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A Solivagant on the Inselberg
message 23351:
by
Hallie
(new)
Sep 03, 2019 07:14AM
Even though I'm freezing and I badly want a drink.
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I mean I wish I had some good friends. . . I hope people are treating you right Hallie. :)
😅😅😅 Well.... There is no "right" way to treat me, so everyone will mess up anyway.
I went to uni for two days and fell sick 😥😷
I push away every person who tries to talk to me and then complain that I'm lonely.
Did I mention that I might or might not have a boyfriend now?
Hallie wrote: "Did I mention that I might or might not have a boyfriend now?"WAIT OMG
I'm not sure if we're an official couple, but yeah.
I do not regret this at all :) No, I'm not being sarcastic. These are the perfect subjects for me. Except uh, Irish, but that's soft core and screw that.
And I finally get to study French again! :) I went to my mum and said, "I have mandatory French certification!" And she was like, "Well, you would have gone for French even if it wasn't mandatory."
You're back!!!!!!!! :DYeah, I still wanna die, so nope - absolutely nothing's changed.
I'm not really back lol. Just popping on every once in a while. I average almost 40hrs a week at work on top of school and other shit.
Maggie!!!!!! I've missed you, too!!! 💖Ness, you're here! Even if it's for a short bit, at least you're here to acknowledge that you haven't dropped off the face of the earth. Albeit seriously, Ness, 40 hours a week????
Mhmm... 40 hours a week of work... have to do about 28 hours of school a week... I'm a dead woman walking
Aaaand once again, you're overworking yourself!!! I understand it's the cash, but seriously Ness, take a break! Please!
So I've been trying to avoid interacting with everyone in my class by always reading, but now people talk to me to ask how I read so much.... Mission failed :/
I'm loving my majors and I'm somewhat living that dream I had since I was 10, I have a guy who I can annoy the heck of, I'm finally 18, I have almost everything I've wanted (except for a car and license, but I'll get that soon). Then why do I feel so empty? Why am I so pathetic?
All my life, I've wanted to this, and when I finally did - when I'm finally allowed follow my *passion* and write, I can't frame a freaking sentence!
14 hours today. only an hour break. please kill me.
Not quitting. my job is practically my life at this point.
even if it is also killing me... I feel sicker than a dog.
Something that's killing you isn't your job!But I don't think I can convince you to stop.... Take care. I'm really worried...
Annoying Examples
I am up at this hour because I just cannot sleep. I cannot breathe, I cannot think. I'm going insane. I don't feel right - like everything is crumbling and I'm not supposed to exist. It's a crazy feeling. So I thought I'd talk about yesterday because I haven't posted stuff about my life at uni.
Yesterday was strange. It took forever, but I managed to talk to a girl who is from the same school as me, and now she usually drags me around wherever she goes. The people I sit near also talk to me sometimes out of pity or something, so I'm not as lonely as I was last week. I mean they have my number and text often, so that's that.
So my first class was Irish and that girl, let's call her F, and I coincidentally met up near the elevator. We were chilling outside our classrooms till the director of our department shooed at away. She had a different class, so I was all alone in Irish. I do know some people, but I just don't bother talking to them. And the class was boring. I simply do not understand anything the teachers say. I wanted to take optional English, but thanks to my stupid parents who compelled me to take Irish in school even though I wanted French, I'm forced to take Irish due to the rules. It makes me so annoyed. I was daydreaming the whole time.
Then I went to journalism class, but my teacher told us to go to the media lab. I spotted F walking in while I was still removing my shoes, and was following her when another girl, the CR, called my name out and gestured me to sit next to her. I tried to explain I'll be fine, but she insisted. She has been trying to get me to talk on multiple occasions ever since the second day at uni when she noticed that I was a loner. I actually had fun because we got to watch a movie called Nightcrawler, and thanks to her, I could watch it from the front. Although we both felt that the main guy resembled Loki, and I couldn't help thinking about Shine here.
Anyway, after that, I did not get my daily cup of tea, so that might have been one reason why I was a bit cranky. I tried to eat the lunch my mum made, which I don't like, and it tasted so bad that I took it back home. In my Psychology class, we were found stuff that I learnt in year 11 Biology, so I personally found that easy to grasp. I was supposed to talk to another Psychology teacher, but she didn't show up, so that pissed me off as well. However, Literature class was awesome. We're doing Macbeth and I'm loving it! It's so fun! And since I read it numerous times and almost enacted it with H and S, I already know a lot of the details.
During lunch, I got myself a roll and sat with F while eating. However, she began to complain about the sun (which barely even comes out) burning her and that she would get tanned. As we were walking back to our block, she said, "Hallie, you don't really care about your skin, do you?" Nah! Coffee Boy is more conscious about his skin getting tanned more than me.
So then we had a soft core class on environment, and there were two groups of people doing presentations. My group is next and I have no idea how I'm going to survive. My team leader is a self-centred jerk, we haven't really started anything, and I am a freaking outcast. There is only one other girl in that group I've talked to and she rarely even shows up to class, so I'm just screwed. I think I'll start panicking even before I get on stage.
My last class was Psychology lab, which has about 20 people. Exactly five people showed up outside the locked classroom. I stood there reading my book while another guy, C, seemed upset and was listening to songs as he stared at random objects. The other three left to get something to eat, so the two of us were left alone. Remember C. He's important. Why? Well, I was snooping around his Instagram when I noticed that C and Coffee Boy know each other. There are chances because they do have similar backstories - being from the same country and living in Wales for two years. I want to know how they know each other, but I don't know if I should ask either one of them. It feels awkward to ask C, and I don't think I should directly ask Coffee Boy. Drunk me came to that conclusion, and sober me agrees.
So one of the people came back and called for C, then told us that there might not be class. She suggested that we all leave, and I asked her if she was sure. C removed his earphones and said, "I've been meaning to ask you. Which book are you reading?" I told him and he asked how it was. Then he asked what books I suggest, and we began talking. The girl, though, said, "Hallie, you're so quiet. How do you do that? I can't." I tried to explain, "Well, I speak when I'm spoken to." C asked if I was an ambivert, but I poorly explained that I was just super introverted. We continued to talk about books.
On the way, we bumped into the other two and one of the Psychology teachers, and this stupid person went and asked if we could leave. We should have just left. The teacher ended up sending us back to class and arranging for a substitute. Ughh.... Now here's the funny part. C and I were walking in front talking about the books we've read, and as we entered the classroom, he asked, "Do you find some of our classmates annoying?" I was like, "Why are you asking me that?" And then he said, "I just want your honest opinion." So I said, "Yeah, some of them." He turned around to look at me and asked, "Example?"
I was screwed. The people I find annoying is the clique he usually hangs out with, and I don't think I should trust him with that piece of information. Something happened and that topic for interrupted. I stood there staring at my phone and he said, "If you want, you can sit next to me. *insert name of that noisy girl* will most likely come beside me, and I don't want that." She did sit behind us, though, and I pointed out how loud she was to which she grinned saying that I was calm and we were like polar opposites. Then we proceeded to do the experiment. Only she and C got to do it because we had an event, and two people wanted the teacher to let us go to participate in that. C came back to tell me that the experiment was fun, and asked if I play any instrument. I told him I play keyboard. He plays guitar and my skills are terrible, so I decided against telling him that.
Then the teacher let us go and I grabbed my earphones, put it in, played some depressing music, went down and called F to ask if she was still in the campus. She was there with two other friends, and she directed me to the place they were. When I got there, I saw them looking in the direction opposite to the one that I came from (because I took a different route to get there), and they were like, "Where is she? She said she's coming. Can you see her?" I gave them a heart attack by standing in front of them. Yeah, they hate me already.
So I just sat next to them listening to my music and avoiding the selfies they were taking. Finally, because I was feeling way to low, I called Coffee Boy. He had called me on Saturday, but I said I couldn't talk, and since I felt horrible, I decided to call him. I knew he would say this: "Oh my gosh, you called me!?" I just he he would say it. F noticed me talking and began to make lovey-dovey faces, and I glared at her before bidding them au revoir to go to the bus and talk to him. It was nice, but I still felt like crap. I still feel like crap. Kind of just..... Agh!
After I got home, though, things were worse. My brother wanted me to get him tissues late at night, and my parents did not like the idea. He ended up going himself and seemed pretty pissed about that because his facial expressions and the way he angrily dropped the cans of water my mum was trying to bring up at the same time suggested that.
So that was my day yesterday.
There's this creative writing internship thingy that I want to do, but I don't know if my parents will let me do it without ridiculing me.
Why do I still live with these people?
Coffee Boy said he'd pick me up after uni tomorrow, but I'm chickening out right now.....
Books! Books! Books!
Today was kind of full. I spotted F as I was walking to my first class, and went to say hello when she said, "Previously, you didn't care. You'd just walk off." What are you talking about, F??? We met her friends from the legal studies department and then went to our classes. Journalism was fun because we were doing an analysis of newspapers.
I kind of lied to Coffee Boy last night because I freaked out. I have no excuse, and yes, it's completely despicable, but that's me. So I was really restless the whole day - annoying my friends to extents with my book talk. They hate me.
But then, here's the highlight of the day. I was reading American Gods, and this girl, who had previously said that she'd get me more books to read, tapped my shoulder and said, "I have a lot of books for you. I'll give them to you later." I was soooooo happy! I mean she came back from her dorm with three books and gave them to me, and I cried, "You're amazing! I love you! You're officially my new best friend!" So now they know exactly how to bribe me....
I just finished one of the books that she gave, and whole I want to finish the other two and return them this week, your stupid girl did not do her script writing, so now she has to work her ass off for that.
I had an interesting day at uni today, but I have too much work for tomorrow and I'm too exhausted for it.
3 Assignments
Since I couldn't write about yesterday, I'll start with that first.
When I walked into my first class yesterday, the CR who keeps trying to make me talk as mentioned here, called me over to the seat beside her. She said she was alone, and even though she could go and sit with anyone because she knows everyone, she still insisted that I sit with her because she wanted the know me better or something? Well, I didn't allow quite have proper friends, and I'm trying to antagonize the people I usually hang out with, so I sat with her. That was the best decision I ever made. Let's call her P from now on. Unlike others, she thinks the same way as me about our majors, and loves all of them. Unlike F, she thinks Macbeth is amazing. Unlike F, she thinks journalism is fun. Unlike F, she has never done psychology before, but finds it fascinating. And I agree with all my heart!
During one class, we were told to divide ourselves into pairs and present a telephonic conversation in the afternoon session. P asked if I wanted to be her partner, and since F wasn't there, I agreed without hesitation. Our topic wasn't much fun, though. One team was assigned the a situation where they were supposed to try to get Hulk to save the day, but Bruce Banner refused to put him on the phone. P and I wanted something fun like that as well, but no such luck, so we just rolled with what we had.
In journalism, we got to continue watching Nightcrawler. Boy, that guy! P and I were actually sitting under the table hidden in the dark, but the teacher came in and made us move it, so our cozy place went away. After that class, we went to P's place to work on our assignment. That was super fun and since I had never been to someone's PG before, it was interesting to see how she lived. Except now I want to pack her a lunchbox everyday because the food she gets clearly sucks.
Then we rushed back to present it. We were the first to present it, and I was a nervous wreck. I totally screwed up, but the teacher still told us that we did a good job. Some of the other presentations were amazing. I don't know.... The whole day was just so nice till then. After that, I went to journalism lab, and we ended up with a huge group assignment due Monday. And yeah, I do not like group assignments whatsoever. Somehow I volunteered to do calligraphy for the titles, which leads us to the next part of my story.
So when I got home, I had to find my calligraphy pen, write that, and work on another presentation that was to be done today (I'll get to how this went later). The problem was that my pen and ink bottle dried, and after fidgeting for an eternity, I ended up with inky fingers and soles of my foot (don't ask how that happened.) I slept really late because I was exhausted but restless. It was just too much to take in at once.
Today, however, was both good and horrible. The morning was really nice. We had two normal classes and both the teachers only took class for five minutes, so it wasn't heavy. Then we had a guest lecture on hypnotherapy, which was really good! We went down to the hall to see it filled with students. P asked if it was the Psychology guest lecture, and guess what the people did! They just stared right back without uttering a single word. We were so confused and amused because they didn't even have any expressions on their faces. Before it started, P was fooling around with her phone camera and managed to get pictures of my ugly face, so that's a bummer. And she ended up making a meme out of her own picture after one girl saw one of her expressions and said, "You have two expressions on the same face!" During the lecture, P volunteered to do an impromptu roleplay, and we got that on video. She was hilarious! The guest also performed to demonstrations: getting rid of a phobia and lightening the feeling of guilt/regret. One girl volunteered to get help for her acrophobia, while another girl who is in my classes, volunteered for the second one. Both say they had pretty good results, and the one afraid of heights even tested to check if it worked. Apparently she did great.
Then I was going to go along with P again when my team leader called me back to class to discuss our presentation. It was stupid, and I was freaking out. The problem with my group is that I'm an outcast and hence no one pays attention to what I have to say. So I just wanted to get this done with.
The next hour, I was out doing the journalism activity, and I started to try the calligraphy. We got everything sorted out, but my pen refused to work. Everyone around me was so fascinated and were staring with so much interested, but my pen kept acting up, and I ultimately gave up on it. I ended up only contributing with content. I did nothing else - except get coloured paper from the stationary. If only I had a better pen.... That sucked, and I felt worthless for two whole hours. In the middle of this, I also went for my presentation, but managed to get nervous and messed that simple stuff up. I kept staring at the walls and my book while speaking, forgot everything I had to say, and stammered too much. Ughhhh....
"Boy, don't call me angel
You ain’t got me right
Don't call me angel
You can't pay my price
Ain’t from no Heaven
Yeah, you heard me right (Yeah, you heard me)
Even though you know we fly (Though you know we)
Don't call me angel."
~ Don't Call Me Angel, Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus & Lana Del Rey
P is too persuasive. She managed to make me change my profile picture to something she took yesterday.
Sadistic Experimenter
Over the weekend, we ended up throwing away the mattress my brother and I sleep on. We have the cot, but no mattress. So I've been sleeping on the settee for the past two nights, and it was fine. My dad nearly carried me to his bed Saturday night, but I ended up sleeping there anyway.
Last night, I had just switched off the lights and was waiting for my phone to charge when I saw my group leader's message that we have to present the rest of our presentation on Monday. It was already 11, and none of us were prepared, so we were all doomed. I downloaded a couple of last minute searches and went to bed. It took me forever to fall asleep, but when I finally did, I had one of the best dreams. I don't remember much, but I do remember that I was smoking and moreover, I was happy. Alas, it came to an end and I woke up in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep. By the time I fell asleep again, Mum was already up, so I only got to sleep for about an hour.
So my mood was bad. My dad dropped me to the bus stop, though, so I did not have to walk - albeit we did reach there a bit later than I usually like to be there. I didn't miss my bus, so it was fine I guess. I was just annoyed that I had to sit near this annoying group of friends because there were very few seats left. When I got to uni, I forgot that I had Irish and spent about ten minutes reading in the wrong class. But I realized that before class had started, so it didn't cause any problems. Although I did not understand a thing in Irish, so......
After this comes the super packed part. In journalism, we were told to continue to work because we had to submit it for a guest lecture in the afternoon. We hurried through everything, and all I did was make borders for letters and stuff. Eventually we finished it, but it took us all our free time. P didn't even have time to go to her dorm for lunch, so she ate one of my pancakes.
Remember the presentation I had? Well, that we supposed to be at the same time as the guest lecture, and since most of the class was there, I didn't know whether or not I had to go to present it. I ended up calling my teacher and asking, so I suppose now we can present it on Friday. The lecture, though, was nice. He wanted it to be an interactive question, and that led to a series of questions. One of the final questions ended up offending him even though it was a very valid one. He tried not to show it, but it did offend him, and we wanted a better answer.
Oh, and throughout the day, I wasn't talking much to F. I must have said around two sentences, and even though she tried to make place for me in the hall, I didn't even tell her what I was up to and finally sat where P had reserved a seat for me. F and the others did have to shift their places later, though, but the point is that I look like I'm trying to avoid her or something. I'm just trying to prevent myself from getting attached because I don't want friends. This is bullshit, and Coffee Boy is going to slap my braces off if he gets to know what I've been up to, but whatever.
The highlight of my day was definitely Psychology lab. We were doing this experiment that consumed way too much time for each person, and even though there were only four people in class, I still ended up having to run to catch my bus. The most mundane task is shuffling cards. When it was my turn to try the experiment on another person, who was going to be the last person because it was already late, the teacher told C to help shuffle the cards.
The others usually just shuffle the deck as a whole, but the two of us sadistically picked random cards and made it so much harder for my subject to do. We were timed on it, and she ended up taking the most time out of all of us because C and I were being evil. She kept cursing us while we just laughed and continued to do the same. At one point, she was like, "Look at my face! Do I look like someone you should mess with?" We stared at her face and I replied, "Yeah. I feel like making it harder." She kept blabbering about getting back at us someday. She also said, "Am I a joke to the two of you?" C said, "Maybe," while I said, "Yes." After a moment's pause, I said, "He's being diplomatic. I'm being honest." I bet you if C and Coffee Boy figure out that they both know me, C will definitely tell him that I'm a savage psycho.
Anyway, here I am, panting in a crowded bus because that experiment made me so late, and I'm disappointed that I didn't get the window seat....
Time to die of boredom and loneliness!
hallie guess what's coming in 7 days?
I don't have a lot to talk about today. So I was supposed to be at a guest lecture, but it got cancelled. I then went to the bank because we were ordered not to go back to classes. And then I spent nearly two hours all by myself, only interrupted by P, her dormmate and later, F. And oh, three girls just randomly asked me if I would join their group for an assignment because they were one member short, and they knew I most likely do not have a group. So yeah, I'm doing the assignment with them I guess.
Hallie wrote: "A new Rick Riordan book?"YESSSSS
(also there's going to be a new demigod and i love her already)
*high fives*Oh, I didn't know that. I actually know very little about it.
So I accidentally overslept, and was so close to missing my bus today.
Hallie wrote: "*high fives*Oh, I didn't know that. I actually know very little about it."
*high fives*
rick's been posting some sneaky peaks to some characters
Sooo I have a dozen assignments to complete. Two due tomorrow and the rest in 6 days. I'm doomed.
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (other topics)Lore (other topics)
The Glass Menagerie (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
Orlando (other topics)
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