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message 1101:
by
Brie
(new)
Apr 19, 2015 07:36PM
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What happened?!I came on and there's like 20 notifications, 'cause of you two!
I'm moving. English time is stupid. I'm stopping going to school and I'm gonna come on here. Y'all have the conversations when I'm 'learning'.
Ooh! Ooh! You both should come to England. And live here. I'll 'dipose' (*wink wink*) off my siblings. And Payton can visit Scotland! ;)
Bee Wayland-Carstairs ;) wrote: "we have 70 minute lessons... :("70?! That's really long!
Heh, I guess you get a decent-length nap. :P
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i come on during class time....well its technically class time now too ;) and sounds like a plan laura! :):):)
Payton wrote: "I WILL COME OVER IMMEDIATELY IF I CAN GO TO SCOTTLAND!"Haha, figured it'd persuade you! :P
Bee Wayland-Carstairs ;) wrote: "bahahahahahahahahahai come on during class time....well its technically class time now too ;) and sounds like a plan laura! :):):)"
How do you get away with having phones out? Our teachers are like freaking eagles when it comes to uniform and phones! They'd have a fit, and you'd probably end up in detention for like a week. lol Hence the fact I can never come on when you guys are.
Payton wrote: "I've learned the art of hiding my phone while in class ;)"Hahah, congrats! XD
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Haha, oh my gosh! Bee - you get to hire a laptop?! That's awesome! Our school just has a few computer rooms, with ancient full-sized computers.
And they have Imperro, which is basically where the teacher's computer can see all the student's screen on theirs, and an automatic violation system, if you attempt to access something you should be doing then you get a red violation beside your name, and if you get 2/3 idk, then you're blcked from internet or something.
I say attempt, because we have a crazy-strict filtering system.
Seriously, the other day, I typed into google "cons social media teens" and it came up with a huge "ACCESS DENIED" and gave it's reason that because I typed 'teen', I was obviously searching for 'inappropriate content'. Totally. -_-
So yeah. You'd not be able to get onto Goodreads at school, even if the teachers didn't have Imperro.
Welcome to England(!)
Payton wrote: "Hahahaha that's too funny XD"Hahah yeah :P But England is insanely strict, it seems XD
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Right, I'm sorry if you don't want me to reply, but I can't see that and just ignore it.Firstly, sweetheart, you're beautiful. And, maybe I haven't seen any photos of you, but I can tell from the way you write this that you feel awful for putting this out there, and it's always those that are the most beautiful inside that hurt the most.
Second, love, please don't hurt yourself. I know it's hard, and some days you're going to want to, either just for temporary release or otherwise, but please, know this. I love you. I don't know you, personally, but I don't have to. You're a part of this group, and so a part of my mini online family. Which, I swear, are actually a whole lot better than my real one. So there. I love you, and I can't stand to hear that a friend of mine hurts this way.
And I know the pressure you're feeling about the C, but screw school. If you feel like hell, go sleep. If you can't bring yourself to revise, don't. You need to put your personal health first. Or if it works better for you, revise more. I don't know how you work, but sometimes having that goal or getting your scores back up can help, but otherwise, just screw it. A few stupid little letters on a card aren't half as important as you. They don't define anything about you, likewise with your weight. You sound really small, and that might be fine, but I don't think you're even close to overweight. But you need to take care of yourself. Your body needs food to stay strng and healthy. Otherwise, you're just going to feel worse - you'll be tired, hungry, worn down. I know that if you eat, you may feel heavy, but is it not better to take care oof your gorgeous self?
So even if it's just something small to start with - salad, celery, a small jacket potato - you should aim to eat enough, and at least 2 times daily. Or if eating a lot at once is hard, then eat more smaller meals. I know it's not that simple, but yeah.
Then do something for you. Fight the feeling in you, holding you from sorting your room, and try it. Perhaps a cleaner, neater room'll help you. And it surely can't hurt your anxiety levels. Clean, rearrange, whatever. But show you're still you. Show you're fighting still, despite the hurting, and make a new start.
Or if you can't bring yourself to clean just yet, give youself some time. Do something else. Paint your nails, go for a run; a walk. Anything. Even just allow yourself a day where you don't look at your school stuff, and you focus on the most important thing. You. Sleep all day, whatever, jusst feel better darling.
And finally, you're parents may be harsh, but they love you. It mightn't seem like it, but they're pushing you because they want you to be the best you can. And sometimes to us, the children, it can make it seem the opposite, but they mean well, for the most part.
And you know something? You've told us. And it wasnt that bad, was it? We're not throwing you out the group, judging you, ignoring you, are we? No. Both Payton and I are here for you. We're here and we want you to stay.
So tell some others. Your sister, your mum, your aunt, your favourite teacher. Someone. Because if you're thinking of suicide, if you're hurting yourself, feeling so alone, oh sweetheart, we just want you to be happy. Because I won't have someone I call my friend feeling like this, and nor will I just stand here and ignore it.
Fuck (sorry) everyone who judges you. Because they can't do anything to you unless you let them. You're strong, and by writing this, I can see you're reaching out. And I know how much strength that takes - even when confronted - so to do it youself... My God, love, that takes a hell of a lot of strength.
So sweetheart, I know Payton has told you this already, but we need you to tell someone. Anyone. And get yourself some help, because I don't want you to hurt like this, and even the strongest person can do with osmeone to hold their hand and guide them through darkness.
Stay strong, gorgeous, and remember how much we love you.
My message box is always open on here, and I have various social medias, if you ever need to talk. Anytime, sweetie. Even if you just want to chat, but you can vent, rant, whatever. I'm not in any position to judge you.
No fricking way! Never, ever, should you try to deny yourself what you deserve. Because you DO deserve it, even if you don't think you. You deserve loving friends and a supportive family. And you sure as hell deserve help. Because I wouldn't even deny my worst enemy help. And you need food! Love, denying yourself that, all it's going to do is kill you slowly. You'll get ill. So what if you don't exercise? I'm an elephant and about the least sporty person you can meet. You're perfect how you are, and don't you ever, please, tell youself you're not worth it.
You know something? You might think you're saving your friends pain, but, love, if they find out that you've died, what are they ggoing to do? Are they going to stand there, laugh and go 'thank God she didn't tell me she was hurting. It'd have been so annoying to SAVE HER LIFE'? No. They're going to blame themselves. They're going to cry, scream and try to work out how the didn't see the signs, how they couldn't manage to save you before you fell off the edge.
Honey, pain is pain, true, no matter who has it and who knows. But a problem shared is a problem halved, is it not? Because now you've got me and Payt, whether you like it or not, to hold your hand and pick you up when you stumble. Because you're human. You're not perfect, and nor am I. You're allowed to hurt ad cry. But you're not allwoed to give up, okay?
And if you have a panic attack, or you're terrified and don't think you can face the hell-hole of school, then tell someone. Remind youself you're allowed to take days for yourself. Don't just suck it up and go to school anyway.
Or if you can't yet tell your parent(s) the real reason, say you feel sick. Or that it hurts. Just anything. But please, don't put yourself through that pain, yeah, love? Tell one of us, tell your friends.
You could have one go-to friend for when you're scared, or down, or hurt.
Hey, and you never know. You might find out that they feel the same.
I know it's tough to tell them, to ask for help, but I know you're strong, lovely.
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p.s dont feel embarressed or like an attention hog because your not you just needed to let it out
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p.s sorry guys im really bored and just gehhhhh!!!!!!!!!
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Payton wrote: "I'm watching Sherlock (and before you get too excited Laura it's the American movie version with Robert Downey Jr.)"Goddamnit, Payton! I got all excited as well!
But Bellwaddle Crimblepatch is way hotter that RDjr. Jus' sayin'!!
Payton wrote: "GO LAURA GO! XD". . .Y'all right, love? ;)
ARGHGHGHGHH! Why do I havee to go to school/sleep?! I miss all the fun. :(But you guys crack me up. You're so fricking hilarious! XD
Payton wrote: "I try to impress!"Hahah, well, maybe not you, after you dissed my joke ;) jk
Payton wrote: "XD oh shush! You have to admit that it wasn't good"Nah, I'm just to hilarious for you! :P
Torrin wrote: "My tech class is so annoying like can they please just be quite. Now I have a quiz tomorrow. I had a quiz today to because they were being really loud. But I was ready for and got perfect or near t..."Haha, sounds exactly like how my tech class was today. But I'm glad you got a good score on your test. :)
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Urgh. I think the chances of me killing someone today are high. -_-I spent the whole of maths understanding nothing, then got in trouble due to the fact I'd only done a few questions. Then I was really late for French because I'd been getting in trouble, so I got wrong there as well. And I sit next to a guy called Miles in French who's the type who does nothing, and constantly irritates veryone vy trying to find out how to say rude, or unnecessary things. So today, the main topic was prep for our exam next lesson - recoving the imperfect tense and some things we did at the start of the year. But instead, Miles decided it was more important to bug me every two seconds about how to say 'I find my mum fun when she is drunk because she gives me lots of money'. Which, strangelyy enough, I couldn't say, so he just kept kicking me or whatever all lesson.
So I got a total of 3 semi-formed sentences preparation done, none of which make any sense, and I'll have a lovely big 'F' on my paper next week.
ARGH! Sorry. Rant over. Does nayone hav an good ways of disposing of bodies? o.O
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Diary of a Stranger (other topics)The Outsiders (other topics)
