Feedback for YA paranormal adventure query

[Iris]

Being the town weirdo because you have an “imaginary friend” sucks. Having to spend five whole years ridding yourself of that crazy-kid reputation sucks even worse. But at sixteen, Zach’s finally done it. He’s convinced everyone in town he isn’t crazy, after all. He’s learned to keep his conversations with Charlotte--the dead girl only he can see--behind closed doors.

Traveling across the country is Zara, a teenage ghost hunter. She seeks and traps evil spirits to gain an incredible power. When a demented ghost called The Gray Man kidnaps Zach’s family, the three teenagers’ worlds collide. Racing against time, Zach, Zara, and Charlotte travel hundreds of miles in pursuit of the ghost to save Zach’s family.

But soon it becomes clear that Zara’s true motive for helping isn’t as altruistic as she first made it seem. After gaining the power she’s long searched for, and with the help of the maimed ghost of her long-dead brother, Zara hatches a plan to rid the world of all its dearly (and not-so-dearly) departed, ending all their “suffering” once and for all. A plan that happens to require the participation of deeply-bonded ghosts and humans. Unfortunately for Zach and Charlotte, they have no idea what Zara’s setting them up for.

[Keith]

I like this better. Why not put it with your earlier query? That way people can see how you evolve your blurb.

It might be considered 'too long' at 224 words, and, generally, more whitespace is better. Meaning, try to keep your paragraphs to 2-3 sentences. It has to logically flow, though, don't add white space just to be adding.