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Mount TBR 2014 Challenge discussion
Level 6: El Toro (75 Books)
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Carolyn Pitches A Tent! (Cue The Double-Entendre Snickering)
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Thank you so much, Bev. I remind myself that ill fate or an unkind Lord aren't targeting my baby and that people's deaths can be inexplicable too. I'm tempted to feel like I should have dashed to a vet sooner but it's instinct to see if he improves the first day; alas whatever it was went through a strong 18-pound boy in that day. I'll get through this, relying on faith that only his body expired; never his soul and personality: who he IS. Sweet words like yours contribute to my healing too. It means a lot that you chimed in Bev.I'm so pleased you did something you liked for your birthday and I happened to be on a few sprees recently. One was an out-of-print gem for 25c that Amazon sellers put at $340. Other highs came from stumbling upon the best deals I'd ever seen. A word at a garage sale and we learned of a used store in the next town. Their deal amounts to a haul of books at 2c each. I've no heart at the moment but it will return. I'm going to choose something humorous and uplifting next, like Kate Carlisle, Annette Blair, EJ Copperman. My groove will come back with all of my friends' help and faith that all of our loved ones, physically unseen or not, do continue to live.
It's a hard time to get through, a family tragedy. But 4 days later it is our anniversary (non marital). So with chin up, I'm celebrating a positive event that's important. It'll do us good and we're about to go out. Happy fourteenth anniversary to Ron & I!
Happy fourteenth anniversary, Carolyn! Weirdly, it's mine and my husband's 41st. wedding anniversary today. What a coincidence...
Hello Christine. Happy anniversary to you, Cath! You are married as long as I am alive. You must have married right at 19. Do you still see yourself in that photo? I was THIN at 19 and didn't know at the time I had legs so skinny. Ron & I pushed ourselves to find enjoyment and peace today and managed it, in a lively environment.Thank you, my Australian and English friends for bidding me a good occasion that I'm doing my very best to give its due spotlight. I'll find my smile again soon, I know I will. Lovey must be smiling at us without a need for that dear white form we know so well. I've felt him a little bit already. Anyway my chin has been up to put my heart into lovely occasions like these that are arising. I'll touch base with you both in e-mail and say how I spent my day. Please do the same.
My anniversary has been really nice and Ronnie & I have celebrated it these three days. August 4 we went to a Mennonite museum; not a dusty building but a whole village, with farm critters to pet, authentic heritage buildings. Last night we exchanged our gifts because we wante to continue the spray of happiness through the extremely recent loss of our 4 year-old white cat, Love. See him in my profile picture with me right here.We were surprised by how much relief a very sentimental and positive funeral was for us, which even managed to include Love's six other cat family members; a good hour's service of our own! With songs, messages, and a last walk around our property, highlighting places Love played in especially.
Today, even though Manitobans grow flowers earlier, I sowed Marigolds, zinnias, bachelor's buttons, and wild pink spray flowers around his resting place. We don't like to refer to it specifically as his grave: he isn't there, merely the dear familiar body he no longer needs. Marigold is his Mother and the most glorious part of any flower, Petal, is his orange sister. All of a sudden, I feel like I accomplished something useful and important. I have retired and awakened feeling sick. Now, I feel less heavy in my soul. We even went to the city to see about getting my few cell phone pictures off of a very old Nokia that is unlikely to plug into a CD. We'll try a bluetooth connection with someone's phone that has e-mail capacity and we'll try buying a data package (it's only a pay-as-you-go phone) that will let me attach the photos with a text message, to someone who would e-mail them to me. After heavy grief from July 31 onward, with a little relief in between; I am beginning to feel better and like I could read again.
Congrats on your anniversary! The Mennonite place sounds interesting.It is nice that you had a funeral for Love... I still have moments of missing my first cat Teva who died 7 years ago. Each pet is unique but it is nice that you have your other cat people to help ease your grief.
Pictures are paramount especially after someone's physical form is done, aren't they? Was gazing at Teva's a must? I felt there weren't enough of him this year but there are several good ones. I would have taken a landslide on the kittens' 4th birthday September 7th, the next hard concept to endure (3/4 of them)! :( However you're right I have the others and Ron. They deserve more pictures and attention and celebration of their continuing physical selves.Thank you so much for warm thoughts and reaching out. Yes, the funeral made a huge difference then I sank into despair two days. I planted flowers around the grave yesterday, made a project of it; felt it was one last way to still take care of his physical self. We lost him 5 hours after I saw something was wrong. How could the brain keep up with that? The heart, emotions? He should be here. But I'll make it and those smiling faces are a large part of it.
The Mennonite heritage museum did a lot of good: cows, horsies, chickens, pigs, rabbits, goats, lambs to pet. A windmill to ascend, old farm machinery and vehicles to look at, old town buildings to explore. I made myself take pictures of ourselves, starting with lots of the location. Our anniversary deserves a memory and it worked. It injected spirit and wind into me. Today I'll find something else that does it. I saw William Shatner give a Canadian interview last night (his previous wife was found in a pool you might remember in the news). He said grief is a condition you can only get through; not an isolated state or mood but a condition of generally 1 1/2 year. You made it for Teva, I made it for Thumbelina (it's been 11 years). Despite how wrong and fast Love's death was I'll get through it too. This time, thank goodness I do indeed have other cats and Ron too, surviving it with me.
Thanks to everyone for continued support of a very dear cat. We're pained he physically lived 1/5 of life but is well worth missing. He brightened every day so strongly, the brightness will stay. Time be damned, our love is no smaller. It is so strong he will be remembered all my days.
I don't know when I'll feel like composing reviews, because I do a professional blurb. However I have finished ample titles to list them on another category. I have been grateful to gather kind words here while they came in.
Everything feels in slow motion and dull but when I surge forward with a new thread, I will be close to finishing those 100 books. List only for now until I also feel motivated to review-write.
Sorry to hear that, Carolyn, it takes a while to get over such sad events. Give yourself time. On the plus side, 100 books is absolutely brilliant!
The first week was excruciating. I no longer sleep or awaken, sick and distraught. Dismissing blame / anguish at a cat barely 4 years-old, contributes to healing. I can read again. Reviews will be next. Of all to whom I reached out, so I would be surrounded by good will and support: those who say something also heal me tremendously. Kind words and compassion are an inspiration!
Thanks so much! I can't fathom not seeing Love here and why his physical time was horribly short. But the blame is gone and terrible ache of handling the departure. Happy memories will come. There've been hints of his comfort; just what we need. Any presence of the dearest, gentlest personality in the world.
About returning to reading, I tried a humorous mystery, then a novel about getting through loss and disappointment. Not a 'chicken soup' type I always expected I'd find sappy but a great novel. "The Wishing Jar" wasn't dreary (can't bear 'noir' fiction). Yet the entertainment was in a place in my emotions that it reached me properly and coucilled in the right spots. Even subtracting last week, the hefty goal I have had my sights on is going to be reached. I don't think that's a muscle with room for improvement at our level any more than there's a shortcut to grief (a condition to get through, not an emotion to cure).Increasing my reading has meant immediately starting another when the former concludes, choosing it over TV; which isn't hard with so many great programs I liked, cancelled. I just stretched to 100 books before new year's eve last year. Today in August, I'm only 3 away from 100.
Carolyn, I too read more now that the TV offerings seem so poor. But you are doing awesome at reading from your TBR -- 97 done in mid-August! I keep getting distracted by the library books but have just reached my (much smaller) goal of 24. Perhaps I can reach 36 by New Year's Eve...
Thank you for coming to visit, dear Leslie! It's supportive and gives me a smile, even if we aren't directly talking about Lovey. Anything that makes my posting feel worthwhile and rewarding - that's why I do all of this sharing. I do enjoy conversing and the hardest week of my life, I clung to any words coming my way.I haven't borrowed since I was a child. I gather literature cheaply, so much to explore. There was a small library branch, a bike ride from my parent's home but hours were nitpicky and I wasn't one for bussing downtown. I pondered *running* a library in this town but could't figure out a way to reel in money. I handle my unread and saved books carefully. Too bad not to earn from what we have in abundance! I thought about our gardens but we eat what we grow. There are morale-boosting lines in a novel I finished, "The Wishing Jar". A street fiddler responds to a question about his passion earning quarters at a time: "It isn't about making a living. It's about making a LIFE".
Topics flit by fast. Making sure interested folks don't miss the library and other discussions updated herein.
I hadn't used the public library for decades. Then 2-3 years ago I rediscovered the wonders of a good public library system. And my local branch is only a bit more than a mile from my home so it is convenient. You live in a more rural area so it makes sense that the library isn't convenient in your situation...
Even in Winnipeg my parents were turned off that our small branch had stingy hours. You bet I'm rural; in the forest and 10 miles from my town, at that. Where I used to borrow profusely was at school. (I don't employ it as a synonym for 'university', which deserves a better title for the tuition paid and advanced level reached. I mean SCHOOL ~ nursury to grade 12). It faintly comes back to me that we had "a reading period"; if that means an hour just for pleasure-reading, awesome. Except in most cases my immersion school would demand that the novels be in French (slight disdain because we were mainly Anglophone pupils, thus less enthusiastic about literature, music, and films not in our native language).For personal use, or English class, I borrowed "Alfred Hitchcock & The 3 Investigators" profusely. Being that they went out of print and are in demand, I regret not owning the series in this instance. Otherwise borrowing pleasure reading in English was fine; it was certainly convenient at the school. Would I borrow today if I could? I think it would be a great idea with the first book of a series. If I like it, I could choose to own it. Prior to 1990 when buying records jerked into scarcity, I had a "45 single versus LP" rule-of-thumb. If I only liked a song or two, the 45s were good enough. If there were 3+ great songs, I got the whole 'long play' album.
I guess even though I have 20 some reviews to pen, I should open a new mountain and show our peers what those more recent books are. Always pleased with people stopping by my blog, profile, or discussion threads: Carolyn.
Thank you again to all who commented and joined me herein.
I'm so sorry, Carolyn! It is always difficult to lose a beloved companion--but especially so when it is so unexpected.