it's personal discussion
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~Look Down, You're Talking to Your Highness~[R]
Writing is hard. And unlike a blue collar job, it can be hard to succeed, as you need publishers to approve your book. JK Rowling went to over a DOZEN publishers before HP was published. People are going to whine about literally anything. Anything can be invalidated. I can say that the blue collar workers are stuck there because they're too stupid for college or too poor and refuse to vote for people who will improve their situation because they've been brainwashed by propaganda.
See? It works both ways.
if someone has a problem with you writing, tell them to suck it up, buttercup.
I'm not going to be rude because if you're a rude author people won't buy your books. I honestly expected you to say something like 'but aren't you poor, don't you struggle on a daily basis to just eat?'
They also mentioned mental disorders were just something invented by this generation to whine about something, like the older generations who actually went to war have a right to be traumatized and such but we don't
Elizabeth ♛Smart Girls Love Trashy Books♛ wrote: "I'm not going to be rude because if you're a rude author people won't buy your books. I honestly expected you to say something like 'but aren't you poor, don't you struggle on a daily basis to just..."I wasn't saying do that. I'm saying people can illegitimate and criticize anything and gave examples
And I hate that fact about myself too. I hate how poor I am, I'm ashamed of it. I always lie about how much money we have and to people I don't know very well, I flat-out say we have tons of money, we just don't like spending it. I even lie to the people in my neighborhood even though there's no reason to. I always hide my face when I do things like go to the community kitchen because I don't want people I know to potentially recognize me. One of the reasons I wear layers and so much jewelry is to hide all of the holes in my clothes or the places Mom's stitched them up. None of my clothes fit me anyway because of how much weight I've lost. And yeah, we struggle for food especially late in the month when all of our money has run out. This month has been a very bad one for money, we not only have very little food but we are almost out of shampoo, we don't have any trash bags or dish soap, etc. And it's hardly the end of the month. And I'm ashamed of it because everyone else around here is in more or less the same situation but they're proud of it. They're proud of their financial status and think it gives them a leg up on society because they're emotionally stronger than everyone else. And I'm not proud. Mom says I'm not like this, but I think I am; I need to be pampered and living a cozy lifestyle. I'm not built for a life like this. And I'm very selfish and greedy and I hate that. But I always eat a bunch when we do have food because I'm always so hungry and I want it and then I hate myself because I should've saved it....because I'm a greedy person. If I somehow came across a lot of money I would spend it on myself. I can barely take care of myself and want to pay people to do it for me.
And I also hate it because nobody else even cares. If I was being abused or on drugs or something, people would care. They would want to help me and would pay for me to get out of that situation. But if you're poor? Screw you then. People either ignore me, tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, or just say I'm really gross. Nobody wants to help me pay for food. The one time someone actually did, they couldn't actually send me any money because they lived in a foreign country. And how am I even supposed to go about it? Start a GoFundMe to pay for groceries? Yeah, haha. So I just lie to people. It's not like they were going to help me anyway.
Buddhism says I've been reincarnated into this situation to learn a lesson from a past life, but I don't think it's working. I'm still a greedy, selfish, and materialistic person and I have literally no reason to. I think it's far worse to be a selfish poor person because you're hogging the few things you actually do have from other poor people. You are in the same situation as them, so you have no excuse.
So yeah, I'm dirt-poor and I hate it. And I pretty much only hate it because nobody else cares about my situation. I'm posting this on my journal because it seems like the best place to put it.
message 11407:
by
Elizabeth ♛Smart Girls Love Trashy Books♛
(last edited May 17, 2018 08:04AM)
(new)
I can't wait for Mom to finish Danganronpa because she wants to RP it with me. But at the same time I'm also worried about what she's going to make Chihiro and Celestia/Junko(I don't know who she wants to play yet) do with Makoto because for the past few days all she's been doing is ranting about how they don't have sex in that game despite it being a dating simulator even though that's not the point lol We did manage to decide that she's playing Chihiro for my favourite boy and she hasn't decided on Celestia or Junko yet for my favourite girl, while I play Makoto. And then she plays Makoto while I play Byakuya and Touko for her favourite boy and girl, respectively. Unless she's randomly changed them again after Tuesday night lol
I totally forgot about this one RP I was planning with someone! They seemed super excited to do it...I hope they still want to do it...
I was wondering why it suddenly turned so dark lol
Mom and I finished Danganronpa last night! I can't wait to RP it with her.
I was wondering why all of my music was super loud and then I checked the volume on the actual computer and found out it was turned up to 100%. I'm so stupid lol
When Mom and I were watching TV last night there was a scene where a character was trapped inside a garbage dump for the night and they ended up having to eat garbage and sleep under a newspaper and Mom said: "Awww, isn't that sad? Doesn't that make you feel bad for him? Does that make you want to take care of him? And baby him?" And I just looked at her really strangely lol
Well, did it? :P
Not really? :P I mean, I did feel bad for him but it was weird that Mom randomly brought it up out of nowhere :P
I don't know why but I feel really.....down. I wanted to look for more RPs but the thought of RPing just doesn't appeal to me. The thought of watching something funny which normally cheers me up is almost repulsive to me right now. I just feel really empty, absolutely devoid of emotions. If I had to put a word to how I feel right now, it'd be numb. I just feel numb and I have no idea why. God, I hate it when I get like this. Nobody even cares. Even when I'm happy nobody cares about me or pays attention. I've seen strangers on the Internet who are far kinder to each other than my friends are with me. If I vanish for a long time, they wouldn't even notice. I know this for a fact. Shows how much they care.
I told Mom yesterday about how lately I've been thinking a lot about my gender identity and how I'm not really sure what I am but how I've also been pushing those thoughts down because of how much hostility I've seen on the Internet in groups that supposedly support things like that, but at the same time I don't really want to deny my feelings if it turns out I actually am something else. Mom said I'm likely genderqueer but that's all she said on the subject, and that surprised me because I honestly thought she'd have more to say on the subject, seeing as how she tells me about stuff like this regularly.
I think I might make a new Pintrest board. Not sure though but I'm bored and it'd give me something to do.
What boards do you have?
Sera and I collab on two aesthetics boards, one for JasonxEloise and one for MaxinexWilliam from UU. Which reminds me, I should probably actually make one for TessxCassius like I said I would.... Aside from those two, I solely work on an aesthetic board for YuixKanato from Diabolik Lovers that has some AU-ish stuff from mine and sera's RP with them, a LietBel royal AU aesthetic board from mine and Sarah's RP, an aesthetic board for my Greenland OC, an aesthetic board for my OC from Black Butler, and an aesthetic board for my OC from Diabolik Lovers.
Lately I've been wanting to make aesthetic boards for some anime ships that I have but I'm still not sure.
I just have boards for memes of different fandoms.And then another for general memes.
I just find it fun to make aesthetic boards with it.
Ooooh they're cute and I love it: 
I was surprised to find some things for this ship and really loyal shippers! I legit thought I made it up randomly lol
message 11424:
by
Elizabeth ♛Smart Girls Love Trashy Books♛
(last edited May 18, 2018 10:44AM)
(new)
Why does GoodReads keep trying to recommend Hotel Transylvania 3 to me
message 11426:
by
Elizabeth ♛Smart Girls Love Trashy Books♛
(last edited May 18, 2018 06:28PM)
(new)
I was looking at the profile for one of my friends on here and I saw they were several years younger than me and I had a weird realization when I realized that I was older than someone. In real life I'm the oldest in my friend group and my family, but on the Internet I tend to hang around people older than me, with a few exceptions. I have no idea why this made me pause so much, but it did and it even made me feel weird.
Most of my friends online are older than me too :p
You know you're in for a world of hurt when you finish your character and the first thing your partner responds with is 'oooooh your girl is hot. can this be a mature RP?'
I remember when I came out as pansexual to my ex-boyfriend because at the time that's what I thought I was and instead of being supportive or neutral at least he started going on and on about how he didn't want a pansexual girlfriend because he knew I would go off and try to hit on other girls while we were dating, even though I had been entirely loyal to him up to that point and he never had any reason to accuse me of such things, and he also accused me of trying to get him involved in some kind of threesome or polyamorous relationship even though, again, I never even joked about such a thing since I was faithful to him and only him. The only people I ever found attractive were fictional ones who weren't a threat to him, obviously. Looking back that should've been a huge red flag for me that something was seriously wrong with him. It wasn't the fact he was rejecting my sexuality, it was the fact he was so paranoid about losing me that he was willing to accuse me of doing things I hadn't even thought of doing while trying to throw out stereotypes. True, after that incident I did kinda stray away and spend time with other people, but I don't think I was in the wrong for doing that. His whole reaction towards me coming out really freaked me out and made me feel uncomfortable.
Elizabeth ♛Smart Girls Love Trashy Books♛ wrote: "You know you're in for a world of hurt when you finish your character and the first thing your partner responds with is 'oooooh your girl is hot. can this be a mature RP?'"TELL ME ABOUT IT =_=
Also wow, I'm sorry you had to go through that with your ex :/ Honestly, over here we literally have this new term people made up called 'straight male cancer/disease' just because people like this exist (usually we apply it to extremely sexist males/folks, but this one works too)
Oh, it's fine. Obviously he's my ex-boyfriend now but I still mention him a lot because he did a lot of bad things to me and I don't think people should forget about that. Even if I'm not in contact with him anymore, I don't think people should forget how much of an impact he had on my life. Right? Or am I being petty?
I put new sheets on my bed! That must be why I slept so well last night, because they were clean and fresh!
Elizabeth ♛Smart Girls Love Trashy Books♛ wrote: "Oh, it's fine. Obviously he's my ex-boyfriend now but I still mention him a lot because he did a lot of bad things to me and I don't think people should forget about that. Even if I'm not in contac..."The damage he inflicted on you is not petty
I guess my grandparents aren't coming today....they would've been here by now if they were. I wanted them to because they were going to bring us food and money....
It was raining really hard with thunder when I woke up, but all seems quiet for right now, though it's still pretty cloudy.
I was sick and tired of my mom complaining about how this character she likes from a fairly obscure anime never gets moodboards or anything like that made for them so I lied and said I would make a moodboard for that character and she got super excited. But I have no idea how to even make a moodboard! I'm sure there's some kind of photo manipulation involved....I'm good at aesthetic posts but not moodboards but surely it can't be that hard to figure out....
Either way, I'm not about to take back what I said because I'm so sick of hearing her complain about it when it's pretty much her fault. Doesn't help that I'm not even sure what that character's moodboard would look like and Mom wasn't much help when I asked for ideas...
I had a really weird dream last night where my dream-self was talking about how WW3 was an inevitability at that point and how when I got drafted, I was going to be a nurse and my mom approved. I ended up getting drafted into the war as a nurse and part-time 'entertainer' and was surprised at what the battlefield actually looked like: robots and self-firing guns were the ones doing most of the fighting. I then went onto a tangent about how a lot of books imagine WW3 to be like WW2 or being over really quickly due to nuclear warfare but the reality was a lot grimmer. My dream-self encouraged my real self to write a book about WW3 that was more like this, being fought with machines due to how far in the future the war was and how advanced we had become. And then I woke up. I don't even know, but I guess I gotta write a book about WW3 now lol
It's a prophecy!What sort of 'entertainer' were you?
I don't even remember, I think it involved singing and dancing since my character dressed in really sparkly dresses or cosplay outfits when she wasn't being a nurse.
I think I'm just going to make the moodboard on Google Drive or something similar. No need to make it look really complex. I'm going to model it after the Tumblr ones. I'll just resize the images I need. It'll be like when I make my Pintrest boards.
I'm really bored....and I have a bad headache.
I'm bored to...going to eat. I haven't had a lot the past few days.
Neither have I.....my brothers ate what was left of the bread so I had to make a PB&J with just the heels....I hid the last packets of oatmeal from them but that's pretty much all that's left...
Mom in January: "If you want a Halloween costume this year, you're buying it yourself, or you're not going. There is no reason for you to keep going out Trick-or-Treating especially at your age. And you keep making a huge fuss about it," Mom earlier: "Who do you want to go as for Halloween this year? I'm eager to help you so long as you don't pick someone really complex. Oh, you should go as another anime character!"
What a lovely time to be back on GoodReads: When absolutely nobody is online and I'm still really bored. I told Mom if this continued I would just go watch TV with her tonight, so if you actually wanted to talk to me or RP with me tonight, well too bad I guess!
I wanna go trick or treating with you and your mom...my dad made me stay home.
I've been on all day once again :p no one says anything so I assume they're offline.
I keep trying to talk to you but you keep ignoring me dude....and you're ignoring our RP too. If you want to spend time with me, then do it. If you don't, then don't. But stop ignoring me.
I don't even have a costume idea though lol I jokingly suggested someone from Danganronpa but Mom seemed really into that idea so we'll just have to see I guess
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
The Kingdom of Little Wounds (other topics)Anastasia's Secret (other topics)
The Crown's Game (other topics)
Cinder (other topics)
Mechanica (other topics)
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Even though the book said the reason why it was a prison was because the main character couldn't use her magic and escape, but I digress because that's not what we're discussing here.And they were annoyed because they worked extremely hard every single day at a low-paying blue-collar job involving factories. They couldn't afford to go to Harvard even though they were accepted and they were sick and tired of YA female authors whining about how hard they have it when they're white women and how the only thing they have to do at their job is type a few words into a word file. They wanted to see them work at an actual job, one where they have to stand for fifteen hours doing literal backbreaking work and getting oil all over their hands. Until then, they weren't allowed to complain and also until then, they wouldn't be reading any more YA lit.D-Do I even have to dissect this or do you guys get it? This honestly discouraged me from being an author even more than the fear of being blacklisted because I am a white woman who's never worked a day in her life who'll go into a somewhat prestigious university. I don't know what poor people are like nor do I particularly care.
Also that woman's review had absolutely nothing to do with the book she wrote it for. She reviewed that book and didn't even talk about the actual book itself