Query Letter, 2nd Attempt

[Jamie]

Hey Everyone,
Here is my updated query letter based on feedback from various helpful folks. Any feedback on this new version is appreciated.

Dear Agent,

Until the day blood-red hail rains down over her hometown, Anza Kearney’s biggest worries are getting a scholarship and trying to make her widowed father’s paycheck stretch to cover their expenses. Then red hail falls from the sky, and everyone around Anza begins falling into trances, speaking in tongues, and having seizures.

Most of the town responds to the crisis by embracing the apocalyptic rhetoric of charismatic preacher Pastor Benjamin, but Anza’s skepticism and immunity to the plagues isolate her. When her father falls ill, Anza joins a small group of fellow outcasts searching for a cure. Their investigation uncovers not an earthly illness, but an alien intelligence seeking to communicate through the infected townspeople. This discovery creates a dilemma for Anza: she wants to expose the truth, but she fears the reaction of the panicked townspeople. An outbreak of mob violence confirms Anza’s worst fears that revealing the presence of the visitors will only inflame religious paranoia and start a war between humanity and a far more advanced civilization.

As Pastor Benjamin threatens her and everyone she loves, Anza forges a dangerous alliance, offering the visitors protection in exchange for their help destroying him. But this alliance comes at a high price, one that will be paid by future generations.

YEAR OF THE RED HAIL is a soft science fiction novel complete at 100,000 words. It will appeal to readers of EIFELHEIM and other historical science fiction featuring dual timelines and settings. [MSWL/personalized stuff here]

[Writing Credits here]

Sincerely,
Name

[Carmilla]

I would start at "when red hail appears, (MC NAME)'s father and other towns people fall ill," not all the backstory. Just get into what's going on in the book.

this is how it was explained to me:

"1. Give us a sense of who the MC is before the conflict 2. Give us the conflict and 3. Give us the stakes."

Also I was given solid advice that agents don't pick up any query letters in December & January because of the influx of NaNo novels.

Your book sounds awesome though - 10/10 I'd read it.