World, Writing, Wealth discussion

15 views
The Lounge: Chat. Relax. Unwind. > The Perils of Being a Good Listener

Comments Showing 1-13 of 13 (13 new)    post a comment »
dateUp arrow    newest »

message 1: by Joanne (new)

Joanne Oooooh, that was a painful Thanksgiving. Glad its over. Cornered by my brother-in-law (once again) for one of his "history lessons" for an hour and a half. Seriously, its his passion. He was overjoyed. Got out a map and everything. He was so gleeful about it I couldn't possibly have walked away could I? I humored him and tried to be polite while trying to think of some sort of escape. This happens to me all the time especially with him. I've known tons of people who are extremely talkative. I spend too much of my life saying "yep, uh huh, is that so, isn't that interesting." Often, I don't feel like I'm allowed to have a personality or ideas of my own.

My apologies to those of you who are history buffs.

I listen to people, they don't listen to me. Am I going to have to start being rude? Fein a need to use the potty and then not come back.

Whew! Another holiday survived.

When he dies, I'll be glad I spent that time.

Anyone else feel this way besides me? If so, what did you do?

Joanne


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments This made me laugh. I've been there so many times and I often wonder if people are missing the reciprocity chip. Can they not see my eyes glazing over? Can they not take into account that the ice is melting in my drink and I'm shifting from foot to foot? Am I enabling the behavior by remaining? Then I realize that it must be awfully lonely to be the other person adn i try to suck it up but no, it is not easy. Maybe your uncle should consider blogging. He sounds passionate about history and it may give him an outlet. But then he will corner you at the next gathering and tell you how much he loves blogging lol.


message 3: by Bernard (last edited Nov 24, 2016 09:03PM) (new)

Bernard Boley (bernard_boley) | 126 comments I got to admit, I'm the other side of the coin and love history. What I like to share is the story behind the story.

I don't think I impose myself on others but simply fillI got to admit I'm the other side of the coin and love history. What I like to share is the story behind the story. However, I don't think I impose myself on others but simply fill the unoccupied time and space. It's not my fault if I'm a bit like Thomas Wolfe (the movie Genius) and need to explain a simple idea in a twenty-minute long sentence without any kind of punctuation. Is it?

Can I go on? Please.

In other words, what I mean to say is....


message 4: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 19850 comments -:)
I hear about some cruel Guantanamo-esque tortures here.
Joanne, I think courtesy and politeness deserve a little sacrifice, but it's rude from the other to be annoyingly talkative, so I say: stop him/avoid listening/listen to madonna or eminem through tiny earpieces/ pretend to read very important emails on your cell phone/unintentionally spill some sticky sauce on the map and if he persists throw turkey bones (unintentionally, of course) at the lecturer


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Turkey bones...I like it.


message 6: by Joanne (new)

Joanne Haha! I appreciate the sympathy. It makes me feel better. My brother-in-law (not uncle) has a very extensive blog which I avoid with as much passion as he writes it.

Bernard, I enjoy history as well but the next time you take it into your mind to educate someone, suggest you ask them if this is what they want. Also, try to make it a dialogue and not a lecture. That's what I did with my brother in law. I interrupted him and asked questions and rephrased his 20 minute long sentence. That seemed to make him enjoy it even more.

I was wishing he would take at least a tiny interest in my life. I know things too.

Joanne


message 7: by Bernard (new)

Bernard Boley (bernard_boley) | 126 comments Joanne wrote: "Haha! I appreciate the sympathy. It makes me feel better. My brother-in-law (not uncle) has a very extensive blog which I avoid with as much passion as he writes it.

Bernard, I enjoy history as w..."


I don't try to educate others, only entertain them. What I usually do is exactly what you pointed out: ask about them before anything else. I give much more attention to others than I do to myself. I'm always surprised to see that so many people have very few things to say since I last saw them. It's only when nothing happens that I will entertain.


message 8: by Joanne (new)

Joanne @Bernard, then I wish my brother in law were more like you.

I think this conversation started by his telling me he was writing a book and my asking what it was about. Next, the proverbial can of worms was opened because I didn't understand and asked questions. After that, I couldn't escape.


message 9: by Bernard (new)

Bernard Boley (bernard_boley) | 126 comments Joanne wrote: "@Bernard, then I wish my brother in law were more like you.

I think this conversation started by his telling me he was writing a book and my asking what it was about. Next, the proverbial can of ..."


Like I said, the problem I often have is this punctuation problem usually the final '.' (period). I think I'll start using the word Euh! followed by a series of ellipses, which should normally allow those around me to jump in quickly and hopefully take my place. I also need to understand that an exclamation or question mark on someone's face is not necessarily a curtain call. LOL


message 10: by Joanne (new)

Joanne @Bernard.Yes, you should meet my brother in law and explain this to him.

I don't think people are that interested in what I do. I work at a barn with therapy horses. It's really cool work but you have to be a certain sort of person to love it. On the surface it seems boring.


message 11: by Bernard (new)

Bernard Boley (bernard_boley) | 126 comments Joanne wrote: "@Bernard.Yes, you should meet my brother in law and explain this to him.

I don't think people are that interested in what I do. I work at a barn with therapy horses. It's really cool work but you..."


Almost all of us have a rather boring life except when we're writing. So it's not really what we do that usually interest others, it's the spin we can give to it. It's all about story telling.

What I understood you do is that you're in contact every day with four legged shrinks! That could turn into an fascinating way to start a conversation: "Hey guys, guess what I heard today, and it comes straight from one of my horse's mouth! Euh!... ..."

Cheers,
Bernard


message 12: by Joanne (new)

Joanne Love that Bernard!


message 13: by Rita (new)

Rita Chapman | 156 comments Hope your brother-in-law doesn't find this thread! Reward yourself with a book from an indie author (preferably mine!)


back to top