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~Look Down, You're Talking to Your Highness~[R]
message 9951:
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Elizabeth ♛Smart Girls Love Trashy Books♛
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Mar 23, 2018 05:54AM
I have Miss Jackson stuck in my head and I feel like that song means something but I can't figure it out
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Hunter (Totally NOT a communist ☭) wrote: "*Applauds*"200 pages of me being boring/annoying
Nah, neither. Better than me for sure; p
Every night before I use this computer I make plans to get things done and then when I actually come on here I'm like 'what does today have in store for me? it's a surprise!' and I end up getting nothing done
I make plans then just ait at the computer and waste time, too tired to think too much. It's depressing, really. I feel my time slipping away but can do nothing about it :\
I planned to go on Tumblr today but instead I'm looking at Twitter
I have a 'blanket'. It's actually an old nightgown of Mom's that I've had for eighteen years(you do the math) Obviously now it's all old and ragged and weird. I suck my middle and ring fingers on my right hand when I hold it to be soothed. When I became a preteen I was looking forward to getting rid of it. Well not 'looking forward to', per say, but I did know that by the time you were a preteen you didn't have loveys anymore. Mom said Aunt Hilary got rid of hers when she was sixteen and Mom herself got rid of hers when she was twelve. I was twelve, kept it. Then I was sixteen, still kept it. I can't even go over to friends' houses for a sleepover unless I have it. Going to a hotel? Gotta pack that too. I get very irritable and can't sleep if I don't have it.
But I know I need to have it. My dad's mom used to tease me when I was younger for having it, asking me 'you going to graduate high school still having this thing? You gonna go on your honeymoon with this? Are you going to have to lock it up when the grandkids come so they don't touch it? Who would want to marry someone who still sleeps with a ragged nightgown and sucks their fingers? What a catch you'll be!'
That still upsets me, but I know she's right. Am I really going to bring this thing with me to college and keep it in my dorm? Am I really going to go on my honeymoon with this thing? Am I going to sleep next to my partner and tell them to be careful when rolling over so they don't accidentally crush it? Am I really going to have to keep it out of reach from my kids and my grandkids?
I'm embarrassed I still have this thing at my age. Yet everytime I think about how easy it would be to throw it away, I literally can't bring myself to do it. It soothes me and it comforts me. It has a name. As a kid I even came up with a gender for it. (His name is Silky and yes he is a boy, thank you for asking)
I don't know why it's so hard for me to get rid of it when for other people it's so easy for them to throw theirs away. I bet my friends don't even remember their loveys, or if they do, they don't really feel as attached to them as I do. I know some people will say I'll throw it out when I'm ready, but I should've been ready years ago. What if I'll never be ready? Am I really going to have this thing for the rest of my life? I mean, it's not like it's a cute stuffed animal or an actual blanket....it's a ratty old nightgown.
I know this is pretty personal but what's the point of being in a personal group if I can't talk about this? This is one of my deepest secrets believe it or not, I dislike telling people I still have a lovey because it's stupid and childish and who has one at my age.
What should I do? Should I just get rid of it when I feel ready or just chuck it now? What if that time never comes and I have this thing until I die?
Keep it as long as you feel you should, if you ask me. Dont feel pressured to give it up. Especially if it helps you sleep.I think it's kind of sweet in a way. And if your companion can remember to be careful for it, that would be sweet of them.
It's embarrassing to still have it though. Like I don't want to take this thing to my college dorm, to my honeymoon, to my first house with me. Who does that?
So dont take it to those places, but keep it. I still have stuffed animals from when I was like, 7. I have no desire to be rid of them and if someone has a problem with it, tough.
That's a bit different though. This is literally a ratty old nightgown. Someone might accidentally throw it away. And I kinda need it in my dorm if I'm going to get any sleep. I know college kids are weird but I wouldn't want my dormmate to know I need that to sleep.
Conceal it? I dunno. I just dont tbink you should throw it out before you're ready, especially due to peer pressure and the like. But you know, it's up.to you.
AAAAAAAAAAH I SAW AN UNMARKED SPOILER FROM LOOKING FOR ALASKA AND IT WAS LIKE THE HUGE SPOILER THAT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW AND NOW IT'S LITERALLY RUINED FOR ME
AND WORST OF ALL IT WAS ONE OF MY FRIENDS ON HERE WHO DID THIS SHAME ON YOU
TRAITOR!
Like literally her entire review was just a sentence of her saying she cried at that scene and now I'm sooooooo mad at her
We both know who it is but I'm not going to say who it is since I think she reads my journal and I don't want her to get upset But if she is reading this then she knows it was her
I guessed what happens in TFioS. No one told me how it ends; it just seemed predictable to me.
Well I mean I guess it's predicable in Looking for Alaska too because they do stupid teenage things carelessly and recklessly, but going into the book you don't know that. The Fault in Our Stars I think I saw coming too but that's because of what the book is about. Looking for Alaska is supposed to be about finding yourself, I think.
My.mom wont let me read it but I have a funny story about it
What's the story?
Mom: "Please watch Seraph of the End with me, it's not actually a yaoi. In fact it probably has more for you because there's a scene where the two girl squad members have some fun time in the shower!" Me: "Wait, what?"
Oooh I wanna see thatAnyways, in 10th or 12th grade the book club did a Christmas book exchange played just like Dirty Santa.
My contribution was Looking for Alaska and a boy about 10 or 11 unwrapped it. Everyone was like "Ohhh" and laughing and his older sisters said something along the lines of "Yeah you can't read that", took it from him and gave him Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
They're just tickling each other lol
My middle brother made a hentai website the homepage on this computer oh yuck And what's even worse is that I have a membership to that same website. I upload pictures and RP/chat with people on it
WHICH MEANS HE'S PROBABLY SEEN THE PICTURES I'VE UPLOADED AND EVEN WORSE PROBABLY GOT TURNED ON BY THEM
Hoenstly the weirdest part of that is the fact it's your homepage. I guess because I.like hentai :p
Yeah, I like hentai too(obviously) but there's a time and a place for it, okay? Everytime Mom or my baby brother use this computer everytime they open up the browser they're going to be greeted with a big-breasted anime girl getting spitroasted and that's just not something for their eyes
I dunno of I should find it humorous you said it's not for your.mom's eyes
She probably doesn't want to see porn every time she uses the computer, you know.
Yeah :\ Cant you change it?
I'm going to later, but knowing my middle brother he'll likely just change it back.
Every single time I hear Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na) by My Chemical Romance I wanna get drunk, dance really fast, smoke, and break fifty windows it's an amazing feeling
WE WERE LITERALLY THIS CLOSE TO GETTING A WINTER STORM WATCH WHAT IS THIS 
Me: "My crushes are Kanato, Kou, and Ayato. Who will you play?" RP Partner: "I'm going to play Ayato for you,"
Me: "I don't know her, sorry,"
My mom was talking about how lately she's been feeling really depressed and I felt really worried about her and wanted to help. But then I realized I was just being selfish because if she was depressed then she couldn't take care of us.
How is that selfish? Seems the exact opposite of selfish.
Because instead of thinking 'oh my mom is really depressed, I should give her some space to help her out' I'm thinking 'if Mom gets really depressed I'll have to actually take care of my brothers and that's her job'
Ohhh. I thought you meant "I think my mom ia depressed and I want to help" was selfish. That's what confused me.
Yeah, I'm a selfish person.
Other People: "This character is totally panromantic asexual, my headcanon!~" *there is no evidence of the character being asexual or panromantic in anything ever* Me: "Oh I headcanon this character as being bisexual!~" *there's plenty of evidence to support the character being bisexual*
Other People: "Ewww, get out of here with your stupid self! Trying to make every single character have a different sexuality, why can't they just be straight!? Gosh!"
I've been so thirsty tonight like I've literally gone through three bottles of water and I'm halfway through my fourth. And my stomach hurts from all of that water but I still feel extremely thirsty in spite of that so I keep drinking? This happens to me a lot I feel like I should be concerned.
My mom said she has something special for me tonight but I have to stay awake in order to get it. But I don't really have anything to do with my time currently, so....
She's currently yelling at her best friend on the phone
Okay Pintrest make up your mind, do you want to work for me or not? Stop this nonsense of 'loading some pictures every so often and not loading pictures most of the time'
10,000th post!
Whenever I see people refer to Tumblr as 'Internet cancer' I'm just like 'have you even seen YouTube or Twitter? Lol bye felicia'
Tumblr revealed that several accounts were actually just Russian spies posing to get information on citizens and that they finally cracked down and shut down their blogs because they were fake, and I got informed about it because I was either following or liked/reblogged stuff that they posted. Reminds me of how I used to make jokes that if we lived in a future world I'd get arrested for talking with Russians and giving them information, not because of any political desire but because I genuinely like that region of the world.
This isn't even a joke anymore, I might seriously get arrested as an adult if this is the path America continues to go down. And what's even scarier is that I don't even remember having contact with ANY of those blogs, and I have a list of the blogs I follow. Which means if I WAS in trouble, I would've been in trouble for nothing because I have no memory of even doing that.
We have a Winter Weather Advisory again. We're even expected to get some thundersnow, that's interesting.
I wish I could just have someone to talk to about certain things that bother me that are on my mind but do so in a discreet way. I have a lot of problems with people on this website that I just need to talk about before I do something bad to them accidentally because I blow up, but I don't have anyone to talk to aside from either those people or their friends. I just need some kind of safe place, someone to talk to who I know won't tell these people that I'm talking about them. It's been getting worse lately, or maybe it's just me, but either way I feel like I'm going to go off on someone.
It's so dark outside I keep forgetting it's only eleven. I keep thinking it's late at night.
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
The Kingdom of Little Wounds (other topics)Anastasia's Secret (other topics)
The Crown's Game (other topics)
Cinder (other topics)
Mechanica (other topics)
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