it's personal discussion
Journals : Q-S
>
RECKLESS WRITING
Perhaps it isn't over yet.
I believe she can still stay.
All your thoughts and words made her smile.
It truly will be okay.
She understands.
But maybe she never did.
She had a problem by the looks of it.
She had a problem you never realized.
But in the end, does it matter?
We will all be whisked away.
She will hold on to you.
So make sure she never goes away.
I believe she can still stay.
All your thoughts and words made her smile.
It truly will be okay.
She understands.
But maybe she never did.
She had a problem by the looks of it.
She had a problem you never realized.
But in the end, does it matter?
We will all be whisked away.
She will hold on to you.
So make sure she never goes away.
What If What if I'm just wasting time over something that will only leave me broken? What if I'm just wasting another moment on a friend I'm afraid of trying to keep? What if it'd be better if I didn't fight to stay by her side, like I had done with all of the others?
What if I'm wrong? What if I'm right?
There's really no answer, just some inferences and guesses.
What if this ends badly? What if it all somehow becomes my fault like every time before?
What if we just gave up? We both just stop trying to be friends.
What if all the jokes we've shared just suddenly disappear,
And suddenly instead of being two friends, of being a goddess and a butler we just become two strangers?
What if-?
No. Just what if
Trelas wrote: "Perhaps it isn't over yet.I believe she can still stay.
All your thoughts and words made her smile.
It truly will be okay.
She understands.
But maybe she never did.
She had a problem by the looks ..."
Thank you...
Erin wrote: "Trelas wrote: "Perhaps it isn't over yet.
I believe she can still stay.
All your thoughts and words made her smile.
It truly will be okay.
She understands.
But maybe she never did.
She had a proble..."
No problem.
I believe she can still stay.
All your thoughts and words made her smile.
It truly will be okay.
She understands.
But maybe she never did.
She had a proble..."
No problem.
I hate how we've drifted apart,After everything we've been through together,
After every memory we shared.
I say drifted, but it's more than that.
We're just gone,
Our friendship is faded.
My head keeps spinning on thoughts of you,
I still call you my best friend,
But your not, are you?
I am afraid.So scared of who I'll become,
So scared of who I am,
So scared of who this is-
This reflection that stares back at me.
You say your okay,But you don't look that way.
And I don't know what to say,
Is there anything I can do to make your day?
Sometimes I think I hate youSometimes I wish you'd just leave me
Sometimes I think you hate me
Sometimes I wish I'd just leave you
But then there are days when we can actually talk,
And everything seems so fine.
We don't talk about our problems,
We just ramble and rant away.
Days when you've made me happy,
And I can pretend that I've forgotten about my depression,
And I can pretend that nothing's changed,
And we can get so caught up on false hope until it goes away.
Sometimes I miss you.When your sitting right there,
So close and yet so far,
I miss you.
There are three days until Camp NaNoWriMo starts and for those of you who pay attention to my other journal well you probably know I'm going to be participating in it. My goal is to try to have a post here every day during it, but I may not get to that and even if that's the case it should be fine. Originally I said I was going to try to aim for 50,000 words. I'm going back on that and I have now decided to do 20,000 words. I was planning on starting to do this yesterday, but I found some problems with my plan and then had to do other things, so I didn't get to it. I'm now going to start today and during these three days before Camp NaNo starts you'll get to see a little bit of my last minute preparations for it. I have done other preparing before this that I'm probably not going to post, but maybe I'll change my mind and decide to.
If you have any questions regarding what Camp NaNoWriMo is don't hesitate to either comment here and ask or message me or ask me in whatever way you want. I'll either just answer you or I'll make a whole post on it, depending on what I'm feeling. If you have any questions regarding my writing project, again don't hesitate to ask. If you have any questions for me at all, I'll try to answer them as best as I can.
Alright, so some of you, (probably very few of you), know that I've been working on this magical school story from this roleplay group I have. Yeah, that's the story I'm working on. I have been working on this story since last November and I've been trying to work some things out. In my first draft, I ended up getting rid of the school completely and now as I'm going in for my second, I'm going back to my original plan because I liked it better.
Today I'm going to focus on two different things:
• 1. To answer the list of questions next to me
• 2. To talk about world building,
• 3. Yeah I know I said two, but I changed my mind. Anyway three is to do today's writing prep challenge.
The upcoming posts should be about those things.
I'm going to answer some questions since I didn't do this earlier/yesterday. I'll do the other stuff eventually. Maybe...Anyways these questions we're actually what I used when trying to write another story, but I found them so I'm gonna use them again.
Now let's get on with the questions!
Question One: Describe your character's relationship with their mother and father?Amanda: She can't remember anything about them because she lost her memories.
Rose: Mother- She's very close to her mother, and can rely on her. She can also count on her mother to help her with anything, even if it's against the law.
Father- Left before she was born. She never met him.
Tristen: Mother- Although they love each other and care about each other, they're not as close as they could be.
Father- Their closer than him and his mother yet still distant
Lily: Mother- Close, Trusting, Tight Bonds
Father- Close, Trusting, Tight Bonds
Kyle: Mother- Close when alive
Father- Close when alive
Also question one since there's two lists of questions: Write 5 possible first sentences.1.) I sat up quickly and hit my head on what appeared to be a cat head that some strange girl was holding.
2.) I didn't know why they screamed surprise at me or who they were, or who I was.
3.) I was flying my motorcycle when some crazy flying lady ran into me, making the both of us fall from the sky.
4.) I woke up to find lips on mine and tears coming from my eyes, but I had no idea who I was or why I had been crying.
5.) I screamed as I woke up in a hospital that was engulfed in flames.
So honestly I'm feeling a bit down today and so I can't promise that my responses won't be a mess, but I'll try to stay upbeat and positive as I try to answer the rest of these questions. As always, if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask. Question 2: What is your characters most prominent feature?
Amanda- don't know.
Rose- Bright red hair that is literally shaped like a rose
Tristen: amethyst eyes
Lily: pale skin matching pale hair/ very white hair
Kyle: .... (I want it to be a surprise)
Question 2: Main characters biggest secret?Rose can see the future
Question 3: Name a scar a character has?Kyle has a long scar on his neck
Question 3: Theme of Story?Every deserves to feel loved (I don't know if this will be the biggest theme yet or what)
Question 4: How vain is your character? Amanda- 25% out of 100%
Rose: 2% out of 100%
Tristen: 99.9% out of 100
Lily: 50% out of 100
Kyle; 47% out of 100
Question 4: Explore the mid-point of your story.I'm just gonna make a small list of things I want to happen in the middle
•moment between love interest and MC
•attack on camp and oh yeah they go camping
•Someone dies
•secret is revealed
•MC and gang gets tortured
•Someone gets poisoned
•MC has to kill love interest
Those are just a few ideas
Question 5: Character ranking on Kinsey scaleAmanda- 0
Rose- 0
Tristen- 3
Lily- 6
Kyle- 0
Question 5: Main characters biggest regret?Kyle- not living life the way he wanted
Question 6: Describe your character's happiest memoryLily- the dorm party when the whole team was together
Question 6: What excites you most about this story?Being able to explore my characters more. I've been working on this story for a few months now and I'm excited to create this world in my own style and be able to make it more diverse.
Question 7: Is there 1 event or happening your character would like to erase from their past?Amanda- yes
Rose- yes
Tristen- won't admit, but yes
Lily- yes
Kyle- ABSOLUTELY.
Question 7: A scene that would never appear in the story The prologue of my first draft. It was HORRIBLE.
I'm too lazy to type it up now but if you want to see it comment and I might edit this post and add it later
Question 8: Day of favorites, ice cream, song, color, flowerAmanda
Ice cream: Mint Chocolate Chip
Song: If I Could Just Be Brave
Color: Teal
Flower: Peony
Question 8: The antagonist pet peeves.Silence, whistling maybe?
Question 9: Who does your character trust?Amanda- Nobody at first. The gang at some point
Question 9: A main character's theme songInto the open air (maybe...?)
Question 10: Can you define a turning point in your character's life?Amanda- loosing her memories
Rose- telling someone the future in details
Tristen- SPOILER FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO READ MY BOOK DON'T CLICK UNLESS YOU WANT THE SPOILER (view spoiler)
Lily- The fight with her family
Kyle- The War
Question 10: How do you want your reader to feel while reading this?Adventurous. I want them to want to explore this whole new world with open eyes.
Emotional. I want them to be able to feel and to fall in love with the words.
And understood. I want them to know that even in hard times, they are never completely alone.
Question 11: Is there any animal you can equate your characters with?Kyle- Cat
Question 11: The most important day in a main character's lifeFor the whole gang- the day they got tortured
Question 12: How is your character with technology?All of them are pretty good with it except maybe Kyle
Question 13: What does your characters bed look like when they wake up?Amanda- a mess. Pillows and blankets sprawled out all over the place
Rose- blanket halfway off bed, pillows good
Tristen- He doesn't sleep in his bed.
Lily- Like it hasn't been touched
Kyle- Neat
Question 13: An MC's favorite quote or mottoLily- "It's not about finding your voice. It's about giving yourself permission to use your voice." ~Kris Carr
Question 14: How does your MC react to extreme temperature change?Kyle- HATES IT.
Question 14: Your fears about this projectThat when it's over I'll give up.
That I won't like what I write.
That I'll waste my time on another unfinished unedited project.
That I'll just stop.
That I'll make a mistake and hate myself even more for it.
That it won't be enough for me
Question 15: Is your character an early morning bird or a night owl?Amanda- night owl
Rose- morning bird
Tristen- both
Lily- night owl
Tom- morning bird
Question 15: A glowing 5 star review that you'd love to receive This book was great. It touched my heart as a reader and left me wanting more with each page. I felt like I fell into the story and like I was a part of the team, like I was fighting alongside them. This book was full of power, of betrayal, of love, of fear, and so much more. It excites me to know that this is just the beginning of a long journey.
Question 16: blood relatives they are close to?Tristen- Lily
Lily- Tristen
Question 16: Every character's astrological sign?I'll figure this out in the future.
I'll answer the other questions in the future. Maybe....
My Daily Goal For Camp NaNoWriMo:Day 1: 667
Day 2: 1333
Day 3: 2000
Day 4: 2666
Day 5: 3333
Day 6:4000
Day 7: 4666
Day 8: 5333
Day 9:6000
Day 10:6666
Day 11: 7333
Day 12: 8000
Day 13: 8666
Day 14: 9333
Day 15: 10000
Day 16: 10666
Day 17: 11333
Day 18: 12000
Day 19: 12666
Day 20: 13,333
Day 21: 14,000
Day 22: 14666
Day 23:15333
Day 24:16000
Day 25:16666
Day 26: 17333
Day 27: 18000
Day 28: 18666
Day 29: 19333
Day 30: 20000
I wish I never told you,What I did.
I wish it was still my secret,
Still just a fracture of this brokenhearted girl.
But I was drunk,
Drunk on depression.
And you asked me to open up, to come clean.
So what else could I do?
I couldn't think of a lie good enough, fast enough.
Didn't know how to change the subject,
Didn't think you'd let me change the subject.
So I told the truth, thinking what else could I do?
I didn't want you to apologize,
I didn't even want you to know.
I didn't want you to see how broken I was,
Or how broken I still am.
But what else could I do?
When you were there, feeling so alone,
And asking for the truth,
What else could I do?
I changed my goal from 20,000 words to 50 hours
I didn't want to write another poem about you,But it seems like I'm a hopeless romantic,
So here it is.
Another love poem.
Only this isn't a love poem,
It's anything but that.
You see, I've realized that I don't love you.
I'm in love with the thought of you.
I love some of the things you do so freaking much,
Because I wished that I could do them too.
And so my brain and heart got jumbled together,
And I'm just now realizing the truth.
I don't love you,
All the time I spent writing love poems,
They were wasted on someone I thought I loved,
I wasted my feelings.
I knew we would never work out,
I knew we would never even exist,
And yet still I had hoped, And yet still I had wrote,
Only to find myself awake at 2am realizing everything I felt for you was wrong.
In my head I will still call you Crusho,
And I'll still say that out loud,
Because I had called you my first real crush,
And forever that you'll be.
I felt so dizzy,My head kept spinning,
And more than once I felt like I'd pass out.
I sat in the shade,
Like a few friends advised.
At the top of the bleachers,
With my fear of heights so great.
Anxiety clouded my mind,
Despite being so far from everybody else.
I could hear people talking, people laughing,
and I longed to be part of that.
So I looked up,
And instantly spotted him,
The boy my mind tricked me into loving,
The boy that had stolen my heart and tossed it around.
It reminded me of how one would shoot a basketball into a hoop;
I was the ball and he made a basket,
Crushing my spirits as I fell right through,
hitting the ground underneath.
That was the day I finally joined reality,
And realized it was true.
He never would feel the same way, he'd never love me,
And so I stared at him for a moment.
In that moment I felt everything I wanted slip away,
Replaced with a vast amount of loneliness,
Stronger than I've ever felt before.
And I knew he'd just been someone I had wanted,
Never someone I could've loved.
Perhaps I should have tried harder to talk to you,
Instead of just pushing you away every time the conversation turned serious.
Perhaps I should've listened better,
Instead of getting lost in thought so easily.
Perhaps I should've told you
How much I'm here for you and that you could talk to me
If you needed, just like you offered me.
Perhaps instead of shushing you over the stupid things,
I should have realized you were looking for a distraction so you can think about something else besides their harsh words.
Perhaps I should have told you that I'm your friend
And that I won't just leave you on your own.
Perhaps I should've let us talk more
Instead of always rushing away.
It's not too late, I know that but,
I'm still at a loss of what to say.