it's personal discussion
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A Solivagant on the Inselberg
Hals what do you think of the PLL ending cuz I can't
Jingle, oh I definitely have nothing positive in me! It's really just a manipulation xD *begins to jump around excitedly on seeing the guitars and nuggets*Mays, errrrrrr, *takes a long, deep breath* it's okay. I mean it isn't bad, but (view spoiler)
Oh my gosh, that sounds so wrong! Manipulating Bell! xP
Attention everyone! There's a fat chance that tomorrow morning, instead of coming on here and stalking my friends, I'll be lying dead in some morgue, or maybe even my bed. So if I don't come on at all for a few weeks, that means the world finally got rid of me.And if I do come on tomorrow, then this message applies for a later date not too far away for this day.
Before you do anything let's talk this out. I know that sometimes things can be hard but that's life. I believe that everyone has good days and bad days, and we can choose to try our best to overcome everything, although it takes a lot of energy and willpower, come to think of it. I'm sorry that Felix Felicis doesn't exist, and I can't do anything such as send over a box of them. I don't think this place would be the same without you, even if you can't feel it, because you are one special person. Who knows, maybe we all have Doppelgangers somewhere, but I don't think anyone can truly replace anyone.
Wwwwaaaaiiiitttt a minute! I hope I don't die tomorrow. My cousin, whom I haven't seen in two years, might come tomorrow, and I'd like to see him one last time.
Hallie I'm really confused as to what is going on but please don't do anything rash. We are here for you to talk to. I'm nowhere as eloquent as Maya but you need to know you matter and we'd seriously miss you if you do anything. Please talk it out.
Guys please don't try to change my mind. I beg you.
Hallie wrote: "Wwwwaaaaiiiitttt a minute! I hope I don't die tomorrow. My cousin, whom I haven't seen in two years, might come tomorrow, and I'd like to see him one last time."So don't do it. Two years is a long time, and I really hope he'd get to have a chance to see you again, after this visit, and I'm not saying that as if it's the last. There are people who really, truly care. I know/believe that many of us would actually choose to fly over if transportation were free. I'm sorry if I sound super cliche or soppy, because I have a feeling that I do, but we're saying these things because we really care. I get super emotional when my friends leave for vacation for a month, I don't want to imagine a world without a friend. Honestly, we've known each other for idk 2 years and I would've left Goodreads long ago if you hadn't helped me fit in, just so you know. You're an amazing person, trust me. We're always here to listen, and we always will be.
He'll come tomorrow, and I don't think whatever I do will take effect instantly. I'll be there to see him. Besides, he's a cousin, and everyone like my brother more than me, so it doesn't really matter. I just want to see him because he always took my side and only my side when I was younger, but that was when he was my age now; he probably just remembers me, like everyone else, as my brother's little sister.Aaand I'm going to cry now.
I feel the same as Maya, Hallie. I know it takes a very good reason to get to this kind of breaking point, but there are honestly people out there who care about you and futures you might not even envision at the moment. Even if it's for an extra day, a year, life is precious and the way I see it, holding on to that hope is better than giving up entirely. You have the ability to do wonderful things for others as for yourself, and you guys are literally the closest friends I've had here. Please talk to literally anyone about what's happening. Say it here or PM or use Redwoods or talk to someone outside, just please talk it through first.
It's stupid! It's trivial! It's my fault! I don't even want to talk about it. It's....
But Hals, your brother isn't you, and will never be you. That's very nice of him to take your side, and I don't think family bonds die that easily. Sometimes people drift apart, but it's actually hard to when you make an effort. Now, you don't know what he thinks, maybe he's very excited to see you tomorrow and everyone is going to recount all the old days. I used to think my own cousin forgot about me because she's all grown up now, and the last time we saw each other we barely spoke, but she played with my younger sisters. I thought she preferred them over me, because they were extroverts and small kids, so she must've found them funny and adorable. But that wasn't it, and I was too anxious, although I also have the feeling my whole family likes my sisters more than me. When your cousin does come tomorrow, I don't want you pushing him away. (Are you still close? Do you think you could talk to him about some things?)
That's it. Everyone wants my brother, not me; because I'm not my brother and I never will be. Whatever I do, wherever I go, I'm still his sister, not me. That was when I was 5! It's been more than a decade! Besides, my brother is just one year younger than him and they both work as engineers, so they have a lot more in common than me. The last time I talked to him was briefly at our cousin's wedding three years ago.
Here's a hug for you when you wake up
I sent you a couple of private messages. Did you read them?
PMs? I might have marked them read along with some other messages.
No wait, I did read them. I mentally marked them as reply later.
This play is nice, but I want to go home.
There are more reasons to live than there are to die. You don't have to do this.
Oh, yes, there are! In an alternate universe.
Why do you feel this way? Why do you insist on believing that you will never be happy?
Because I won't let myself to be happy.
Crap my cousin went even before I got home! Mum said he brought me pens and gave some money to buy me clothes (why on earth does everyone give me money to buy clothes? I have enough clothes!) But I didn't get to see him. Sheesh I think I'm going to cry in public :( I really just wanted to see him; just say hi. Who knows when he'll come back again, and even if he does, who know whether I'll be there to see him.
Artsy wrote: "Why not?"I'll screw up and be the stupid person I am everywhere I go, and others will tell me what an idiot I am, and ultimately not get anywhere.
It doesn't matter what others say. You have the ablity to grow and mature mentally. You can learn from past mistakes. You will make future mistakes and eventually learn from those. That's how life works. You have to get somewhere. It's impossible to stay in the same place forever. You have to challenge yourself, not give in to the pain.
Hallie wrote: "Artsy wrote: "Why not?"I'll screw up and be the stupid person I am everywhere I go, and others will tell me what an idiot I am, and ultimately not get anywhere."
Hallie, you're not stupid. I'm going to respond to your message now; I'm sorry it took a while. It's NOT because of you- I've had no energy to effectively communicate after what I'm doing during the week.
Everyone commenting here is right. Please don't do it. You might not be your brother, but there is beauty in differences. People might just not see it where you live because they've already idolized your brother's attributes. But there is a whole world out there; your community and mine are teeny slivers of the pie. I love you, Hallie, and I think you will be able to move past it if you let yourself. <3
It doesn't matter. I had a pill this morning. It might or might not work, but there are chances it will.
Because that pill was never prescribed to anyone here, and it's supposed to have been thrown away a year ago.
Artsy wrote: "It doesn't matter what others say. You have the ablity to grow and mature mentally. You can learn from past mistakes. You will make future mistakes and eventually learn from those. That's how life ..."You know what will happen? I'll grow up, get wasted, do drugs and whatnot, and if you're going to tell me that it doesn't have to be that way, well, my life, my mistakes, my inability to master anything, and my stupid brain that makes bad decisions.
I forgot to mention in my previous post: I could also become a psychotic serial killer. Trust me, I'm capable of poisoning my family's drinks even better than my own.
Hallie wrote: "Artsy wrote: "It doesn't matter what others say. You have the ablity to grow and mature mentally. You can learn from past mistakes. You will make future mistakes and eventually learn from those. Th..."By even recognizing what bad decisions are, and knowing that you don't want to make them, that shows that you have the ability not to make bad decisons. You keep putting yourself down, saying you can't.
Only you have control over your decisions. And you can choose which ones to make. And i know that you know that. You want to deny that you have the ability to better yourself and be happy because you want to take the easy way out. But that way is only easy for you. It will be hard on everyone else.
Artsy wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Artsy wrote: "It doesn't matter what others say. You have the ablity to grow and mature mentally. You can learn from past mistakes. You will make future mistakes and eventually learn..."Who said I can recognize them? When I'm desperate, I'll do anything, even if it's pushing my friend in front of a bus. That's what I do, and that's what I'll always do. People change, but obstinate people, they never change their vices.
What makes you think I'll ever listen and take the right decision? I'm too arrogant for that. What I did five months ago can never be changed, and that will haunt me forever. And thanks to that, I'll never, ever forgive myself for anything. I'm a selfish person: I'll do anything to make myself seem like a better person in front of others (and I'll fail, but let's not go to that). How nice does this sound? If I grow up, I want to torture my parents before ultimately shoving them into some old age home just because they told me to eat my tomatoes. I'll never change that part, and that's not all the revenge I want. Besides, I won't survive. What am I good at? Pessimism? Criticizing myself? I'd love to see myself earn a living with those to qualities only.
Let's talk about consequences: I'll save a couple of people from getting humiliated. I can escape that by just being a little insolent, but they can't. I'll- I thought there was a list around here. I'll search for that because it's going to be hard to type while eating lunch.
What did you do five months ago? What can't be changed?
And don't you worry: No one in real life is ever going to sit before my grave and say, "Why did you leave, Hallie? Why? You were supposed to be a best-selling author (I'll give you all my assets if my parents say that, but too bad for you, they won't, because they wouldn't really want me to be a best-selling author), and we were supposed to see your face (which looks extremely hideous) on your book and be proud that we knew you." That won't happen. Nor will, "Hallie, I loved you! How could you leave me?!"
Artsy wrote: "What did you do five months ago? What can't be changed?"That's something I'm not ready to tell now. If I could, I'd have told out what it was the very same day it started instead of saying 'Oh crap, did I just do that?!'
If it isn't too much trouble, do you mind responding to the PMs i sent you?
Candidly, I don't know how to respond to them.
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (other topics)Lore (other topics)
The Glass Menagerie (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
Orlando (other topics)
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Oops, should've sent another gif then *ducks head and calls back otter* I send imaginary guitars and chicken nuggets singing along instead