Life Without Ed® (with Jenni!) discussion
Help...I Need Encouragement!
Jodi wrote: "Heidi wrote: "Jodi wrote: "I guess I'm not needing encouragement so much as advice ...As I've mentioned in other threads, I recently had a baby girl. She's currently three months old (she'll be 17..."
Jodi,
You're welcome. Talking to family can be very difficult. You are right, change is hard, but it is good. :-) Do you have a therapist? If you do, you could role play with your therapist possible scenarios of you talking with your family to help prepare yourself for both what you might say and how your family might react.
Jenni wrote: "You nailed it again, Heidi: recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. And, it is an imperfect marathon. I understand what you mean about Ed tagging up with Ms. Perfectionist to beat us up. ..."Thank you, Jenni. I will definitely read the section over again.
Today, I upset both Ed and Ms. Perfectionist, and I'm okay with that. :-)
Sage wrote: "Hi all!I'm struggling really badly with ED and I dong know what to do anymore.... my therapist says it's normal but I can't believe that.....
Thanks!"
Hi Sage,
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I have been struggling on and off the last few weeks. It is definitely a part of recovery, and it sucks. See Jenni's post a few posts up from yours - she posted a pic of what recovery looks like. We all want our recovery to be a perfectly straight line, but in reality, it has its ups and downs, curves and circles, and at times, it's a two steps forward, one step backward kind of day.
Remember you are strong, even if it does not feel like you are at this moment, you are strong. Stronger than Ed. You've got this. Take it moment-by-moment.
I'm adding a few more pictures to the photo page too (pics from my phone that I don't have a way to post on the discussion board)
Melody wrote: "Heidi, thanks so much for the encouragement. Going one step at a time and hanging in there. Therapy and prayer journaling helped as well as running with my dog. :)"You're welcome. Great job taking care of yourself using those coping skills. I am glad you were able to find some help with them.
I also am falling ( figuratively and literally). My psychiatrist let my dr know how low my intake is so she ordered blood tests. Have not heard back. For the first time I fell, I was standing one minute and on the floor the next :(. My dr does not know this yet but referred me to a dietitian who called yesterday which scares me to death. Don't know which way to run at this point. :(
Heather wrote: "I also am falling ( figuratively and literally). My psychiatrist let my dr know how low my intake is so she ordered blood tests. Have not heard back. For the first time I fell, I was standing one m..."Hi Heather,
It is scary to see a new health provider. What if you did not run in any direction right now, but took a tiny step forward, met the dietitian, and heard the dietitian out?
Your psychiatrist and doctor are on your side, so maybe trusting the doctor and trying out the dietitian will be the best thing for you. Recovery is hard work, but you are worth it, and you are strong!!
Heidi wrote: "Heather wrote: "I also am falling ( figuratively and literally). My psychiatrist let my dr know how low my intake is so she ordered blood tests. Have not heard back. For the first time I fell, I wa..."Thank you! I am going to at least attend the appt . :)
Heidi wrote: "Heather wrote: "I also am falling ( figuratively and literally). My psychiatrist let my dr know how low my intake is so she ordered blood tests. Have not heard back. For the first time I fell, I wa..."Recovery is SO worth it and you are SO strong, yes!
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Thank you for the response!
What kind of resources?
My therapist and I have talked about residential treatment and PHP but o can't afford it and I'd have to pay it on my own because my famil..."
Dear Sage - Good to hear from you again.
See here: https://jennischaefer.com/resources/
There is a section about "Free Support" as well as one about "Resources to Help Pay for Treatment." Many people I know have received treatment scholarships. I'd highly encourage you to apply. You really can do this!
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Hi Heather - You are so brave for reaching out here. Seeking continued care from experts who "get it" is such a key. So, like the others here, I encourage you to stay connected to your treatment team.
Recovery IS scary, but so is staying exactly the same. It sounds like you have providers who care about you, who are leading you to a life of freedom. Yes, that is possible. Don't quit!
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I'm adding a few more pictures to the photo page too (pics from my phone that I don't have a way to post on the discussion board)"
These are great! I love the images you share. And, it makes the threads so colorful and inspiring. Thanks!
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Thanks for sending me a PM about how you are feeling. As I said in the message, there is help--right now. I encourage you to take those steps. I believe in you, and I am deeply sorry to hear about your intense struggles right now. Again, sending love and support.
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Dear Melody - Thanks for reaching out for support. Sorry to hear you are struggling. I love what Heidi said: you are stronger than Ed. As I said in an earlier post: recovery is hard and very scary BUT so is remaining exactly the same. To get past difficult moments, we sometimes have to gather all of the support that we can and face our biggest fears, our greatest pains...by doing these things, we can step by step work our way to freedom. Don't quit!
Jenni,Thank you so, so much! I'm going to look into it once I get home.
Stay strong everyone!
Jenni wrote: "Heather wrote: "I also am falling ( figuratively and literally). My psychiatrist let my dr know how low my intake is so she ordered blood tests. Have not heard back. For the first time I fell, I wa..."It is scary as it feels the control is being taken away from me. It was scary winding up on my bathroom floor too with no real warning other than feeling a bit dizzy :(. It's all hard.
Heather wrote: "Heidi wrote: "Heather wrote: "I also am falling ( figuratively and literally). My psychiatrist let my dr know how low my intake is so she ordered blood tests. Have not heard back. For the first tim..."Attending the appointment is such a huge step, Heather. Great job!! You are strong, and you can kick Ed's butt!! :)
Jenni wrote: "Heidi wrote: "I'm adding a few more pictures to the photo page too (pics from my phone that I don't have a way to post on the discussion board)"
These are great! I love the images you share. And..."
You're welcome, Jenni, and thank you. :-)
Melody wrote: "I totally get the whole perfectionistic take on this. I feel like my eating disorder goes hand in hand with being perfect and not wanting to mess up. It's totally that black and white thinking that the eating disorder loves. Jenni just mentioned the word "setback" to me and that has been super helpful in thinking about behaviors as setbacks and not complete failures. We can do this--just one minute at a time. "
Hi Melody,
I am so glad that you found Jenni's use of the term setback to be helpful in your recovery. I really like how Jenni included this in her response to you, and it is so very true: '"Setback," by definition, means that we have made progress. So, we can do it again!"
Tomorrow, I see my OBGYN, and again both my therapist and dietitian want me to at least tell them not to tell me my weight .... but I feel stupid telling them that, and I think Ed is trying to help me with reasons and excuses not to tell the OBGYN. Like, does she really need to know? I have gone nearly 4 weeks without knowing my weight, and I want to know it. I realized as I typed that last sentence, that is Ed talking, but I think I agree with him. How do you know if it's 100% Ed or if you are also thinking the same thing? I know my therapist and dietitian would ask me, "What will knowing do for you?" It would help with some anxiety and other stuff. They don't like that answer.
I've been struggling with weight and food thoughts today. So, I don't know what I will do tomorrow.
I've been absent and I apologize. Do any of the ladies here in the Nashville area know of any ED support groups besides the Tuesday night one? I need to get some support. Thanks!
Jennifer wrote: "I've been absent and I apologize. Do any of the ladies here in the Nashville area know of any ED support groups besides the Tuesday night one? I need to get some support. Thanks!"Hello Jennifer,
No need to apologize. :-)
If you are currently seeing a therapist, I suggest asking him/her for recommendations. Jenni might have some suggestions/recommendations for you, but I know she mentioned she was traveling this week, so it might take a few days before she gets back to you. :-)
I am not from the Nashville area; however, I did a Google search and found these websites, which may help you:
http://renewedsupport.org/
https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/tr...
https://treatment.psychologytoday.com...
I saw that there is a Rogers Behavioral Health down by you, we have them up here too. You could call them and ask if they either have a program for you or if they could give you suggestions.
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https://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/...
Thanks so much for participating in our book group!
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Hi Jennifer - I am sorry that you are struggling. I am very grateful to know that you are reaching out for connection. Heidi's suggestions are great. Renewed is an amazing resource in Nashville! My support group in Nashville truly helped to save my life. (The group doesn't exist anymore though.) Hang in there. I know that recovery is beyond painful and difficult. If you don't quit, things do indeed get better. Hold onto that hope. Full recovery is possible. You are a fighter.
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Thanks, Heidi! Renewed has many support groups. I am actually speaking at the family support group there on October 30.
Hey Jennifer, this is upcoming at Renewed. ConnectED: Monthly Discussion Group
ConnectED is a free group for adult women in recovery from an eating disorder. The group is meant to be a place for participants to openly discuss what life looks like after recovery from an eating disorder in a safe and welcoming environment. The group meets monthly.
Audience: Adult women
Meeting Time: October 17, 2017 from 6-7pm
Meeting Location: Renewed office (2120 Crestmoor Road, Suite 3000, Nashville, TN 37215)
Facilitator: Courtney Grimes, LCSW
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ConnectED: Monthly Discussion Group
ConnectED is a free group for adult women in recovery from an eating disorder. The group is meant to be a place for..."
Wow...thanks for sharing!
I think this is the right group to post this. I’ve been feeling very self conscious in general and having ed loud in my head since my meal plan change on Wednesday. I get very attached to things, especially clothes. So today I gave some clothes to a friend who needed them (also in recovery). I was very glad to do this. The minute my friend was going through them, I began to feel afraid and feelings that I shouldn’t give them away and I should wear them again. Even though I haven’t worn some since 2008 and 2011. I know that’s a long time ago. I’m tempted to ask my dietician to get rid of the clothes for me. I’ve been wanting to sell them and they are sitting in my car. I just keep regretting going through them and wanting to get rid of them. My mind is whirling. Adding all of that, I’m so body conscious and I definitely could use encouragement to not give up and return to ed 100%.
Thanks :)
Hi Melody. What I find really adds to my recovery is keeping a gratitude journal. This has really been an amazing gift. After I write what I’m grateful for (not anything appearance related or ed related) and then I found on Pinterest gratitude journal prompts and will answer that on the next page. Then I also try to think of what am I trying to get by using behaviors and then how can I fulfill that need in a recovery way.
Hello everyone,I have been reading posts the last few days, but have not been responding, because I have been struggling with both emotional and physical pain. I just did not feel like I was in a good place to respond.
Christina, I think asking your dietitian to get rid of the clothes for you is a great idea. I have also struggled with getting rid of clothes. A few months ago, I finally packed up all my clothes that did not fit. I gave the clothes to my sister-in-law's nieces to go through, when they were done, then my sister-in-law and my niece went through the clothes, and finally when they were done, my sister went through. I made the mistake of telling them I wanted whatever clothes they didn't keep back. The reason I wanted them back was so I could take them to a woman's shelter. The problem is, once I got them back, I could not part with them again. So, in a few weeks, when I am done with school and have a little more time on my hands, I am going to take the clothes to either GoodWill or a woman's shelter.
In Life Without Ed, in one of Thom's exercises, "Powerful Clothes," he mentions a time when Jenni had brought in all of her anorexic jeans. This might be something you would like to read. It is on pages 85-86. Jenni also discusses her fight with clothes in the section "My Private Platoon" on pages 69-70.
Don't give up, Christina. Going through the clothes that have been there for you, is tough, but you are stronger, and you can do this!!
Melody, you've got this. Have you been in contact with your therapist? Have you been journaling? I know you mentioned before you believe these things helped you the most. I believe my list of healthy coping skills is in this thread, try some more of those - if there are some you have not tried yet, try those ones.
Two inspirational quotes:
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face…Do the thing you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Thank you Heidi! Knowing how attached I get to clothes and even when I try to give them away, the best thing is to give them to my dietician and let her donate them or get rid of them for me. I do the same thing, put clothes away and then keep them where I know where they are as a just in case.
Maybe I’ll give my dietician two bags to start and then keep getting rid of more.
Melody wrote: "Heidi wrote: "Hello everyone,I have been reading posts the last few days, but have not been responding, because I have been struggling with both emotional and physical pain. I just did not feel l..."
Thank you, Melody. The physical pain has been causing me to fall in and out of depression over the last four weeks, which has also helped Ed gain ground on me too. I am really glad my therapist knows me well, because on Friday, I told her I was done trying to recover from Ed. She knows and understands that is how I was feeling at that moment, but that if she gives me a few days to get my head on straight, I will continue to fight. Pain sucks. Ed sucks.
I am glad to hear that you are still finding help through therapy and journaling. Also glad to hear you are taking it piece by piece, moment by moment. You are a brave and strong woman, Melody, you are going to kick Ed's butt. :-) I'm proud of you for reaching out and for continuing to fight the battle even through the hard times. You've got this!!
Christina wrote: "Thank you Heidi! Knowing how attached I get to clothes and even when I try to give them away, the best thing is to give them to my dietician and let her donate them or get rid of them for me. I d..."
This sounds like a great idea, Christina!! A friend of mine, who is a recovering alcoholic, told me one of the sayings they use in AA (I don't know if it is all AA or just one of the ones she attends) is "Always choose what's hardest." Keeping our old clothes, our ED clothes, is easy, right? And the hardest thing to do is get rid of them ... so, if we choose what is hardest, we will choose to get rid of them. I think you have a great plan - give your dietitian your clothes. If you feel two bags is all you can do right now, then just take the two bags. Progress, not perfection. :-)
I look forward to hearing about the experience of giving the two bags to your dietitian.
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Knowing how attached I get to clothes and even when I try to give them away, the best thing is to give them to my dietician and let her donate them or get rid o..."
Such cool wisdom: always choose what is hardest. I can see how this concept might be very helpful. Thank you, Heidi!
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Knowing how attached I get to clothes and even when I try to give them away, the best thing is to give them to my dietician and let her donate them or get rid of them for me. I d..."
Yes, Christina! I love this. Let us know if you get rid of the clothes. #Fighter
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Yep, like we just said in the other thread:
"Little by little, step by step, it happens."
You can do it! You ARE doing it.
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I have been reading posts the last few days, but have not been responding, because I have been struggling with both emotional and physical pain. I just did not feel like I was in a..."
Such a helpful post. Thank you! You might know my book better than I do. I might start a thread re giving away clothes. I'd bet that might be very helpful.
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Absolutely....gratitude is such a key. Great reminder. Thank you.
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I’ve been feeling very self conscious in general and having ed loud in my head since my meal plan change on Wednesday. I get very attached to things,..."
You CAN, Christina! Thanks for starting this clothes topic. I will start a separate thread just for this. I think many people will relate.
Jenni wrote: "Such a helpful post. Thank you! You might know my book better than I do. I might start a thread re giving away clothes. I'd bet that might be very helpful."Thank you, Jenni. I don't know that I agree with you about knowing your book better than you, LOL. I just happened to read it like a week before you started this group, so it is fresh in my mind.
I did see that you have created a thread re giving away clothes, and I'll have to go look at it again.
Heidi...I just found it. It's under the Life without Ed topics. I forget the name though. However, I did just post in it so hopefully you'll get that notification!
So, I am still struggling with both the physical and emotional pain. The physical pain is being caused from some slipped disks in my back. In the middle of dealing with that pain, my doctor, two weeks ago, gave me some news that has been very difficult for me to handle/process.
I have had many moments and days, yesterday and today being two of the days, where I struggle with following my meal plan and question why it even matters anymore. I question if I will ever be able to accept and love my body, and I have been blaming it for taking away all my dreams.
Yet, somehow, for some reason, even with all this hate towards my body that I am feeling right now, even with all this emotional pain and all of the physical pain I am currently experiencing, I am still fighting. I have very much appreciated the encouragement and support I have been receiving from all of you, and being able to offer encouragement and support has helped me to keep going. Thank you!!
Christina wrote: "Heidi...I just found it. It's under the Life without Ed topics. I forget the name though. However, I did just post in it so hopefully you'll get that notification!"Thank you Christina, I have posted my commitment. :)
It's called: My Private Platoon (Getting rid of Ed clothes, pg 69-70)
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In the middle of dealing with that pain, my doctor, two ..."
Thank you, Heidi! Your images and quotes are so great. Yes, we are recovery ninjas. LOVE.
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https://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/...
You are bamboo! If you read the blog, you will get what I mean by that. :)
Hi all!Me again.
I was doing well in recovery until Thursday.
I relapsed after 3 weeks.
Friday I had to go home early from work because I was weak and dizzy. I ended up in the emergency room.
I’m okay now and trying to dust off.
I do have a question.
I work with food, it’s super hard and kind of triggering but I can’t find any other job so I need this one. How can I make being at work less anxiety filled?
Also, I’m looking into PHP programs in my area.
Stay strong all!! You can do it!
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I also worked in restaurants during my eating disorder recovery. I ended up opening up about my recovery with my manager and other employees. I needed extra support while working. It was harder for Ed to sneak into my job if my colleagues were on the lookout. Ultimately, I found a job not in restaurants.
Please hang in there. Keep fighting. And let us know what area you are trying to find help!
Life Without Ed® (with Jenni!)
Books mentioned in this topic
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (other topics)Almost Anorexic: Is My (or My Loved One's) Relationship with Food a Problem? (other topics)
Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life (other topics)
Mom in the Mirror: Body Image, Beauty, and Life after Pregnancy (other topics)
Hi Kim,
Sorry to hear you aren't feeling well. It is understandable that you would be having difficulty sleeping and that you are feeling so overwhelmed, depressed, and depleted with everything you have going on. You are very strong, and you are a fighter. You've got this. Take everything moment-by-moment, and keep choosing the next right thing, even if it is the hardest choice.