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by
kavi ~he-him~, Music lover mod
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Dec 04, 2016 12:45PM
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What are OC's?
Queen Of The Books wrote: "Hey!
I am currently writing a sort of fantasy story on fiction press if you want to check it out
It's about a girl who was meant to be sacrificed to the gods but nothing really went right and she ..."
Sounds awesome! I'll check it out.
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@Lizzy I think you are trying too hard to write like another author. The punctuation is killing your fluidity. And some sentences are redundant. You are rushing important exposition."He could smell food, indicating she was cooking for the both like she did after his trips into the woods as usual"
can easily be turned into:
"As he entered the house he was hit with an enticing aroma. His mouth began to water. It was clear to him she was was cooking something they could share in each other's company. One thing he loved about her was that whenever he returned from the woods she would help him forget the day with a savory meal. Even though he had learned to anticipate the event, every time he was hit with the scent of her cooking he became overwrought with ecstasy"
You are putting unnecessary limits on the narrative, and it becomes really hard to follow. And don't think you have to use big words, readers appreciate understanding over intricacy.
That's just what I think, the vampires I read/write about carry magnum revolvers and search for virgin blood to drink.
I am not telling you your ideas are bad. You just aren't using the opportunities you have for character development and worldbuilding. You have big ideas that your writing can't match yet, if you keep writing and more importantly reading then it won't take long. Angel and Buffy are choir boys compared to my man Spike. I think of either him or Alucard(hellsing) when I think vampires.
