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Editing tips: The basics
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A bookism is something like after dialog
"I don't like this," he hissed.
She suggested
"I don't like this." Mike clenched his teeth and let out a long breath.
I don't know if I explained this correctly so this is my example- not hers.- I still don't know how to go from one screen to the other - so I have to shut one program to get to the other- (sigh).
Carole wrote: "Great Article Alexis. I just had my first chapter book edited. The editor advised me against bookism- which apparently I do all the time and it is annoying to editors.A bookism is something like ..."
Oh wow, yes. Her suggestion really turned that sentence into something special, lol. You gave me a new task for the day. :D
Mod
As the person tangentially behind this post, I thought I had better comment! Basically I agree with the extract and link. I am ambivalent about the 'action' tags that invariably are used as dialogue tags. Either way, I don't think they work well. He hissed, for example, sounds like a snake, just like he barked or growled sounds like a dog.
If you need a dialogue tag, said is fine. (It's a very basic but sound journalism rule.) If you want action or to introduce a 'beat', Carole's rewritten example is far better.
Roughseasinthemed wrote: "As the person tangentially behind this post, I thought I had better comment! Basically I agree with the extract and link. I am ambivalent about the 'action' tags that invariably are used as dialo..."
Asking for a "friend" here (lol): what would you recommend replacing "He growled." with?
Why does it need to be 'growled'? Growls are literally grrrrr. I'd reword as with Carole's example. What are you trying to convey? Anger, or at least pent-up emotion/irritation? Then add some action that conveys that.He hissed, growled, snarled, chuckled, sniggered etc are lazy ways of writing that detract from the actual dialogue.
Mod
R.L. wrote: "I agree to an extent. I took similar advise and was told in a review that it made some things long winded. Unless his reaction is going to be central to the story and propel it along, I would keep ..."Maybe it's about finding a balance. And well, maybe that particular reviewer found your sentences long winded but what if she's an outlier?
Thank you, Roughseasinthemed. I will keep what you said in mind as I start editing my book.
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Personally, I think inflection (the way a character says something) is pretty important to both them as a character, and a particular moment. If a character only 'said' something, it means they are speaking in a monotone while reacting physically. I know it is common advice to get rid of all those kinds of dialogue tags, but it doesn't work for me.Having said that, I do often need to add additional physical reactions and descriptions to scenes, otherwise my characters are just disembodied ghosts floating in a blank space, so maybe I'm not the best person to comment. Lol.
As another bit of advice to add to Alexis's, I would say also keep an eye out for 'was' paired with an -ing word. Like, instead of 'He was standing' change it to 'He stood'. Cleaner and tighter. This is something I started doing in my last few books and I think it helps.
But all writing advice is just finding what works for you, with your style. There's no absolutes.
These are great advice. I try to balance between the action tags and 'said'. Sometimes my characters might whisper or shout, but I try to leave all those bookisms away. :) Aislinn wrote: "Personally, I think inflection (the way a character says something) is pretty important to both them as a character, and a particular moment. If a character only 'said' something, it means they are..."
Thanks for reminding me about this 'was standing', word pair. I tend to have that a lot in my text.
Mod
The most common thing I see in un-edited self pub books is comma problems.Basic comma usage:
Whenever someone is being addressed, there should be a comma.
"Edna, have you seen my pants?"
not
"Edna have you seen my pants?"
At the end of dialogue, you end with a comma if you are following with a dialogue tag, not a period.
"You threw them out the window in a fit of passion," she said.
not
'You threw them out the window in a fit of passion." She said.
nor
"You threw them out the window in a fit of passion" she said.
Also, if the comma is in between two sentences that could stand on their own, that is a comma splice and you should either split the sentences up with a good period or use a semi-colon.
"I don't remember that. Do you think my memory's going?"
or
"I don't remember that; do you think my memory's going?"
not
"I don't remember that, do you think my memory's going?"
Commas are complex and it takes a good editor to find all the misuses but I see these three things OFTEN in self published books and it's a big flag that they haven't been edited. I'm prone to comma splices myself so it's a constant battle.
Mod
Aislinn wrote: "Personally, I think inflection (the way a character says something) is pretty important to both them as a character, and a particular moment. If a character only 'said' something, it means they are..."The problem with frequent dialogue tags is that they can (note: CAN, not always DO) lead to lazy writing. Like, I could say,
"Edna, where are my pants?" he yelled.
"You threw them out the window in a fit of passion," she snapped.
"I don't remember that," he said worriedly. "Do you think my memory's going?"
But it's usually better to do something like this:
"Edna," Horace called from the bedroom, "where are my pants?"
Edna looked up from her knitting with an exasperated expression. "You threw them out the window in a fit of passion."
"I don't remember that... Do you think my memory's going?"
Or (usually the best plan): just trust your readers to intepret how the characters are feeling from the situation and let the dialogue stand on its own whenever possible.
"Edna," Horace called from the bedroom, "where are my pants?"
"You threw them out the window in a fit of passion."
"I don't remember that. Do you think my memory's going?"
That exchange works just fine without my interrupting it to tell you how to read it. Your readers have an imagination and if you set the scene and the actual words in the dialogue correctly, people can usually interpret how people are feeling.
But it depends on the situation. It's just a good tip to monitor for over-use or over-dependence on tags. But you don't have to delete all of them.
C.L. wrote: "The problem with frequent dialogue tags is that they can (note: CAN, not always DO) lead to lazy writing."Yes, of course. I think I forgot to say "they are important, provided you use them well". But just have a blanket rule of never using them is going to hurt your writing as much as overusing them, in my opinion. Everything in moderation and all that.
Ooh great tips everyone. Please keep them coming.
Mod
Yeah, some great tips C.L!
"A bookism is something like after dialog"I don't like this," he hissed.
She suggested
"I don't like this." Mike clenched his teeth and let out a long breath."
---
Like Alex, I prefer the first option. Short and to the point. Plus, I love "hissed." At least one character should hiss in every novel you write.
The second one feels off. Clenched his teeth AND let out a long breath? When people let out long breaths, isn't it easier to do it with the mouth open?
Also, it's already been established he doesn't like whatever's going on; the clenched teeth and long breath just reiterate his anger.
If anything, combine the two: "I don't like this," Mike said, clenching his teeth and letting out a long breath.
Personally, I like to pair action with dialogue in this fashion - not always, of course. Every conversation is different.
"I don't like this," Mike said, grabbing Wesley by the arm. "What the hell's going on?"
---
"You threw them out the window in a fit of passion," Edna said, looking up exasperatedly from her knitting.
"I don't remember that," Horace said, staring at the window as if it had somehow hoodwinked him. "Do you think my memory's going?"
---
"Exasperatedly" is too clunky, I think, but you get the point.
That was interesting. It's a relief I already employ some of these techniques. I know I do speech and commas wrong and probably plenty of other things. But to me that's not as bad as naming the wrong character in a scene. I've re-read passages of professionally edited, traditionally published books where the author has just got the character name wrong and it was missed during editing. I hate that more than misplaced punctuation.
Very informative thread, I think I've done all of these mistakes, time to go back to the drawing board :D
Hello so I'm a newbie to this thread but I'm a beta reader/editor so these tips have proved to be of great use to me to help authors! Keep them coming and thank you all :D
Mod
Hi Carole. I charge for my beta reads, is that alright? And where can I find the thread? Can you please link it here?
Mod
s://www.goodreads.com/topic/group_folder/...
Alex wrote: "Indiesunlimited just posted this great article on editing and cutting out unnecessary language, it's a very good read and definitely helpful. http://www.indiesunlimited.com/2017/0......"
Very useful, thanks Alex!
Carole thank you so much! I posted on the group.
Something that we should all remember is that almost no one speaks in proper sentences. We are all lazy. Therefore in the dialogue itself there can be shortening of words, runon sentences and non related topics but there shouldn't be those in the descriptive sentences.
Alex wrote: "Personally, I prefer 'he hissed' to 'Mike clenched his teeth and let out a long breath'The second brings me right out of that particular sentence, whereas the first gives me an immediate idea of h..."
I agree with you
Alexis wrote: "I was reading the "Finding an editor" thread earlier and poster Roughseasinthemed recommended handing a manuscript over as "clean" as possible. Her suggestion reminded me of an article I read a few..."Thank you, this is awesome
Here are some snippets.
--
What can I do in advance of edits to make the edits go faster?
Search for the following terms
That
Read the sentence aloud. If the sentence makes sense without the word “that”, please delete this word.
It
If at all possible, replace the word “it” with a more concrete noun or phrase. Example: It didn’t matter. = The crappy weather didn’t matter.
Was
In instances where you’re using it in a sentence such as: He was tall. He was sad. She was pretty. She was tired. – please attempt to re-write to show the reader rather than tell.
He was tall. = When Jake walked into a room, his head nearly brushed the top of the doorframe.
She was tired. = She struggled to keep her eyes open and bit back a yawn.
** Telling is usually a sign of lazy writing. Put some effort into these sentences and try to draw the reader a picture with your words. :)
Action Tags
If you use an action tag (He laughed. She chuckled. Bobby rolled his eyes.), make sure you separate the dialogue with a period (or question mark or exclamation point, if applicable), not a comma, and capitalize the first word in the action tag.
Use action tags a lot. These create a more vivid picture for the reader. They help show the character’s personality, and also, bring a setting to life.
If you use something other than an action tag, please try to stick with the word said. Anything else draws the reader’s attention and reminds them they are reading a story ... rather than living the fictional dream. Examples of exceptions would be if something was whispered or yelled.
Redundancy
Read through your manuscript and look for redundancy – He shrugged his shoulders. He nodded his head. He squinted his eyes.
** A person ONLY shrugs their shoulders, nods their head, or squints their eyes, so “his shoulders”, “his head”, and "his eyes" are not needed.
He shrugged. He nodded.
Read more here: http://firebornpublishing.com/Editing...