Life Without Ed® (with Jenni!) discussion
Help...I Need Encouragement!
Thank you so so much, Jenni! That helps a ton. Is there a way I can delete where I live due to privacy issues? Anxiety is crappy, haha.
Mod
Deleted!! I just sent you a private message.
It still shows on your comment I just noticed and thank you for the message!!
Jenni wrote: "Heidi wrote: "So, I am still struggling with both the physical and emotional pain. The physical pain is being caused from some slipped disks in my back. In the middle of dealing with that pain, m..."
You're welcome, and thank you, Jenni. :)
Jenni wrote: "Hey to all! It occurred to me that you might like to read this recent blog I wrote about relapse (Will it EVER get better?):https://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/......"
Great blog. :)
Sage wrote: "Hi all!Me again.
I was doing well in recovery until Thursday.
I relapsed after 3 weeks.
Friday I had to go home early from work because I was weak and dizzy. I ended up in the emergency room.
I’m..."
Hi Sage,
It sounds like you are back on the recovery path. I think it is great that you are looking into more ways for treatment/help/support. You continue to show your strength.
I personally have not worked in any type of food services, but I think Jenni's suggestion of talking to your manager if possible and maybe some coworkers, would be a good start. I can imagine it has to be very difficult and triggering doing your job.
Stay strong, Sage.
Regarding your location post and Jenni's post with your location, if you ever need to edit a post and remove something you can. You can also delete your own posts. On the bottom right of your post in tiny font it says reply edit delete flag. You just have to click on the action you want. These might appear in a different area if you are using a different web browser than me.
I’m really sorry to post again. I need encouragement to not give up on recovery right now. My mom made yet another body comment and I can’t deal with it at all. I’m on the verge of tears and trying hard not to cry. It seems easier to give in at the moment. Please send positive vibes my way
Christina wrote: "I’m really sorry to post again. I need encouragement to not give up on recovery right now. My mom made yet another body comment and I can’t deal with it at all. I’m on the verge of tears and trying..."Oh Christina!! Please don't be sorry. It is very painful when a parent or anyone close to us makes body comments. I also hear body comments from my mom quite often.
You are stronger than Ed, you will get through this. The feelings will pass. Journal if you can, allow all the feelings to come out. Do what you need to do to take care of you. You matter, your feelings matter. You've got this!! Don't quit.
Thank you Heidi. It happens to be basically the same comment every time and it hurts when I’m trying to not wear a certain item for safety and buying clothes in a way that will make me feel somewhat comfortable, even though often enough I’m always self conscious.
Christina wrote: "Thank you Heidi. It happens to be basically the same comment every time and it hurts when I’m trying to not wear a certain item for safety and buying clothes in a way that will make me feel somew..."
You are working on your recovery, and doing an awesome job, Christina.
So Christina mentioned that her mom made a hurtful comment to her yesterday. I just got a text from my mom with pictures that are supposed to be meant as jokes about restricting behaviors, but are actually very negative (hard to explain without possibly triggering). Then, my mom told me to cancel my appointment with my dietitian this week so she and I can go shopping (that's a NO because I have not seen her in 2 or 3 weeks, and I have been struggling too much lately not to go). I have made the choice today to not respond to my mom's text, and I am doing my best to fight the negative thoughts it brought up for me. But Christina's mom and my mom have made me want to bring up this question.For those of you who have struggled with family or close friends who seem to think your ED is a joke or something not serious, how have you dealt with those individuals?
Hi Heidi. I ended up talking to my mom this morning and asked her not to make clothing/body comments to me. I mentioned that I’m in a very vulnerable place and I can’t hear that stuff. She ended up calling me before therapy bc she wanted to apologize and couldn’t stop thinking about how it bothered me.
Heidi, I also get from my dad that I don’t need to see my team or any doctors at all and that I should just stop going. I honestly try to ignore it and not say any comments back...although sometimes I do and he will get aggravated with me and then my mom will also chime in.
One thing I’m trying really hard to do is to use my voice and if something isn’t okay- mainly if things are said or going on around me- I try to speak up. It’s super hard, but a huge relief when it’s done.
Christina wrote: "Hi Heidi. I ended up talking to my mom this morning and asked her not to make clothing/body comments to me. I mentioned that I’m in a very vulnerable place and I can’t hear that stuff. She ended u..."
I'm so glad you were able to talk with your mom Christina. I'm also glad to hear she apologized.
I am also glad to hear that you are working on speaking up. This is something that can be so difficult when one is not accustomed to doing it. You are making amazing progress in many areas, Christina. Keep up the great work.
What do you do to keep going with recovery especially when the next best easy answer is just give up? I’ve had it with everything and I’m emotionally charged, so every little thing is really affecting me and am always on the verge of tears like I am at this moment. Not having medication to take is taking a toll on me and I’m sliding backwards and that’s upsetting me too because I’ve been workin so hard.
First of all, remember that unfortunately, recovery is not a straight line. You will have your ups and downs. I know I’ve said this before about different aspects of it but it applies to it as a whole as well. There is a big difference between a slip and a relapse. Picking yourself up and moving forward is what’s most important. The longer you let it go on, or especially if you “give up”, the worse it will get. One of the things I find is with each relapse, it gets much harder to fight. That’s true whether you’re inpatient, in a day program, or seeing an outpatient team. I’ve been in and out of some sort of treatment center more than I like to admit and that has held through since the first time I went inpatient in 2005. I have come to the realization that part of this is feeling a loss of hope and the thought process that “if it hasn’t worked by now, what is gonna change this time”.
Something my therapist always told me to do anytime I was having urges to act out (but I think would definitely work in this situation) is to play out the action as if I did the behavior from beginning to end, including what would/could happen 2 hours after, anything good or any consequences it would have, etc. I thought it was so cheesy so never did it then one night nothing else helped so I figured it couldn’t hurt even if it would probably just delay me for a few minutes. I ended up with a page written. If you need help let me know because I know your situation isn’t a single action so much and is more broad. I already have ideas on my mind but think that, if you like the idea of trying this (with the process of giving up), you know what to say for yourself best.
I don’t know if anyone has heard the song “Keep Breathing” by Ingrid Michaelson, but it came on in the car earlier and I immediately thought of this group. You can look up the lyrics but for the most part it repeats “All I can do is keep breathing...” Very calming though, and sometimes that’s all you can do at that moment to get through.
Giving up is not an option. That’s what I started telling myself and it has actually helped!
Melody wrote: "The struggle is real for me friends. It’s been a tough few weeks. What do you do to self care?"One thing I do for self care is to take my dog and go hiking at one of the local parks - a mindful hike, not an ED hike. I also reach out to my therapist when I am really struggling.
Christina wrote: "What do you do to keep going with recovery especially when the next best easy answer is just give up? I’ve had it with everything and I’m emotionally charged, so every little thing is really affect..."I was asking myself this same question recently. The answer I finally gave myself was to be 100% honest with my therapist and dietitian. I also found myself writing/journaling, and walking with a coworker when on breaks at work.
Also, Jenni reminded me recently that recovery is about progress not perfection. This reminder helped me too.
Rachel wrote: "First of all, remember that unfortunately, recovery is not a straight line. You will have your ups and downs. I know I’ve said this before about different aspects of it but it applies to it as a wh..."So many good points. Thank you, Rachel, for sharing your experiences. I have also heard to play out the action as if I did the behavior from beginning to end, and to also think about what it might be like 2 hours later.
I will have to look up the song you mentioned and listen to it. You might consider posting the song to the song threat under the Life Without Ed section.
Hello Heidi. What got me out of my rut last night and had a much better day was talking to someone that has worked with me in treatment not too long ago. I got so distracted and my mood shifted. And today I made the decision not to go out and spent the day by myself doing what I needed to do while do a big project too
Christina wrote: "Hello Heidi. What got me out of my rut last night and had a much better day was talking to someone that has worked with me in treatment not too long ago. I got so distracted and my mood shifted. An..."Great job taking care of yourself, Christina!
Mod
So sorry, Melody. Again, when racing thoughts got really bad, I needed connection. (I know I am starting to sound like a broken record here! It seems I am always talking about connecting with others.) In the other thread, I mentioned some resources that you might find helpful. I apologize for being late to respond. I was working in Charleston and got way behind. If you ever need support ASAP, a super resource is the free, 24/7 Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/ I know some folks who work there. This is such an excellent resource anytime, for help asap. Hang in there. Keep fighting!
Mod
Yay!! Love it, Christina!
Mod
https://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/......"
Thanks for sharing, Heidi!
Mod
You are so strong, Christina. I apologize for being late to respond. I was working in Charleston, speaking at the NEDA Walk and other events. I obviously got way behind here. If you ever need support ASAP, a super resource that I just shared with Melody is the free, 24/7 Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/ Keep fighting. #WeAreFighters
No need to be sorry Jenni!! I hope the NEDA walk went well!
Here's a breathing exercise that was shared in group tonight.... Instead of counting to 5 when breathing, spell the word relax.As you take a slow deep breath in through your nose, spell R E L A X
Then, breath out through your mouth, and spell R E L A X.
Or...
Take a slow deep breath in through your nose, spell R E L A X
Hold it and spell R E L A X
Then, breath out through your mouth, and spell R E L A X.
I love that Heidi!! I’m going to try it!
Christina wrote: "I love that Heidi!! I’m going to try it!"That's great, Christina. I hope you find it helpful.
Hello...I’m reaching out for some extra encouragement. I’m not okay and have hit a wall. I’m stilling doing the best I can...however, my best unfortunately needs to be better. I’m dealing with some major stress and anxiety. I’m pretty sure it’s making me sick. I don’t want to go back to a higher level of care whatsoever. I wasn’t able to fall asleep until 1 am today because of anxiety and since around almost 5, I’ve been laying down because I really don’t feel well. I’ve been working on dinner for a bit now, but can’t shake not feeling well. If anyone has any encouragement or ideas send them my way.
Thanks :)
Christina wrote: "Hello...I’m reaching out for some extra encouragement. I’m not okay and have hit a wall. I’m stilling doing the best I can...however, my best unfortunately needs to be better. I’m dealing with some..."Hi Christina,
How are you feeling today? Right now, your best may not have been what you would like it to have been, but you were doing your best, and that is awesome! Our best is all we can ever do, please be gentle with yourself. Have you tried journaling about your stress and/or anxiety?
You are stronger than Ed, and you’ve got this Christina!!
Melody wrote: "Hey Heidi, hang in there. I have found a lot of encouragement for doing one next right thing one thing at a time. And trying not to beat myself up too much for failures."Hi Melody,
I’m not sure if your message was truly meant for me, or if you meant it for Christina. 😊 I am doing well, still fighting with the physical pain. You mentioned doing the next right thing, and I kind of giggled at that because this week in my ED group, a few of the ladies mentioned doing the next right thing is what has gotten them through some of their toughest times. I think it is great that you happened to mention it on here too.
Hi Heidi, Thank you for checking in. It's been rough to be honest. I'm dealing with a lot of stomach issues (probably from anxiety/stress and ed). I've been trying to stay outside as that is the only place that keeps me calm. I'm wondering if it's because of the cool air. The minute I step in the house long term, I'm through the roof with anxiety.
I haven't journaled about it. I did however start journalling again last night and did a list of reason to and not to recover. I haven't journaled in years because of always writing the same things, but I think I really need to. It was nice to get some things out.
I was told that if I can't get myself back on track then I'll probably go back to php and I don't want to do that at all. I read a self help book Friday and one of the suggestions was doing a timeline of your life, so I've been working on that. I also wrote a response to the book and am going to maybe share it with people on my team (I haven't decided yet). I got this sense of "i'm not alone" and the people in the book get me. It was like my story was written out for me without me writing it with only a few differences in my life.
Friday was the first full day with the new meal plan and I did it (I was home alone all day). It makes me frustrated when that was the one day that I was able to do the right thing. I don't like my new anxiety med...it's quite gross...it's a liquid because I'm allergic to the pill form, so I haven't been using it.
I really appreciate you checking in with me :)
Christina wrote: "Hi Heidi, Thank you for checking in. It's been rough to be honest. I'm dealing with a lot of stomach issues (probably from anxiety/stress and ed). I've been trying to stay outside as that is the ..."
AWESOME JOB TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF CHRISTINA!!
I hope you are able to see all of the ways you have taken care of yourself through your post. You are doing amazing!
It makes a ton of sense that you feel better when you are outside. A healthy coping skill many therapists will suggest to their clients is to go outside. Going outside helps to stimulate your brain and take your mind off of whatever you are feeling anxious about. If you haven’t already, try being mindful while you are outside. Notice the different sounds you hear, the different things you see; notice what the temperature feels like, what the weather is. Pick up a leaf and notice what it looks like, how it feels, what it smells like.
I would also like to suggest you discuss with your therapist how your anxiety seems to flare up once you walk inside.
Another thing you could journal is the pros and cons to PHP, and discuss this with your treatment team. Also, make sure to talk to them regarding your medication too, maybe there is something else they can give you.
You are doing great, Christina.
Thank you Heidi and thank you for telling me that I'm still doing the best I can due to circumstances. That just reinforces the positives that even though things are rough, I'm still working hard. I'm going to have a lot to talk about this week with my therapist.
I see my psychiatrist on Thursday, so I'm definitely bringing up the medication issues.
I'm going to be doing lots of journalling today. I'm still working on my timeline and a lot of things are coming up that I've never spoken about with my team or anyone really for that matter. I have just kept it all to myself.
Christina wrote: "Thank you Heidi and thank you for telling me that I'm still doing the best I can due to circumstances. That just reinforces the positives that even though things are rough, I'm still working hard. ..."You are welcome, and you are definitely working hard! Be careful while working on the timeline; although timelines are great ideas, they can also be extremely triggering. Make sure you are taking steps to take care of yourself while working on the timeline. If it becomes too triggering, I suggest putting it aside until you see your therapist.
I love love Disney and that's one of my favorite quotes! I love Dory :) It's going to be good to have people on my team look at the timeline. I had a lot of realizations and I think it will help my team out a lot. I'm going to do more journalling today and some self care. I've been drawn quite often. If I could figure out how to add a picture I'd share what I drew....hmmmm
Christina wrote: "I love love Disney and that's one of my favorite quotes! I love Dory :) It's going to be good to have people on my team look at the timeline. I had a lot of realizations and I think it will help ..."
Hi Christina,
You have to first upload your picture somewhere on the internet. If you have a Facebook, you can upload it there (if you don't want people to see it, set your privacy setting for that post to "Only Me"). Then you can follow these steps to post your picture here:
1) Find your picture online (Google Images, Pinterest, Facebook, etc.)
2) Right click on the pic you want
3) If your web browser is Microsoft Edge you will click on “copy” (not copy link)
Jenni learned that if your web browser is Google Chrome you will click on “copy image”
4) Next, come to your post and type (without the space between < and img):
< img scr=
5) Right click and paste – a web address should appear – make sure there is not a space between scr= and your web address.
6) Put > immediately after the web address
You can hit the preview button next to the post button to see if your pic will load and then click post, or you can just click post.
I hope this helps with the pics.
I use Safari...I did everything above and it said there was an image error
Christina wrote: "I use Safari...I did everything above and it said there was an image error"Was there a space between img and src? That's the only place to have a space. I hope that makes sense. Otherwise, you can upload pics to the photo section.
Apparently my Dory post was in another group but I saw lots of you were talking about Disney. I’m not sure if you were referring to that but just in case, I finally uploaded the picture in photos. Will post more later.
Rachel wrote: "Apparently my Dory post was in another group but I saw lots of you were talking about Disney. I’m not sure if you were referring to that but just in case, I finally uploaded the picture in photos. ..."Hey Rachel, you did make reference to Dory in a post somewhere in this group to me a couple weeks ago. I don't remember which thread, but probably either this thread or the PTSD thread.
Honestly, I finally found where I posted it earlier and have already forgotten. All I was doing was scanning the end of them to find it! Haha. I think I said something about not giving up, then to think of Dory and “Just Keep Swimming...”
Rachel wrote: "Honestly, I finally found where I posted it earlier and have already forgotten. All I was doing was scanning the end of them to find it! Haha. I think I said something about not giving up, then to ..."That sounds about right to me. 😊
Not sure if you found the post but started as a reply to you, yes. We were talking about getting rid of your scale. It’s in the ED clothes topic.
Rachel wrote: "Not sure if you found the post but started as a reply to you, yes. We were talking about getting rid of your scale. It’s in the ED clothes topic."Nope, I did not look for it. I remember it, because I often use the quote "Just keep swimming" with individuals who are struggling. When you said it to me, I smiled, and I haven't forgotten you saying it to me. 😊
Melody wrote: "Hey Heidi! I am glad you are feeling better. :) Continuing to send positive thoughts your way."Thank you, Melody.
Today is way to hot and don't want to eat. Restriction is so easy to fall back into. I was in a php but thought one on one was able to deal with ed and other issues. I am using my tools but feel like I am up against a wall. Therapist on Friday and waiting for doctor to return to help with depression/anxiety. How do others work through it? Thanks
Mod
Such great wisdom. Yes, doing our best is key.
Mod
You are SO strong, Christina. You really can do this. Keep standing back up.
A reminder about my favorite Japanese proverb: "Fall down 7 times, stand up 8."
Falling isn't what matters. Standing is what makes the biggest difference.
Life Without Ed® (with Jenni!)
Books mentioned in this topic
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (other topics)Almost Anorexic: Is My (or My Loved One's) Relationship with Food a Problem? (other topics)
Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life (other topics)
Mom in the Mirror: Body Image, Beauty, and Life after Pregnancy (other topics)
I will send you a private message with some resource ideas!