it's personal discussion
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A Solivagant on the Inselberg
Hallie wrote: "Cause I'm feeling extremely suicidal again."i know you may not want help or are ashamed f geting help, bu prehpas you should get soem help if you are feelingos low it can help. please i dont want anykne to feel this wayi have experienced suicidal thoughts a lot and tried to act on them but nevr did it. i worry for you cuz your emntal state seems to be deterioting. i hope you find happier moments and remember storms dont last forever one day we shall lookback na dbe proud of how hard we tried even though we were struggling. keep fighting girl x
Oh, don't worry about replying late! Candidly, I'm not as active as I used to be either.Thanks! Hope you're doing good, though. I can't really afford getting help right now, and I don't really trust the people I can probably approach. This pandemic situation isn't helping that much, so I'm pretty much just hanging my life on a thin piece of string hoping there will be a positive change before I let go of the string.
But what I want to say is that I'm trying to hang in there. I really appreciate your concern, though.
My mum called us ungrateful children because we forgot to save one Pringle for her to taste.That guy me a lot because I once got into real trouble and some shitty yelling for trying to share food amongst my family.
And it's not like I deliberately didn't save it for her. She usually says no to chips in general and it was a flavour that she didn't like in a different company's junk food, so it didn't occur to me that she would want to try it. I really, really forgot.
Anybody with experience with rubber bands and braces? I'm supposed to get them on Wednesday, and I don't know what to expect.
I'm doing okay. I was just worried about youm I live in the uk and am a full student so mental health therapist are free which I'm grateful for.
I have access to free therapy, too, but something went wrong and a classmate recommended trying private counselling instead.
ahh okay. that's unfortunate hopefully everything goes well and you have happier days
Thanks! Here's to hoping.
All I've been doing today is freaking out and watching Emma Louise's videos. I should have done this a year back, though, when I first got braces, because she documented her journey and has some pretty great tips.
I don't think I mentioned, but this is weirdo I met up Kik kept behaving childishly and then proceeded to bash me for being "unresponsive". He was so cynical that he said he doesn't believe my name is what I say it is. *slaps forehead* Apparently things "don't add up about me" because the guy thinks his assumptions are how the rest of the world works.
I ended up not getting elastics. Dang! :(
Yaaay I got my first choice for my open elective this semester! :) This would have been more fun if we were actually in campus because N as well as P got in the same elective, too.
If it isn't my favourite month of the year - August!
It has my birthday :)And if the tradition continues, I'll try to kill myself again.
But since I'm still here, you could say that my biggest achievement in the month of August in the past few years is getting high.
Hallie wrote: "But since I'm still here, you could say that my biggest achievement in the month of August in the past few years is getting high."Lets just say that ive gotten high but never gotten high. I smoke it but i never get truly high because I keep doing it wrong. Im such an idiot
sara wrote: "Hallie wrote: "But since I'm still here, you could say that my biggest achievement in the month of August in the past few years is getting high."Lets just say that ive gotten high but never gotte..."
Ooo this was me the first time I tried it. I was high but I didn't get high - I ended up found better the next time, though, and surprisingly enough, not addicted.
Constantly reminding everyone in this household that next Sunday is my birthday so they should all shut the fuck up.
This sucks, though... I finally know cool people to celebrate with but a pandemic arrives to ruin my dreams :/
Now I officially have a fifth Literature professor to impress.
I want to talk to someone, but at this point, literally any topic triggers me, so I don't want to talk to anyone.
But my head is so crowded and heavy and I just don't feel like going on.
I really don't want to live with myself.
Every time someone tries to talk to me, all I want to say is: "End me now."
Let's See...
I feel like I've been seeing things lately. I've been a bit of a paranoid mess for a few years now, but this time it's just so confusing.
There was this time, which I mentioned before, when I saw and felt my brother touching my leg late at night and me pushing his hand off. (Just to clarify - not in a sexual way; it felt more like he was dreaming and moved in his sleep.) Seconds later, I began to doubt that it was real even though it felt very real.
I've previously sworn that I saw something else - especially during exams, but this time my memory is more confident because very little time passed before I realized that something was off.
The first incident took place yesterday. I was making a list of groceries on Amazon and Mum told me to look up a specific brand of toothpaste. It was listed, but when I went to add it to cart, I read that it was currently unavailable. I also told her that before closing that tab to recheck the other products on the page. Mum launched a whole talk on how hard it is to find that, and as I listened, I looked at the toothpaste again. It showed in stock. Barely two minutes had passed and my last braincell was so confused.
The second incident took place just a little while ago. I was reading a book and I distinctly remember reaching chapter 13. I was a few pages in when I had to leave and go somewhere. I resumed the book as soon as I was back, and I reached the end of the chapter - the next chapter was 13. I remember starting 13, but it wasn't the same as this 13.... I don't get it.
Hallie wrote: "I ended up not getting elastics. Dang! :("Elastics are the absolute worst, I’ve had braces for the past four years and yet still my front teeth aren’t perfect. And my parents both have literal perfect teeth, why’d I get so unlucky?
Hallie wrote: "sara wrote: "Hallie wrote: "But since I'm still here, you could say that my biggest achievement in the month of August in the past few years is getting high."Lets just say that ive gotten high bu..."
The next time I get high I’ll come back and see if my prospects have gotten any better. Weirdly enough it’s my birthday today as well lol
sara wrote: "Hallie wrote: "I ended up not getting elastics. Dang! :("Elastics are the absolute worst, I’ve had braces for the past four years and yet still my front teeth aren’t perfect. And my parents both ..."
So I heard, but I'd just like to be done with it. Oh gosh, that's a lot! I've only had braces for a little over a year, and while I'm sick of having them, it's certainly working for me. Same, though! Both my parents have perfect teeth - well almost, Mum doesn't have any real teeth now - but my brother and I got similar kinds of fucked up teeth which makes us believe that one or both of their genes are at fault.
sara wrote: "Hallie wrote: "sara wrote: "Hallie wrote: "But since I'm still here, you could say that my biggest achievement in the month of August in the past few years is getting high."Lets just say that ive..."
Haha! I actually remembered that it was your birthday yesterday
Hallie wrote: "sara wrote: "Hallie wrote: "I ended up not getting elastics. Dang! :("Elastics are the absolute worst, I’ve had braces for the past four years and yet still my front teeth aren’t perfect. And my ..."
Its good its working for you. Im telling you im pretty sure it will work wonders. Amount of friends I have that are now grinning at me with their perfect teeth LOL. The dentist told me my teeth are to big for my mouth so thats why ill never get straight straight teeth. My bottom teeth are all fine and straught but my top teeth one is slightly infront of the other, and the tooth next to it is under so its not all that cute but oh well.
Hallie wrote: "sara wrote: "Hallie wrote: "sara wrote: "Hallie wrote: "But since I'm still here, you could say that my biggest achievement in the month of August in the past few years is getting high."Lets just..."
It was alright I got some money and sweets so! And also ur birthdays coming up soon as well hehe. I remember that back from the old group we all used to talk on lol. Happy birthday to your mum! Why was it closed?
sara wrote: "Hallie wrote: "sara wrote: "Hallie wrote: "I ended up not getting elastics. Dang! :("Elastics are the absolute worst, I’ve had braces for the past four years and yet still my front teeth aren’t p..."
Yup, it is. Although that really sucks for you, though. This is such a huge pain and even though it's working well for me, I think it's a waste. I'd be even more disappointed if I'd never get the results I was told I'd get.
sara wrote: "Hallie wrote: "sara wrote: "Hallie wrote: "sara wrote: "Hallie wrote: "But since I'm still here, you could say that my biggest achievement in the month of August in the past few years is getting hi..."Cool! Yup, in a couple of hours xD She says thanks. I'm not very sure why it was closed, but I'm guessing it has something to do with the pandemic.
Wrong Date
This isn't even that funny, but I laughed like crazy.
I woke up this morning, took a bath, had breakfast, and opened my phone to watch it blow up with notifications and a missed call from P. I didn't even have to read any to figure out what was going on - P got my birthday wrong. She really can't remember birthdays, so I'm not surprised, but it was funny because she put up a story on Instagram and some people who saw it followed suit, which they deleted before I saw. One girl even wished me personally and I was like, "It's tomorrow, though". She claims the phone call was to wish my mum happy birthday, but am I sceptical? Yup.
The strangest part wasn't that, though. It was what happened hours later.
I was working on something for uni when a guy I went to school with messaged me. He was one of the boys who actually spoke to me casually, so we got along fine. He left my school in year 9 without warning and I've always wondered why and where he went, but of course, being me, I never asked.
Now his birthday is on September 9th. He used to always point out how our birthdays were exactly one month apart - although he is one year older. We legit haven't talked in ages, and he was so sure my birthday is either today or tomorrow. S, H, and another girl are the only ones who remember my birthday (and that I exist), and none of them talk to him, so he definitely remembered on his own. Let me just say I was very surprised and pleased. I mean, I remember birthdays pretty well, but I rarely ever bother to wish people even when I know it's their birthday. I never expected anyone except those three people to bother wishing me, so this was certainly unexpected.
Albeit I do feel like absolute shit and am too anxious to be alive right now. I hate being sad on my birthday (because it's the one day I force myself to ignore everything and be 'normal'), but I have a very strong feeling that I'm going to have a terrible day tomorrow.
Everything I was afraid of happened on my birthday, so yup, it sucked.
Anyway,Grandma: It was cousin gets S4's birthday on Sunday.
Mum: It was Hallie's birthday on Sunday!
Grandma: Cousin S4 cut cake and stuff.
Mum: Yeah, Hallie showed me.
Grandma: Didn't you get Hallie any cake?
Mum: Hallie hates cake....
Grandma: So what did you do?
Mum: Random stuff that she doesn't explicitly hate.
Grandma: Has she put on any weight?
Mum: Nope. Still a skinny stick.
Me: What the....?!?!
Hi! Sorry you said your birthday didn't go well. How've you been despite?
Ugh don't ask! How have you been, though? :)
I'm good, but I feel like soon I won't be XD I guess I'll try and enjoy the clam before the storm. I hope that you have a good day soon though! :)
Ooh, I get you! I hope you don't have to face something bad, though.Thanks!
They removed my mum's fake teeth thingy for two weeks and now she reminds me of Grandma. And I almost got mauled by a dog because my brother almost made me get takeout. Mum was worried because she doesn't trust me to stay alive and not catch COVID-19.
And online classes are a fucking pain.
So today I decided to take a look at my teeth more closely, and holy shit, they look almost perfect. If the extraction gaps weren't there, I swear I'd have said that I could remove it and get a retainer because I would then have perfect teeth - at least in my mind. I honestly didn't have a huge problem with how fucked up my teeth used to be in comparison with the family of idiots I'm related to, so it doesn't matter as much to me than it does to them.I'm going to the orthodontist on Wednesday, so I really hope I get elastics. I know they suck, which is why I just want to be done with them.
hello, hallie. it's been a while. ^^ how are you?
Heyyyy! How've you been? As for me:
I signed up for a webinar thinking it's today, but it's on Friday. And I wrote an essay without realising that there was a word limit, and now it's twice the length that it should be.What is wrong with me?
Have that dentist appointment tomorrow (it got postponed and hopefully doesn't get postponed again), and reallyyyyyyy need those rubber bands please!
Hey Hallie! It's been awhile- how are you doing today? :)
Hey Jellybean! Not sure if you remember this, but 
I'm doing crazy, but whatever. How have you been? :)
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (other topics)Lore (other topics)
The Glass Menagerie (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
Orlando (other topics)
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Thanks for asking - both of you. Honestly, it's been shitty. It's been some very rough weeks, and I can see more turbulence coming my way, and I've already..."
no problem sorry for the late reply im not very active ongoodreads. i hope you have happier days. girl cuz u deserve them