A Solivagant on the Inselberg Showing 22,301-22,350 of 25,496

[Jaxon(Jax)[They-He]]

I'm annoyed. got suspended from Twitter because I called someone a dick for saying LGBT people are sinners and being a literal dick

[Hallie]

Whaaaat?! :/ That's so unfair!

[Jaxon(Jax)[They-He]]

My account was locked and idk when it'll be up and running again. yaaaaay

[Hallie]

:(

[Hallie]

Why do I keep getting sick?

[Hallie]

Today is my cousin's birthday :)

And Ariana Grande's :) :) :)

I swear June 26th is the day awesome people were born! I would have said 1993 is the second best year because Ariana was born that year, but my brother was born in the same year as well, so it's mostly a horrible year with one good thing.

[Hallie]

I am so weird.

[Hallie]

And (G)I-dle's comeback is today. The teasers look so cool, and I can't wait to see what Soyeon made for us this time.

[Hallie]

Why do I feel so depressed then?

[Hallie]

Every single time. This happens every single time. I literally torture myself to please others, so that my grades are decent, to "make my parents proud" whatever the fuck that is, and every time I lose something that matters to me as a fucking reward. So why bother? I lost everything that I had and wanted. Why bother anymore?

[Hallie]

I gave up my values so that I could get them to like, but instead they broke me, and the rest of the world decided to take away the things I had temporarily relinquished to achieve it.

[Hallie]

Instead, I got migraines, distrust from people who should have trusted me, toxic *friends*, insults, and whatnot.

[Hallie]

My parents gave me such a stunted childhood that I grew up an awkwardly shy freak, and it's more my fault that I'm not in any extracurriculars even though they are the ones who never let me do much. True, I went to drawing, keyboard and calligraphy for a short while, but I wasn't allowed to actually make use of it. I couldn't complete keyboard and I'm sure they think calligraphy was a waste and when I asked if I could go for singing or just the magazine committee at school, they didn't want to let me.

And it's my fault.

[Deepthi]

Um...
Did something happen, Hallie..? :/

[Hallie]

Something did, but I don't remember.

[Hallie]

It's 2 pm, and I honestly don't remember most of what happened today. I remember waking up and putting up a birthday message for my cousin, I remember her thanking me, and I remember showing my mum the pictures of what everyone else posted. I remember my brother leaving for work and I even remember what he wore because I usually never remember what anyone in my family wears, I remember writing a review, but everything else is sort of foggy, and I know I'm forgetting something.

[Deepthi]

*tilts head*

[Hallie]

I should get a life.

[Hallie]

Most of all, I just want to die, because I'm going to be a failure if I live.

[Hallie]

Uh my mum wants me to ask my brother for a bank account as my birthday present this year, and she actually thinks that's a normal thing to ask for.

[Hallie]

Is it, though? I just assumed people would ask for a motorbike or a car or something for their 18th birthday, but okay.....

[Deepthi]

Hallie wrote: "Most of all, I just want to die, because I'm going to be a failure if I live."

You won't, Hallie.

[Hallie]

I will. I know I will.

[Deepthi]

*shakes head in disagreement*

[May͛a]

Unfortunately not everyone can get a new laptop or car for their 18th birthday *raises hand*

But! Get your savings and go buy something for yourself. Ask for ice cream money. You're turning 18, this doesn't count as attitude so go make yourself happy.

Also how have you been, I've been super busy so I haven't gone on goodreads for some time.

[Hallie]

May͛a wrote: "Unfortunately not everyone can get a new laptop or car for their 18th birthday *raises hand*

But! Get your savings and go buy something for yourself. Ask for ice cream money. You're turning 18, th..."

I don't really expect a laptop or a car. I honestly don't expect anything.

It's more than a month away, so why bother about it now? But I bet I'll get some ice-cream anyway because I like ice-cream and I'm a spoilt brat xP And it's one of the pros of being born in the summer.

Right now, I'd say frustrated, because I'm trying to do stuff, and none of them are going any bit as planned I'm afraid. How have you been??

[May͛a]

Okay but I really hope they give you an awesome birthday.

You're going to be an adult soon omg :0 So proud. Idk which you think counts, 18 or 21 but they're both relevant. I actually feel like I watched you grow up or something.

Oh no :/ Are they tasks or something like chores? Is it possible to improvise? Maybe you'll still have a good outcome.

I'm okay, I think I'm a bit jetlagged because my body shuts down during the day and at night I'm hyper active. Also a bit clueless on where I'm going to live in two months since I'll have to move out.

[Hallie]

Fingers crossed :)

21 sounds so old to me. I mean it took me years to get to 18 that it seems like it will take another eternity to get to 21. Haha you did watch me grow, though! I was around 14 when we met, so *gasps* Sure it's only four years, but I'm legit the only non-adult amongst my grandparents' grandchildren and have had that position for eight years, so I can finally join the "adult" group at the next family function xD Except now all my cousins are getting married, so turns out I'll never be on the same page as them.. Anyway, my point is, Mays!!!!! I'm turning 18!!! xP For some reason, it feels like some sort of weird achievement. Like no one can't ban me from conversations with 'this is an adult conversation'. And I can finally get a driver's license!

It all depends on WiFi, but some bloke in this house decided to disconnect our WiFi, so now I'm stuck with mobile data that might get over anytime :/

Aww... Never experienced jetlag, so I can't say I understand, but I can imagine it's very annoying. Hope things work out for you!

[May͛a]

Congrats on getting to 18 then! And on being able to join the adult group. I can sort of relate, my former classmates were all older than me so when I turned 18 I thought I'd finally fit in their world, but then they all went off to get married one after the other. No thank you.

Also I can't believe we've been using goodreads for so long😂this makes me seem as if I have no social life

Disconnect?? As in pulled out the plug or turned it off? The nerve :| can you fix it?

[Hallie]

Thank you! Aggh! Rather not fit in.

I know, right?! 😂😂 Well, I do have no social life, so....

Uh that would have been simpler to fix. It was as in went to the company and said, "We don't need your internet anymore." I thought it was gone for good yesterday, but turns out it wasn't working all day but mysteriously started to work when the person who doesn't want it came home :/ Hopefully it's going to work today as well because I'd really like to finish that stuff before the company disconnects it for good.

Before you say, yep, I'm going back to sleep! I just woke up and couldn't sleep for a bit because of this pesky mosquito, but it's dead now 😊

[Hallie]

I'm in so much trouble. I cut my hair. I doubt anyone would notice because I only cut a little bit of my fringes, but if someone does, I'm in trouble.

[Hallie]

I spent the morning texting Coffee Boy.
As if it was supposed to make me feel better.
As if he knows anything about me to make me feel better.
As if I deserve to feel better.

[butterbean]

You do deserve to feel better. Hello again Hallie, long time no see.

[Hallie]

In which alternate universe? And hi!!!

[Deepthi]

Hallie wrote: "I'm in so much trouble. I cut my hair. I doubt anyone would notice because I only cut a little bit of my fringes, but if someone does, I'm in trouble."

Trouble for that??

[Hallie]

You haven't met my family.

It's not they're super strict or anything; they are crazy and everything they say/do is paradoxical.

[Hallie]

So uh my dad's uncle and aunt are coming, and I hope they never come home.

[Hallie]

Nothing against them, but apparently that great-uncle of mine isn't happy about the fact that I'm taking English and journalism instead of an engineering major, and I doubt I'd be allowed to walk around with my head attached to my shoulders if I say that I'd rather hang myself than take an engineering major. I already got into trouble telling another great-aunt that I'm not going to change for anyone unless I want to.

[Hallie]

Oh, and the next person to tell me that they'd pray for me is going to be fed to my alligator, Damien.

[Hallie]

Every other ignorant hypocrite living there: *insert parents' names* spoil their children 😶
Mum: *complains about how little she has been able to eat since her wisdom tooth extraction*
Me: *scoffs* When we were at Grandma's, my situation was worse. *explains*
Mum: What?! Whaaaaat?! *calls Grandma* Mother, do you know what Hallie just told me?! *explains* This is why my kids don't want to come. They were born here, so the culture, climate and lifestyle is so different, and no one there seems to understand how difficult it is to adjust. Yet they still stay out of everyone's way. I have no time to look at my own children when I come there, and it's like I'm neglecting them. You don't understand. Blah blah blah.
Me: Mum, don't steal my phone, call your mother and elaborate my private matters. It's embarrassing. And oh, I'm not coming to Grandma's again, so go on your own. Reasons as you listed 😊

[Hallie]

One time, my aunt told me, "Your cousin is not jobless like you after she comes from school. She has tons of work her."

Agreed, except the time I take to commute between my house and school is four times the time my cousin takes, and most people living in that town come to England in that time. And yeah, more traffic, more pollution, and more exhaustion 😊 Not saying that I live under worse conditions; just that it's not fair to say that to me.

[Hallie]

Grandma

Speaking of that aunt, she is causing some trouble now. After Grandpa passed away, Grandma has since lived at my uncle's house. He is their only son, so he managed to intimidate her. It's been a year since she moved there, and she comes back to the main house whenever Mum goes. This time, after we left and she went back to uncle's (which is like next door), his wife, the aunt mentioned above, started treating her worse than ever. My mum spent all morning yesterday hearing this from her sister, and spent an hour telling my brother and me separately about what a bitch (obviously, not the same word) that aunt is.

My grandma has a hunchback. She used to be fine when I was little, but as she grows older, her back hurts more, her hands always shake, and her chest hurts. It's just old age taking over her ability to do what she used to be capable of. So now it's hard for her to even get dressed, but she does it with great difficulty. She is forced to be dependent on someone.

However, my aunt refuses to do Grandma's laundry (which is not much actually) and won't even give her hot water to bathe in. Like whaaaaaat?! So grandma has to do it herself and I don't like that. I don't want an old lady barely able to walk without pain and stretch her hand without trembling to light a fire and heat water to have a bath. Okay, somehow Grandma does it because she has no other choice, but she certainly cannot pour it into a bucket on her own. It's literally impossible for her and everyone knows it. My aunt refuses to even do that! So one time, Grandma begged my cousin, who is two years younger than me, to pour it for her. When she did, she accidentally spilled it. I'm not sure whether she spilled it on the floor or whether it accidentally fell on her leg, but when my aunt realized, she yelled at my Grandma. Yelled at her, reprimanded her and said stuff that I personally think no one should ever tell their sweet, meek mother-in-law. My grandma is now scared out of her wits, and it's infuriating that she is in such a pathetic situation.

The thing is that my Grandma doesn't need much. She never demands anything and she annoys everyone by sharing what little she gets. We get her something special to eat, she wants to share it with everyone, including us, the people who brought it after eating it everyday because it's available on the store right around the corner, and the aunt, who treats her like crap. She is one of the sweetest souls you'll ever meet. I mean my dad's mother was apparently a terror to most and I've heard plenty of people call her 'the monster'. I don't know why, but I think I can understand why many thought she was scary - because she was scary and brash and a really strong woman in general. Mum's mum is like her polar opposite. So refusing to do even the little she needs is just disrespectful and despicable.

So now my mum's oldest sister wants her to move to her house, which is across the street. My uncle is a patient, too, his leg weak after suffering from a stroke a few years ago, but even then they both can treat her with the respect and facilities she deserves. However, grandma doesn't want to go there, so she wants to go to the main house and remain there during the day. Except my uncle threatened to burn that house to the ground if she ever went there by herself, so this is all screwed up. Mum is afraid to tell my uncle what his wife is doing to her lest he'd murder my aunt, but eeesh!

And I was just like, "If it were Grandma (Dad's mum), Aunt would be dead by now. Like she would have flogged her to death."

[Hallie]

The book I'm reading has this character obsessed with finding out killers, and wants to do a story about a murder for the school newspaper even though nobody reads it. So she was described as someone who wants to be a crime journalist or something, and that's when it hit me that I'm exactly like her - except less outgoing and with more affinity towards the colour purple. I mean when people ask why I want to be a journalist, I say I want to write, which is true, but I omit the fact that I want to be an investigative journalist. The problem is that they already think it's a waste and some even try to convince me against it, saying that it's risky, and they might find this more risky, but honestly, why should I care? Every time a journalist is reported dead, my family gives me these condescending looks (well, they give it all the time), but I could die anytime. This roof could fall and crush me to death while I'm solving Math problems. At least if I die a journalist, I died doing something I like.

[Hallie]

I woke up and was trying to go back to sleep when I felt something hugging me all of a sudden. I freaked and opened my eyes to see Mum hugging me and laughing at how freaked out I looked. I was like are you possessed or something, Mother?

[Hallie]

Griece

So last night, my great-uncle, great-aunt, and their daughter came home. They had arrived at 3 in the morning, and my dad had to pick them up because a) he is, after all, his favourite nephew b) he has a car and can drive anywhere in this city (stop bragging, Dad). They stayed at their guest house, and initially said that they wouldn't come yesterday, but called at around 8 to say that they are an hour away. So they came late and left at around half past 10.

After dinner, the daughter came to the room where my brother and I were just to talk because the last time we saw each other was at Grandma's funeral. We haven't seen her older brother in almost a decade; I don't even remember him. So she and my brother started talking about their jobs and how everything works, both explaining what concepts they use, and I just sat in between both of them clutching Cuppy like what the hell is any of this?! And the problem was they were both speaking formal Welsh, so that made things harder to comprehend. How does my brother know formal Welsh on the first place? I can't understand the informal, parents' hometown version, and he just tries so hard sometimes.

There was more, but I'm not in the mood to relive those moments. So time skip to this morning when I told my brother that the official term for Dad's uncle is great-uncle to us. He had just realized that, so now he's our 'Gruncle'. Thank Gravity Falls for that. This escalated and now our new inside jokes include his daughter being 'Grousin'; my brother is 'Grephew' and I'm a 'Griece'. Try saying 'Griece' in your head.

Replace the n in niece with 'gr'.

Yep, Grease.

This one isn't really in my favour.

Great-aunt also called Mum and asked if she wanted to come along because they were planning on going somewhere (they were still searching, but when they decide). Apparently she asked if I would want to come along, and Mum was like, "Lol! You'd have better luck taking along our dead ancestors." My brother felt slightly offended that she only asked for me and not him, so now I can mock him with "They like me better than you :) :) :) :)"

Even though I'm not going with them.

[Hallie]

"I made a few mistakes, I regret it nightly
I broke a couple hearts that I wear on my sleeve
My momma always said, "Girl, you're trouble" and
And now I wonder, could you fall for a woman like me."

~ Woman Like Me, Little Mix

[Hallie]

I'm bored and I want to talk to someone because...

[Deepthi]

Because..?

I'm here if you wanna talk, btw :)

[Hallie]

*sighs* Why do I say stuff I probably shouldn't have, forget that I said it, and then panic when I need to explain but can't?

Hi, though! I was just thinking about the old times when I said that, but glad you're here anyway :)

[Hallie]

One of the ARCs I received is really boring, and I'm supposed to write a review for it, but I don't feel like writing a review. It's just so boring that I couldn't even find any quotes. So I was thinking I'd just post a feedback on Netgalley and rate it without a review on Goodreads, but I'm not sure if it's okay.