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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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paranormal fantasy query help
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Not sure what this means: "live out his days in his lonesome" but the rest reads much better than the other version. I'd make a bunch of other small edits, but the computer I'm using makes that a huge PITA.I feel it's better to post any new version on the same thread as the old version, that way any other author reading the threads can see the evolution as you make changes.
looking for feedback for the newest version of my query! thanks in advance for any help.Lucien Mooncaster is the lead violinist in the world’s premier orchestra and one of very few pure souls left in the dying city of Zargo. Despite his fame, he would rather be home alone with his countless books than in the spotlight. Having spent nearly five years grieving over the loss of both his parents, he would be happy to live out his days alone and free from bother. That is, until a mysterious woman from Lucien’s youth returns to town.
Meanwhile, dark powers have taken notice. Lucien’s soul is put at stake in a bargain between a suave and powerful demon and a bewitching siren whose long lost love bears remarkable resemblance to Lucien. As each struggle mightily with their own immortality and the young violinist comes to grips with mortality, he will have to overcome the ghosts of his past amidst a fight for his very life.
I think it reads smoother. You may want to consider adding some white space, it tends to draw the eye down to continue reading.Also, when ready to send, be sure to look at it as plain text and ensure it's readable there. Many email viewers will show spaces between paragraphs that aren't actually there in plain text.
thanks for the comment, yeah in Google where I'm keeping it, it's two paragraphs, I definitely need to just paste it into notepad to make sure the formatting is ideal
Dear (agent),
Lucien Mooncaster is the lead violinist in the world’s premier orchestra and one of very few pure souls left in the dying capital city of Zargo. Despite his fame, he would rather be home alone with his countless books than in the spotlight. Having spent nearly five years grieving over the loss of his parents in a tragic accident at sea, he would be happy to live out his days in his lonesome. That is, until an old friend from his youth mysteriously returns to town.
Meanwhile, dark powers have taken notice. The violinist’s pure soul is placed at stake in a bargain between a suave, powerful demon and a bewitching siren whose long lost love bears remarkable resemblance to Lucien. As each struggle mightily with their own immortality, the young violinist must come to grips with his own mortality. Ultimately, he will have to make the decision between chasing one last chance at true love and a fight for his very life.
The Violinist is a 90k word paranormal fantasy. I intend for it to be the first in a series of either two or three. Thank you very much for your consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.