it's personal discussion
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A Solivagant on the Inselberg
Alia wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Though honestly, Bell would rather if everyone including Corvus liked her. Now for some Aria time: Alia handed over Corvus to someone else, so she shouldn't be able to control him...."
xD Sometimes I wonder whether I'm the right person who should play her and Patrick.
Talk about it.... :/
Hallie wrote: "Alia wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Though honestly, Bell would rather if everyone including Corvus liked her. Now for some Aria time: Alia handed over Corvus to someone else, so she shouldn't be able to..."
Of course you are! That's like asking whether Kim is the right person to play Shade XD There's kind of a unique undertone to Bell's enthusiasm and that's what makes her interesting! Patrick wouldn't be himself without your relationship with sarcasm either.
Ikr :/
Don't read my journal, it's depressing even me... I'm gonna go be productive instead. XD
Alia wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Alia wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Though honestly, Bell would rather if everyone including Corvus liked her. Now for some Aria time: Alia handed over Corvus to someone else, so she shoul..."
I still think they deserve better. All of them.
Um, too late xP
No they have the best they can possibly have!Oh. Well, XD, maybe go eat some chocolate now.
I beg to differ.xD Uh I ended up finishing all the chocolate we had when I suddenly began to stress eat, so I'm just going to beat myself up for the pathetic reply I just wrote for Mays.
Did I mention that I'm totally screwed on Monday because I didn't study whatsoever?
I know I have tomorrow, but I also have 24 topics to cover.
Hallie wrote: "I beg to differ.xD Uh I ended up finishing all the chocolate we had when I suddenly began to stress eat, so I'm just going to beat myself up for the pathetic reply I just wrote for Mays."
I beg to differ in the other direction.
It was not pathetic! And hey, you haven't rped in a while, so it's alright if it feels weird. Aw try not to stress eat
I'm sorry you're dealing with all this right now :( And I am sane and I still love you guys just as much, even though my journal is so dark.
Alia wrote: "Hallie wrote: "I beg to differ.xD Uh I ended up finishing all the chocolate we had when I suddenly began to stress eat, so I'm just going to beat myself up for the pathetic reply I just wrote for..."
Maybe I should write a character self talk to see that.
But Maya wrote such a good post and mine is um, ersatz (brain not functioning to think of better words) in front of that! I tried and now I'm not eating at all.
Aw *hugs*
Hallie wrote: "This is interesting xDI'm Nico's sister, so stay out of this Nico! Keep Loki away, though. Oh hi, Alex!"
Alex: Hii
Hallie wrote: "Enough to just overdose and leave everything behind."no *hugs you tightly and never lets you go*
Hallie wrote: "I'm serious: who wants to kill me? I won't haunt you if you do."Hallie wrote: "*loads gun* Anyone? Please!!!! Pretty please with um..... My books on the top?"
no dying allowed
Insomnia is stupid! Exams are stupid! My parents are even more stupid!
"No no go to engineering."Over my dead body!
When I said I want a degree in English, I meant it, and if that doesn't happen, I don't happen.
So my parents had better do themselves a favour and apologize to my brother for calling him stingy and whatnot, because whether I live or die before my 24th birthday, they ain't getting a penny.
Lillian wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Insomnia is stupid! Exams are stupid! My parents are even more stupid!"*hugs*"
*hugs back*
If not those year, then next. If not next, then the one after that. I'm not staying alive forever.
Why the fork should I "ask" about stuff I don't give the damn about?!Get the idea, Dad!
I guess I'll never live to see this journal hit 300 views.
I'm so lonely! Even if I did die, no one would notice my absence. They barely notice my existence.
First off Hallie, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Firstly, how do you know whether any problem is permanent or temporary? How does anyone know whether any problem will last forever or not? People say things will get better, but how can they be certain? It could be something that could last life-long. It could seem temporary, but could last till I die. Secondly, if you had a car with a crappy engine, I'm pretty sure you'd rather like a permanent fix for it rather than a temporary one. While the latter could be less expensive at that point of time, if your car continues to break down frequently, it could be both frustrating and more expensive than the initial cost of getting a better fix. So same way....
Thirdly, this is my life I'm planning to end - not anyone elses. My life and my choices. Death is inevitable and everyone dies someday, and while it can be very sad, that loss will have to be felt one day. So whether it's today or tomorrow or seventy years later, it wouldn't make a difference in my case if I stop breathing.
This sounds like I'm glamorizing suicide, and I apologize for that. I don't intend to, but I do want to defend my decisions.
I understand that, and like you, I to have contemplated suicide, and I have the right to, do I not, considering the things that you know that i have gone through and the fact that that's not even everything, but do you see me trying to kill myself? I know that I am sounding harsh right now, but if you do decide to kill yourself, imagine how harsh that would be everyone that cares about you, I know that it doesn't seem like anyone gives a fork if you die or not, but we do.
I knew you'd pull out the what about the people who care card. Well, let me start with the fact that I have antagonized so many people on Goodreads they would be more than glad to get rid of me. Then there are real friends like everyone who bothered to be sweet to a shitty person like me. I find it at least believable that they care, but if I die, how would you know? I've lost internet connection a couple of times and was unable to give any warning; I didn't find thousands of messages asking where I was. They have their own lives, and I'm troubling them enough by just being so depressed and paranoid about every single thing. However, even if you do realize that I'm gone, I should admit that I myself am really, really, really sad that I want to leave everyone. I love my friends and care about them, too, and if they were in place contemplating suicide, I'd be pulling my hair out trying to convince them against it. But the thing is it is a good thing if I'm gone - whether your care about me or not. You, Harley, didn't deserve any of the shit you had to and are currently going through, because you are an amazing person. I, on the other hand, do deserve to die, because I'm a stupid, malevolent b**** who knows nothing but to be a pain in the butt. It's written in my history: I hurt people. In a couple of incidents in the past, they believed I was a good friend and I believed that they were the best friends I could ever ask for, but guess what - we fought and never spoke to each other even to this day. I forcefully sent an apology from my side years later, and yet that was nowhere near sincere. So yeah, I don't want to hurt you guys.
WHat makes you think that I don't deserve what has happened tome? It is my own fault that I went through the shit that i went through, if I tried just little harder I could have stopped my uncle from raping my siblings, but my too scared ass was a fucking coward, I deserve everything that I got, I could have stopped it all but I didn't, ok? I am a horrible excuse for a human, I wasn't strong enough then, and I still am not, I failed my mother, and my father was right, I am a just a mistake that shouldn't have a chance to live.
If we're talking that way, I could have prevented my grandpa's death if I hadn't been a drama queen. Most of the time my parents fight because of me. Most of the time everyone fight because of me. I could have prevented all of that, but I didn't.What I did do is ignite the fire. That's why I say you don't deserve it. It's not your fault your mother passed away or your uncle raped your siblings. You could have probably stopped it, but that doesn't mean it's your fault. It's your uncle's. It doesn't mean you deserve it. You didn't go tell him to do that. You can't blame yourself for it when your uncle is the one who did the crime. I did stuff like that: hurt other people and walk away. And as a person, you have a lot better character than I ever will.
You don't know the stuff that I have done when I ran away, I shouldn't be alive right now, I shouldn't.
You don't know what I did, am doing and will do, either.
You're the guy everyone comes to help for. I'm the person everyone comes to when are feeling masochistic and want to be killed.
Did I ever mention this story?Once I was waiting for my friends and my bus near the school gate and a dog tried to sniff my shoe. I nearly kicked that poor thing away, and when I texted this to my best friends, both of them said:
"How suicidal is that dog to go to Hallie? It knew that going to her would be instant death."
They said that because that is true. Even back in my old school, no one messed with me because I have a bad temper and I'm really dangerous. Forget nuclear bombs, I'm a bloody killing machine when I'm angry. My brother has a video of me nearly hurting everyone in the house with a pair of scissors, and he filmed it by locking himself up in the adjacent room. He even has scars to prove what a wild animal he was. Same with my friends. Once they tried to take away my book and when I began to rummage my bag, they immediately tossed the book and ran for their lives saying, "Guys stay away! She will kill us!" Because they know that I'll pull out my knife and point it at them and am more than capable to mercilessly plunge it into all of them (now that sounds exaggerated, but it's true). And that's me, a real monster.
I'll screen the rest of what I wanted to say because I'm too busy beating myself up for not studying for my exam.
Besides, if you take a poll, I'm pretty sure I'd getting 0 votes for 'a good friend' or 'a good person in general'.
Let's see.... I'm evil, but choose between Kavy, Val, Harley, Ahana, Maya, Jingle, Alia, Jay and me. You only get one vote.
Then your votes are considered invalid.
And if there's a poll at my old school, both H and S would get a great number of votes, and I'd be at bottom with 0.And in family, of course my brother is everyone's favourite!
Lillian wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Then your votes are considered invalid.":|"
Well, they are all awesome people except for me and I don't think anyone would ever be able to choose, but even then, in a burning building situation: I wouldn't be that one person you'd save.
I would go for you, without hesitation.
Alright let's change the question this way: You're just Lillian with no superhuman powers. You can save everyone except one. You get to choose whom to save and whom to leave, but if you try to save everyone, all will die. So who will you not save?(Somewhere in your heart, you'll say Hallie. To be honest, I'd rather you say my name.)
^¬^The Master^¬^ wrote: "I would go for you, without hesitation."Because you don't know the others.
How about between Raven, Kit, Sophie (did I get her right?), Iris, Ivy and me?
the person that I wouldn't safe would be myself.
Lillian wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Alright let's change the question this way: You're just Lillian with no superhuman powers. You can save everyone except one. You get to choose whom to save and whom to leave, but if ..."Yeah, but even if you do, you still have to leave someone else or end up killing all.
Guys, Lillian just killed all of us! xD
^¬^The Master^¬^ wrote: "the person that I wouldn't safe would be myself."You're not included!
GUYS!!!LET'S CHEER UP!!
*plays Twice' Cheer Up!*
I am sure they all would choose you, and i would go along with them, you know what? I obviously can't stop you from killing yourself, so if you want to, then go ahead, I am no longer going to stop you.
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (other topics)Lore (other topics)
The Glass Menagerie (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
Orlando (other topics)
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Now for some Aria time: Alia handed over Corvus to someone else, so she shouldn't be able to control him.
She created h..."
LOL Bell!
*just hugs Hallie for a long time* Life is hard.