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A Solivagant on the Inselberg
message 14101:
by
Deepthi
(new)
Jan 03, 2019 08:23AM
It's gonna help a lot. I do it pretty often because of my migraines
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On your forehead... Sorry I forgot to mention that
I was wondering whether you meant forehead or head :) Thank you! I'll search for something I can use.
HI HALLIE I HAVE RISEN AND HAPPY NEW YEARS AND I WAS AT ONE OF MY COUSINS’ PLACE THE OTHER DAY FOR FIVE DAYS AND SHE LET ME WATCH THE HARRY POTTER MOVIES
Aqsa wrote: "Are you feeling better, Hallie?"Worse.
Alex loves Palaye Royale ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Shadow of Whales) (Bvbarmy) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "HI HALLIE I HAVE RISEN AND HAPPY NEW YEARS AND I WAS AT ONE OF MY COUSINS’ PLACE THE OTHER DAY FOR FIVE DAYS AND SHE LET ME WATCH THE HARRY POTTER MOVIES"Alex you have no fricking idea how much I missed you! Happy New year and your cousin is so nice!
Hallie wrote: "Aqsa wrote: "Are you feeling better, Hallie?"Worse."
:(
Kill Me! Now!
Let me tell you the elucidated version of how I nearly exposed my suicidal thoughts and speech to my mother this morning.
I woke up without anyone calling me. How did that happen? My abdomen and stomach hurt a lot, and I kept curling into a ball and rolling around because it hurt so much. Since my period is supposed to start around this time, I thought it was period cramps or something. I almost never get any cramps during my period. Yes, I'm that lucky all I have to deal with is the discomfort and bleeding through (and acne), but otherwise, unlike some poor girls, I'm really fine. So let's say I wasn't extremely pleased about it. I was so sure it was my period.
Turns out it was not. Mum finally called for me and I took a bath, but it just continued to hurt so much I literally fell on my parents bed before getting dressed. Mum had not ironed my clothes yesterday, and in the pain, I noticed that she had kept my t-shirt ready (not sure if that lined like it was ironed, though xD) only after I had pulled out something from the wardrobe. Normally, I would have just changed, but this was bad.
So what I did was go to the table and sit down till my dad got up and left. And then I was like, "Okay that's it. My stomach hurts real bad." I took one, maybe two bites of breakfast and then Mum just forced water down my throat. She told me that I should probably lie down till it's time for the bus to come, and that's what I did. Well, sort of. I was groaning and rolling around, and the moment we've all been waiting for - finally threw up the digestive juices in my stomach because there was nothing else. In spite of all this, Mum wouldn't let me not go "because I have an exam". Do you have any idea how many times people missed exams because they were ill? But if I fall sick, I'm still supposed to go to school. It happens every single fucking time.
I mean how do you even expect me to sit in the hall for 3 hours and write when I'm literally withering in pain and throwing up hydrochloric acid? *sighs* I got up and went again, and I felt sick throughout. The stomach still hurt while I was writing, but I think I did okay considering how I wanted to murder everyone and myself, and how nothing I studied appeared on the paper. I managed to write an essay for stuff that I was sure I can't exaggerate about. I've never written a Biology paper for more than an hour, and today I broke that record by writing for two whole hours. I legit used up all the pages in the booklet with that microscopic handwriting, so seriously, what the hell was I writing so much?!
I didn't eat a single thing even at school. The only thing I've eaten till now and is lunch, and my stomach still hurts and I feel hella depressed and feverish and weak. So am I dying or something?
Really not feeling up for anything except lying on my bed and watching something. And, of course, dying.
Maybe inflicted pain will get my mind off this?
![Jaxon(Jax)[They-He] | 4642 comments](https://images.gr-assets.com/users/1749715398p1/46156450.jpg)
Hey Hallie, I'm watching Yugioh and I came across something I had to screenshot
1. Why?!2. The one on the extreme left is too cute.
3. I should watch that sometime.
Hallie wrote: "Kill Me! Now!Let me tell you the elucidated version of how I nearly exposed my suicidal thoughts and speech to my mother this morning.
I woke up without anyone calling me. How did that happen? M..."
Aw...
Hot/warm water once you're back home? It might help with the cramps
It sucks that u had to go. We were never allowed ro stay home either but exceptions came when we were that bad. Sorry :/You might need some medicine.
Hallie is there anything u can discuss here except or suicide or suicidal thoughts huh ! :/
☯Raven(Soon to be named Eris)~They/them/“If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” ― RuPaul ☯ wrote: "Téa?"The chances of me getting tea in my house is about 2%.
Deepthi wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Kill Me! Now!Let me tell you the elucidated version of how I nearly exposed my suicidal thoughts and speech to my mother this morning.
I woke up without anyone calling me. How did..."
Except.... It's not cramps. And that was the first thing I did.
Aqsa wrote: "It sucks that u had to go. We were never allowed ro stay home either but exceptions came when we were that bad. Sorry :/You might need some medicine."
I'm used to it, I guess, but it still annoys me because it feels like they don't care.
Surgeon to be wrote: "Hallie is there anything u can discuss here except or suicide or suicidal thoughts huh ! :/"Sorry darling, but no. Remember that this is my journal, where I get to record my thoughts and feelings as long as they comply with group's rules. If you're not comfortable with having to listen to my endless rambling about how I was to drop dead and whatnot, don't. No one is stopping you from clicking the 'Do not get notified when people reply' option of this thread and blocking me so that you have to see it. I'll continue to ramble here in the only fucking place I get to stop hiding myself, and I made it clear in the very first post of this thread about the content that would be posted. So the choice is yours. The only way I can stop feeling what I feel is literally dying, so until then, I'll still be the same.
This journal is not meant for your entertainment. The sole purpose is very far from that. I've always wanted to maintain a journal, but a physical one has been hard to maintain, and that is why I turned to this group. So it's meant to be a cathartic release of bottled emotions. I'm sorry that you seem pissed by me having emotions and feelings, but people being mad at me for having emotions and feelings is what got me to have all these suicidal thoughts on the first place. If you're asking me to stop, it's tantamount to asking me to stop being me. And I don't want to be somebody else here as well. I'm sorry, but I'm fucking Hallie, and if you want it to stop, clearly I give you the option to kill me. And if you don't want to comply to that, then as suggested before, the doors are open. No one is forcing you to talk to me or read any of this. If it's books you want to discuss, I do that in plenty on my reviews, but this thread - I don't care what you think, I'll say what I feel.
Besides, I don't want people who don't accept me for who I am to talk to me, so if you can't deal with my hysterics, I don't particularly need you in my life either. As one of those antiquated Tumblr quotes say, if can't deal me at my worst, you don't deserve my best. I'm here so that I can escape from people who tell me what to do what to feel, and I don't need more people saying the same shit on here albeit I've warned everyone at the entrance. The exits also here if you can't. So is there anything else you want to say, huh? :/
Thank you, next.
By the way, this applies to everyone.
☯Raven(Soon to be named Eris)~They/them/“If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” ― RuPaul ☯ wrote: "no her name was Tèa."I'm the dumbest person on the planet - especially when I wake up xD Alright, I just love her name!
XD Aren't we all though Hallie. I haven't slept yet XD
Nah you're always smart! xD I'll be a hypocrite for now and say sleep!
I refuse. I mean if you can refuse sleep, why cant I :P
But I slept yesterday, so why can you not sleep? ;D
*does not know what else to say* I'll just go back and edit my replies then.
Hallie wrote: "Surgeon to be wrote: "Hallie is there anything u can discuss here except or suicide or suicidal thoughts huh ! :/"Sorry darling, but no. Remember that this is my journal, where I get to record my..."
That is one hell of a rambling!
And still continues to edit the post to add more.
Hallie wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Surgeon to be wrote: "Hallie is there anything u can discuss here except or suicide or suicidal thoughts huh ! :/"Sorry darling, but no. Remember that this is my journal, where I g..."
It's okay, Hallie...
The Journal thing is true though... All of us are glad that you're not bottling things up.
Doing that is really bad
Maybe I should send it to them via PM or something because I want it to be seen...
I guess she's gonna come back though...
Hm...As I said, do what you feel like :)
Hallie wrote: "Surgeon to be wrote: "Hallie is there anything u can discuss here except or suicide or suicidal thoughts huh ! :/"Sorry darling, but no. Remember that this is my journal, where I get to record my..."
Many of us are here because we care for you, Hallie
Nope. We're friends, and we care for you. If anyone's tired of you, they won't stay. They'll empty the space for someone who actually cares to fill it up.Answering your question from my perspective: No, I don't.
Hallie, I love you my online sis <3 remember that
Awww you guys are the best! I don't even deserve such good friends!
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Books mentioned in this topic
Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (other topics)Lore (other topics)
The Glass Menagerie (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
Orlando (other topics)
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