headliner Walter Trout again. It's not like he won't spend owt, but he's tighter than a gnat's chuff where his own basic human needs and social niceties towards others are concerned!
Lez wrote: "Our library Christmas or special occasion meals always included spouses and partners. We’d all agreed to split the set menu bill equally but *Bill, husband of *Joan would divide up the basic bill a..."There are times when I'd rather do that than hold back on booze and feel guilty about divvying up my ale or wine amongst the designated driver present. Had to go down to Cambridge twice for examiners' meetings this week so I stay overnight at matey's in Godmanchester (still a nightmare doing the 20 miles on the A14 in the morning). I can claim £25 for staying with a friend and get £20 for an evening meal allowance so we go out to eat & drink and the first £45 is on the exam board and the rest is divvied (don't worry, they're INTERNATIONAL GCSEs!). Worked fine on Sunday when matey was drinking too but on Tuesday he drank tap-water while I had a few beers and a pud (his missus also was party to the deal and she had a pud too) and his share of the over-spend wasn't far short of what he'd actually consumed - actually had a fleeting nano-second pang of guilt there. Oh well, don't get many decent feeds for £7 apiece outside of a Wetherspoons and there I use the term 'decent feed' in its broadest sense.
My Mum goes out once a month or so for a meal with around 5 to 10 friends depending on who is commitment free to go on the day or evening - and everyone simply pays for themself - being as they have such differences in their eating and their drinking habits. It makes it to always be fair on those who only ever opt for a light meal or maybe just a Starter and a Coffee when several of the others will have three Courses and also several Alcoholic drinks each as well.
On Birthdays, everyone puts in extra and pays for the Birthday Girl's meal ;o>
"intentionally singular?"no, I just kidney be bothered correcting myself! I have 3 like everyone else...................................................................................on my home planet!
Actually? ... my Dad has 3 Kidneys! ;o>... which probably explains why we can never manage to pass a Loo without him suddenly feeling the need to visit it?! - LOL!
suzysunshine7 wrote: "Actually? ... my Dad has 3 Kidneys! ;o>... which probably explains why we can never manage to pass a Loo without him suddenly feeling the need to visit it?! - LOL!"
That'll be down to the tiny size of his bladder rather than his mutant filtration system I'd've thunk?
Tech wrote: ""intentionally singular?"no, I just kidney be bothered correcting myself! I have 3 like everyone else...................................................................................on my home ..."
Under a rock in a stinking midden counts as a planet now?
He processes Liquids much quicker than people with 2 Kidneys do ;o>
The need to pee is still an input to storage ratio thing rather than a speed of piss extraction (if you'll pardon mon francais). Excuse me, I must point Percy at the porcelain ........
"Under a rock in a stinking midden counts as a planet now?"well, it is cleaner than Uranus! (oh very very very poor!)
Brass Neck wrote: "The need to pee is still an input to storage ratio thing rather than a speed of piss extraction (if you'll pardon mon francais). Excuse me, I must point Percy at the porcelain ........"Ahhh, I understand now. My Dad is one of those people who always has a Mug of Tea in his Hand and another one on standby ... and so what goes in must come out! ;o>
Don't forget to flush!
'Don't forget to flush!' - Nah, if it's brown flush it down, if it's yellow let it mellow. We ARE on a meter you know!!!TMI I know but I've been dropping baby's arm-sized logs lately - sometimes have to break 'em up with a stick to flush 'em! Must be the Bran Flakes & muesli mix in the mornings?
We aren't ;o>And ... Yeah? - I'm not sure any of us wanted to know that, thanks Mr B?! - LOL! ;o>
as long as you're not breaking up the turds with mrs b's toothbrush!p.s. - of course i know a fellow did that to his brother's toothbrush! true! and he also used it to clean dug keech off the soles of his docs! nice guy, tho'!
Just received a leaflet about ‘Debonaire Dog Grooming - a Cut and a Clip above the Rest’It includes blow drying and hand-stripping(?) and added extras are:
Nose and paw balm
Doggy facial - a range of products
Hydrating conditioning treatment
Spritz of fragrance (choice of fragrances)
Free Debonaire Dog Bow Tie for the boys or a Bow for the girls
There’s also a Canine First Responder and a Canine First Aider
CPR on a chihuahua would be interesting!
I haven’t got a dog but if Lux is interested I’ll pass on the details.
the hair bow is a drawing factor, les, but the lady lux is a nightmare in the hands of professionals! so much so, we bought our own grooming table and we (when i say we....!) groom her weekly to save her from developing any matting or tangling - even with us tho', paw grooming time is muzzle time, as she is not very happy to have this done! thanks for the thought tho'......and beardies shouldn't be clipped except for a valid medical condition (although, clipping around the eyes and erse are grudgingly permitted!), lest the on-line beardie community will have you hung drawn and quartered! :)
Excellent answer from today’s ‘Hardball’Q. Which European stateswoman was born Angela Kasner in 1954?
A. Condoleezza Rice?
Reminds me of a rather confusing conversation my Mum had with my Dad in a Supermarket Aisle a couple of years ago - when he told her that he liked the Fromage Frais that I had bought for him the week before but he didn't think much of Condoleezza Rice. It took a Phone Call to me to work out that he was talking about Mueller Rice ;o>
Seems ridiculous but not really surprising in this day and age Suzy, it sure is a topsy turvy world we live in. I suppose it's just one of those situations that one assumes will never happen or feel the need to actually legislate against. I only hope the guilty part can be tracked down and made somehow to be held, if only in part, accountable for this reprehensible behaviour.
Just passing through Stockport (having missed my connection in Manchester & been stuck there for an hour). It looks quite nice in the evening sunshine.
! ! ! HIYAH GORDON ! ! ! ... (*waves at Train*) ;o>
I sense yet another Gingerlily name change being considered? ;o> ...http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/world/d...
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-c...
He'll be given french citizenship!
It's one Hell of a seemingly endless two days of ascent, descent, and ascent again ... and all just for one measly half-tin of bog-standard Cat Food, isn't it?! ;oO
Gingerlily - All kinds of everything! wrote: "He'll be given french citizenship!"No one deserves THAT.
I've always thought that racoons were the four legged version of pigeons in their urban habitat, born survivalists, they are hardly an endangered species and vicious. So what is all the fuss?
TwoddleBungler wrote: "Not great at flying though."You're not putting enough back lift into your kicking action then.
It's tricky when the blighters won't stand still long enough to give them a hefty punt!
Amazon exiles
Books mentioned in this topic
MEGALOPHILIA: MONOKUBO ARTWORKS (other topics)Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men (other topics)
Paul Hollywood's Pies and Puds (other topics)
The Plight of the Lady Gingerlily: (other topics)
The Plight of the Lady Gingerlily: (other topics)
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