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Please Help Define Market Segment
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I get the feeling that this story is trying to appeal to two different types of readers. Action and romance and is probably not skewed towards either genre enough to satisfy either. I'm a fan of Action novels with little to no interest in romance novels. I don't mind a love interest in an action novel as a plot tool but i'm reading an action novel for the action . And i dare say that there are a large proportion of romance readers with little to no interest in action novels. While that's a pretty big generalisation i can say that if i was to pick up a book that professed to be an action romance book id put it back on the shelf and look for one without the confusion. "Diary of Contract Killer" says action and if the main focus of the book is actually romance you will certainly put some readers off.
Not sure if this will help you or just confuse the issue further. Either way good luck.
Thanks Paul, that does help. While I feel the core of the story is about the evolving feelings of the main protagonists, 70-80% of it is about the contract killer going about his job. Maybe I'll need to downplay the romance, though that is the exact opposite of the direction I've been going with my latest rewrites.Then again, I'm beginning to think that the blurb emphasizes the romance aspect too much, which disappoints those readers.
Some random comments. I thought your book sounded interesting. Liked the synopsis, thought the query letter should be shorter and punchier.But anyway, I went to have a look at the first three chapters to see how it read
Hmmm. For an action/thriller, I didn't feel any tension or suspense. Yet in the first couple of chapters, I think that element should be introduced. Conversely, if you want to go with the romance side, we have to wait until chap 3 and even then it's sort of lukewarm, just that Isabel is beautiful.
I think the diary format is maybe the issue. There's a dissonance between Seacay's storytelling and what is actually happening, so that sometimes it feels like, I did this, I did that, I did the other. There's a lack of emotion, it's very distant for first person. I appreciate you may want to create a cold killer but he seemed more like a boring killer to me. I'd probably be the beta reader who trudged through it because they had committed to it. Unless it gets more lively? with some action?
Hey Rough, where did you get the sample? From here?http://sol-biotech.com/writing/DoaCK_...
For others who might want to take a look, basically that portion is very similar (probably 98% identical) to what currently stands. The changes I've made based on feedback have largely been past that point. I agree, if you're not hooked by then, you aren't likely to find any of the rest interesting. And the romance proper doesn't start for several more chapters. I've given up on the action or thriller appellation, by most definitions I've read, I don't have either. And to tell the story I've envisioned I don't want to have that.
I've had a number of people comment that they felt first person hobbled the story, but the first person POV was one my goals when I started writing it and I'm not sure I want to give that aspect up (I'd just start a different story). It certainly creates a few challenges. And yes, he may be boring to some people, but I'm trying to convey an extremely analytical risk averse person doing something that most people would consider extremely dangerous and wildly risky such that they can see such activity could be 'safe' with the appropriate education and experience.
Thanks for your feedback!
Yup. I think that was it! Well I followed the links. I still like the premise, think it sounds good. But the analytical person is not something that draws us in. Or me. For me, it's the pacing, too slow.
The synopsis and the first few chaps don't match. Obv, that's all I've read. Whatever. Good luck. Sounds an interesting story, needs tweaking maybe?
I'm scheduled in Feb for a comprehensive edit by a professional, but am trying to decide if I want to go through with it (it's expensive) as if I can't identify a clean market segment that has the potential to get a return, I am probably better off focusing on something else.
Wait, wait. Wait. What is your editing price? Or just pm me. I'll give you free advice.
In case there is anyone still following this thread, with the input of a number of people I've come up with this probably too long blurb:"Join Seacay and spend time in the mind of a contract killer as he goes about his detailed and exacting assassinations. Some go according to plan, others require improvisation. Risk averse, patient and methodical, Seacay has worked alone since leaving the special forces. He prefers isolation, but also believes any sort of dependency is an unacceptable risk. His life is perfect. He takes the jobs he wants, names his own price and enjoys the freedom to move about the world anonymously, spending his money and building a secure mansion in the mountains. He loves women, the more the better, but never allows them to become distractions. This equilibrium is violated when a kidnapping takes an unexpected turn and he has to work with the beautiful Brazilian spy Isabel. Forced to deal with feelings he’s never experienced and doesn’t understand, Seacay struggles to get his focus back, taking several jobs just to clear out the cobwebs. Once he finally learns to take joy in one-night-stands again, fate brings them back together. However, he fights fate, and Tessa (Isabel’s girlfriend), until tragedy forces him to act on his unfamiliar feelings or accept tragedy’s fatal consequences."
I've asked my previous readers if that would help them know if they would like the book or not. If anyone is following this and thinks they would now like to read it, please let me know.
Hello Goodreaders! I’ve written story (now 78K), got feedback from beta readers as well as a critique by a professional editor, incorporated my understanding of their input, then sought additional beta input. Some of that has just come in and the results are by far the opposite of what I was expecting (or hoping for). While one reader really seemed to enjoy it, another reader was barely lukewarm with her comments, the last one hated it outright. Though I’m awaiting additional feedback, it would seem that I’m way off in my attempts at describing my work and am hoping I can get some feedback here. To a certain extent the title is self describing: “Diary of a Contract Killer”. However, my logline might be the core of the problem: “an unconventional love story between trained killers.” I consider it a romance, though it is certainly unconventional. The two female characters are bisexual and (spoiler alert!) they wind up in a menage a trois at the end. All three are sociopaths of one extreme or another and even the most emotionally normal goes on a killing spree when her girlfriend’s life is put in danger. This is how I’ve been describing the work in my query letter:
It’s somewhat like Tom Clancy’s “Without Remorse”, but with a greater focus on romance. It’s also similar in concept to the original Mission Impossible TV series with the episodes tied together with the thread of romance. It has some parallels with the TV show “Burn Notice” where the main protagonist explains why he does certain things or provides background for tools and technique as he goes about his business. It’s an unconventional love story between trained killers. Though written from a man’s POV, he interacts as equals with very strong, independent women.
Seacay has carefully engineered his life so there are no surprises. As a contract killer, he is risk averse, patient and methodical. Knowing that romance could only lead to security problems, he has dedicated himself to one-night-stands when satisfying his physical urges. His life is perfect... until he meets the Brazilian spy Isabel. Long, wavy, silky, dark hair that somehow smells better than the most expensive perfume, her unbelievable, celebrity level beauty is exceeded by her remarkable intelligence, managerial skills and deadly reflexes. And the sex is amazing! But both are professionals, so move on with their lives. However, fate, and Tessa, work continually to draw them back together. They fight fate (and Tessa) for years until a tragedy forces them to either decisively act on their attraction or accept tragedy’s fatal consequences.
Isabel and Tessa are strong bisexual characters who know what they want and are diligent about getting it. The genesis of the tragedy is not due to stupidity on anyone’s part, it naturally flows from who the characters are. There are prominent secondary characters that are gay and an older female arms dealer who sometimes requires Seacay to provide extra ‘service’ in addition to his cash payment. The violence and sex are non-graphical.
As I read the enthusiastic reader’s responses I started to think that people who enjoyed the movies “Payback” or “Kill Bill” are probably good audiences. I haven’t thought of a way to express that, without just saying exactly that, suggestions are greatly appreciated. My enthusiastic reader mentioned that she saw parallels with my main character and Sherlock Holmes, something I felt I could see also. They are both keen observers of human nature and are capable of predicting people’s behavior, but neither really understand human emotions. Suggestions on how could I convey that are also appreciated!
Below is the synopsis I’ve been working on to provide a bit more depth. What I’m hoping I can get from readers here is an idea where I’ve gone so wrong in describing the work. I need to tell people like my two negative readers that it isn’t for them, yet need to capture the interest of the one that liked it. Is any use of the word ‘romance’ a problem? I used to call the work a thriller, but the main protagonist is never in any sort of danger, so dropped that appellation. It has elements of military and espionage, but there is the strong romance that might turn off those readers. The reader who was so negative read the above material and was convinced enough that it was interesting to take it on. She complains several times in her feedback that she found it unsatisfying to read and I’m sure only finished it out of a sense of professionalism. Her direct feedback is essentially useless, but her indirect feedback tells me that I’m clearly misrepresenting the work somehow. I have to imagine she has her pick of things to read and I expect she chose mine over someone else’s, yet were she to give a review it would have been zero stars, she hated it. I feel I’m describing the work clearly, I’ve reread the above many times including several times after her feedback, yet clearly I gave her the wrong impression. Though the lukewarm beta reader had quite a bit of detailed feedback, I’m also sure she is not the correct demographic either. The one that liked it is the right demographic, but how to make that clear?
Any help in identifying the proper genre, market segment, etc. is much appreciated. If all you can contribute is you think that there isn’t a viable segment, that’s also very useful. It might be that my efforts have been wasted and I’ll just have to accept that and move on.
Thank you for your time!
If you want to beta read this (paid or not), particularly if you’re a man or really interested in sociopathic killers falling in love, please let me know.
------------------ synopsis ---------------------
The novel is told in first person from the main protagonist’s point of view, largely in real time.
SEACAY, an average looking white guy, though he’s in exceptional physical condition. Makes his living as a contract killer, working primarily in Europe and the Americas. Risk-averse, patient and methodical, he knows that romance could only lead to security problems so has dedicated himself to one-night-stands. His life is perfect... until he meets the Brazilian spy ISABEL. Her unbelievable, celebrity-level beauty is actually exceeded by her remarkable intelligence, managerial skills and deadly reflexes. And the sex is amazing! But both are professionals, so they move on with their lives. Eighteen months later, just as Seacay starts to find other, normal, women sexually satisfying again, fate intervenes and brings them together. They work on a job where part of Seacay’s payment is a week’s worth of debauchery afterwards.
It takes longer this time for Seacay to ‘recover’ from his experience. Meanwhile he begins an ongoing sexual relationship with TESSA, an extremely fit blonde co-worker of Isabel (Tessa and Isabel are long-term lovers and have discussed everything Seacay related). Tessa and Seacay bonded with each other during the previous job with Isabel, enjoying their mutual interest in movies and books. Around 3 years after Seacay and Isabel last work together, Isabel calls Seacay for assistance on a tough assassination. Though they aren’t able to spend a lot of time together sexually, they nonetheless renew their relationship. They discuss their evolving feelings and how Tessa has been so insistent on bringing each other up as she interacts with one another.
Five years after their last interaction, Seacay is contacted by a panicky Tessa: Isabel has been kidnapped by disgruntled coworkers. Isabel is now manager of internal affairs and has been investigating a number of people for skimming. The largest offender has arranged to have her kidnapped, raped and tortured for her IA access credentials so those files can be scrubbed of incriminating information. Seacay arrives to search for Isabel, but has to deal with Tessa’s violent instability as well as his own personal frustration that threatens his concentration. After effecting the rescue, Seacay and Isabel acknowledge their love for one another. Tessa and Isabel leave their agency and meet with Seacay at his palatial mansion where Isabel and Seacay recognize and acknowledge that they love Tessa and want to form a three-way relationship. Tessa happily agrees, she’d been willing to ignore her love for the others to see them happy together.