Amazon exiles discussion
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The complete bo**ocks, talk tripe, no music allowed thread
message 501:
by
Lez
(new)
Dec 24, 2017 02:50PM
Happy bollocks everyone!
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Hiyah Everyone! ... x x x I'm just bobbing in to wish each and everyone of you your own very favourite kind of a Christmas time and a very happy & a healthy New Year in 2018 ;o>
All my love x and my very best wishes as always x x x Suzy x x x
I wish you a very chocolate Brazil Christmas Suzy!
X ! X x x ;o>And may your wafels always be generously strooped! - LOL!!!
Lol! Thanks Suzy xxxx
'And may your wafels always be generously strooped! - 'Now there's a quality euphemism.
Kerry Mountain rescue are out rescuing two idiots on Carrauntoohil .They never learn, no doubt when for a 'bit of a climb to work that christmas dinner off'.
Mississ Bag O Pills has got 3 years, despite whinging 'they weren't mine officer'.Stupidity is no defence.
The two biggest supermarket chain in Oz had their hot cross buns on sale as of Jan 2. https://www.9news.com.au/national/201...
Woolies claim to sell approx 10 million buns in January and pledge to have fresh-baked buns on the shelves every day till Easter. The range includes a a new brioche bun, chocolate, mocha, fruit-free and gluten-free.
When will they learn? Everything about this (I'll except gluten-free) is just WRONG!
Tesco have hot cross buns all year round. I know because I order them all the time.
Supermarkets are never going to accept something being consumed on only one day a year, unless it's something with a very long shelf-life like Christmas pudding. (Hot cross buns are traditionally eaten on Good Friday to mark the end of Lent.) Pancakes are eaten all year, not just on Shrove Tuesday. Both are certainly eaten throughout Lent by many people. My family was not at all religious but we only ever had hot cross buns at Easter weekend, and I don't think it was possible to buy them before Maundy Thursday or after Easter Monday. But that was before commerce completely took over the country.Given that nobody in Britain, with the exception of monks & nuns, observes Lent (giving up chocolate does not constitute fasting), and less than half of the population know what Easter is, I'm not sure we have any grounds for singling out untimely consumption of hot cross buns as particularly egregious. Having a decent proportion of the population understanding why Christians celebrate Easter (which is a much more significant occasion than Christmas), Jews celebrate Pesach, Muslims celebrate Eid al-Fitr, etc., would be much more valuable than people abstaining from crossed currant buns. I'm not saying more people should believe in these things, or even give particular respect to Abrahamic religous beliefs over any other kind of beliefs: just that they should understand them and be able to see how they have influenced culture, art & history. But that would need them to give a flying one about something other than consumption, which very few people do.
Not in any way religious myself, I learnt a lot from my Catholic sister-in-law who celebrated Easter much more than Christmas. She never pushed her religion onto me. She had some hypocritical friends but I admired the way she lived her life. She didn’t like the commercialism at all.
Lez wrote: "She had some hypocritical friends..."I don't know whether this is just my experience, but all the most appallingly selfish and untrustworthy people I've known have been very ostentatious about their religion. This includes the very publicly devout man who was shagging a colleague while his wife was giving birth to their second child, the unbearably born-again woman who left her husband and got her expensive lawyers to take him to the cleaners before she moved in with her long-standing boyfriend, etc...
Gordon wrote: "Lez wrote: "She had some hypocritical friends..."I don't know whether this is just my experience, but all the most appallingly selfish and untrustworthy people I've known have been very ostentati..."
Reminds me of the Emerson quote "The louder he talked of his honor (sic), the faster we counted our spoons."
My mum-in-law, although she was terminally ill, died very suddenly when we were on holiday in a rented cottage in NW Scotland. After the funeral we decided to take sis-in-law (worn out after caring for her mum for 18 months) back with us for our second holiday week. We fell foul of the beliefs of the Free Church of Scotland (Wee Frees) when we informed the cottage owner we’d be arriving on the Sunday and both she and the keyholder completely refused to let us have the keys as it was a business transaction which couldn’t be carried out on a Sunday. We had to find somewhere to stay for Saturday and Sunday nights.
So much for Christian compassion.
'Chain Up the Swings" by Michael Marra, who had the measure of these hypocrites:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntT37...
Lez wrote: "So much for Christian compassion."I'm afraid compassion isn't part of Presbyterianism, or really of any form of Protestantism. To early protestants, salvation was granted by God's grace to those of the predestined elect who justified themselves by faith alone. They did not accept that any acts of corrupt, depraved sinners (which all humans are) could have any significance in God's eyes. So charity, compassion, etc., were not accepted as routes to salvation. While this has been softened a bit in some brands of Protestantism-Lite, the stricter descendants of Calvin - like the Scottish Presbyterians and many American churches - adhere strongly to the original Calvinist theology. Makes it a bit easier to understand people like Mike Pence, doesn't it?
I'm so glad I read at least the first half of that book about the Reformation (The Reformation: A History) last year.
I no longer recall the occasion but many years ago we were at a function of some kind when I was accosted (I use the word advisedly) by a fierce looking elderly man who demanded "Are you saved?" Not being acquainted with the ways of Evangelical Protestants I was totally nonplussed and floundered for a reply which, of course, was all he needed to see to write me off as one of the lost. To his credit(?), he hung around long enough to recommend I should attend his church and start reading the Bible. I'm still not "saved"...
The 2017 Darwin Awards:The winner:
When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, the would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
The honorable mentions:
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping round, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly... He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her That's the lady I stole the purse from."
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The frustrated gunman walked away.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had and the perp had been punished enough!
Remember...
They walk among us, they reproduce, and they VOTE!
I'm just sat open-mouthed here, Lez Lee!!! ;oO... I think I need to fill it with a Milk Chocolate Brazil! ;o>
I'm saving Ypsilanti, Michigan. Who knows it could come in useful elsewhere around these parts. It's also my favourite story.
Reminds me of the old Jasper Carrot sketch on insurance claims."Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure anout the universe" - Albert Einstein.
As far as I can tell current theory on the prognosis of the evolution of the Universe is that it conforms to the law of entropy in that all matter and energy will degrade to an absolute uniform state of inertia eventually and therefore time itself will cease to exist. Science however is pursuing the existence of multi-dimensional universes/dark matter and other straw clutching myths and fantasies to dispel this eventuality and contrive to create a perpetual and infinite continuum of existence, which seems about as likely as the existence of a divine hand at the wheel.
Translated from the original Slovak, received via email at my work. I particularly like 'My late father, Mrs Johnson', something Pythonesque about it.Good day,
My name is Bernita Johnson, 18, the only daughter of my late father / Mrs. Johnson. I'm contacting you because I need you to be your guardian for managing the amount of 8.6 million that my late father left me before he died. Please, I am always ready to offer you 30% for your help, 10% will donate to orphans like me to help the poor, then you will help me invest my opinion for me in your country. Take me, like your daughter or your sister. Thank you and I'll give you more details as soon as I can hear you.
Sincerely,
Miss Bernita Johnson
How do you invest an opinion? What are the interest rates like?
I think it depends on whether you opt for annual high hopes or monthly low expectations ;o>
You wouldn't want to bother even getting out of Bed for anything less than 45%, would you Lez Lee? ;o>
A butcher channelled the power of Ecky-Thump to escape being locked in his freezer when he saved his skin by using black pudding.Seventy-year-old Chris McCabe, of Totnes, Devon, found himself stuck when the wind blew the door of his outdoor freezer shut. He then discovered that the internal emergency release button had frozen over.
The freezer was outside at the back of the shop, meaning that calling for help was unlikely to work, so McCabe had to resort to using frozen pieces of meat to break the ice from the button.
McCabe tried a piece of lamb, but it was too large to wield. He tried some beef, but it had poor grip. He then armed himself with a 1.5kg black pudding, the last one he had in stock, and used it to bash the release button until the door opened.
Speaking to the Sun, McCabe said he believed that remaining in the -20°C (-4°F) freezer would have proven fatal within half an hour, but he fortunately freed himself with the Full English fry-up classic after only a few minutes.
"The black pudding was the best thing to hit the button with because it was the right shape," McCabe explained.
"I used it like the police use battering rams to break door locks in, that's what I did with the black pudding."
"Black pudding saved my life, without a doubt." ®
'The National' also ran this story, but with much emphasis of the fact that the black pudding came from a butcher in Ballater: 'Barry Florence from HM Sheridan said the firm was “absolutely delighted” to “play a small part in saving this man’s life”. He said it was the first time he had heard his black pudding, which he supplies to the Queen and the Prince of Wales being used to batter a door down.
“We only use the finest Scottish ingredients. That might make it harder,” Florence said'.
Devonians will naturally be insisting that it was actually a Hogs Pudding that saved his life ;o>
nocheese wrote: "'The National' also ran this story, but with much emphasis of the fact that the black pudding came from a butcher in Ballater: 'Barry Florence from HM Sheridan said the firm was “absolutely deli..."
Must be all that iron in the blood.
Lez wrote: "A butcher channelled the power of Ecky-Thump to escape being locked in his freezer when he saved his skin by using black pudding.Seventy-year-old Chris McCabe, of Totnes, Devon, found himself stu..."
The power of blood and oats.
Unstoppable.
Tech - There's an interview with Scott Walker in today's
Guardian
.Unfortunately, today is the day that The Guardian switches to its new design, which makes the web site look like the Daily Telegraph.
thanks for that, gordon, it's not often he comes out to play! nice piece, but what inspired you to post it on 'bollox'? :)
Tech wrote: "thanks for that, gordon, it's not often he comes out to play! nice piece, but what inspired you to post it on 'bollox'? :)"No slight on Mr Engel intended. I just didn't want to start a new thread.
Val has very kindly sent me searching around the Internet today for some Books that I never knew that I wanted until Val got me all fired up and interested in them! - LOL!!! ;o>And while looking around on eBay, I suddenly came across this recent negative Feedback on World Books that just had me laughing out loud ...
Fruits Basket 2 - What Becomes Of Snow? [DVD] - "The DVD is fine, but I opened up the box to find a piece of lettuce inside"
WHAT?!! ... HA HA HA HA HA!!! ;o>
I guess snow becomes an iceberg...
Maybe World Books should be getting positive Feedback for attempting to provide us Couch Potatoes with one of our essential Five A Day? ;o>
suzysunshine7 wrote: "Val has very kindly sent me searching around the Internet today for some Books that I never knew that I wanted until Val got me all fired up and interested in them! - LOL!!! ;o>And while looking ..."
You'd think people would be educated in the differences between fruit and veg, the least they could have done is forgo the lettuce and included a tasty satsuma.
Serial wrote: "You'd think people would be educated in the differences between fruit and veg..."One of the things that seems to have brought David Mitchell and the divine Victoria Coren together is a shared fury at anyone who insists that a tomato is a fruit (which it is). Victoria C-M raised this in an episode of Room 101, in which she shouted at Frank Skinner that she would accept a tomato is a fruit when he ate a bowl of tomatoes & custard. Frank S immediately responded by eating a bowl of tomatoes & custard. Victoria C-M took up the offer to try some and said that it was actually quite nice. I'm not sure whether she has subsequently stopped joining in with her husband's rants about the nature of tomatoes.
In Moby-Dick (this is a book site, after all), Herman Melville wrote a lengthy explanation of why a whale is a fish. I'm sure the Coren-Mitchell family enjoy curling up by the fireside and reading that chapter together.
I never knew this about Tomatoes until I was well into my late 20's and had already come across several elderly ladies in my nursing care who really enjoyed being made Tomatoes on Toast as a light Meal which they would then generously sprinkle with Sugar ;o>
Tomatoes are so repulsive, anything to obscure the taste would help. 😳
I was never all that keen myself, Lez Lee, until around about 10 years ago - when I suddenly started to appreciate them sliced up as part of a Salad Bap and just how good they taste with Cheese and especially when lightly microwaved and served up on Toast with a very generous sprinkle of Extra Mature Cheddar Cheese on top ... Yummy! ;o>And I often eat and really enjoy Cherry Tomatoes just eaten straight out of the Punnet when relaxing in front of the TV too ;o>
Not only is it a fruit, it's also a berry! Stick that in your pie and eat it!
suzysunshine7 wrote: "I never knew this about Tomatoes until I was well into my late 20's and had already come across several elderly ladies in my nursing care who really enjoyed being made Tomatoes on Toast as a light ..."Sugar on tomatoes!!
YEUCH.
Although i did make tomato jam some years ago, it was strange, not quite jam like, or tomato like, just some weird median.
It all comes down to each to their own ;o>I'm still struggling to grasp how and why Lez Lee would eat Weetabix spread with Butter instead of making it with Milk - but I've met a couple of folk since then that have said that they also eat Weetabix like that as well ! ;o>
It was a family thing, Suzy, we all preferred it like that!
Sera69 wrote: "Not only is it a fruit, it's also a berry! Stick that in your pie and eat it!"A cucumber is a berry, too. So's an aubergine, come to that. I don't think the Coren-Mitchell's would allow a botanist to get away with those.
suzysunshine7 wrote: "I'm still struggling to grasp how and why Lez Lee would eat Weetabix spread with Butter instead of making it with Milk - but I've met a couple of folk since..."I remember once - when I was about 8 years old - playing in someone else's garden in the late afternoon when his mum came out with the kids' regular snack: Weetabix with butter & jam. It took me by surprise at the time, but so did the later experience of seeing people eating cheese on digestive biscuits (and even later seeing people eating cheese on fruitcake). You just get used to certain things and don't realize that many other people do things differently.
Amazon exiles
Books mentioned in this topic
MEGALOPHILIA: MONOKUBO ARTWORKS (other topics)Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men (other topics)
Paul Hollywood's Pies and Puds (other topics)
The Plight of the Lady Gingerlily: (other topics)
The Plight of the Lady Gingerlily: (other topics)
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