Catchy or Not?

[Blaque]

Hey guys I am a new indie author and I am preparing for my second release in June. I have been playing around with different synopsis's and this is what I have come up with. Please give me your honest opinions on what you think. Would this make you want to read my book?

First comes love. Then lies. Then heartbreak. Well, at least that’s the case with the couples in these captivating short-stories in this collection. It seems like some people say “I love you” and don’t really mean it and loyalty to their partners is not their strongest character traits. How would you feel if you were Davon and you found out a child you have raised for the last 10 years wasn’t yours? How about if you were in Regina’s shoes, dealing with a husband who thinks you’re his personal punching bag? Lisa isn’t being satisfied at home the way she thinks she deserves so she seeks pleasure elsewhere and guess who it is? Tamika thinks she has the perfect man but she’s wrong when his other woman shows up to claim what she believes is hers. When you’re scorned sometimes it causes you to do things you wouldn’t normally do, such as in Kimberley’s case but you can snap when you’ve been pushed too far. Come along for the journey through the relationships of these 5 couples as they deal with love, lies and heartbreak. Love isn’t perfect and these stories show just how imperfect love can be.

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

A few mechanical nitpicks:

Loyalty is one character trait.
Five and ten should be spelled out, not left as numbers.
Commas needed after "deserves" and "elsewhere".
I'd take out the "just" in the last sentence.
The phrase, "but you can snap when you've been pushed too far."

Overall, though, it's pretty good.

[Blaque]

Thanks. I appreciate your feedback.

[Frances]

Think more on the lines of a blurb to entice readers. Short, active language that lets the reader know what the stories are about without giving away too much. How about:

First comes love. Then lies. Then heartbreak.
Love isn’t perfect and the five couples in this short-story collection show just how imperfect love can be.
Davon finds out the child he raised for the last ten years isn’t his.
Regina’s husband treats her like his personal punching bag.
Lisa isn’t satisfied at home and seeks pleasure elsewhere.
Tamika thinks she has the perfect man until his other woman shows up to claim what she believes is hers.
Kimberley snaps when she is pushed too far by her cheating man.
Journey through the relationships of these couples as they deal with love, lies and heartbreak.

[Blaque]

Thanks for your input.

[T.]

There are a lot of powerful emotions in your blurb and anyone who has experienced even one of those will be drawn in immediately. I agree with Frances that shorter action words and phrases will keep it fresh. While half way through the blurb I was a little overwhelmed with all the details. You are definitely on to something here! Just need those little tweaks to make it great.