Query for YA sci-fi (help crit)

[Ddcash80]

Dear Agent,

Fifteen-year-old Dax Carter follows the screams and finds his mom’s limp body hanging in the air, with a dark creature controlling the psychic force. With his best friend Seven’s help, they barely save Dax’s mom, forcing back the human turned Hollow.

After mankind’s psychic power was awakened years ago, scientists kept tinkering with the mind until Hollows were born – twisted and evil monsters, remnants of their former selves.

One night, when the boys go on a camping trip with Seven’s family, a powerful Hollow with a black aura attacks. This time, Seven needs help, but Dax is frozen by fear as Seven’s parents are killed, and Seven goes missing in the forest.

Driven by guilt, Dax relentlessly searches for his friend, but a pale Seven with blackened Hollow eyes finds Dax instead. With a demented thirst for vengeance, Seven attacks Dax’s mom, putting her in the hospital. But Dax tells no one who the real culprit is, keeping the burden on himself.

As Dax trains his power to stand a chance against the monster that carries his best friend’s face, he must choose between his own vengeance and the hope to save his lost friend.

AWAKENED is YA sci-fi novel complete at 105k words. etc,etc

[Keith]

I find it confusing the switch from present time to the past, then back to the present again. Maybe just delete the second paragraph? Starting the second with 'Later'?

[Chelsea]

The information about the Hollows in the second paragraph should be combined with the first. The way it is written now doesn't flow well and is a bit confusing.

I am intrigued by the idea though!