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JUL/AUG (2017) - The Beauty Myth > The Beauty Myth – From A Guy’s Point Of View

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message 1: by Ross (new)

Ross | 1444 comments I suppose there have always been "male" beauty from the dandies of past times to the hippsters and dissidence of love Island (reality TV)

But with men it was always a choice something they did not something they had to do to be accepted.

So men have in the main not been subjected to the beauty myth as such.


message 2: by Gerd (new)

Gerd | 428 comments Ross wrote: "So men have in the main not been subjected to the beauty myth as such.
..."


I would gently disagree with that, while I was never one to be overly concerned with my bodily appearance - beyond the normal, that is, being generally unhappy with my hair colour and eyes, and my nose has gotten longe with age than I would want it to... it's true, that body image, as I can recall, was never as much a point of pressure for men/boys as for women/girls, but the pressure when it comes to clothes, how do we dress, which brands do/can we afford, and all that jazz, is much the same as it is for women - in my personal experience anyway.


message 3: by Benarji (new)

Benarji Anand | 153 comments Men don't suffer from social pressures as compared to women. I'm not sure if I speak for all men but we have this built-in idgaf attitudes. We can totally be mocked about our 'flaws' and we can laugh about it. In fact, that is how we men bond with one another. Of course, there are also sensitive men who gets offended by being ridiculed but still the idgaf attitude applies. They don't succumb to the pressure of the society to change and adapt to how it is acceptable.


message 4: by Benarji (new)

Benarji Anand | 153 comments Gerd, you must be a metrosexual. I love to play dress ups too.


message 5: by Ashley (new)

Ashley | 194 comments Benarji wrote: "Men don't suffer from social pressures as compared to women. I'm not sure if I speak for all men but we have this built-in idgaf attitudes. We can totally be mocked about our 'flaws' and we can lau..."

I think you're underestimating how much body images can affect guys (this coming from observation, and an observation from when I was in high school, so it might be more related to teen pressures, but I'm going to bring it up anyway). There was a guy I was friends with you was heavier and fought with acne in high school. Our senior year, he took it upon himself to lose the weight and get his acne under control (a change in diet was probably a huge factor in reducing his acne). He was able to transform himself into the 'ideal" male. Even after succeeding in this, he was still obsessed with his appearance, and the appearance of those he was dating. One of those girls he dated ended up being my sister (and leading to the end of my friendship with him). My sister was trying to lose weight before dating him - trying to get healthier. When she started dating him, at first it was all good, they worked out together and "dieted" together (trying to eat healthier, not eating out, getting fast food, junk food, etc.), then this guy starts pushing it. He started telling my sister she was fat and needed to lose weight faster. If he gained a few pounds, he would blame her. He started going off of their "diet," complaining that he wanted Taco Bell (as one example) and if my sister said no they need to stay on their diet, he would tell her eating out once wasn't going to kill them and keep complaining until she gave in. If she gave in, he got mad at her afterward for cheating the diet. Needless to say the relationship didn't last and that's the last I know of what happened, but I assume he's still rather obsessed with appearances. In this case, I would say that the Beauty Myth had just as much as an impact on this guy as it had on any girl, especially because he saw the results of changing his appearance. He started getting a lot more attention from girls, and he loved it.


message 6: by MeerderWörter (new)

MeerderWörter | 2388 comments Interesting topic, I will read here with great interest.


message 7: by Benarji (new)

Benarji Anand | 153 comments Okay, Ashley! That is a psycho alert! Good thing it didn't work out between your sister and him but just to be clear, I'm not saying that guys dont suffer from body image issues. Just the probability of that happening to a guy is extremely low and if it does happen, it doesn't bother us as much as it does to a woman.

We are definitely conscious about our body. I used to work out and be fit. These days, it is proving to be quite a challenge and I've developed a small potbelly. When I look in the mirror, I be like wtf happened? I hope that one day, I could have the privilege of working out and staying fit again. I've grown my hair long and there are days where it gets so frizzy and unmanageable. We have our moments too but it doesn't affect us as badly as it does to a woman. Not that it is a bad thing that it does.

As a modern men, we do use facial products and we are well groomed. We are concerned about our outer image. We wanna smell great. We want our appeal to be dynamic. I love to shop for clothes too. I love getting ready for functions. We don't spend forever getting ready though. We aren't as fickle as women. I'm not saying it as a bad thing. These are things that make us as man and woman. Imagine how boring would our lives be if we were all the same. We are made to be different so we can compliment the existence of one another.

It isn't wrong to be self conscious but don't let that to affect our self esteem and confidence. In a way, this is a woman's weakness and it is the very essence that makes a woman sexy. Not because it makes a woman weak but because woman are very strong and it is these moments that make them appear normal. It is definitely good to be a little conscious but don't let it to bother too much. Even the most confident woman have about 20% consciousness. We, men can live with our 'flaws' without having the need to fix it.


message 8: by Ashley (new)

Ashley | 194 comments Benarji wrote: "Okay, Ashley! That is a psycho alert! Good thing it didn't work out between your sister and him but just to be clear, I'm not saying that guys dont suffer from body image issues. Just the probabili..."

Thank you for the clarification. And you're last paragraph was fantastic. I can't really formulate words right now for my reaction and thoughts on it, but it seemed really spot on, I guess. (Sorry, really dull response).


message 9: by Robert (new)

Robert Smart | 354 comments Benarji wrote: "Men don't suffer from social pressures as compared to women. I'm not sure if I speak for all men but we have this built-in idgaf attitudes. We can totally be mocked about our 'flaws' and we can lau..."

I am going to have to say that I do not go along with all of your views on this subject Benarji.
If a guy has a problem, I can tell you because of the taboo of men releasing feelings to others he will not give you an accurate representation of what he is affected by. Just because a guy seems to "brush off" how he is treated or ridiculed by other males in company does not mean he isn't affected.
Shall I mention in passing one of the aims of HeForShe which is to help men to get over the fear of expressing themselves and their feelings. I would have to go so far as to say that I believe The Beauty Myth is alive and well in ALL persons no matter who they are or how in control of themselves they deem themselves to be.


message 10: by Benarji (new)

Benarji Anand | 153 comments You are, by all means, free to disagree with everything that I've said but in respect to what I've mentioned, men's brain these days are very receptive. So we have liken to share common traits with women, who are intelligent beings. So the ideas that men are simple minded creatures are a thing of the past. I do believe that in every man, there is a child and woman aspect of him. It is just which aspects are more dominant.

Men are generally more vocal about things compared to women, who tend to keep things bottled up inside. It is very common that if you ask a woman, what's wrong and she answers, nothing but something is brewing deep inside. If that's your significant other, you would be best rushing to the florist and get that woman some flowers and chocolates. We just don't share the strong emotions. We don't fear expressing ourselves. We just express ourselves very differently.

For me, I believe that the ideology of feminism isn't about women are never wrong but that women do exist. (There are really horrible women too) Their problems do exist and we cannot just brush it as we would do with our problems. As men, our responsibility is to ensure that we make this journey of live as enjoyable for us and for women, especially our woman.


message 11: by Marc (new)

Marc (mark_ripoll) I am with Robert too.

Nowadays we see more and more people in general, male and female, being obsessive with looks, my point of view in this issue is that we should work on education, we should teach kids and make them understand that if you are fit and slim with abs and etc, it is okay but so it is to not be like that, of course with a limit in both paths, is okay to not be fit, until you cross the non-healthy line, just because you will have medical issues, so will have those who are too underweight.

On the other hand, about feelings, as Robert well said, males are being threatened by other males, and some females, just because they are doing a Human thing, showing feelings, for me, as a male in Spain, I have seen classmates being really hurt or even, like "girly things" and have to hide everything because if they don't they will be bullied with stupid comments, coming from people who probably hide some things too, but they are afraid to show them because they don't want to be in that spot, as always is
easier to attack than it is to defend someone. Of course, shamefully, this comments work in reverse too, women are being threatened by other females, and some males too, if they show any sign of physical strength or asking a guy out instead of waiting to be asked to, or, as I said with males too, liking what society considers as "male things" such as videogames, football, cars... they will be bullied too and it is just unfair and really sad.

I want to quote myself (if that is fair) on a song I wrote about society issues. It goes like this.

Earth keeps moving, technology grows, why bother about the world, when you have likes on your instagram post.

And sadly it is true, most teenagers seem to not care about politics and society issues such as what we are discussing here, they just seem to care about likes and followers. At least it is what I saw when I was in high school, of course there are teenagers that take action in this issues and do care, thankfully when I saw Emma's take on this I saw a little bit of light in this issue, due to her popularity I hoped teenagers were able to listen to what she said in the UN in the "birth if you will" of HeforShe.


message 12: by [deleted user] (last edited Jun 08, 2018 07:49PM) (new)

Hello!

Maybe my comment will be off-topic, in that case I apologize. I have not seen anyone in this thread specificaly talking about muscles and strenght. The fact that in some societies, men are sometime expected to have strong and prominent muscles. I have the feeling it is (sometime) a beauty criteria. Or maybe it is a sign of being healthy, or maybe both, no idea.

That is why some men go to the gym, exercice or practice sports a lot. That is why some men are eating protein powders or substantial amount of meat etc...
Of course I am not saying that every single person who practices sport has those motivations or is under a beauty myth pressure. In my case, I love running (it is good for the balance) and I try to sustain the muscle of my back to prevent backache in the future, so in that case it a more "practical" purpose: "I do this to prevent some sort of ache and to balance my moral/psyche/body and health".

To some extent, it seems to be related to a beauty myth, or am I totally off-topic?


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