help with my blurb

[Elina]

Hi, guys!

Would you please read my blurb and tell me if it needs fixing? I've read it a million times and with every read, it looks more awful.... I don't know anymore what I should do with it. Is it too long? Is it interesting? Blah!

YA fantasy is the genre and the title is The Gate Run.

"Shri Moongale stares at the tower Spike every day. It rises high above the city of Ironflare, casting its intimidating shadow over the people. For Shri, it’s a mark of power, slavery, and fear, and yet her heart desires to reach it more than anything.

The city of Ironflare is divided into five rings, separated by massive iron walls, impossible to cross. The outmost ring, known as the Stall, is where Shri lives. She is a captive, a slave, like everyone else she knows, trapped inside the small, filthy, and poor section of the city.

But Shri has a dream – she wants to become a Senatai, a drawer of magic. All the Senatai are trained in the Spike and even if she could get there, it’s impossible for her to pay for the training. Finally, Shri has no other choice but to enter the deadly game the Senatai organize – The Gate Run. If she survives it, she will become a Senatai. If she will live through its horrors and learn to do magic, she can save her loved ones and they can finally be free."

Any thoughts or ideas? :)

[Carole]

Sounds great to me.

[Annabelle]

I don't usually read that genre, but I thought it sounded really good.

I would take out the word "finally" starting the second to last sentence of the last paragraph. And change the last sentence to:

"If she lives through its horrors, she will save her loved ones and they will finally be free."

[Elina]

Annabelle wrote: "I don't usually read that genre, but I thought it sounded really good.

I would take out the word "finally" starting the second to last sentence of the last paragraph. And change the last sentence ..."

Thanks for the kind words! I like your suggestions! :) Thanks!

Carole wrote: "Sounds great to me."

Thanks, Carole! :)