Life Without Ed® (with Jenni!) discussion
Help...I Need Encouragement!
Rachel that is incredible. Thank you so much for sharing. I still want to do the balloon thing. I just haven’t done it yet.
Sage, grief has kind of been what the last couple posts have been about actually. I know in my experience that after the first couple years, people (that I know, anyway) have moved on to the point I feel like they just don’t care anymore. That makes it even harder because then loneliness can get thrown in with all the other emotions.We had our “Thanksgiving” Saturday with my sisters and their husbands. It’s a hard holiday since he seemed to love getting up early to have the Turkey in the oven by 5 or 6 am. He always seemed so happy that day. Luckily I dealt with most of that on Thursday. Every year before we eat (but sitting at the table staring at our plates of food...great timing), my mom makes us go around the table and say what we’re thankful for. And every year, as hard as I try to hold it in, that’s when the tears start falling. The running theme that day tended to be how thankful everyone was for both my sisters and their “wonderful husbands”, and of course my niece. If it weren’t for her, I don’t think I would have been able to stay at the table. I would have eaten in my room like I do all the time. It wasn’t the fact that my name wasn’t mentioned by every single person. I have a really hard time with being the only single one and the idea that if I can ever find a decent guy, my dad won’t be there to walk me down the aisle if I get married. That was actually one of the first things that I said to my therapist the first time I saw her after I found out he had cancer. It wasn’t to be vain, my mind was just so full of questions and my parents were trying to be so secretive, certain random thoughts would come up. To this day, I have to leave the room at a reception whenever they do the father/daughter dance.
Anyway, other than my 5 year old niece giving me a concerned half smile that also said that it’s ok to cry and I’ll be ok (a kid’s intuition never ceases to amaze me), everyone else just went on like it was nothing. So that is just an example of how my family reacts when I’m struggling with missing my dad (why they thought I was crying). I even said I didn’t want to say anything at the moment when they came to me but my MOM said I had to. Really?
I sat down really hungry. By the time we started eating, just the thought made me sick. I had to get up and go in my room for a couple minutes for a breather which helped a lot but it didn’t magically give me my appetite back. I went back to what I used to tell myself about any behavior. Not eating is not an option, plain and simple. Well, the concept is simple. I haven’t struggled with eating like that in a long time so I’ll be honest, I still beat myself up a little for that when I think about it...not nearly as bad as that day though.
Have you looked anymore into residential or is that even still an option? You haven’t mentioned that in a while.
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"Fall down 7 times. Stand up 8." - Japanese proverb
This thread reminds me of this quote. Stay strong. Keep fighting. You are doing it.
I love the Japanese proverb Jenni. I looked at this group at the right time and the quote was much needed 😊
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So glad, Christina!
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Oh, Rachel: I am so sorry to hear about your grandma. I can't imagine what you must be going through. For me, during grief, connection is always key, both with loved ones as well as my support team. I am thinking of you.
(Jenni, that was Melody’s, not mine.)
Melody, so sorry about your loss. When my granny died I fell apart but had a 1 and 3 year old plus a job. I found comfort in alone time where I could read her letters to me, look at photos, talk to her and cry. Give yourself the gift of grieving and share here when you feel like it. Proud of u for sharing
I’ve been really struggling myself over a lie my therapist told me and a hurtful phone conversation with my dad. I had to forgive my dad for his ignorance about my ed. I needed time for the wound to heal then wrote a letter and sent it. He sent me one too even before receiving mine. He asked for forgiveness knowing I was hurt. My gaining wt progress fell by the wayside and I don’t feel motivated at all now. Prayer worked with my dad situation so I will turn this over the best I can.
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I love what you said about the gift of grieving. Thanks, Michelle.
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Prayer is powerful for sure. Thank you for sharing, Michelle. I am sorry that you are going through a difficult time. During times like this, I always needed extra support. Isolation is what gets us with an eating disorder. (Ed loves for us to isolate, because that is how he can get us back under his control.) So, I'd encourage you to reach out to your treatment team and to trusted loved ones. With therapists, I always try to practice rigorous honesty. A therapist's job is to listen, so they are wonderful to practice with! Hang in there. Don't quit. You got this.
Hi all!No luck on ED treatment ;(
Im starting to feel like a failure..
I want to share a poem i wrote but I don’t know where to post it and how others feel about that.
Writing helps in situations like this.
Its just getting so hard to cope with ED.
I relapsed the other day and i have been stuck in this cycle since.
With everything going on i feel stuck....
Hi Sage,It sounds like you're in a hard and frustrating situation. You are not a failure. If you'd like to share your poem, I'd be happy to read it - you can PM it to me if you'd like (I also write poetry 😊).
Mod
No luck on ED treatment ;(
Im starting to feel like a failure..
I want to share a poem i wrote but I don’t know where to post it and how others feel about that.
Writing helps in situations ..."
I am so sorry that you feel stuck, Sage. Don't quit! I'd love to read your poem, too. Writing helps me a lot, obviously! You can always share on the Inspirations page, if you think it fits there. Or, just choose a thread where you think it fits best! (We just need to make sure it isn't triggering for others.) Keep fighting. I believe in you.
Hello. I know I haven’t written or participated in awhile. Things aren’t going well. I ended up having to discharge from partial (probably a temporary thing is my guess) due to multiple factors- medical stability not all related to ed, the community environment and behavior use. My case manager who I’ve known for a very long time said that she has high expectations for me because I’ve been at the program before and I know how it works. I told her that wasn’t really fair because I’m still struggling very much so. She knew that, she also knew that I’ve had some success there so she is harder on me. My guess is that I’ll be sent back after the holidays or when things will be better for me there- also when I know what’s going on medically with me. I honestly don’t know how to pull it together. I have meltdowns all the time with eating- ironically it happened today on my discharge day, which is why I was told I could go back. So my case manager and my dietician are going to stay in touch probably weekly to update the program on my status and if I need to go back. So I don’t know how to make it through when I know I’m not doing well. The program knows it too- I wish things were different and was actually able to get the help and make progress right now. I just need to wait until the community is better and I’m stable.
Do you have any ideas how to attempt to keep trying when I want to cry over everything?
Thank you 😊
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https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCspO... - The Facebook Live videos here might really help you.
https://jennischaefer.com/resources/ - Check out the free support like online and phone 12-step meetings. I have only listed ones that are known to be focused on the solution, not food. These meetings are positive, pro-recovery, and include lots of inspiration.
Get support...connect...connect...connect. That is how we heal. Do whatever it takes to get continued expert care. We believe in you. Please don't stop fighting. You have worked so hard. YOU are an inspiration.
Thank you Jenni, so much. I have this feeling that I'm going to be readmitted to partial. I saw my pcp and my therapist today..it seems to my understanding that they both think I should be back. It also turns out that the past 4 weeks the cough I had was because I was really sick....my guess is bronchitis or something along those lines. Now I'm no longer coughing and can breathe/talk/sing in the car again :) There has been a lot of power struggles going on at home and even when I was in partial the past few weeks. I'm trying to control everything literally...to the point where I've become quite argumentative over everything little thing.
I've never heard before that I was an inspiration..thank you <3
Do you have any ideas for a short, easy read, inspirational book not necessarily ed related. I need help to bring back my faith and hope within myself and restore that within myself.
I was hoping to go to a new php program, but it's probably not opening until February 2018. I'm a bit bummed by that as that would have been a really great option for me. It's going to be 12 hours a day, 7 days a week.
For now, I just need to get some good sleep and be completely honest with my dietician tomorrow.
Thanks for the links!!! I'm going to check them out!!
Speaking of power struggles..the most incredible thing happened to me tonight. I was sitting on my bed watching a movie and crocheting a scarf when the new skein of yarn I had already started crocheting had a knot in it. I tried at least 3 times to get it unknotted, but it just wouldn't come undone. I could have kept trying and continued getting the same result or I could let it go, accept that the knot wasn't going to go away unless I cut it (then there would still be a knot since I'd tie the 2 strands together anyway) or I could hide it within the stitches. I choice to hide it because I can keep fighting with it to get it just right or I could just leave it be and keep going. Although now thinking about it, I could have brought the other part of the yarn through the knot then it would have been gone for good.
Christina wrote: "Thank you Jenni, so much. I have this feeling that I'm going to be readmitted to partial. I saw my pcp and my therapist today..it seems to my understanding that they both think I should be back. It..."Hey Christina,
I'm so sorry that you are going through a tough time. I relate so much. My insurance dropped coverage when I was in treatment for res and then for partial. It was so devastating. ED was so loud. I isolated. Which is why I'm so grateful you have reached out in this community and are continuing to see your treatment team. You are not alone, even though it's so hard right now. Your breakthrough with the scarf is powerful. It's what recovery is all about in my opinion...we keep going, even though it's not "perfect," even though it's terrifying at times, even though it's painful. We keep going because something in our soul knows the truth about ED, and wants us to be free. I believe you will recover. Keep leaning into your support, keep telling the truth, keep letting those knots go. Sending you love!
Melody wrote: "Christina, I just wanted to say great job on continuing to lean into the hard stuff. It's not easy but you've got this. I'm proud of you. I always find it interesting when recovery metaphors come u..."Hi Melody,
I'm so sorry about your grandmother. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
I find that the quiet moments are harder, too. I tend to feel really anxious or sad when things get quiet. Grief is so tough. Just wanted to say that I'm grateful for your honest share, and I totally relate. Please continue to reach out if you need support. Sending love!
So sorry I have been mia lately. I’m completely fried emotionally and haven’t talked to my team about it really. I see my therapist on Wednesday. I’m so tired of everyone in my family being so self-centered. I had the worst birthday that I’ve ever had this week. I actually wish we skipped right over it because that’s basically what happened anyway. I’m really struggling and I have no idea how to get through. There’s been so much going on and I’m utterly lost. Do you have any advice or thoughts? I’m thinking about doing an art journaling activity or maybe some writing.
Thanks.
Hey Christina,No need to apologize for being MIA. You are so strong and brave for posting here, Christina. It sounds like you’re overwhelmed with all that has been happening in your life lately. You do so well at art projects, that I think doing an art journaling activity would be such a great coping skill for you to use right now.
Happy belated birthday. Maybe you can throw yourself a birthday party? Or just do something nice for yourself to celebrate you.
I’m definitely planning on doing something nice for me when I get a check next week :) any ideas? Thanks for the birthday wishes :)
Christina wrote: "I’m definitely planning on doing something nice for me when I get a check next week :) any ideas? Thanks for the birthday wishes :)"
Yey!! You're welcome. Hmm .... you could buy yourself some new art stuff. Or do you have one of those art studios where you can go and paint a pic just for fun? Otherwise, what is something you love to do but you have not done in a long time?
I actually went to a paint night Friday! I’ve actually really been wanting to paint pottery. I started dory a year ago and never finished- I won’t finish that one due to color malfunctions and not knowing what colors I used, but it would be fun to make something new. Or art supplies and not buying yarn! I buy yarn all the time. I’m going to the movies today :) Last night I watched almost all of season 2 of Fuller House and it helped me complete my meal plan. First time, guess I’ll be using that to help me today too.
@christina, happy belated birthday. Winter birthdays have been hard for me too some years. Not much to do and gray & cold usually. In my 12 step program, bringing your own celebratory treats is the norm. I agree that doing something special for yourself might be the best gift u can get. Don’t feel guilty for not being here- it’s part of the syndrome we are struggling with. Keep coming back because you’re worth it. I make cards and when my head is in creative mode, it feels really good. I encourage u to go there too. Share here if u like or keep it private if it feels better. 🤗 hug, michelle
Today, I need support. Yesterday was difficult, but I was able to make it thru. I even did a food challenge yesterday, and tried a food that I don't remember having before (my mom says she used to make it all the time but I don't remember).... It was a food I have just told people I didn't like so I wouldn't have to eat it. Well, my dietitian asked me to try it, so last night I did..... and I really don't like it. A lot of stuff happened last night..... Many memories and emotions surfaced last night.
This morning, I woke up and felt okay. But it took me about 45 minutes to get myself to make breakfast. Then, it took me 2 hours to eat breakfast. During this time so many thoughts were flooding my head. Most thoughts were not food related, but more or less reminding myself how much of a disappointment I am. Then, when I logged my breakfast, I realized I missed the protein I'm supposed to have in the morning.
Ed, Ms. Perfectionist, and others who make up my unhealthy self had a field day with this error. All the sudden I had a strong urge to just give up on my meal plan for the rest of my day. Along with thoughts of punishing myself with self harming behaviors. I also wanted to use the self harming behaviors to numb all of the unwanted emotions. I even told myself that I don't care it's been a year since I last used these certain self harming behaviors (but in reality, I do care and I don't want to go back there). My fears of being alone for the rest of my life went thru my head. Everything has just been so overwhelming that I just want to curl up in a small little ball and disappear..... nobody would miss me, nobody would care... that's what my unhealthy self tells me anyways.
I'm just really worn out from fighting myself yesterday and today. I texted with my dietitian who told me not to worry about the protein I missed and to go to the next meal. I don't know that I will be able to follow my meal plan 100% today, but I will eat.
I appreciate the safe place to share this group provides. I also appreciate each and everyone of you for being so brave and sharing your struggles. You all help me to remember that I'm not alone, even when it feels like I am.
Melody wrote: "Heidi, keep hanging in there. It’s really hard work but keep doing the next right thing. I get the exhaustion and hardness of doing this work but you’ve got this. I am so glad you reached out!"Thank you, Melody.
How are you doing?
Christina wrote: "I actually went to a paint night Friday! I’ve actually really been wanting to paint pottery. I started dory a year ago and never finished- I won’t finish that one due to color malfunctions and not ..."Hi Christina,
Happy Belated Birthday! I'm sorry it's been tough lately, but it sounds like your desire to recover is so deep and real. Getting to that paint party, looking for ways to celebrate when ED wants to convince that there is no way out...that's inspiring. In my opinion, that's what recovery is all about. Finding the courage to take these little (BIG) ways to defy ED and live. Even sharing here, that's a courageous act. From the bottom of my heart, I hope you keep continuing your art and your recovery journey. Regarding family, I always felt so alone and like no one could understand me at all. Honestly, sometimes in recovery I still feel that way. It was really hard for me to struggle with my eating disorder for so long, and to have my family to heartbroken and confused over it. The holidays are a tough time in general with family, so I hope in this new year, you can continue to focus on you..your goals, your recovery, your life, your little (BIG) ways of defying ED. So proud of you. Sending you all my love. (So is Bella, my rescue pup)! -Shannon
Michelle wrote: "@christina, happy belated birthday. Winter birthdays have been hard for me too some years. Not much to do and gray & cold usually. In my 12 step program, bringing your own celebratory treats is the..."Wise words, Michelle! I love these ideas. Thanks for sharing :)
Heidi wrote: "Today, I need support. Yesterday was difficult, but I was able to make it thru. I even did a food challenge yesterday, and tried a food that I don't remember having before (my mom says she used t..."
Dear Heidi,
You are not alone. Thank you for your brave honesty. It's amazing how even when we are making so much progress (food challenges-sticking through a meal for two hours!)—ED and perfectionism step in the door with all these ideas about what we are doing wrong. I also have a side of my unhealthy self called Ms. Hopeless, or more generally, Depression. She tells me that nothing will ever work out for me and nothing is worth trying. She was loud during the eight years I struggled with ED and sometimes, even today, she gets loud. I just want her to shut up sometimes, but fighting her, that almost makes it worse. You reminded me of this when you said, I'm so tired of "fighting myself." I really know that feeling. Honestly, that feeling, that tiredness, almost led me to give up completely. I want to applaud and celebrate you for posting here in the midst of feeling that tiredness. Despite struggle and uncertainty, here you are, bravely telling on ED and Ms. Perfectionist, bravely keeping it real, bravely sharing your soul. I'm so proud of you. My heart really was moved, aching at times, as I read your words. Because I've been there. And I hate that ED brings so many of us to that hopeless place.
But the thing I often forget is how miraculous it is when we decide to pursue recovery even in the midst of all these uncomfortable urges and thoughts and feelings. And that's what you are doing. You remembered that your soul does not want to self-harm, even though a voice in your head says you do. You reached out to your dietitian, when I'm sure Ms. Perfectionist would have rather had you all to herself, preaching about what you did "wrong." You wrote here about these hard feelings, when in my experience, Depression and Hopelessness urge me to isolate and keep secrets.
Heidi, you are a miracle. I mean that with every ounce of my being. You are a miracle and you've come too far to give up now. Keep reaching out. Keep telling on your unhealthy self. And keep fighting for your recovery.
Sometimes, if the fight gets too tiring, maybe step back and take a breath of acceptance. That's helped me at times. To surrender and say, ok, I have all these aspects of my unhealthy self screaming at me right now. It's hard. It's painful. I wish it wasn't so. But they are there and they are going to do their thing.
Cheryl Strayed once said, "Acceptance is a small quiet room." I think that small quiet room is the last one in the house our EDs want us to visit. Sometimes, it takes all the courage we've got to just sit with our discomfort and accept it for what it is. To sit with our loud, unhealthy thoughts and hear them, but not obey. That's something I try to practice today. It's still a struggle. But recovery is worth it. Sending you all my love (and love from my rescue pup, Bella).
-Shannon
Melody wrote: "Heidi, keep hanging in there. It’s really hard work but keep doing the next right thing. I get the exhaustion and hardness of doing this work but you’ve got this. I am so glad you reached out!"Thanks for sharing, Melody. Sending love your way!
Thank you so much. I’ve decided after a brief conversation/argument with my sister and how I annoy and piss everyone off in my family (my mom and my sister the most)- I’m done trying to do everything I can to go out of my way to please them and everyone else. The only one that suffered and got the brunt of it all was me because I’m not happy. I try so incredibly hard to make everyone around me happy- my mom loves reading and had read all of her books, so I’m the past bunch of months I had gotten her so many books to make her happy, I went out of my way to do whatever in my power to make a difference in their lives. I am the one that suffered because I’m just as upset, disappointed and unable to love myself as I tried to do for other people. I think this year I need to do more of what makes me happy and stop worrying about everyone else. I know I haven’t been well medically, emotionally, etc and I’ve been doing the best I can with what I’ve got. No one, but my dad believes me or takes the time to listen that it if takes me a week to clean my room it’s due to factors x, y and z, which he is very aware of now and when my mom gets pissed at me because things aren’t going to way she wants them to be, he’s been getting upset with her. I can’t help my medical problems and it’s been a big concern to my team. When I get extra money I’m going to do something nice for myself and more than one thing- maybe a treat a day or a few times a week. I’m not worried about when I get to making a scarf for my mom- it’s not high on my priority list and I can’t have the yarn touch my skin anyway because I’m allergic to it. So until I find a way to make it with special gloves, it’s on the back burner. And besides, I’ve been wanting to make a blanket for myself and I bought a pattern with a gift card and got fleece yarn (I’m not allergic to it!!!).
I’ve been thinking very deeply about applying to section 8 housing and it gets more and more real everyday and me wanting to do it due to my mom pushing me further and further away. Her demands increase everyday and I can’t take much more on than I already do. I really don’t want to do housing because I really don’t have the money at all and then will have no money for my medical necessities. I’ve decided to stay in my room the rest of the day for the majority of it. I’m sick of feeling hurt and like all I do is disappoint everyone in my house.
It’s all going to make my life so much easier. Wow, sorry this is so long. I didn’t realize it.
Shannon wrote: "Heidi wrote: "Today, I need support. Yesterday was difficult, but I was able to make it thru. I even did a food challenge yesterday, and tried a food that I don't remember having before (my mom s..."
Thank you, Shannon. Your post is challenging me again with a ton of compliments from you. 😊
I have met Ms. Hopeless/Depression too. She has been sticking around lately. It seems like whenever I think I have finally pushed her out of my way, she is always nearby and ready for the opportunity to jump right back in and take control. Also, I would have to agree that she tends to like to keep me isolated.
Sometimes, I do remember to take that step back, breath, and accept, but there are other times I need a reminder to do this.
I think I have just put too much on my plate, and Ms. Perfectionist wants me to handle everything perfectly. As much as I want to be able to do everything and be successful at everything I have recently taken on, I am afraid I may have to back out of some. I need to find balance, which is something my EDA mentor and my therapist are trying to help me with…. I don’t know if I have ever had balance in my life.
Anyways, thank you and Bella for the kind words, the support, and the love. Much love to you and Bella.
I need support- we put our dog down an hour ago. She was on 2 Pain meds. Our other schnauzer is. Going to feel it big time. I won’t eat dinner for sure but tomorrow hopefully I can
Michelle,Saying good bye to our beloved pets is such a difficult thing to do. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this pain right now. Please make sure to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Proud of you for reaching out here. You are such a strong individual.
Hugs to you.
Melody, thank you. Still having terrible emotions over the dog issue. I cry over everything. I don’t know how people can swallow when there’s a lump in the throat. I don’t even enjoy crafting. All I look forward to is sleep. I’m putting work off too. My Yorkie is having a health issue now. She started gabapentin 20 minutes ago for a wild nerve that’s driving her crazy. She’s finally lying next to me. Poor baby.
I sometimes crochet, watch a movie on my computer, sometimes I’ll do something that has to do with art, I might write. Those are my typical go-to’s
I sometimes read or journal or listen to my rain sounds app on my phone, I focus on the sound and my breathing. meditation works for me. :D
My therapist and her boss have both told me to make sure I am only using my bedroom for sleeping in. I have always used my bedroom for journaling, reading, doing homework, and playing on my computer. So, they told me to do that elsewhere in the house. The boss also suggested that I get up and leave my room if I have been laying awake for 15-20 minutes. She said to go to the living room and watch TV for about 10 minutes and then come back to bed and try to sleep again. My dietitian also recommended leaving the room and doing something for 10 minutes before returning to bed, when I am having trouble sleeping. I have not tried this yet, because when I wake up, I don't want to get out of bed to try them, but I thought I'd share, in case it helps you.
Mod
I am deeply sorry to hear about your dog, Michelle. Please do your best to beef up your recovery support. In tough times, I always needed to add extra support beams to my recovery bridge, you might say. Sending much love and prayers.
Hi Melody, when I have sleep problems putting good quality lavender oil on the soles of my feet helps a ton. If this isn’t enough I listen to a pod cast. My sleep Dr said the worst thing I can do is use electronic devices where I have to look at a light. Hope this offers something helpful.To answer your question, I’m struggling more and more. I forgot to feed myself for two days straight. I hit the wall yesterday becoming really ill. Trying to track my food again so I get all my calories in. Recovery is work! Grateful to have you here.
Hi all!So happy new year!
I am going to be going into an IOP program everyone!!
I haven’t got accepted yet but they are determined to help me!
I’ve fallen far into relapse and have been trying to dig myself out but I can’t do it alone....
Possibly soon I will share a poem (gotta get the courage to!)
Thanks all!
Good for you taking care of yourself Sage. Will be praying
Oh Melody I am so so sorry this happened. If there’s a positive take away, focus on the act that you took to break away. I was in a similar situation and almost married this man. Was extremely under weight yet he loved my body this way. I’d be dead by now. Praying now.
Mod
Dear Michelle - I am so sorry that you are struggling but glad to know that you have realized it...and most importantly, that you are focusing your efforts on getting back on track. Recovery IS a lot of work, like you said. And, it is worth it.
I need some help. I’m about to throw recovery down the drain. I’m very, okay extremely uncomfortable in my body. I’m still working on restoration. I’ve been dealing with a lot of allergic reactions too. Anyway, I literally feel everything on my body and I’ve completely had it. I am really struggling with it all. I feel absolutely awful about myself and I’m about to stop anymore changes that still need to come. With the stupid snow storm tomorrow, I may not see my therapist. Im supposed to see her twice a week. I see my dietician Thursday. I just also can’t stand my clothes. There’s nothing wrong with them, I’m just struggling to be in my body. I have no form of being nice to myself at the moment. I just don’t know how to deal with any of this at all.
Thank you so much Melody. I rediscovered journaling today and it was so incredibly helpful tonight as I was ready to bite my parents heads off. I was fuming and so upset that when they walked out of the door I started sobbing. They just have no idea what I’m going through and how taxing it all is and has been on my body and emotionally. I have a lot of medical problems on top of ed that are trying to get sorted out. It’s just taking a long time. They never think about how I am and wonder why it was that I had to sleep most of the day instead of making comments that I don’t do anything and that I shouldn’t have slept for the time that I did. I could go on and on.
Life Without Ed® (with Jenni!)
Books mentioned in this topic
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (other topics)Almost Anorexic: Is My (or My Loved One's) Relationship with Food a Problem? (other topics)
Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life (other topics)
Mom in the Mirror: Body Image, Beauty, and Life after Pregnancy (other topics)
Struggling really badly and falling in a bad relapse!
Have been really triggered lately due to the holidays and a friends 5 year passing coming up.
Any ideas on what to do?