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High in the Sky - Ardent/Raya/Q
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message 101:
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Ardent || LoveArdent || Raya, The universe is my road
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Sep 11, 2017 05:45PM
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I'm really proud of it bc it's about my wofsona Moonsong who's a FlashWing (I created the tribe FlashWings, they're owned by me on dA)
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This was the announcement : Remember, this Friday you will get to meet with David Levithan - author of our summer reading book Everyday. Bring your books to get autographed and your questions to get answered!
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
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SHIT AS I WAS LISTENING TO MUSIC THERE WAS A FLASH OUTSIDE OF MY WINDOW AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A CAMERA
AND THEN THUNDER ROCKED OUR HOUSE IT WAS...I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN IT
LIKE
THE THUNDER WAS RIGHT AFTER THE FLASH AND I NEARLY DIED
THEN RAIN JUST STARTED POURING
SO NOW IT'S A FULL ON STORM AND IT WASN'T RAINING LIKE 2 MINUTES AGO
THEN THE FLASH CAME AGAIN BUT IN FRONT OF ME SO I GRABBED THE TABLE AND IT HAPPENED AGAIN THE THUNDER WAS SO CLOSE TO THE FLASH THAT'S BAD RIGHT ALDJFLKAOHWRGOI
THE RAIN IS COMING DOWN SO HARD NOW
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I am Raya, better known as and called by Q on most occasions.
I have been on Goodreads for 2 years. 2 long years filled with memories and friendships.
2 years, that, at long last, have come to an end.
I joined at the insistence of my teacher, who originally made us sign up for Goodreads just for academics. But then I discovered groups, and my life changed.
I first joined Warriors, where I met one of my greatest friends to this day; Kat, aka Warlordess, I hope we remain friends forever. You've gotten me through so many hardships, and you were my first friend on Goodreads. If you will have me, I want to keep talking to you, for your strength has given me a person to look up to and admire.
I founded a group when I started to drift away from Warriors; Linnea's Academy. But my attention in that would be fleeting, as I had discovered Wings of Fire, or WoF, and I joined yet another group to find more fans.
Unfortunately, this group had fallen inactive, and several of the other ones I joined had become inactive to. I decided to make another group, one for Wings of Fire fans, so I could meet new people who, hopefully, loved the series just like me.
I founded this group, "Wings of Fire - Roleplaying Group". At first, I was new to moderating, and I never thought the group would grow into the pride and joy of my life it is today. But that's a story for later.
I ended up meeting many people as the head mod of that group, helping to run it alongside my best friend Ember. Princess Breeze, or as I knew her back then, Peril (hey I actually remembered), was one of them. PB&J, I will miss you so much when I leave. I hope we will keep in touch and keep talking, as you were a great influence on the group and one of our prime roleplayers when things got tough. Keep being amazing, and you'll have no trouble in life. I recall you going through several name changes before settling on Breeze, including Princess Hufflepuff ;).
I founded a few other groups that didn't really take hold, but my Wings of Fire group continued to be my joy. A year passed, and everything was going great, until activity ceased. Luckily, our school computers didn't block Goodreads, so I was still able to upload my book records and roleplay. But the group seemed in danger of dying out, just as I had predicted.
Now, back then I was kind of a...Goodreads addict. I would go on Goodreads instead of homework, throwing everything aside to go on it. I used to be teased for this, my Goodreads obsession, and it was quite noticeable. But I didn't let that stop me.
I think it was in January 2016 or around that time where the group hit one of the most major bumps it would ever encounter. I won't go into much detail, but it ended up with me banning a certain member (no names) and having to clean up the group. This sent me into a dark time in which I debated killing the group all together, but my best friend supported me and pulled me through it.
My activity on Goodreads lessened during my second year on here, though I was still here. I actively worked to increase activity, but it seemed no one wanted to come. My username at this time was where my nickname Q originated from.
A couple people joined, but it wasn't until a certain person joined that activity really started going. Moon, you were a great roleplayer and I loved the characters you would make. You and Breeze weren't exactly the best of friends, though obviously that has changed now, which I'm glad. I hope you continue to be an amazing person.
There was some drama, but nothing that I felt I couldn't handle.
Then, Ember left.
The beginning of the darkness that would creep into me and eventually consume me.
Ember, I know you'll probably never see this since you deleted your account. But I know I could never be like you; you're always calm and help me work things out. You were the one who helped me get through the stress and it killed me to see you leave. But I knew you wanted to and you weren't satisfied with your life on Goodreads...
Instances followed, instances where I tried to stay neutral, but I could feel the darkness at the back of my mind. The idea that I could leave. Forget my Goodreads life. Be rid of the stress it gave me.
But I held out. Probably longer than I should have.
Partially because of my friends, partially because I liked to roleplay. But I mostly stayed because I had a twisted idea that my group couldn't survive without me.
I liked being the head mod. And I had raised that group from, well, when it was a baby. I couldn't stand the thought of leaving it, if only because of nostalgia.
I took my hiatus over the summer, which helped immensely.
But then more drama happened. People came to me for solutions to their problems that I couldn't give without breaking my promise to remain neutral. I felt trapped, as if a room was closing in around me. I had nowhere to go, and this showed on my outward persona.
I ended up making terrible decisions under this stress, demoting Moon, breaking trust...Once I cleared it up...I left.
Over my hiatus, I started to improve. I felt...different, somehow. More confident away from Goodreads. I also had deviantArt, which I started to go on way more than Goodreads. When I came back here, finally, after making enough excuses not to come back, I found that everything was okay. No one had missed me.
Why was I worrying? I don't know. All of my fears were shadows in my mind. They weren't real. But for some reason, I clung to my group. It was...well, it is mine. But Moon and Breeze were doing fine without me. They don't need me.
Goodreads is a place full of memories for me. I love coming on here. But over time, my experience has twisted. Twisted into a darker and deeper place in my mind.
I've started to dread coming on here. I can't explain it, but I don't feel the same happiness I once did on here.
I don't know when it started, but it's resulted in this.
If I don't come back, thank you for making my experience on here a good one.
I've met so many people in my time here. So many people...so many people who made my life brighter. And people who have made my life darker. And people...who have done both.
Some people especially that have treated me well - Kavy with her enthusiasm and bright words. Lorien with her amazing pictures and wonderful advice. Lys with her happiness and loving support. Artful Dodger with your understanding and calming words. Cyn with your beautiful posts and deep thinking.
Mapledream, remember when I said "You're THE Mapledream?" when you first introduced yourself in my group? I've considered you an idol for the past 2 years. You were the first WoF group I had joined, and it was so well constructed. After you deactivated, I wanted my group to be just as big as yours. When you joined my group, I was beside myself with happiness. I mean, it's not every day your senpai approves of your work ^-^.
Tom, I haven't known you for long, but you've already proven yourself to be an amazing person and artist. You sent me support, and I don't even know you that well. Your words brighten my day...thank you so much...
I just...can't think right now. I can't remember everyone or everything...and I hate it. I want to thank each and every one of my friends, but my memory has gone to hell. Please know that I will never forget my experience on Goodreads...and if you ever need me, you'll know where to find me.
I hope that I never lose the connections I've made on Goodreads.
I don't regret anything.
I am Raya, better known as and called by Q on most occasions.
I have been on Goodreads for 2 years. 2 long years filled with memories and friendships.
2 years, that, at long last, have come to an end.
But endings aren't always endings.
Sometimes, they double as beginnings.
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At worst...
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https://anchor.fm/queertime
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My Twitch account is also LoveArdent
and my Instagram account is mt.loveardent
