it's personal discussion
300+ views
>
A Solivagant on the Inselberg
message 25101:
by
Hallie
(new)
Aug 10, 2021 10:59AM
Aaaaand I got a new job!
reply
|
flag
The Case of My Crappy Dissertation
I'm officially done with my second year at uni. Wohoo! One more year to go, but that also means I need to do start preparing for Masters. Gosh, I have a lot to do.
Anyway, I had to present my dissertation today, and the two professors evaluating us are scary. One joined recently so no idea what species she is (I mean xD), while the other has a lot of research experience. I think the former has a lot of experience too because she does hold a Ph.D, but we just don't know what she is like.
They weren't starting it at all, so I ran downstairs to get takeout for breakfast. Well, that was exactly when they called. I panicked when I realized and joined quickly, but fortunately, they started off with no issues. It was supposed to be a viva-voce + presentation, but when I had finished my presentation, they only had one question to get more clarity on what I had mentioned.
Instead of asking me questions like the Psychology evaluators had for those who did their dissertations in Psych, they gave me feedback on how my methodology could have been optimized. They even complimented what I did and said that my topic and the analysis that I had done was impressive. The professor legit said, "I'm happy with your topic and your work. If you could incorporate this as well, it would have been perfect and explored more parameters." From their exclaims, they really did seem impressed, which I certainly had not expected. I was sure they would be disappointed but the opposite took place.
This gives me so much peace! Especially since my brother thought it was pretty bad work (the topic as well as the results), but these people seemed to like it so much they thought it was worth publishing. Another professor said that he is willing to guide me to get it published, too. So can I just say I'm a lot more elated now.
HR, unfortunately, did not share the same fate as me. Apparently they said that she should have done a photo-magazine instead of dissertation, and straight-up told her that they were disappointed. I feel so bad for her.
I'm still worried about the rest of my exams, though, because I did not do that great. I just hope I get a first-class honours.
Every time someone tries to "get to know me better", they end up saying, "Jeez, your parents fucked you up."
Which is true considering how 3/4th of my issues would never have existed if not for them.
On a different note, there's small chance my paper did get selected for the conference next week.
Hallie wrote: "On a different note, there's small chance my paper did get selected for the conference next week."It got selected. I am soooooo putting this on my CV.
Rapporteur
Are you- are you- are you kidding me?
Not only do I need to present the paper but also need to be the student rapporteur for the entire session that I will be presenting in? I don't even know how to present it. How am I supposed to manage a whole session?
*cries*
I decided to write a separate script for it, but it does look pretty mechanical now. For now, I'm just focusing on including the basic details and doing some background research to find the gender of the presenters (I'll cross check with the director later) so that I can use the right pronouns. That said, I am not looking forward to that aspect of the conference.
Besides, I have an obnoxious zit on my nose, and since this is being conducted online (as it's international), I will have to turn my video cam on and can't hide it with a mask. Ugh!
#firstworldproblems
So for the conference, only 7 are presenting from my uni from undergraduate. Well, technically 8 because one paper is co-authored, but that is from a different department (and only one author is allowed to present). We have 6 from my department, out of which 4 are presenting papers in Psychology and 2 in Journalism. Obviously, mine is in journalism and the other girl doing it is pretty smart. She just realized that she messed up her content analysis and doesn't know what to do. She is freaking out and I'm freaking out for her because I want her to be able to present and publish, too. I have no idea how to help her, though, because her paper is related to advertising, which is not really my field of expertise. Had it been something related to print or even broadcast media, I could have tried, but this is something I'm inept at. Also, my own presentation is going beyond 10 minutes, and I'll have to cut short stuff and practice harder, too, because I'm very, very, very nervous.
Hallie wrote: "RapporteurAre you- are you- are you kidding me?
Not only do I need to present the paper but also need to be the student rapporteur for the entire session that I will be presenting in? I don't e..."
Whew! This got over about 40 minutes ago and I am so relieved now. I spent most of yesterday fighting and crying, so I'm surprised I could handle it.
Also, my mum's back. But the day she left, my cousin and aunt (I think), posted a picture of a woman, who I assume is my relative. I thought she died 'cause they wrote a caption and left a rose, but since I don't know Welsh to read the caption, I had no idea what happened. Turns out she is my grandpa's younger sister (I remember now, I saw her at his funeral wishing she had died before my grandpa - ouch, great-aunt, don't say that!) passed away due to COVID :(
Conference is officially over and I'd really like the certificate please :) So that, you know, I can bother City and Goldsmiths :) Also, finally going back to uni! Wohoo! I'm doing terrible, and I'm really worried about my classes, but as you all know, uni and a career is literally the only thing I'm staying alive for.
The only problem is I don't understand my schedule. How many papers do I have and why do I see literally every single teacher in my department listed in my schedule?
Seriously, what on earth is this? I want to put it up in my Notion page but I don't know what classes I do have and which prof is teaching what.
I've been feeling even more shitty over the past couple of weeks, and it just doesn't look like it's getting any better soon. Hurt myself a lot and almost killed myself last Sunday, but that's a story I don't want to talk about. I feel super demotivated, but apparently work thinks I've been influenced by N to stop being enthusiastic (like what?). Uni is killing me, but I also spent majority of my time outside class just third wheeling behind D and her boyfriend. Everyone points out the dark circles; I feel so ugly; I feel annoying; I feel so dead.
I hate work. Maybe I should quit...
Also, it's annoying to have to tell everyone 'Do it yourself. I'm not talking to her' each time someone tells me to ask/talk to P about something. Like can everybody in final year in the school of arts and humanities at my uni please magically know that I don't want to talk to the girl and we are no longer speaking to each other?
I had to do fucking Math for my psychology practical class -_- I still do not understand fractions and decimals and every fucking thing in Math. How I passed year 13 Math without even understanding elementary school Math will forever remain the biggest mystery in my life.
N wants to go out and get me a tattoo tomorrow, but I don't know what to get. My parents will have head if they know, so I'll have to get a small one on my ribs (the thought of the pain is terrifying, but gotta do what you gotta do).
Playing the Fool
"What that is so fucked up happened to you that you're like this?"
*laughs nervously*
To start off, HF met with an accident last Friday, but some of our classmates are being so fake and vain that it's stressing her out. Uni is pretty stressful already since we're in our final year, so I constantly have to tell her to just focus on herself for now. I'm pretty scared for her, though.
I had two hours off during the middle of the day, so I hung out with N at her place. It was nice. We smoked, she figured out that I'm an obstinate and messed up person, and I met her ex (who she is still friends with). The last was awkward because he could not understand why I don't like food and kept interrogating me on that.
I lost my peaceful day right after I came back to campus. We went to get some documents from the office with a couple of other classmates, and the staff member gave it out by collecting our register numbers and taking one document from three separate bundles. I got the document from the first bundle, but when he handed the set of documents from the second, everyone else but me got it. I told the guy and I quote, "I'm giving one by one. Wait." Pretty rude tone to be honest. We were already late for class at this point.
He handed the documents from the third bundle and once again, I didn't get mine while everyone else did. I told him, but he said that my classmates have it since he gave out everyone's. So I ran after my classmates, who were off to a different class, and requested them to check once again, but they didn't have it. I went back to him and he said, "No, I've given everyone's. Call your classmates back. They are playing the fool with you. I am not playing the fool with you."
Dear sir, nobody can fucking "play the fool" with me.
I asserted that they do not have it, but he yelled at me and told me to call my classmates back because they have my documents. I was really late to class, so I demanded that he shows me evidence in front of me. He went to the counter yelling at me, took out the two bundles I was supposed to get the documents from, and looked through them saying, "Call your classmates."
"First show me."
He stopped and stared, then slowly handed a document to the man who was sitting beside him and said, "Umm, give this to her." The man slowly handed it to me, and I asked, "Well, where is this coming from?" He thinks since he is a member of the staff and I'm just a student, he is superior and incapable of making mistakes. Pretty much the attitude of half the so-called grown ups on this society.
He looked through the second bundle and found my document there as well. "My mistake," her mumbled. Yeah, if you were capable to realising that you also mistakes and the students aren't always in the wrong, you'd have saved both our time and energy, you asshole. I grabbed it, walked away without even saying thank you (I make it a point to say it everywhere applicable, but this guy did not deserve it in my opinion), and that's when a classmate from my photography class (who was around while I was initially asking him why he hadn't given me the documents) asked what happened. I was really fuming, so she had to calm me down first.
Such things really get on my nerves. I don't have a problem with him making a mistake. Mistakes happen since we're all human beings, and I was willing to be patient and tolerant if he didn't have such a huge sense of superiority governing his behaviour. It would have saved him time if he had checked his error the very first time I had mentioned that he hadn't given it to me. He didn't, but it's still fine. Once again, mistakes happen. He could have checked once more before trying to pass the buck on someone else. Nope. He started yelling and blaming my classmates and me without even considering that he could be wrong. I repeatedly told him that they don't have it, but he still continued to blame us for his mistake. That's what infuriated me.
I missed half of my photography class and I've been in a bad mood since then. It's not even a big deal, but it just irks me so much.
My free hour at uni had the following snippets of conversation:
"What are your grades like? Do you get good grades?"
"I mean, they're okay."
"What's your grade?"
*tells grade*
"Woah! Do you get good grades? Damn, that's a great one."
___
This part, I love a bit too much:
*listens to me rant about how my parents did not name me right*
"Wait, so are you the eldest or the youngest?"
"Youngest."
"How old is your brother?"
"28."
Pause.
"I think both of you were accidents. On your way home today, stop by the pharmacy, get condoms, and give them to your dad. And get your mum pills."
I still haven't stopped laughing.
Also, my classes got over 2 hours before it was supposed to today and I actually managed to get back home early without spending any cash, so today was not bad.
It's been 10 days since uni began for me, and staying at home for one Saturday made me realize why I like going to that place. I hate it here.
I got an email from Goodreads with the old "If you're seeking help for these feelings, or if you just need to talk to someone, please reach out to counselors at one of the services listed below." I don't really remember what I said that caused someone to to flag it.Also, I got screwed so bad for being pessimistic and hard on myself (not my words) that the person ended up freaking out for saying all of that to me. I'm laughing and crying.
Aand apparently now my MBTI personality type is ISTJ :/ I've given up on that.
My fourth semester results came out yesterday, and I still keep staring at it.
I've had it with SF skipping class like this. She literally does not even turn up and I'm done covering for her if she won't put in any effort.
Do I need a psychiatrist's prescription to get antidepressants/anxiety pills? I can't keep having these many "days".I know it's better to go to one, but everyone knows I'm too stubborn (and broke) for that.
My dentist's appointment was supposed to be five minutes ago, but I'm still 10 minutes away from home, which is like 15 minutes away from the clinic.
Wonder what disappointing news I'll get this time.
Alright, I want to get a small tattoo on my ribs on Wednesday. What do I get, though?
The catch is that since it's going to be on my ribs, it will only be seen by someone I fuck. So it's got to mean something to both him and me.
Not my mum randomly saying, "Does SF also work the same way at home like you do? I doubt it."
I am so close to already getting rejected by Goldsmiths. I'm crying :(
Does the above comment even make sense? I dunno. My brain is too fuzzy. I've been functioning on autopilot for weeks.
I sort of fucked up my sleep schedule last week t study for my exams, so I was tired for a couple of days. It was so bad that I could barely walk or stay conscious without feeling intense pain at the back of my head, so that's one reason why I may have failed half my exams. The other is because I didn't fucking study.
I finally have a great opportunity to relax and get some work done, but all I do is play a series on the laptop while mindlessly scrolling through my phone.
Guess who can is finally going to get her braces off!!!!!
I'll still have them on for a month, but they made a special appointment to for me to remove it, so I should definitely get them off next month!
I'm so ecstatic even though I had a very tiring day at uni running around to with a letter to collect two documents for my passport.
It's a pain and I made two trips to the administration department, two to the teacher's lounge, and three to my department's office. I still need to get clearance for fee dues - it's literally just one signature after verifying that I have indeed paid for uni these three years, but the queue in that office was sooo long that if I didn't leave, I'd have been even more late to my orthodontist's appointment. Also, I might need to get a clearance from the library, too, even though I've never borrow a book from there :/ In a nutshell, I'll be running around the campus again during my breaks tomorrow.
Hallie wrote: "Guess who can is finally going to get her braces off!!!!!"Not me making a countdown just for this because I cannot wait!
It's been 2 years and 7 months. I'm tired of them.
Me: *actually becomes happy about something*Life: Nuh-uh, Hallie. You ain't allowed to do that.
"You seem happy today. It's nice."I was just not sad or anxious today.
Life Updates
• The school I attended for the last two years of high school is in trouble. They risked the safety of students by not following COVID-19 rules, and being the malevolent person I am, I'm ecstatic that they finally got caught for their bullshit. Of course, I feel bad for the students and it was definitely reckless of the school to do that, but they have finally been reported. Although they did pay the media to not reveal the name, so the new report says: "A prominent school in the heart of the city". *coughs* I instantly knew it had to be either mine or the place H went to.
• I have a billion assignments to do, a Masters program exam to take, uni exams to study for, two internships to juggle, and write an interview piece for my City University application. I need a topic to investigate for the interview piece, so I'm kind of stuck. Suggestions are always welcome.
• I also didn't eat proper meals or drink more than one glass of water for nearly three weeks, and basically lived on cigarettes, so my physical health is now bad along with my mental health. Fun :)
• Also, I will clearly suck at long distance relationships. And relationships in general.
• I feel tired all the time (because you're dehydrated, Hallie)
• On a more positive note, I'm supposed to get my braces off on Tuesday, so yay! :)
My dumb ass skipped uni for an ortho appointment and ended up doing my classmate's assignment in a class I'm not even in.
Gotta love how everyone at uni is always telling me that they're grateful for my help but my family is always yelling at me about how ungrateful I am because I never help.
Hallie wrote: "Gotta love how everyone at uni is always telling me that they're grateful for my help but my family is always yelling at me about how ungrateful I am because I never help."Now that explains my existential crisis :)
I have an hour until my ortho appointment, and I'm nervous that they'll postpone getting them off :(
My teeth are officially out of prison :)
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (other topics)Lore (other topics)
The Glass Menagerie (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
Orlando (other topics)
More...
