Life Without Ed® (with Jenni!) discussion
Help...I Need Encouragement!
Thank you, Jenni.I am definitely struggling right now. My therapist and dietitian have really pissed Ed off this week, because I let him take over for the last two weeks. So, they put their feet down and have become very strict this week. I feel like they don't understand and like I am completely alone.
I could really use any encouragement or suggestions, anything.
Thank you.
Thank you, Melody. I'm feeling a little better this morning. I participated in a walk to spread the word that recovery from mental illness and/or substance abuse is possible. I participate every year in this walk, but this morning's message really helped me today. Also being around all the people in recovery. I don't have a substance problem, but I do suffer from mental illness. Recovery is recovery regardless of what the individual is in recovery from. Today's message: I'm possible.
I am going to journal today. 😊
Hi all,I'm in a super crisis of falling back into Ed's hands...
I was doing pretty well and this passed week I've fallen and now I can't seem to get back up...
I've tried things that used to help but (and I don't want to say "it's not working" because it sounds sad) it's just not helping at this time I guess...
Any encouragement or support would be appreciated please and thank you!
I've had a hard week and made some bad decisions over the weekend. When I get really anxious and stressed, I restrictive but I also spend money and this weekend I spent a LOT of money on something I don't really need. I am trying to figure out how to get myself out of it. Worse, my ex keeps reaching out to me and I have been strong until the weekend which was when everything spiraled. OCD keeping me awake then bad dreams when I finally sleep... waking up crying. I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm afraid to talk to any of my family, friends, even my therapist about this because they won't approve and I'm so embarrassed. I don't know if anyone else has these issues, Sorry, I just needed to put this out there and get it off my chest. Thank you.
Sage Bear wrote: "Hi all,I'm in a super crisis of falling back into Ed's hands...
I was doing pretty well and this passed week I've fallen and now I can't seem to get back up...
I've tried things that used to help ..."
Hi Sage Bear,
It is very difficult when we slip after doing so well. I can relate, as I have been on this rollercoaster lately. I'll do really well for a week or two and then I slip and Ed takes over.
Do you journal? Maybe writing out all the feelings and thoughts you're having will help? I would also suggest reaching out to your therapist and/or dietitian if you have one and are able to. Be 100% honest with them.
Feel free to message me if you need some extra support. I'm new to goodreads, but it looks like we can email each other on here?
Remember: Progress not perfection. Take it second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. You'll make it through this, you are strong.
Jennifer wrote: "I've had a hard week and made some bad decisions over the weekend. When I get really anxious and stressed, I restrictive but I also spend money and this weekend I spent a LOT of money on something ..."Hi Jennifer,
Anxiety and stress are two of my triggers for restrictive behaviors as well. It sounds like you are being judgmental to yourself by saying you made some bad decisions. You made some decisions, and I am assuming they are decisions you cannot undo now. That is okay. Today is a new day. What can you do today to make it a great day?
As I mentioned in my reply to Sage Bear, remember: Progress not perfection. Take it second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. You'll make it through this, you are strong.
Don’t Quit~ Author Unknown
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out–
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.
Jenni wrote: "If you find yourself in a place where Ed is screaming in your ear and you can't seem to connect to recovery motivation, this is a thread for you. Are you trying to avoid a binge? Are you trying t..."
Hi,
I should probably introduce myself as I never got to that during the first post. I'm Alexandria (I go by Alex for short). I'm turning 28 next month and I'm a mom to an energetic, lovable 3 year old boy. I've been married to my husband for 5 years, and Ed for 15. I've never fully recovered from my ED and my journey has led me to being faced with the decision of whether or not to head to ERC in Ohio for PHP. Can I just tell you, the fear in making this decision is so overwhelming I can barely stand it. Nothing in my life makes it easy to even imagine leaving for 6-8 weeks. I'm a mom, I'm a wife, and I have a full time job as a therapist for crying out loud. But I'm tired. I'm really really tired of being trapped by this. I guess I'm just needing some encouragement or support as I face this decision. My mind is spinning with thoughts of "Go! It's time" and "There's no way you can leave for that long, are you crazy?!" Not to mention that there are very few people that are aware of my ED and going means more people knowing. Yikes. Thanks in advance the space to share some thoughts!
-Alex
Alex, You are so brave for sharing this with us. I know all too well the feeling of wanting help and let go of Ed, yet not wanting to feel like you are removing yourself. I want to say that I have learned and totally believe those in my family now, that they wanted this for me. They wanted me to seek treatment in order to be my best self and not my eating disorder. They wanted me to laugh again and to have the health and vitality of a young woman. I wasn't myself entirely and much of me was devoted to Ed. I realized recently even that I had sort of reached a plateau and have started going to therapy again regularly. There is so much freedom once the Ed thoughts quiet and the lies Ed tells us stop. Realizing that you don't want to live with Ed in your life anymore is a major step. I am proud of you and all that you have accomplished and I believe that you will do what you feel in your heart will help you to let go of Ed. We are here to support you. Thank you again for sharing.
Mod
Are you trying to avoid a binge? Ar..."
Yes, Alex, you are so brave!
* ALL of you on this thread are super strong. What I have learned is this: anything that I put in front of my recovery, I lost. When I was sick with ED, I lost my job, which I had put in front of recovery. I lost relationships. I lost a lot. And, we haven't even gotten to PTSD yet. In all of my recoveries, I was reminded over and over again to make recovery priority. It is only then that we can make other people and opportunities in our life a priority. I am going to post an inspirational poem next. I think it might help a lot of you. It is one of my favorites.
BTW: ERC Ohio is incredible. My friend, Dr. Ashley Solomon runs the program. She is one of the best. I wish I'd had the opportunity to go to a place like ERC when I was sick. Unfortunately, IOPs and PHPs didn't exist back then. In PTSD recovery, a PHP program saved me.
Stay strong, and stay connected. I love the authenticity here. It is beautiful. And, the support is incredible.
Mod
There is a Hole in my Sidewalk by Portia Nelson
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/9508...
This poem is recovery.
Recovery is about learning and taking risks. We do better when we know better. We do better when our brains are nourished and anxiety & depression are being managed.
You are all so strong. Even to post here shows incredible strength. (For those of you who haven't posted yet, just reading this shows courage.) Little by little, step by step, it happens.
Mod
~ Author Unknown
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, b..."
This is so great! Thanks for sharing.
Last night, in therapy, my therapist pointed out that Ed was taking control and was trying to make her and my dietitian appear to be the bad guys. I have been struggling in the last few weeks, feeling and believing like my therapist and dietitian do not understand what I am going through. I know they both understand ED, and they have both worked with individuals with ED, but you know, I’m the special one. Nobody else is like me. They can’t possibly understand me. They can understand everyone else, and they can understand everyone elses’ Eds, but not me and not my Ed. We are unique. I just read Life Without Ed a few weeks ago, and now I am living out one of the sections. Jenni, which section of the book did you mention something similar to this? I think I will have to go back and reread it this weekend.
Ed has me believing my team does not know what is best for me. Logically, I do know they are trying to help me, but Ed’s voice is so loud. He has definitely been doing a great job these last few weeks, and he has me questioning what the truth is, and nearly firing my team. Again, logically, I know the truth is my team has my best interests at hand, and Ed …. well, if I am honest, I know Ed just wants that control, he does not truly care. Ed keeps telling me that I am gaining weight and that I need to sneak over to my mom’s house and weigh myself. He is full of rage, since I got rid of the scale, and especially since my dietitian went back to blind weigh ins last week.
I saw a post on my Facebook memories, my posted mentioned how 4 years ago tomorrow was the day the last abusive person I lived with moved out, and I swore that I would NEVER allow myself to live with another abusive person again…. But here I am … I am letting myself live with Ed, and others like Ms. Perfectionist. I broke my promise to myself, and it is time to fix that!! Ed, you need to go!! You are not wanted. Your negative and abusive ways are not wanted!! Leave. Me. Alone!! Good bye Ed.
I wish it were just that simple to just say, "Good Bye" and Ed would be gone ....
I guess I'm not needing encouragement so much as advice ...As I've mentioned in other threads, I recently had a baby girl. She's currently three months old (she'll be 17 weeks tomorrow). She's obviously not old enough where I need to start worrying about ED issues with her, but am trying my best to give her a good foundation to have positive self esteem. Even though she really can't understand yet, I make sure to constantly tell her how beautiful, smart, funny, etc. she is. I figure that this will be a good practice for me to get into. I talk to her about how strong her legs are, how they allow her to stand up... stuff like that. I am trying SO hard to set the foundation for her to have good body image and to know how amazing she is.
My family is great. They are so excited to have her in their lives. They love her, as I do, with every fiber of their being. But, both my family and my husband's really have some major issues with body image, etc. and make comments a LOT. For instance, both my mom and grandma refer to themselves as "that ugly old lady" when they're playing with my daughter, Lydia. I have been trying to model positive behaviors for them, but it doesn't seem to be sinking in. I know it's probably minor, but I don't know how to get them to stop referring to themselves as "ugly" and such or how to bring it up to them as an issue. I know that my mom would make comments about her looks and weight when I was growing up, and it made me worry that if I wasn't perfect, didn't stay below a certain weight, etc that she wouldn't love me. I don't want that for my little girl. But, I don't want to make waves in the family either, as things are going so much better since Lydia was born. ... Any suggestions? ... Or am I just being overly sensitive?
Jodi wrote: "I guess I'm not needing encouragement so much as advice ...As I've mentioned in other threads, I recently had a baby girl. She's currently three months old (she'll be 17 weeks tomorrow). She's obv..."
Hello Jodi,
Hearing a parent or grandparent say those things is very difficult on for many children. I do not believe you are being over sensitive.
Unfortunately, I do not have children yet; however, I spent many years working with infants, toddlers, and young school aged children. I also have a niece and three nephews. From my experience, the fear and concerns you have are common, especially with individuals who struggled themselves as a child.
My suggestion would be to tell your mom, grandma, and other family members that you do not want your daughter exposed to that type of self talk. Explain to your mom and grandma how you felt from growing up around that type of negativity. If you talk to them now about it, they have time to practice changing their ways when around her before she really begins to pick up on everything.
I hope that is helpful. It may be difficult and/or scary to confront your family, but you are doing it to protect your daughter from being exposed to behaviors that could potentially affect her self esteem and body image.
Melody wrote: "I have been struggling with behaviors for the past couple of weeks. What do others of you do to redirect, ground and center?"Hello Melody,
The coping skills I most often use when struggling with anything are: writing, coloring, hiking, listening to music, and emailing my therapist.
When it is Ed that I am struggling with, I still fall back on those three coping skills, but I also am likely to text my dietitian.
Some other ideas for helping you to redirect, ground, and center yourself are:
- Make a list of positive affirmations, and reflect back on it when you are struggling. When my therapist was out on medical leave for 4 weeks, I took a notebook and in big, colorful letters I wrote one positive affirmation on each page. I came up with 3 to 4 positive affirmations each day she was gone. Each day before and after I wrote the affirmations, I would read all of the previous affirmations. So, for 4 weeks, I was constantly repeating the affirmations to myself. Now, when I am struggling, I try to remember to pull these out and read them.
- You can also include things you are grateful in your notebook of positive affirmations, or you can write a separate list of things you are grateful for.
- If you have a pet, play with it. If you have a dog, take it for a walk.
- Call someone you have not talked to in a while, and see how he/she is doing. Have a nice conversation with him/her.
- Go out with some friends. You can go to a mall, to the movies, to a park, to dinner.
- Come online. Search for positive quotes or inspirational quotes. Come to this group or another online support group and offer support or ask for support.
- Vent about what is going on. You can do this through writing in a journal, emailing your therapist (if you have one), emailing a close friend or family member, or even just writing it on a piece of paper and then ripping up that paper.
- Look around you, and find 5 blue objects and 5 red objects.
- Sit on a chair, feet flat on the floor, and take a slow deep breath in count to 7 as you breath in through your nose, hold your breath for 5 seconds, then slowly let your breath out and count to 7 as you breath out through your mouth.
Melody wrote: "Thanks Heidi! I really appreciate it. I will definitely try some of these!"You're welcome. I hope you find they help. Remember to take it one minute at a time if you need to.
Jenni wrote: "Hey again! Per my last post, check this out...There is a Hole in my Sidewalk by Portia Nelson
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/9508...
This poem is re..."
Thank you for sharing this poem, Jenni. It's a good one!! 😊
Mod
You are so brave for sharing this with us. I know all too well the feeling of wanting help and let go of Ed, yet not wanting to feel like you are removing yourself. I want to say that I have..."
Such a beautiful message, April. Thank you!
Mod
Hi Melody - Wow, this is such a great question. And, I love Heidi's response. Such keys.
The most reliable action that pulled me out of Ed behaviors was connection with others, including my treatment team and my eating disorder support group. I had to make calls, send emails, show up at appointments, meet friends for meals; and I had to do it a lot more than "usual." If texting had existed back then, I would have been texting up a storm. Yet, I must say that *in person* meetings/connection worked best for me. If I was struggling to eat one day (or struggling with the urge to binge), I had to call someone; be with someone safe. Once, I spent about a week at my vocal coach's house! I could not stop behaviors, so we ate as many meals together as possible. (I lived far away from my family, or I would've gone there. My family was an incredible support for me.) These days, you might not know it, but there are actually meal support coaches online.
This chapter from Life Without Ed might be helpful: https://jennischaefer.com/wp-content/... (This makes me think that we should discuss this chapter in the group. I will post it soon in the book discussion thread, so thanks for the reminder!)
Don't quit! That is key. Choose recovery right now. Not in the next hour, not tomorrow, but now. Do the next right thing.
If you need treatment resources, please let me know. I can connect you with additional help. Post here or even private message me. I can also be reached fairly fast at: jenni.schaefer@eatingrecovery.com
We believe in you!
Mod
You're welcome. I hope you find they help. Remember to take it one minute at a time if you need to.
"
Great image, Heidi! Thanks for your email. I haven't had time to read through the steps, but I will. I can't wait to post my first inspirational image on here. Stay tuned. You are the best!
Mod
Hello Melody,
The coping skills I most often use when ..."
Dear Heidi - THANK YOU! Wow....I am so grateful that you are willing to take the time to share your experience, strength, and hope. This list of ideas is seriously amazing and so helpful. You rock.
Mod
As I've mentioned in other threads, I recently had a baby girl. She's currently three months old (she'll be 17 weeks tomorro..."
Again, Heidi, thank you. You are very wise.
Mod
As I've mentioned in other threads, I recently had a baby girl. She's currently three months old (she'll be 17 weeks tomorrow). She's obv..."
Hi Jodi - Thanks for bringing this topic up, as I am sure that many people here can relate. I appreciate your willingness to be real.
I love what Heidi wrote to you. I recently met a parent in a similar situation as you; she had to specifically ask her mom to never comment on her kids' weights again. (The grandmother often said things like this to the kids: "It looks like you have gained some weight.") The mom said something to the grandmother in a kind yet assertive way, and the grandmother listened. Often, people do better when they know better.
You might consider sharing some informational articles with your family. Here are some:
"Fat Talk," Body Image, and Eating Disorders
https://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/...
3 Life-Changing Ways to Teach Your Kids How to Love Their Body
https://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/...
Here is a great book (related topic) that some of my friends wrote: Mom in the Mirror: Body Image, Beauty, and Life After Pregnancy.
If I come across more resources, I will share them with you. In fact, maybe we should start a parenting thread in this group. (I am not a mom, but there are surely lots of excellent moms in the group....like you!) Thanks again for sharing, Jodi.
Mod
Hi Heidi - Thanks again for your incredible contribution to our group. I think you might be talking about the section in Life Without Ed called, "The Chosen One," on page 179. I also believe that what you mentioned in your post comes up throughout Life Without Ed in various sections.
Because this is such a common theme (that many of us experience in recovery), I also wrote about it in my second book, Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life. The section is called "I am Different," page 16. Within this section, I wrote this:
"My point is here that we are all different...I thought that therapy might work for others, but it wouldn't work for me because I was different. I was afraid at possibly failing at something that worked for others. It was easier to be different than to fail."
Like you, I often believed that my treatment team didn't "get me." I even essentially fired some truly incredible clinicians for this very reason. Looking back, I see that I might have recovered faster if I wouldn't have fired truly great people! (This often left me without support for awhile, as you can imagine.)
This is such a great topic that I hope we can discuss more here. Thanks for bringing it up!
Your point about letting Ed kick us around is an important one, too. We don't want others in our life to be rude and degrading to us, yet we listen to Ed...that is, we listen until we don't! Ultimately, fully recovered IS possible. When we stop giving Ed power, he is like a muscle that atrophies. He loses his strength.
With each post that you make in our group, Heidi, I believe that Ed is losing his strength in your life. Stay connected with your treatment team, and stay connected with us. Don't quit!
Jenni wrote: "Great image, Heidi! Thanks for your email. I haven't had time to read through the steps, but I will. I can't wait to post my first inspirational image on here. Stay tuned. You are the best!"You've got this, Jenni!! :) Glad you got the email, and if the steps work for you, maybe we can figure out a way to post them to the group, so others can post pics too. I'm just not sure how to do that yet.... that will require some more research.
Jenni wrote: "Heidi wrote: "Last night, in therapy, my therapist pointed out that Ed was taking control and was trying to make her and my dietitian appear to be the bad guys. I have been struggling in the last f..."Hey Jenni,
I am replying to all of your recent messages to me here. You are welcome. Helping others helps me, so I enjoy being able to reach out and offer any type of support or share my experiences that I think/hope might be helpful to others.
I’ll have to look back at “The Chosen One” when I get home. I have not read Good Bye Ed, Hello Me yet. I started it a week ago, but then I had to put it down to focus on some school stuff and trying to study for exams. You know where you introduced Ms. Perfectionist in Life Without Ed, and you talked about stressing about school … yeah, that is me. I’m especially stressing right now, because I’m at the end, and I am terrified of losing my A’s in these classes. It would be my luck that in the very last term of school I mess up my GPA – THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!! LOL I will take a look at “I am Different” when I get home as well. 😊
Thank you for sharing your experience with the thoughts about your treatment team not understanding you. I am not alone. 😊 I am sorry to hear that you fired some great clinicians, and ended up with no support at all for a while. I know what it is like to not have much support – having only my therapist and dietitian to lean on.
I won’t quit. I may threaten to quit at times, and I may give in to Ed for a while at times, but I won’t quit. Ed needs to go!!
I hope you are right, and a part of me believes you are right, when you say with each post Ed loses some strength in my life. I have good days and bad days – but in all honesty, I think I do have more good days than bad …. But right now, even on the good days I can hear/feel Ed near.
Thank you for all the support you provide, not only me, but to everyone here and elsewhere, Jenni. You are an amazing woman, and such an inspiration to so many individuals out there. THANK YOU!!
Melody wrote: "Thank you so much Jenni and Heidi for responding. I really appreciate your comments both so much. It has been a better day today, but still taking it 10 seconds at a time."Hi Melody,
I am so glad to hear today has been a better day. Great job taking it 10-seconds-at-a-time!! You've got this!!
Melody wrote: "I have been struggling with behaviors for the past couple of weeks. What do others of you do to redirect, ground and center?"Good morning Melody, Thank you for sharing this and being so brave to acknowledge that you want to move forward from the behaviors. I am not a therapist, but for me, I would surround myself with the love of someone that you can laugh with, be totally yourself with, and that lets you know they see YOU, not your eating disorder. This could be a friend, family member, or partner.. Honestly, I would think some pet time would be great, but I for me, talking was important to shake me out of the isolation I would feel because of my eating disorder behaviors. Also, photography was a major saving grace for me. I wrote a blog on the NEDA website actually about the way that it helped me through recovery. The following is the link to it if you would like to read it: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.o...
Also, I think just recognizing that you are a special and beautiful person and allowing yourself to slow down, forgive yourself, and know that you are on a path to health and recovery. Believe me, I know this is much easier said than done, but I was there also, many many times, and I can now say that recovery is hard, but SO worth it. I am actually back in therapy once a week just to ensure that I continue to move toward full recovery. I view this as a way to nurture myself, self-care.. Also, other forms of self-care such as ways that relax you. I hope this helps. Again, I am not a therapist, but these are all ways that I would re-ground and FORGIVE myself after using ed behaviors in the past. I know that for me, I would always fall into the extreme thinking of, "well I've ruined everything now." That is simply not the case. YOU are moving forward, you desire a healthy and happy life, and YOU can do this! Forgive, Forgive, Forgive.. Nurture.. Love yourself.
Heidi wrote: "Melody wrote: "Thanks Heidi! I really appreciate it. I will definitely try some of these!"You're welcome. I hope you find they help. Remember to take it one minute at a time if you need to.
"
Moment to moment.. Yes indeed:-) I say to myself, "Start where you are".... Being present is truly such a freedom.. ED robbed me of that for a long time, but I know now that I can take it back!
Mod
There is a Hole in my Sidewalk by Portia Nelson
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/9508...
T..."
I LOVE that poem! Thank you.
Mod
Glad to hear you had a better day, Melody. It sounds like a great plan...10 seconds at a time. I learned, for sure, that recovery can be a chose in each moment (especially in early recovery). Later on, recovery became intuitive, and I didn't have to think about it. Never quit. We believe in you!
Mod
Good morning Melody, Thank you for sharing this and bei..."
I love this, April. Thank you!
Jenni wrote: "Melody wrote: "Thank you so much Jenni and Heidi for responding. I really appreciate your comments both so much. It has been a better day today, but still taking it 10 seconds at a time."Glad to ..."
SO well said.. Thank you!
Alex wrote: "Jenni wrote: "If you find yourself in a place where Ed is screaming in your ear and you can't seem to connect to recovery motivation, this is a thread for you. Are you trying to avoid a binge? Ar..."
Hi Alex,
It took a lot of courage to share your struggles with us. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to make this decision. I can understand the fear and/or shame of people finding out about your ED. I am wondering if Ed is trying to scare you from getting the treatment you need, by telling you that you are crazy for thinking about leaving for that long, or by making it seem like everyone will know you have an Ed, and what will people think of you when they find out you have an Ed?
I’m sorry, my brain is not functioning very well today, to have a better response. I am sure whatever choice you decide to make, will be the right choice for you right now.
Mod
God morning, Melody! I am not sure if I sent this before. Have you read the "Relapse" chapter in Life Without Ed (page 120). I think you would relate. You can read it online here: https://jennischaefer.com/wp-content/... You are right recovery is not linear...it can be a squiggly line, especially at first. I will try to post an image of that next (now that Heidi taught me how to post images!) Hang in there. And thanks again for your contributions here!
Mod
Check this out, my new image skills, per group member Heidi:
Recovery is not a straight line, but that is how we learn so much. And, ultimately, we get there. Do your best to learn from every fall. (I wasn't always successful at this, but that was my goal anyway.) Hope this helps!
Melody wrote: "Jenni wrote: "Melody wrote: "I have been struggling with behaviors for the past couple of weeks. What do others of you do to redirect, ground and center?"Hi Melody - Wow, this is such a great que..."
I really struggle with the recovery is not a straight line. I should know by now that it is okay to slip/relapse, but I beat myself up when I do. It doesn’t matter which of my many issues I am recovering from, I have relapsed in each of them, and beat myself up for it. Even right now…. I do not really think I was ever fully in recovery from Ed, but I did go several years where I spent more time not caring about my weight and what I ate than time spent caring about my weight and what I ate. Then a year ago, next month, I started caring again. I started restricting again. I thought I could fix it on my own, I did not want to tell anybody, but as it got worse and worse, I realized I had to tell my therapist and I had to find a dietitian. Recently, I have been really beating myself up for this and for other areas I nearly relapsed in too. I guess it is probably Ms. Perfectionist who is making things so difficult for me when I relapse.
I also question how long it will take for the behaviors to stop. And, at times, I question if I will ever fully recover. These are the times I often have to be reminded to take it moment by moment, and I have to be reminded recovery is a process not perfection.
Hi all!I'm struggling really badly with ED and I dong know what to do anymore.... my therapist says it's normal but I can't believe that.....
Thanks!
Mod
Hi Melody - Wow, this is such a great que..."
You are right, Melody. Falls in recovery can feel discouraging. What I have learned (and the way I have gotten through falls in life) is to make a big effort to learn something from each and every setback. Also, I recently learned something cool about the word, "setback" itself. "Setback," by definition, means that we have made progress. So, we can do it again!
BTW: more Life Without Ed excerpts are here...
https://jennischaefer.com/resource/ex...
And, here are audiobook excerpts...
https://jennischaefer.com/resource/au...
Thanks again for contributing in the book group!
Mod
I'm struggling really badly with ED and I dong know what to do anymore.... my therapist says it's normal but I can't believe that.....
Thanks!"
Hi Sage - I am so sorry that you are struggling. Your therapist is right in that all of us struggle. If you are looking into additional resources, let me know. You might consider talking with your therapist about the possibility of seeking a higher level of care. You and your therapist know best. The key is: don't quit. Keep seeking help. You really can do this!
Mod
Hi Melody - Wow, this is s..."
You nailed it again, Heidi: recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. And, it is an imperfect marathon. I understand what you mean about Ed tagging up with Ms. Perfectionist to beat us up. I know you said that you have Life Without Ed; you might consider re-reading that part of the book. (Ms. Perfectionist starts on page 14.) The two like to play good cop, bad cop. We can't win that game! But, we can succeed in recovery. You are a fighter. Keep doing it.
Jenni,Thank you for the response!
What kind of resources?
My therapist and I have talked about residential treatment and PHP but o can't afford it and I'd have to pay it on my own because my family won't help..
Heidi wrote: "Jodi wrote: "I guess I'm not needing encouragement so much as advice ...As I've mentioned in other threads, I recently had a baby girl. She's currently three months old (she'll be 17 weeks tomorro..."
Thanks so much, Heidi! I know I'm going to have to talk to them about this. I dread it, but am hopeful it will go well. It's definitely worth it for my daughter. Sometimes, it's like things are so ingrained and they've done it for so long that I don't even know that they realize what they're saying. I know that I'm starting to recognize things that I do personally and am trying to change, too. It's really hard! Thanks for your support. <3
Jenni wrote: "Jodi wrote: "I guess I'm not needing encouragement so much as advice ...As I've mentioned in other threads, I recently had a baby girl. She's currently three months old (she'll be 17 weeks tomorro..."
Thank you so much, Jenni!! I'll definitely share some of these resources with my family. I'm so nervous to talk to them about this stuff, but know I need to. My mom has suddenly gotten a lot better with my body image, ironically, but is still so very hard on herself. I think a parenting thread would be fabulous. This is such a great group. Thank you again so much for doing all of this and for your great advice!
Hi everyone,This is mid-term week for me, and Ed is once again playing with my brain - I think he knows I am easier to get to when I am stressing about exams. I'm fighting back. Anyways, I really want to reply to many of the previous posts, but replying will probably have to wait until after tomorrow (last exam this week).
I'm keeping all of you in my thoughts. Keep fighting!! Keep moving forward. Take it moment-by-moment, hour-by-hour, day-by-day.
Each of you is stronger than Ed, even if you don't feel like it right now.
I am not feeling well, haven't been sleeping well even though I am exhausted. So many things going on in my life right now and I am feeling overwhelmed, depressed and totally depleted. I just want to close my eyes and never wake up
Melody wrote: "Really struggling tonight to not use behaviors. If anyone has encouragement I could use it."Hi Melody,
What kinds of coping skills have you been using today to help with the struggles you're having? What one(s) have helped the most?
You are so strong, Melody. Ed is just trying to trick you into thinking he is stronger than you, but you've got this!! Keep moving forward. No matter what you did/didn't do today, do the next right thing.
Melody wrote: "Heidi-moment by moment, you've got this."Thank you, Melody. :-)
Life Without Ed® (with Jenni!)
Books mentioned in this topic
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (other topics)Almost Anorexic: Is My (or My Loved One's) Relationship with Food a Problem? (other topics)
Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life (other topics)
Mom in the Mirror: Body Image, Beauty, and Life after Pregnancy (other topics)
Are you trying to avoid a binge? Are you trying to eat the next meal? Are you feeling a urge to exercise compulsively? Whatever it is, please post here and get positive support and words of encouragement from the group. Maybe even share helpful chapters or quotes from Life Without Ed, since this is a book club!
*Important Note: Please do not be specific in your shares (no numbers, no weights, no clothing sizes, no specific behaviors, no foods). This thread can only be helpful if we keep it focused on the solution. The problem should be rather brief, as we don't want to give Ed the air time. We want to give recovery the air time!
An example of an SOS post might be something like these:
Help! Ed is so loud in my head right now. Any encouragement on how to do the next right thing?
My body image is really low today. Any inspiration to keep up the fight?
I just relapsed and feel so defeated. Has anyone else felt this way? How did you pick yourself up again?
One of our group members suggested this thread. Thank you! I love it.
* If you have support and hope to share, please respond here to others' posts. Since I won't be on Goodreads 24/7, I can't always personally respond ASAP. But, my hope is that one of us can. #Teamwork - And, I will certainly do my best to respond to all! *
** Please remember to keep your posts non-triggering. Per the rules of the group, no numbers (e.g., weights, calories, clothing sizes). Also, please refrain from posting specific eating disordered behaviors. We want to keep this group non-triggering and focused on the solution. Triggering posts will be deleted in order to protect our special group. **