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A Solivagant on the Inselberg
message 17501:
by
Aqsa
(new)
Feb 19, 2019 02:09AM
Maybe if I were closer, I would have already.
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If I'd be on GR (like I am now), I would.
Nope. You wouldn't. My brother is on Goodreads and he has tried to see what I'm doing on my account multiple times, and he doesn't know a single thing about any of my activity on here. Same with cousins who tried to find me on here.
Maybe I'm good at finding people. But I guess we'll never know. Maybe I'd be a good (or a shitty) real life friend. Maybe I would be close to you or never know you. There are too many Maybes.
I'm better at misguiding them. It's not even a maybe. If you were closer, I'd most certainly make sure you can't get me. I know that because there are people so close to me that we might have been seen each other before, but they'll have no idea.
Why don't you let anyone be close to you, Hallie? I know there is always the chance that they might judge or worse: ignore, or maybe even distance themselves from you, but there is also a chance that they just might stay.
Aqsa wrote: "So one time, I cut myself right under my friends noses, and they didn't care. I popped pills in front of them, and they didn't realize. To be honest, I was slightly pissed that they didn't help at ...":)
Aqsa wrote: "Why don't you let anyone be close to you, Hallie? I know there is always the chance that they might judge or worse: ignore, or maybe even distance themselves from you, but there is also a chance th..."I agree...
Letting someone get close to me is literally homicide. Trying to get close to me is suicide. No one will want to stay, and if they do, I'll make sure they do - inadvertently or deliberately. It's the person I chose to be.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt: it's ugly and totally not my taste.
It's hard to let your guard down after that.
I feel like a horrible friend right now. Someone please kill me.
Now I hate myself even more. Was that even possible?
The realization that I'm an even worse friend than I thought I was just hit me hard.
You're right. You can't even call me a friend.
But on the bright side, my imagination is so crazy now I think a pair of cat's eyes is staring at me through my phone even though I have no pictures of cats.
I meant that you are a good friend - a really good one.
Hallie wrote: "But on the bright side, my imagination is so crazy now I think a pair of cat's eyes is staring at me through my phone even though I have no pictures of cats."I clearly need to get my head checked.
Hallie wrote: "Quite the contrary."Nope.
Damn it! I should have mentioned a random person's journal xD
Haha. But Hallie, you are a good one. It just takes us some time (as it should) to dust away the walls to find the gem inside ❤
Well, you'd be disappointed once you're done dusting.
Maybe I won't. You know, our choices do differ in that!
Anyway, I came here to do something, but I forgot what.
I hope you can remember it ^-^
My mum just left the bottle of cough syrup on the table, and every time I see it, it reminds me of how disgusting it tasted when I was using it to the down all the pills I took to overdose.
Then I remember how upset I was when I woke up the next morning. Alive and loopy.
I'd suggest you remove it from your sight then.
I wouldn't do that even if I could.
I'm hungry but I don't want to eat.
No, skipped lunch. And before you say it, break's over so I can't eat for at least another three hours, and won't eat for another five hours.
it's personal
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